I am Lost in Oceans of Night
by NewHampshireGirl
Summary: Sequel to This Way Became My Journey. Voyager's mix matched crew faces trials and tribulations during their second year in the Delta Quadrant. AU J/C
1. Chapter 1: Ultimatum, Part Two

_Disclaimers: Paramount owns all with the exception of Sarah Barrett, Michael and Ava Janeway. If I owned it, I would have a lot more money than I do no or ever ;)._

A/N: Okay, here's the sequel to _This Way Became My Journey, _it would be season two if this was TV tee hee. Be looking for new additions to _The 37's _starting on Monday!

* * *

**I am Lost in Oceans of Night**

_ULTIMATUM, PART TWO_

The day had not gone as planned. It had started out with the faintest bit of hope only to have that hope snuffed out sometime midday. Tom Paris had shut down emotionally that was the best way to describe it, when they found the coffin in space; Sarah's coffin. Janeway had disappeared into her ready room immediately and Tom had wished he had a private place to go while on duty as well. The bridge had been silent for the rest of Alpha shift. Even Tuvok seemed subdued. Harry had offered, when shift was over, to go to the mess for dinner with him, but Tom had declined. He didn't need or want to be coddled. Instead he shut himself up in his quarters and just sat on the edge of the bed in the dark, listening to the hum of the engines.

It had only led him to the conclusion that he had to see her.

Sickbay was dark and abandoned at this late hour of night, the Doctor deactivated, and Kes probably in her quarters sleeping. Tom was thankful for the silence, the privacy. Now that he was standing there, looking at the surgical biobed with a sheet covered body prepared for an autospy in the morning, he felt his resolve fading. _You have to do this, Thomas, _he told himself. _You have to make your peace. _He nearly laughed out loud at that thought. Peace, what kind of peace was he going to find knowing that Sarah's killer was still out there, still hurting others, still leading his people with an iron fist? No, he concluded there would be no peace for him ever again.

With a trembling hand he reached out and pulled the sheet back that was covering her face. It was swollen, discolored, not as vibrant and beautiful as he remembered her. Immediately tears began to flow. "Oh Sarah, what have they done to you?" he whispered, smoothing her hair back, willing her to answer. But her lips didn't move, her eyes didn't open. Tom felt as broken as she looked and collapsed against the biobed, sobbing for the chance they had lost, for failing to keep her safe like he had promised, for everything he realized as the sobs shook his shoulders. _He'll pay, _he thought angrily, _he'll pay for what he did to you. There's nothing holding me back now. Nothing._

Kathryn Janeway could not sleep. She lay on her back, still dressed in her full uniform, the sheets unturned, staring listlessly at the ceiling. After three straight hours of crying her eyes out for Sarah's death, and subsquently her failure at saving her officer, she had stared at the ceiling in the hopes of finding the answers there. Unfortunately all there was staring back at her was a rather bland Starfleet regulation ceiling. With a sigh she rolled over onto her side and looked at the picture of her children on the night stand. She wished that she could hold them, rock Ava in the rocking chair for hours and not worry about anything else in the galaxy but herself and her children.

Nydia seemed so far away at that moment. They wouldn't be going back anytime soon. Not only did she have an officer to bury in space, she had made a promise to complete a mission for the Prime Minister. The future of the resistance depending on it.

Chakotay would question why she was pressing into Gerroan space. Their solitary reason for traveling into the heart of the ruthless territory had been to rescue Sarah, but now she was dead, and to him, there would be no point. Kathryn had promised to keep the Prime Minister's mission as secret as possible, but she might just have to bring her senior staff up to speed. Would they be able to handle it? After all they had been through the past three weeks? She had never heard so many whispered words of hate and anger than she did after news of Sarah's passing had traveled throughout the whole ship. Her crew was angry and rightly so.

And they had not even seen her body. Kathryn shivered recalling when she had looked upon Sarah's face, how it was swollen and discolored from being beaten. She wiped furiously at her eyes, cleaning away the tears. _They should be thankful that they didn't have to see what they had done to her. _

"_Tuvok to Janeway."_

Kathryn pressed her combadge, rolling over onto her back. "Go ahead, Mister Tuvok."

"_There has been an unauthorized shuttle launch; it is Lieutenant Paris._"

_Damn it! _She thought, jumping off the bed. _I knew I should have gong to talk to him right away. _She had decided instead to give Tom his space, time to soak in the enormity of what had happened, time to grieve on his own without someone breathing down his neck. She should have known that he would do something to avenge Sarah's death. Chakotay had expressed concerns that Tom would do something to try and rescue her before they had a plan in tack. "Can you tractor the shuttle?"

"_Negative, he cloaked as soon as he was clear of Voyager."_

The Captain let her head drop, chin resting on her chest. "Did you at least manage to project his course?" she asked, although she was pretty certain she knew the answer.

"_We did, he is heading for Gerroan space."_

"Then set a course Mister Tuvok, for Gerroan space, and take us under cloak."

Hours, she had been walking through dirty tunnels and then dark forests for hours. Things had not gone according to plan since they had fled Casius' personal estate. He had sent a detail out immediately to track them down. It the midst of the city they had found the pair fleeing with known underground resistance leaders and Kreyole freedom fighters. She had done everything she could to protect her companion when the Gerroan had opened fire, but it hadn't mattered, she had been shot in the back, sprawling to the ground and smashing her face. Because of their similarities, some of the soldiers thought they had obtained their target, others kept firing at the fleeing rebels.

The group of underground fighters had used the confusion to usher her to safety, but she had wanted to go back, she couldn't let them defile her body like she knew they were going to do. In the end one of the Kreyole fighters, Tareth, was stronger than her and had literally picked her up, threw her over his shoulder and carried her to the next tunnel, one that led into the deep forests surrounding the city. When they had emerged from the tunnel Tareth had put her down and let her walk on her on accord, although she made it known that she was displeased with the fact that he had carried her for so long. She maybe a woman, but she was capable of taking care of herself.

Dawn was just breaking when they reached their final destination point. Ravior was there to greet them. He apologized for her death, but said that the death was not in vain. She failed to see how that was so. When she questioned him on it, he turned with a sad smile and whispered, "Welcome to the fight for survival that is known as the Resistance, Lieutenant Barrett."

* * *

"Computer, how much longer until we reach Gerroan space?" Tom Paris asked, leaning back in the pilot's chair.

"_At current speeds, thirty six hours and nineteen minutes._"

"Just enough time to write my apology letter to Captain Janeway, don't you agree?"

"_Please restate the question."_

Frowning, Tom grumbled," Never mind. The next time I decide to disobey orders I'll take someone whose better company along for the ride." Not that he was planning on there being a next time. He knew he wouldn't be coming back from this alive. After he was done with Casius the tyrant's men would kill him, probably the same way they had killed Sarah. It didn't matter, not anymore, he felt dead now that she was gone. The Gerroan would be doing him a favor if they did away with him. Since the moment they had found her coffin, the moment he had seen her broken body and wept over it in sickbay, he had wished he was dead. But he had one last thing to do before he joined her. He was going to make sure that Casius paid for hurting her.

It seemed that Chakotay's fears about him taking off into Gerroan space by himself were prophetic. Of course, perhaps if he had taken off sooner, Sarah would be alive, _or you'd both be dead, Thomas, there's really no way of knowing. _He shook his head to clear his thoughts. At least if he had gone after her sooner he would have _tried _to save her. Tom had not felt like such a failure since Caldik Prime. He had failed Sarah, and now he had failed Janeway.

Shaking his head he shrugged into the chair. He didn't care what anyone on _Voyager _thought of him now. He thought back to the device that Ava Janeway had given to him weeks ago when she had traveled back in time. She had told him that Sarah loved him, to give her time, but she had also told him that she was killed somewhere in the future. Apparently they had never encountered the Gerroan in her time line because the device had yet to activate like she said it would. Or it was faulty, either way, this had not been on the schedule. Altering the time line had, apparently more dire consequences than Ava had foreseen, and his heart was broken because of it.

Tom had envisioned after the success of the peace rose asking Sarah on a date and finally getting _yes _for an answer. The dream had been squashed thanks to a power hungry brute that had no doubt forced himself upon her. The thought of that man violating Sarah drove Tom mad with rage. And he was going to use that rage to make sure that the cruel leader never took another innocent life again. It wasn't very Starfleet like of him, but he didn't feel very Starfleet at that moment.

"Computer," he sighed, "one bowl of hot, plain tomato soup."

He heard the replicator behind him whine to life, thankful that he had managed to regain some rations for the week so he wouldn't have to starve; Tom moved to the replicator and got his soup. Tom wasn't very hungry, however he knew that he had to eat in order to keep his strength if he had any shot in hell in completing his mission. A crusade, that's what his father would probably call it. _Well Dad, I'm sorry to disappoint you again. But I just can't let them get away with what they did to her. Maybe if you had seen her you would understand, _Tom thought thinking of his father, seventy thousand light years away, tucked in an office safely.

Tom took a sip of his soup. What did his father know about the dangers of the Delta Quadrant? In seventy-five years, when _Voyager _finally made it home, his father wouldn't even be around to scold Tom on his rash decision making. So what did it matter?

_It matters because you've always wanted to impression him, that hasn't changed Thomas. _He shook his head again, finishing his soup in one swallow. There was truth behind that thought. He had always wanted to impress his father but he just couldn't live up to Owen Paris' expectations. He had hoped that _Voyager, _when it got stranded in the Delta Quadrant, would have been a chance to prove to his father once and for all that he was a capable officer, not just a screw up. _Funny how things change, _he thought as he took over piloting the shuttle.

The next thirty six hours were going to be hell, absolute hell, if all he had to occupy him was his thoughts. It wasn't a pleasant thought, Tom realized. His thoughts had been dark since Sarah had been kidnapped, turned even darker when they had found her body in space. He knew that he didn't have to do this, he could have stayed on _Voyager, _participated in Sarah's memorial service and gone about his daily routine and business as if nothing had happened. But life just couldn't go on, not when there was no justice for someone who had made such a difference in his life and who he cared for deeply. Hell, he loved her, _loved _her. And love was not something that Tom Paris gave out easily. Sure he had lots of women back in the day, but he had never actually loved them.

Sarah was different, she was so much like him on some many levels, but yet not. There were times where she absolutely knew herself, and held her ground, asserting her authority, and other times he saw a vulnerable young woman struggling to figure out where she stood in the galaxy. It was the fire and ice in her eyes, the sunshine in her smile, that made her so alluring. The next thirty six hours were plagued by thoughts of her and what they had lost when Casius had stolen her away.

"_Entering orbit of Gerroa Prime._"

"Computer, scan the surface for an unpopulated area to land."

"_Scanning in progress._"

Tom patiently waited, pleased that the cloak had taken him into the very heart of Gerroan territory without so much as a sniff of Gerroan interference. He would touch down and proceed to the estate on foot, in the cover of darkness just like the senior staff had planned for the away team when the rescue attempt for Sarah was still needed. He quietly changed into a covert operations uniform and was just fastening his knife to his belt when the computer beeped and informed him that it had found a place to land. Jumping back to the controls, he ordered, "Computer set a course for those coordinates."

_"Affirmative, coordinates set._"

"Here goes nothing," Tom muttered as he set the cloaked shuttle down in the dense forest surrounding the capital city.

It was sunset but he decided that it wouldn't be a problem to take a look around and getting his bearings in case he did survive this he could find his way back to his shuttle. He opened the back hatch and stepped out into the dry heat and could hear crickets chirping loudly in the dark woods. Closing the hatch after he stepped out so the shuttle wouldn't be discovered he pulled his tricorder out and quickly realized that this forest was full of life, not just crickets. He made sure that his weapons were in reach in case something like a grizzly bear decided to pay a visit and picked a direction to walk in.

Tom hadn't gone far when he heard the snapping of twig behind him. Hoisting his phaser he spun about only to come face to face with a Kreyole soldier holding a rather menacing weapon at his nose. Slowly he lowered the phaser and dropped it to the ground. "I'm Lieutenant Tom Paris from the Starship _Voyager. _I'm...on a...mission." It sounded lame and he knew it.

"What kind of mission?"

"Personal."

"Personal?" the Kreyole soldier said. "That leaves it open to anything."

"I'm not here to hurt the Kreyole, if that's what you're asking," Tom responded, coolly.

The Kreyole lowered his weapon. "No, I don't think you are, especially if you used a cloaked ship to come in. I saw you exit and followed you. My name's Tareth." He held his hand out and took Tom's. "It's a pleasure to meet someone else from your ship, Lieutenant, you are a tenacious people."

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "Or just foolish."

"Come, we should get out of the open, the Gerroan are always sending fly-overs looking for us. I'll take you to our camp."

"Alright, lead the way," Tom said, glad to have an ally on his side. Perhaps they would help him get into the estate. He would just have to figure out a reason why he was going in there. He assumed that the Kreyole were aware of Sarah's death. Tom couldn't imagine Casius keeping it quiet. _It will come to you Paris, you just have to be patient, because you have all the time in the galaxy to give Casius what's due to him._

* * *

Sarah Barrett stretched as she woke up from a much needed nap. A day and a half had gone by since she had fled Casius' estate, and so far the Gerroan hadn't come looking for her, that wasn't to say they weren't going to come looking for her, and Ravior had already made the decision to keep moving her throughout their camps and settlements. The underground was better equipped than Sarah had perceived them to be and she was happy that they were so willing to help her. Hopefully Ravior was able to get a hold of some communications equipment to notify _Voyager _where she was. Right now there was no rush, she was certain that Quierron had contacted them again to let Captain Janeway know that she was no longer at Casius' estate.

Joining several of the women freedom fighters by the fire, Sarah grabbed a plate of food and plopped herself down onto the ground. _Starfleet wasn't kidding when they said that survival training was necessary, _she thought as she shoveled some of the food into her mouth. It wasn't as good as some of the food she had eaten at the estate, but it was better than standard issued ration packs from a shuttle. She noticed that the women regarded her coldly, for what reasons she wasn't sure, perhaps they were upset that she had not died and Myna had. According to Ravior, Myna was an important part of the resistance, and Sarah would probably never fit into her role, even if she was a resourceful Starfleet officer. She had not taken offense to that. Starfleet had not prepared their officers for resistance fighting and guerrilla warfare. She was trained in diplomacy first before shooting.

That principle didn't seem to apply here.

Sarah finished her dinner and got up, going to the makeshift sink to clean it. As she scrubbed she noticed a shadow move across the flickering firelight and glanced to her left to see Ravior standing next to her. The look on his face told her that he didn't have good news; she didn't need to reach out with her telepathic senses to know that. "I'm a big girl, Ravior, I can handle bad news."

He grinned. "You're telepathic senses are getting stronger."

"Maybe, but I always know how to read body language. I'm a trained diplomat remember?"

"Of course, I keep forgetting."

"No worries, what's on your mind?"

"I won't be able to contact _Voyager _for another three days," Ravior replied. "Our last communications liaison was found out and executed."

Sarah frowned. "I'm sorry Ravior."

"It happens more than you know, Lieutenant. It's apart of war."

"Well, then I guess you're stuck with me for three more days at least."

"Do you think _Voyager _is on her way here as we speak?"

Sarah pondered the question. What she thought and what she hoped were two completely different things. She believed that _Voyager _was safely out of the reach of the Gerroan and heading home to the Alpha Quadrant, what she hoped was that Tom and the others were going to rescue her from this hell. Of course this resistance cell was far better than her suite in the estate had been, she didn't have to worry about anymore violent violations of her body. She shivered recalling the night that Casius had raped her. She was still having trouble letting any other man touch her, even in the simplest gesture. When Tareth had picked her up and carried her to the woods she had initially felt like kicking him where the sun didn't shine, but her mind had taken hold and she had reasoned that he was trying to save her not hurt her. "I _hope _they're coming for me, but do I think they are...no. It's too dangerous, too many risks, and Casius knew this."

It was Ravior's turn to frown. "Despite what he thinks, he has no rights to you or anyone else for that matter."

"Tell that to him," she huffed, drying her plate and fork. "He thinks he owns the galaxy."

"People like him do not rule for eternity like he thinks he will," Ravior pointed out. "Already his people are questioning his lead."

"I hope it is enough," Sarah mused.

"It will be."

"I want to help Ravior, I'm not going to sit around here and do nothing."

"You have been dragged into this war against your will, you should not have to stick your neck out for us."

"It seems I'm apart of this now, aren't I? Maybe I have been since that opening hail," Sarah countered. "Either way, you're not getting rid of me so easily. I'm going to do whatever I can to help."

Ravior grinned. "Well there isn't much to do right now, Tareth and the others should be coming in soon from their patrols. Until then, why don't you go see if you can help those new recruits with firing Gerroan weapons," he winked at her, "I heard from a certain Sub Commander that you're a pretty good shot."

Sarah laughed and went to join the young teens, glancing over her shoulder once at the aging leader, hoping that someday he would see peace.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

_The victim died because of a single phaser shot to her back. All other injuries were inflicted upon her postmortem. Upon further investigation it was determined that the victim was of Kreyole descent, not human, __and that her genetics were slightly altered to appear to be Lieutenant Barrett's on our initial scans. __The body has now been labeled Jane Doe in the computer thus removing the stardate of death for Lieutenant Sarah Cosette Barrett. Her status remains missing in action_

* * *

Kathryn Janeway nearly chucked the PADD with the Doctor's autopsy report on it across her ready room. She had read that report over and over again for the past thirty six hours. They had attempted to make contact with Myna, or the Sub Commander but to no avail. They couldn't even reach Tom Paris. To say that her nerves were frayed was an understatement. They were completely unraveled and her mood was beginning to reflect it. Not only had her relationship with Commander Chakotay turned sour as of late, she couldn't sleep, constantly up pacing with anger, worry, regret, guilt, you name it, she probably felt it at night when she had nothing to keep her busy but the sounds of the engines. _If only Tom had stuck around long enough to learn it wasn't Sarah in that capsule. _She rubbed her hands over her tired face and fought the urge to scream.

That's when the door chime rang.

She nearly cursed because she knew who it was. Chakotay. He was the only one who dared to approach her and risk entering her private domain. At this point in time it felt more like a private hell. "Come in," she grumbled, watching with exhausted eyes as the doors swished open.

Chakotay stepped into the room looking as haggled as she did. "Long range sensors picked up a large fleet of Gerroan ships. We're going to have to alter course to avoid them."

"Wonderful," she mumbled, lowering her head. "How much time will that add to our trip?"

"Another three days."

"Three days!" Kathryn shouted getting to her feet and turning away from him, facing the wall. "By the time we get there it's going to be too late! Tom's probably already stormed the palace and is dead!" She shook her head feeling tears pressing her eyes. "He died never knowing that she was alive. If only I had talked to him the night we found the capsule, maybe... maybe... I could have talked him into staying." Pressing her eyes tightly shut she hoped to stop the flow of her tears. For a moment the silence lingered and she thought perhaps Chakotay had left. That seemed to be the way of things as of late. He would come in, tell her what needed to be told to her, and leave, without so much as a good-bye.

"There wasn't much you could have done to stop Tom," Chakotay finally said, signaling that he was indeed still in the room.

Kathryn opened her eyes and looked at the wall. "But I could have stopped this whole thing from happening in the first place."

"How do you figure that?"

"If I had listened to Sarah...we never would have gone after Jetrel."

"And Casius would have just hunted us."

"I refuse to believe that this was inevitable."

"There are some things, Kathryn even _you _can't control."

Kathryn turned slowly to glare at him. "No Chakotay? I couldn't have stopped myself from destroying the array? I couldn't have not told Casius that his ideals and ways of life didn't agree with our own and therefore we couldn't negotiate trades with him? I didn't have a say in all those things?"

"The array needed to be destroyed. And we couldn't knowingly enter into a trade agreement with Dellon Casius when he was killing innocent people. You did what you had to do. There was no way you could have foreseen all of this."

"Tell that to Command or Tom's father, or Sarah's brother, when we make it home."

He's only response was a deep look of sorrow.

Kathryn silently wished he _would _say something.

_"Captain to the bridge."_

She wanted to cry, again; she wanted to be allowed to curl up into someone's arms and let it all out. Gathering herself she raised her chin slightly and pressed her combadge. "I'm on my way, Janeway out."

The bridge was tense these days. It could be felt the moment one walked on the bridge. Kathryn knew her attitude was a part of that tension. She wanted all of this to end,she wanted the crew to know the real reasons for flying into Gerroan territory after Tom. But the Prime Minister had begged her to keep it silent. If _Voyager _was captured, then there were be no records of her mission. At least not official ones. "Report," she asked Tuvok as she made her way towards her chair.

"We are receiving a message from the Prime Minister."

"Put him through."

"Captain Janeway," Prime Minister Yutell greeted firmly. "I'm afraid a problem has developed."

"Problem?"

"We lost contact with our agent two hours ago. I'm afraid he's dead."

Kathryn clenched her jaw. Chakotay was eyeing her suspiciously. "We've had to alter course three times to avoid Casius' fleet."

"He knows you're coming then," Yutell replied.

"It explains the...decoy Captain," Chakotay said cautiously.

"Decoy?" Yutell asked.

"Yes, we...intercepted a capsule with what we believed to be carrying Lieutenant Barrett's body," Kathryn answered, fighting her emotions. "It wasn't until almost two days ago that our doctor determined that a Kreyole woman's body had been altered significantly to fool our sensors."

Yutell frowned. "Then he definitely knows. He's trying to throw you off course. I suggest you break your mission."

"I can't do that Prime Minister."

"If you continue, _Voyager _will be destroyed."

Kathryn's eyes blazed with tears for a moment before she gathered herself and slammed her command mask into place. "It's a risk I'm willing to take."

* * *

The resistance's camp was very much like the colony of refugees he had seen not so long ago, with one drastic difference; everyone was armed to the teeth here. Tom Paris noticed that although he was a stranger to them, he wasn't considered a threat. Many didn't even bother to look up when he passed by with Tareth as the two wove their way through the camp to find Ravior. Tom observed that the only perceived threat to them were the Gerroan. It wouldn't take much for them to take Tom out, anyways, he was by himself and despite being heavily armed, he would be lucky to get a shot off before one of the resistance fighters blasted him to high heaven.

Ravior's tent was in the middle of the camp and Tareth wasted no time taking Tom there. The leader of the resistance was curious to see the lieutenant from _Voyager_, but wasn't surprised by it. "Captain Janeway sent you alone?"

"Ah, she didn't exactly send me," Tom answered.

"But you're here to complete the mission correct?"

"Sorry if I seem a bit dense, but I'm wondering what mission we're talking about," Tom inquired.

Ravior frowned. "Perhaps the Prime Minister didn't get my message."

Tom suddenly remembered all those meetings that Janeway had with the Prime Minister of Nydia and Commodore Gvena behind the closed doors of her ready room, where Chakotay wasn't even privileged to enter. "If there was some mission I'm not aware of, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Ravior, but I came here…for other reasons."

Ravior offered him a slight smile. "Lieutenant Barrett."

Just hearing her name brought on an onslaught of emotions that Tom had to use Stafleet training to stave off. "Yes," he choked out, "I came because of her." He saw Ravior exchange glances with Tareth and give the soldier a little nod of his head. Tareth took his leave from the tent and Tom was alone with the leader of the resistance.

"You care for her deeply," Ravior stated.

"Yes."

"Well now that you're here, Lieutenant Paris, perhaps we can be of some assistance to you," Ravior offered.

Tom frowned slightly. "I don't see how. I came here with every intention of not returning to _Voyager_. I didn't want to put their lives at risk, and I don't want to put your lives at risk either."

Ravior's face darkened. "You came here to kill Casius."

"He took a lot away from me," Tom snapped. "He didn't give Sarah a chance, why should I do the same for him?"

"You believe her to be dead then?"

"I don't believe it, I know it; I saw her body. That bastard put her body into space beaten beyond recognition; he violated her and when he was through with her, he did away with her like she was nothing," Tom spat hatefully. "Do you think he deserves to live after all that, Ravior?"

Ravior shook his head, clearly seeing the young man's anger. But he knew that kind of anger. He had seen friends and lovers suffer the same fate as what Tom Paris believed had happened to Sarah Barrett. "I decided a long time ago, Lieutenant Paris that the man didn't deserve to live, we just have never had the resources to…dispose of him." He turned away from the other man. "I've watched more people suffer than I can count, Lieutenant. The years of our constant persecution and being purged have paid a heavily toll. There were days I didn't think the resistance would make it this far. Lieutenant Barrett being taken from _Voyager_ for Casius' own sick purposes was the final straw for many I believe. She made quite a name for herself. She even managed to turn a young Sub Commander to our side."

"But…" Tom interjected.

"But," Ravior repeated, "it might not be enough."

"This is where Captain Janeway comes in, doesn't she?"

"She does," Ravior replied, turning to face him. "_Voyager_ has the technology to get into the central nexus and destroy the power couplings of the main defense net in Lleh. The plan was for someone to beam into the facility, set some charges, and then beam back to a cloaked _Voyager_ without the Gerroan even knowing."

"So while the others were attempting a rescue of Sarah, Janeway was going to destroy the power grid."

"In a manner of speaking yes," Ravior said.

_I wonder if Chakotay knows what the hell she's up too. If she has another motive for coming to Gerroan space then she'll sure as hell come after me, using that as a ruse to get the real mission accomplished_. "Damn it, that woman is stubborn."

"We tried to talk her out of doing it," Ravior countered. "We know how important she is to your crew. She'd have nothing of it."

"Doesn't surprise me."

"Do you think she's still on her way?"

Tom shrugged. "I don't know. It's not advisable to send messages while under cloak, so I didn't communicate with them and they didn't attempt to contact me. They'll probably scan for my shuttle's cloaking signature when they arrive in system and then attempt to make contact. It's possible she is coming after me. She was ready to fly in here guns blazing to save Sarah."

"She certainly has courage."

"It isn't going to do her much good if it gets her killed," Tom retorted. "Maybe I can complete the mission for her."

Ravior thought about it for a moment. The sooner they destroyed the defense net, the sooner the resistance could move in and start taking over several key areas, and hopefully see the death of Dellon Casius and his High Council. But they all sat protected behind that defense net right now and there was little any of the resistance fighters could do about it. He opened his mouth to speak when the tent flap pushed open and Sarah stepped in, brought to the tent by Tareth.

"Tom?"

The voice couldn't be real, he told himself as he slowly turned to the sound. But it was. Sarah was standing there, to the entrance of the tent, dark hair unclipped, framing her face, looking shocked to see him, but relieved all at the same time. Tom felt his emotions start to swell again. He had seen her dead body in sickbay. It had been her underneath all the bruises and scraps and broken bones; he had touched her, willing her to speak to him. Yet here she was, one and the same as the dead woman in sickbay. He couldn't wrap his mind around it. Moving across the tent he crushed her in his arms, hungrily kissing her and finally allowing his tears to flow.

Sarah pulled away. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know anymore," Tom answered with a shake of his head. "I thought…I guess it doesn't matter what I thought, not anymore." He looked about and realized they had been left alone. "We…thought you were dead. I'm sorry that I didn't come sooner."

She pulled a sad smile. "I didn't think you were coming at all."

"Did you honestly think we'd leave you here?"

"Yes, did I want you to, no."

"Captain Janeway wasn't about to let Casius get his way. We made some friends; they gave us technology to enter Gerroan space. Hopefully right now Casius and his cronies don't even realize I'm here," Tom replied, stroking her arms gently. He still couldn't quite believe she was here, in front of him and alive. "Are you sure you're not a dream?"

She buried her cheek into his chest. "If I am, don't wake up."

"Oh believe me I don't want too."

_A problem has developed_, Sarah heard Ravior transmit his message telepathically. _Our Sub Commander friend was found out. He's been executed. Casius knows of our plans to blow out the power grid, he has every last ship in the sector out looking Voyager. It could mean them altering their course to the point that they will be so far away it will take weeks to get here._

_We need to move now._ Sarah replied, snuggling against Tom.

_I agree. Will Lieutenant Paris help us?_

_Yes, I think he will._

_Then we proceed at dawn, Lieutenant. Bring Paris to the community tent, we have to meet and lay out our plan._

"Tom," Sarah said, shifting and moving away from him. "We have to go."

"Go? Where?"

"This way," Sarah replied, gesturing for him to follow her.

"Wait a sec, what is going on?"

Sarah shook her head, fighting her tears. Quierron had been one of the more noble soldiers she had met. He honestly felt that things could change on this planet. But he was so young, so mold able, and she had molded him into believing that what was transpiring on Gerroa Prime and throughout their space was wrong. He had violated half a dozen protocols to contact _Voyager_ on her behalf and she had gotten him killed. She wiped at her nose. "We can't wait any longer for Captain Janeway and _Voyager_."

"You know about this plot?" Tom asked, baffled.

"I knew the moment I walked into this camp," Sarah shot back.

They entered the community tent and found Ravior, Tareth, and another leader of the resistance cell gathered around a ratty table. Sarah quickly introduced Tom to the other solider before she sat down on a crate, Tom hastily sitting besides her.

"I'm afraid, Lieutenant Paris," Ravior opened by addressing Tom, "that _Voyager_ isn't going to be here in time to help us. It seems that you're going to get your wish, complete the mission for Janeway."

Tom fidgeted in his seat. "Well, that was before it was upped a few days. I figured I'd have some time to at least prepare for this."

"Unfortunately that isn't a luxury anymore," Tareth said. "If we want to take out the defense grid we have to do so now. I've contacted our allies and other resistance cells off planet; they will be here at nineteen hundred tomorrow to attack. The power grid needs to be down by that time. We will attempt to make contact with _Voyager_ to hold position where she is and await for you to return in your shuttle. The cloaking device is making it hard to pinpoint their location though. Which necessarily isn't a bad thing, it means that Casius doesn't know where they are either. Even though he knows what Janeway was up too, he has no idea that she has a cloak and is slipping through his territory undetected. However, she's smart, she will avoid the Fleet and risk being found."

Sarah looked at Tom for a moment. "What are you proposing?"

"I take a strike team tomorrow at dawn."

"Too risky," Sarah countered, "Casius will be expecting that. I've studied the maps of the Central Nexus. Tom and I could use our shuttle and beam in there and then out without anyone even knowing we're there."

Tareth frowned. "There's another problem. We haven't been able to get in touch with another cell on planet, we think Casius is blocking our transmissions to them. They could be moving in to complete this mission as well. You'd be running the risk of getting caught up in an explosion, Lieutenant?"

"We understand. But I think we'll be alright."

"We can program our computer to beam us out with a simple command," Tom added.

Ravior exchanged glances with Tareth and the other Kreyole soldier. "Sarah, you realize if you're caught again, he will kill you this time."

"Not if I kill him first," Tom snapped angrily.

An awkward silence passed between the small group, until Ravior opened his mouth. "It's all set then. Tareth make sure that the Lieutenants have the proper equipment they need. We'll move to strike before the sun comes up, that way security is at a minimum at the Central Nexus. Try to make contact with _Voyager_ again, tell them that Casius knows they are on their way and that we're moving ahead without them. Our window of opportunity is small, let's make sure we don't miss it."

* * *

They had talked, about nothing special, just little things. It bothered him slightly that she wasn't being forthcoming about events here and that she didn't seem interested in _Voyager _or the mission that they had suddenly acquired. "Are you nervous?" Tom Paris asked, leaning back against the tree he was sitting next too.

"No, why are you asking me?" Sarah Barrett responded, her eyes searching for his face in the moonlight.

"Because we have to go back there," Tom replied. "You're going to have to face everything, without much time to process what happened here...to you."

Sarah glared and fidgeted to move away from him, as if signaling she didn't want to talk about it. "I'll be fine," she snapped, trying to move away from him. He was quicker, grabbing onto her arm and forcing her back towards him. For a brief moment their eyes locked and met. Looking into his eyes only made hers tear up and she forcefully shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it. I...I can't talk about it. You'll hate me."

Tom could clearly see the pain in her eyes. He released her arm and snaked his around her slender waist, pulling her onto his lap. She settled there, her head resting underneath his chin. "I told you, I'm not going to abandon you just because things get tough. We can get through this together. After we leave this hell behind and get back to _Voyager, _we can face whatever happened...together. You're not alone. And I don't plan on leaving you alone." He felt her tremble slightly and he shifted so he could see her face. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "What is it?" he asked her gently, wiping at those tears.

"I think...I think I'm pregnant."

"What? With...with _his _baby?"

"Yes."

Tom felt his throat constrict with anger and found that he couldn't speak. To face Casius raping her was one thing, to face her mothering that bastard's child was another. His hands shook and she stiffened, he saw the terrified look come over her face as she started to cry harder.

"I knew you'd hate me," she sobbed, irrationally. She got up off his lap and ran towards the stream that flowed by the camp.

He sat there dumbfounded for a moment before rising and following her. Sarah was standing at the edge of the water, hugging her body tightly, weeping. "Sarah," he whispered, coming up behind her. "I don't hate you."

"You should."

"Why? Because he raped you?"

"Because I let him do it. And now I'm going to have his baby."

Tom shook his head. "Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?" He had heard stories of women being raped blaming themselves, had seen it in his short time with the Maquis, Bajoran women who had been raped by Cardassians blamed themselves for the violation of their bodies. It seemed ridiculous to him that Sarah would even think it was her fault that Casius had hurt her, had impregnated her. "It isn't your fault, it's _his, _and his alone. He's the one who violated your body, not the other way around. You didn't ask to be the mother of his child."

"I can't do this Tom."

"Can't do what?"

"I can't be a mother to this child."

He stepped closer to her and reached out to her. She flinched from his touch at first but then allowed him to wrap his arms about her tightly. "You can, you'll make a great mother," he assured her. "_Voyager _will help you; think of how Michael and Ava will be like a big brother and sister to your baby, and the rest of the crew as one giant family. It will be a loving and wonderful place to grow up."

Sarah shook her head, her hair tickling his face. "No, it's not _Voyager _I'm worried about, it's not being a mother; it's about being a mother to the devil's child, that's what I'm worried about. We don't know what this baby will inherit from its father. His evil perhaps? His cold malice? Tom, that's too risky for _Voyager, _for the rest of the galaxy."

"Evil is learned."

"That kind of evil is born, not learned. No one hates that much without being born with some of it."

She was torn, Tom could hear it in her voice and it broke his heart. But her fears were justified and on the other side of things, the baby was half hers, created against her well perhaps, but still hers. Could she knowingly terminate that life? "I'll help you." He wasn't sure why he said it, but he did, and the words were out of his mouth even before he could understand them. "You don't have to do this alone."

"Help me, how?" She questioned, turning slightly to glance at him.

"The baby needs a father right?"

Sarah's eyes glistened in the pale light. "You'd do that? Even though it's not yours?"

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "You don't have to be connected by genes to feel strongly about a child. Just look at Chakotay, don't try to tell me he doesn't care about those kids as if they were his own."

He had a point and Sarah knew it. Ava and Michael weren't Chakotay's children but the way he stepped in and took care of them while Captain Janeway had been recovering, and how protective he was of them, it was clear that he loved them as if they were his own. Tom could do the same for her baby if she gave him the chance, if she gave the baby the chance. The thought that the child could turn out like its father still scared the hell out of her though. "You don't have to offer this, Tom."

"I want too, Sarah," Tom replied, squeezing her tightly in his arms. "Besides we have nine months to figure it all out, right?"

"Who knows, Gerroan babies may take longer to gestate than human ones."

He chuckled and buried his face against her hair, just grateful that he had her back. It didn't matter if there was a baby now thrown into that picture. He had wanted to attempt to start a family with her someday, he was certain of it. They were just starting earlier than he predicted and it wasn't even his baby, but, he knew that everything would fall into place. For the first time in a long time he truly felt that things were going to be okay. "We should probably be heading back. We only have a few hours until dawn and we're going to want to be rested for this."

"Did Tareth give you a place to sleep?" Sarah asked, weaving out his arms and turning to face him fully.

"Not yet. I'll go back to the shuttle if I have too."

"No, stay with me," she blurted, and then her face turned a shade of red. "I mean, I have an extra cot in my tent, you can use it."

Tom quirked a little grin. "Did you have something else in mind?"

"Shut up and follow me Paris."

"Yes ma'am."

They began walking back towards the camp in silence and were half way there when Sarah stopped and sensed that something was wrong, terribly wrong. She reached out and grabbed onto Tom's shoulder, holding it in a death like grip. He paused in mid stride and looked at her with questioning eyes. She didn't say a word, there was no time, or need too. He could hear the blast coming from somewhere above them and dove to the ground, taking her with him. The trees above them blew apart and turned a brilliant red as they caught on fire. It was just like that attack on the Kreyole refugee planet weeks ago. The world around them had suddenly turned against them as the trees were turned into shrapnel. Tom grabbed Sarah and yanked her to her feet. "We have to take cover!"

"Where!" She yelled, looking about desperately.

He caught sight of a cave and instructed her to move towards it. They ran as fast as they could as the forest around them turned in a fiery monster. They took cover in the cave for what felt like hours through the constant bombardment, praying the ceiling wouldn't cave in on them, until it stopped and they were covered in dust. Tom ventured out first, and then signaled it was alright for Sarah to follow. What they found was a destroyed forest around them and in the middle of all that destruction was the resistance camp.

"Oh no," Sarah gasped as she ran towards the destruction, Tom on her heels. As far as he could tell there was nothing left of the camp and all the occupants were dead, meaning if they hadn't taken their little midnight stroll they would be dead too. He saw Sarah's face cloud over with hatred. These people had sheltered her and now were probably dead because of it. "We're not waiting until morning, we're moving in NOW."

"What!"

"He slaughtered them Tom! To get to me! ME! It's time that someone came after him," She growled.

Tom found that he didn't like that dark tone to her voice. He shivered slightly. "We'll need equipment from the shuttle. Of course, if it survived this." He pulled his tricorder out and took some scans. After a while he shook his head. "It's gone, that last explosion was probably the shuttle, and it's safe to assume that it's what caused this entire area to vaporize, the cave had natural minerals in it to protect us, this also means that _Voyager _is not going to be able to detect it. They'll think I'm dead."

"We'll find another way to contact _Voyager. _That Fleet is going to be here in less than twenty four hours. We have to go Tom. Or they'll miss their opportunity."

He set his jaw. "Alright, I have some charges in my pack; I left it over by the tree."

"It should be enough."

"It better be enough," Tom retorted, "or I don't know what we're going to do." He shook his head. "I guess we don't have much of a choice. How long will it take to get the Central Nexus?"

"We should be there by dawn."

"Let's get moving them and give the Gerroan a wake up call."

* * *

"My lord," Gaffa announced entering Casius' office. "We have destroyed the resistance camp. There were no survivors."

Casius looked up from his cup of tea and smiled hatefully. "Good. Then I trust their little movement to take out the Central Nexus has been quashed. Any news on Janeway?" He was pretty sure that she was trying to avoid his Fleet of warships, which is why he had them roaming all over this sector of space. "Has _Voyager _made it into Gerroan space yet?"

"There was a large anti-matter explosion during the purge. Further investigation revealed that it had a Starfleet signature."

"Really?" Casius said raising an eyebrow. "I didn't think Janeway was that foolhardy to land her ship here, then again, she was rather brash at times. Good, I'm glad that we took care of everything that needed to be taken of care of in one swoop; Sarah's dead, the resistance is crushed, and Janeway is nothing but a bad memory. I feel good today, Gaffa." He leaned back into his seat and grinned maliciously. "I have won the game yet again."

* * *

Harry Kim heard his sensors beep and he looked up startled. Ever since he had started to monitor the Gerroan Fleet of warships that was no doubt looking for them, they hadn't made that sound. "Captain," he addressed Janeway who was sitting slumped in her chair. "The Gerroan Fleet is changing course; they're all heading back to Gerroa Prime. We have a clear path from here to the planet."

At this admission Janeway perked up and glanced over her shoulder at the young ensign. "That will make this journey a lot shorter. How much time now until we can reach Gerroa Prime?" she asked, hopefully. It was no secret that three days was not what she had in mind when they first started out to rescue Tom and now that they had learned the truth about Sarah, hopefully they would find her alive as well. If only the Fleet moving off meant that _Voyager _was no longer being hunted would completely put her mind at ease. However, she knew that Casius wasn't going to give up on finding her so easily which meant that they could be flying into a trap.

"We'd be there by nineteen and half hundred hours."

"Alter our course, helm," Janeway ordered, glancing at Chakotay. "I want to be there as fast as possible."

"It could be a trap," Chakotay warned her.

"I know," she replied. "But it seems too obvious a trap, even for him."

"Sometimes the more obvious they are, the more likely they are."

Janeway clenched her jaw. "I'm tired of being bullied. We never asked for any of this. It's time that we started sticking up for ourselves and show him that we are not afraid. Harry, set up a private channel to Prime Minister Yutell in my ready room, I need to speak with him." She got to her feet as Harry did as he was told and glanced at Chakotay quickly before issuing more orders. "When we get to Gerroa Prime, begin scanning for the shuttle and human life signs." She moved off the bridge in a stately fashion and marched to her desk.

Her personal computer was set up for the transmission with Yutell. "Captain," he greeted.

"Prime Minister, the Gerroan Fleet is retreating, we're moving into position to complete the mission," Janeway reported.

"The Fleet is moving off?" Yutell questioned.

"Yes."

"Any ideas why?"

"No," Janeway responded, "and I'm not in the mood to find out. With any luck we can destroy the Central Nexus by twenty hundred hours tomorrow. Can your ships arrive in time?"

Yutell nodded his head. "Yes. I have been trying to contact Ravior, but no one has heard from him for a few days."

"Then we have to assume he's dead," Janeway said, pausing for a moment, "Prime Minister, I...I have a personal question to ask, if I may?"

"Of course Captain."

"My children...how are they?"

Yutell's face softened at the pained expression on her face. "They are safe and well taken care of. My wife is quite smitten with them, they're quite charming. However, she can tell that they miss you terribly. Captain, I understand if you want to back out of this mission. You never should have been involved in all this and your children...would suffer considerably if you didn't come back for them. Michael is miserable with worry about you and Ava cries for you at night, she wants you to...tuck her in?"

Janeway smiled sadly. "It's an Earth expression for 'put to bed'."

"Ah, I see."

"Tell them...tell them I miss them too."

"I will, Captain."

Janeway set her jaw and held back her tears as she nodded her thanks. "Wish us luck, Prime Minister; we're going to need all the luck we can get; Janeway out." She pressed the button on her computer to end the transmission and fell into her chair, pressing her fist against her mouth to muffle her cries of anguish.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Kathryn Janeway watched on the viewscreen as Gerroa Prime came into sight. It was a breathtakingly beautiful planet, blues and greens mixed with whites and browns, much like Earth, but the thought that a terrible leader was on the loose on this planet, detracted from its beauty. She had remained holed up in her ready room after speaking with the Prime Minister. He had known that she wasn't going to be coming back from this mission; she just prayed that _Voyager _would survive so the ones she had left behind on Nydia weren't forced to live the rest of their life out in the Delta Quadrant. Lowering her eyes, Kathryn glanced at the PADD in her hand. They were instructions to Chakotay, once she was transported off the ship, they would be delivered to the command console between their chairs.

Her eyes found him now, typing away at that console, blissfully unaware that she was planning on committing suicide. She took a deep breath before getting up from her chair. His dark eyes followed her as she moved to stand behind the helm. "Mister Tuvok, prepare the away team, have them meet me in transporter room one in fifteen minutes. Mister Kim, scan for human life signs, I want the away team put down close to them."

Chakotay was certain she wasn't up for this rescue mission, but she had insisted, and since he wasn't getting anywhere with her the last few weeks, he had let it go. He watched her now as she moved off the bridge, eyes briefly falling on the PADD she had been ringing her hands around for the last hour, now sitting in her seat. What was on that PADD that was making her so nervous? He wondered, feeling the urge to reach out and read it, but didn't want to invade her privacy. Kathryn had been shutting herself out from him, from everyone since Sarah Barrett had been taken from the ship. He wanted to know why she felt the need to do so, but on the other hand he didn't want to violate her sense of trust in him by reading that PADD.

He shook his head and went back to work. Feeling a little relief when Harry located Tom and Sarah's life signs, they were in a heavily guarded and defended area. _Damn. _"Chakotay to Janeway." He waited for her response, but there came none, nothing but static. "Commander Chakotay to Captain Janeway, do you read me, Captain?"

"Commander, there's been a transport down to the surface," Tuvok reported, "using the specialized transporters to cut through Gerroan shields. It was Captain Janeway."

"Just Captain Janeway?"

"Affirmative."

"Beam her back to the ship!"

"I can't get a lock on her, it appears that she has sabotaged the transporter, it's going to take me a few moments to get them working."

_Kathryn, what the hell are you doing! _Chakotay thought angrily as the console between their chairs beeped for his attention. Grumbling to himself he pulled up what was nagging at him and was surprised to see Kathryn's face on the screen. "Commander, you'll find all the necessary codes to transfer command of _Voyager _over to you in the data stream from this message," she stated, "Once you get Tom and Sarah back onboard _Voyager, _I want you to alter your course and head back for Nydia, Ensign Wildman, Crewman Celes, and the children will be waiting for you. Set a course of the Alpha Quadrant and don't look back, Commander…or is it Captain now? I'm not really sure. Either way, you aren't coming back here. In a few moments there won't be any need to. The Main Defense Net will be down, taking me with it. I'm sorry Commander there was no other way for the Nydians to get inside. I couldn't ask for volunteers from the crew, I knew it would end in their deaths. Commander, get this crew home."

Chakotay watched as her face disappeared from the screen. His hands trembled for a moment. _That damn self-sacrificing woman, why does she feel the need to do this EVERYTIME a crisis comes up! _"Tuvok, I only want good news!"

"I'm afraid that I have none, Commander. The transporters are still down and it appears that Captain Janeway and Lieutenants Paris and Barrett are heading in the same direction, with I can only assume the same intent; to destroy the Defense Net."

"Commander I'm picking up a massive fleet of ships," Harry Kim reported, his voice cracking slightly. He was clearly shaken by the message that the whole bridge crew had heard from Janeway. "I'm reading Nydian and Kitae signatures in the fleet as well as some unknown ones. Sir, should I hail them, let them know we're here?"

Chakotay panicked for a slight second, before it all came crashing down on him. _This _had been a setup from the start. The Nydians and the Kitae were known for working with the Kreyole, they were trying to help them rid the galaxy of the tyrannical rule of Dellon Casius and somehow _Voyager _had gotten caught up in it all. Of course they were the only ones with the technology to get inside the Central Nexus without being detected right away, but that didn't mean Kathryn had to be the one to do it on her own. "Harry, tell me you can get a lock on all three of them. I want to beam them out of there before that Defense Net blows."

Harry frowned. "The Defense Net is making it difficult to pinpoint their exact location. I'm not sure if I'll be able to beam them out before it blows."

"That isn't the answer I'm looking for Mister Kim," Chakotay snarled.

"I could try widening the confinement beam," Harry suggested.

"Do it."

"Aye sir."

Chakotay clutched the arms of his chair so tightly that his knuckles turned as white as snow. How could Kathryn do this? How could she just throw away _everything? _He knew that she hadn't slept in days, that she wasn't thinking rationally, but how could anyone think this irrationally and believe that she was going to get away with it? She had to have known that he wasn't going to take _Voyager _and just fly away into the wild blue yonder, just because she had ordered him too. _Try telling that one to Michael and Ava, _Chakotay thought miserably.

"Commander, the fleet is entering the system."

His eyes snapped up to the viewscreen to see a large fleet of Nydian and Kitae ships emerge from behind cloaks, heading straight for the planet and battle, with _Voyager _stuck somewhere in the middle. _Dear God, there may not be a ship left to return to Nydia. _ "Tuvok, full power to the shields! Red alert!" The lights on the bridge dimmed and Chakotay had the fleeting notion that this is _not _the way he had envisioned this day happening. They were only supposed to slip in and out without so much as decloaking, let alone engaging in battle. _The day something goes right on this ship, is the day that pigs fly, _he mused angrily, jumping to his feet and going to stand behind helm. He wished at that moment Harry could cut through all the interference of the Defense Net so they could get their best pilot back. Not that Baytart was a bad pilot, he just wasn't Tom Paris, and Chakotay knew they were going to need Tom Paris.

"Sir," Harry said uneasily, "the fleet is opening fire!"

Chakotay felt the floor shift underneath them as the volleys brushed past the cloaked _Voyager. _ "The Defense Net?"

"Still intact," Tuvok reported.

"Bring us closer to the planet," Chakotay ordered Baytart.

"Sir, we should be moving away from the planet," Tuvok interjected.

"I'm not leaving our people down there Tuvok to die! Move us closer!"

Baytart glanced over his shoulder briefly at Tuvok before setting the course, bringing _Voyager _even closer to the planet which was no under heavy bombardment. In a few moments the Gerroan fleet of ships that he was picking up on his scopes would be joining the fray and _Voyager _was dangerously hanging in the balance. And if they did manage to rescue Captain Janeway, she was going to kill them.

* * *

Something was wrong. The atmosphere around the Central Nexus was too quiet, too calm, Sarah Barrett realized as they slipped in by the cover of darkness. It had taken them the rest of the night to walk to all the way to Lleh City. It would have been easier if the shuttle had not been destroyed to use the transporter, but as Tom had pointed out, at least now Casius wouldn't be able to pick up the cloaking frequency and find _Voyager. _But right now, Sarah couldn't shake the feeling that something was terribly wrong and out of place.

It shouldn't have been this quiet.

Tom noticed her distress in the way her body stiffened suddenly and she perked her head to one side as if thinking. He felt his muscles begin to constrict with anxiety. If they were caught, he could only imagine what Casius would have done to them. "What is it?" he whispered into her ear, while they crouched behind some cargo containers, taking notes on the guards movements.

"Something isn't right," Sarah muttered back. "It's almost too quiet."

"So, maybe that means something is up, or they think we were all killed back at the camp and don't expect an attack."

"But Captain Janeway is still out there...right?"

"As far as I know _Voyager _was still in one piece."

Sarah shook her head. "Then their guard shouldn't be down. There could still be an attack by _Voyager._"

Tom bit his lower lip for a moment before speaking. "Let's call it a bit of good luck then. This is going to make it a whole lot easier than we thought it was going to be. Come on; let's try to keep a little optimism here that this is going to go smoothly."

"When does anything ever go smoothly for us, Tom?" Sarah questioned honestly. "Since coming into this quadrant our missions have been one disaster after another. I'm beginning to think that we're all cursed or something. This isn't going to be easy, no matter how quiet it appears to be."

"How far until the mean power grid?"

"We'll have to use the tunnel that runs underneath here and go through the prison."

"The Prison, do we have too?"

"It's the only way to get to the tunnel that leads into the Main Defense Net," Sarah replied, closing down her tricorder and motioning for him to follow.

They wound their way behind cargo containers to the far side of the room where Sarah popped a panel and instructed Tom to jump down. He did so, landing on his feet on hardly compacted dirt. Sarah followed him, slipping the panel back over the hatch before pulling out a wrist torch that they had salvaged from a trash heap behind the Central Nexus. The tunnels in the Central Nexus were much dirtier and darker than the one that she had used to escape the estate. She was certain she saw critters move in and out of the arch of her light. _Great, the Delta Quadrant's version of rats...I hate rats. _

She silently led the way through the damp passage until they came to a dead end with another panel. Sarah pulled her tricorder out yet again to make sure that there weren't any Gerroan life signs on the other side. All she was reading were Kreyole life signs, meaning they had finally found the prison. It wouldn't take them that long to find the next tunnel that would take them directly to the power grid. Tom was right, this was turning out to be much easier than either of them had anticipated. Which meant that something was probably going to go terribly and horribly wrong. Nothing was ever easy, she realized as she pulled the panel off and climbed through, Tom following behind her and then putting the panel back into place.

Sarah had been in a Gerroan prison before, on the Vaga colony, years ago it felt like, but in reality had only been a few months. She had seen the horrid conditions that the Kreyole prisoners lived in and was grateful that Casius hadn't thrown her in here, although after what he had done to her, he might as well have. She told herself not to look as they began to make their way to the next tunnel, using the tricorder to help them dodge the Gerroan guards.

Tom was the one to finally point it out to her, his eyes focused on the wall, desperately not wanting to look at the suffering people. If they were successful then perhaps these people would be able to escape. He then thought of what the Prime Minister had said, about the mind control, would any of these people ever be normal again?

"Here," Sarah whispered, sliding the hatch open. "We have to crawl through here to get to the power grid."

"I have the charges all set to go; we just have to attach them and then get out of here before we blow it."

"Set them for five minutes then, a small explosion like that will only take out the room and not the whole complex. We should be able to get back through the tunnel and to the next before they go off," Sarah instructed, climbing into the passageway.

It wasn't a very long crawl, but it was a narrow one, Tom realized, thinking that this was much better suited for Sarah's petite body than his lanky one. But he was glad that she wasn't doing this alone, and that Janeway wouldn't have to do this alone now either. It was worth the few moments of discomfort if it meant taken care of the Captain, who wasn't looking particularly good when he had left. Sarah's kidnapping and then the belief that she was dead had hit Janeway hard. _Dear God, they probably don't even know she's alive! _Tom thought suddenly as Sarah pushed open another panel.

He crawled out and found himself in a large room with control panels and buttons. _The Main Defense Net._ Taking this out was going to be a huge blow, if it was disabled for hours it would allow the Kreyole Resistance and the Gerroan Rebels to take out the oppressive government. _Almost like the British Colonies rebelling against their English rule. _It was a revolution for the twenty fourth century.

Tom slid the pack off his shoulder and dug the spatial charges out. "Here, put one over on that access panel," he instructed Sarah, handing her a charge. She moved across the room and latched it onto the large power grid that he had asked her to. He finished up by putting the last two charges on the main source of power for the Defense Net. "That should do it."

Sarah led the way back into the tunnel and they were just on the other side of it when it shook with a violent explosion. She tumbled out of the passage and to the hard floor of the prison. "I thought you were going to wait until we had cleared the tunnel to set off the charges," she hissed at Tom as he too was flung from the tunnel by another violent explosion.

Alarms were blaring in his ears. "I didn't set them off yet!"

"Set them off! Set them off!" Sarah screamed over the alarms.

Three more explosions rocked them as Tom set off their charges one by one. "The Net's down!"

"Let's get out of here," Sarah ordered, moving away from the hole in the wall as the building around them became a shaking nightmare. "I don't want to get crushed."

Tom complied and followed her. They were climbing into the other tunnel that would lead them back to the cargo hold and the escape port when a gruff voice shouted, "Hey, stop them!"

In the next instant Tom heard a blast bolt wiz by his head just as his feet hit the ground running.

* * *

"My lord, we've traced the weapon's signature in the charges used to blow up the Defense Net," Gaffa reported, striding into the command center in the Central Nexus. "They had a Starfleet signature." He held his breath as he waited for his leader's response, which he already knew was not going to be a good one. They had believed they had foiled the plot to destroy the Defense Net, and thus the plot to kill Casius and the High Council, but rather it looked like they had been the ones to be foiled. "We believe they were used in conjunction with some of the Resistance's weaponry being fired upon us from orbit."

Dellon Casius thew his blaster across the room. It shattered against the wall and made several green soldiers around him duck in response. "I thought you said that Janeway and her crew were dead!" he hollered glaring at Gaffa. "Were you wrong again, Gaffa?"

Gaffa swallowed hard. "It appears that the ship we destroyed near the resistance camp was not _Voyager _at all, perhaps it was one of their shuttles."

"How many human life signs?"

"Three."

Casius glowered as he grabbed his large hunting dagger and decided to go in pursuit of the Starfleet officers himself. "Where are they?" he barked over his shoulder, causing the soldiers to quiver in fear even more.

"They're breaking up," one answered, "heading for the old medical ward."

"I'll be waiting for them then. Transport me when one of them attempts to hide," Casius snarled, "I've had enough of this game."

* * *

Chakotay stumbled against the helm as _Voyager_ was rocked by weapon's fire. He had ordered the cloak dropped and they had joined the battle, but they still were not having any luck locating Captain Janeway and the others down on the surface. He was beginning to wonder if Janeway was even still alive down there. The Defense Net had been blown, and it had been blown by Federation explosives, but there was no telling if they were from Sarah and Tom or Kathryn, or if any of them were still alive. The sensors were having trouble reading through all the weapon's fire, no thanks to Kathryn sabotaging the transporters.

When she got back to _Voyager _he was going to kill her.

Behind him he heard someone yelp in pain. "Commander, we're being hailed by the lead vessel," Harry Kim reported as he frantically tried to find a way to beam the Captain and the others back to Voyager.

"Open a channel," Chakotay responded, watching as the Prime Minister appeared on the view screen. "Prime Minister Yutell."

"I suggest that you get whatever people you have down on the surface back on board _Voyager_ now, Commander. We're close to destroying the entire Central Nexus, taking the Gerroan High Command with us. I would hate it if your people were caught up in the explosion."

Chakotay was doing everything he could to stay in control. They were already caught up in it all, since the moment Kathryn and him and Tuvok had flown their shuttle to New Gerroa. And it was this man that had gotten Kathryn into trouble in the first place. If he hadn't put the idea in her head to destroy the Central Nexus, then she never would have gone through with this. "We're doing the best that we can, Prime Minister, but we're having trouble getting a transporter lock on them. Can you perhaps give us five minutes?"

"The sector has waited too long, Commander, for this moment, I don't want anything to go wrong," Yutell replied. "We will give you as much time as we can, that is all I can promise you."

_Even after all we've done for you,_ Chakotay wanted to scream but kept his composure. "I understand. _Voyager_ out." The Prime Minister disappeared from the screen and he turned to glare at Harry. "I don't care what you have to do Ensign, but get them up here, and get them up here now!"

* * *

She felt something burn into the side of her neck at the same time her body was snapped violently backwards. Kathryn Janeway gasped in shock as metal cut through her skin and pulled back suddenly, just barely missing and severing a major artery. It did plenty of damage though. The world spun in front of her and she toppled to her knees, reaching up to the pressure point on her neck only to feel blood slipping through her fingers. Her mind reeled with one thought, stop the bleeding.

_With what?_ She argued with herself. All she had was a hand phaser, some charges, and a tricorder. Those instruments were handy when the time acquired them to be, but they were not going to clot her blood. Her hand trembled and she tried to reach for her combadge. A powerful hand reached out and grabbed it away from her uniform, causing her to sway on her knees and fall forward. Her hands hit a cold, hard floor and she made red prints on the pristine tile with her blood.

"You weren't who I was expecting, but I'll take what I can get," Dellon Casius snarled above her. "It seems your misdeeds have finally caught up with you Janeway. I think I will take great pleasure in killing you and shipping your body back to your ship in a torpedo shaft."

"Go to hell," Kathryn growled, trying to raise herself to her full height. It only caused the room to spin more and she crashed back to the floor.

Casius chuckled. "I've heard that quite a bit from your officers, Janeway."

Kathryn squeezed her eyes shut trying to focus and chose to ignore him. It was a huge mistake. She felt the knife cut the other side of her neck, just missing the artery again and causing the room to completely blur. _Stay awake Kathryn, stay awake!_ She was suddenly very tired however and she could feel her eyes slipping shut. It had always been in the back of her mind that she wasn't going to come back from this mission, however, she had never thought she was going to die this way, withering on a stone floor, slowly bleeding to death.

"I'll take your crew out one by one if I have too, Janeway," Casius was towering over her. "Perhaps I'll travel to Nydia first, I hear that you left your offspring behind there."

She fixed a heated glare on him. "Stay away from my children."

"Who's going to stop me? You?"

Kathryn couldn't answer in words, but she could see Chakotay breaking his neck if he brandished that knife at Ava. She fought to keep her eyes opened and didn't notice the sounds of voices coming down the hall or the fact that Casius had hid back in the shadows of the room, preparing to strike at his next victim.

On her back now she gazed at the dark ceiling, her breathing becoming more labored. Time seemed to move at a different pace here, she wasn't sure how long she laid on the floor. Hours? Minutes? Would Voyager ever find her? Or would Casius stay true to his word and fire her body out to space in a torpedo shaft? What would Chakotay tell her children? She had died on a mission? Or that she had been murdered? Their faces danced across her vision now. She hadn't even properly said good bye to them and she was going to die on this floor.

"Captain Janeway!"

Kathryn felt fabric press tightly against the wounds on her neck. There was someone standing over her, long dark hair covering the woman's face. She knew that voice, that hair. "Sarah?"

"It's alright, Captain, we're going to get you out of here," Sarah Barrett's voice said confidently.

_No, get out of here Sarah_, Kathryn thought, recalling Casius being the one to stab her and not knowing if the evil leader had left the room yet. However, she couldn't voice the words, it came out mumbled and garbled. She could see Sarah look at her with puzzled eyes. She tried again to voice her warning.

"Just lie still Captain," Sarah instructed. "Conserve your energy."

Tom Paris anxiously ran a tricorder over his commanding officer. Glancing over his shoulder he concluded that the Gerroan soldiers had lost track of him too in all the confusion and he ducked into a dark room to hide for a few moments. "She's going into shock. We need to get back to _Voyager_. Where's her combadge? Spread out and look for it." His had been destroyed in the shuttle and Sarah's... well Casius probably still had hers. They needed Janeway's badge to communicate with _Voyager_ and get a transport back to the ship. The lighting in the room was making it difficult to search for it.

It appeared to be some kind of medical ward, there were cots lining the walls and various turned off instruments around the room. It made sickbay look luxurious. Wiping the sweat from his brow, Tom backed up and lowered his body down onto one of those abandoned cots, keeping an eye on the door to make sure that they didn't have any unexpected visitors while Sarah looked for the combadge. His phaser was trained on the door, not the movement behind him.

Tom wouldn't be able to recall later when he knew that something was wrong. Maybe it was when he heard Sarah gasp in horror, the sudden movement, or the burning blade as it cut through his flesh. Either way, it happened so quickly that he dropped his weapon and cried out, his hand reaching around to the burning area on his back. He pulled it away to see it covered in thick red blood. He had been stabbed, by a large sized blade it appeared.

The room spun in front of him and his vision blurred. Tom tried to hold himself up against the cot, but felt his legs getting weak. They were trembling. He stumbled forward, sending pain ricocheting up his spine. He bit his lip to prevent himself from crying out again.

"Looking for this?" Casius said holding the small badge up into the air.

Tom could see that Casius attention was suddenly drawn to the movement in the corner of the room, Sarah dashing for a hiding spot. As he propped himself up onto the cot to try and position himself to grab the phaser rifle he had dropped, the leader turned and stalked towards the shadow in the far corner of the room.

Sarah wasn't quite prepared for him lunging towards her. The knife garnished and gleaming with Tom's blood in the dim lights of the dusty windows. She dove away from the knife only to slip in some of Tom's or Janeway's, she wasn't sure whose, blood on the floor. The phaser went flying from her hands as the knife cut a gash down her arm. It tore her sleeve open and exposed her pale flesh. She bit her lip as the pain shot through her body and she dashed to grab her rifle. Casius stepped in her way.

"I'm going to enjoy watching you all die, Sarah."

Sarah managed to escape his knife again, perhaps her senses giving her a heads up. She crawled underneath the cots and was pleased that Casius shouted in anger because she was out of his reach for the time being. As she moved back against the wall she caught sight of something on the floor. It was Tom's phaser. Reaching out with her hand, she tried to get it before Casius noticed. She didn't. He stabbed his knife down onto her left hand and she screamed this time as the knife cut through her hand and through the other side of her palm.

Tom attempted to make a move to stall Casius' progress towards Sarah so she could grab the rifle, but the Gerroan leader just whirled about on his heel and landed a swift kick into Tom's gut. He grunted and fell back to the floor, banging his head against a tray of instruments on his way.

Nursing her wounded hand Sarah took the opportunity to lift her knee and slam it into Casius' back. He went crashing to the floor, his dragger slipping out of his hand. He rolled over onto his back to see her standing over him, the phaser pointed directly at his chest. It was for the first time, in the moment before his death, that Sarah actually saw the Gerroan show fear. It flashed across his face as she pulled the trigger back, and whispered hoarsely, "It ends here."

Sarah watched as a brilliant ball of orange shot forth from the weapon, impacting with Dellon Casius chest, the abused killing the abuser. He gasped in shock and pain before finally slumping, his chin touching his massive chest that now lay deathly still. Covered in blood and sweat, Sarah lowered the rifle and let out a choked sob. _It was killed or be killed Sarah, you made your choice to live. It was for survival._ She still couldn't shake the thought however that she had murdered.

The room suddenly roared violently as glass shattered around the group of wounded officers. Sarah screamed and covered her body as best she could, feeling pieces of glass embedding themselves already in her wounded hand and arm._ Damn, where's that combadge! _Crawling on her hands and knees, which sent pain coursing through her entire body, she pried it out of Casius' dead hand and pressed it tightly between her fingers. "Barrett to _Voyager_!" She yelled helplessly as the room began to fall apart around her. There would be no time to escape, she couldn't carry both Janeway and Tom through the damaged halls of the Central Nexus before the Fleet completely destroyed it. Their last hope was _Voyager_.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

Over the rumble of the bridge being rocketed by a torpedo, Chakotay thought he heard a disembodied voice. Whipping his head about he looked over his shoulder at Harry Kim, still working to figure out a way to beam their people safely back to _Voyager. _Could he really have been the only one to hear the voice? "Ensign," he said, "are you picking up any hails?"

Kim looked puzzled. "No sir."

Chakotay strained his ears over the rumblings of battle around him. It was almost inaudible, but this time he was sure he heard it. Practically leaping over to the tactical station and shoving Tuvok out of the way, he worked on localizing the source. It was indeed a hail, however faint it was, coming from Kathryn's combadge. _How did Harry miss it? _Chakotay wondered as he struggled with the controls. This time the voice came on over the speakers stronger, startling everyone around him.

"_Barrett to Voyager! Please! We need an emergency beam out, directly to sickbay! I have wounded!"_

The First Officer heard Harry Kim gasp across the impasse between them. "I've got them," Kim said, anxiously. "Three human life signs, two are weakening." He shook his head. "I can't raise her. There's too much interference, she's barely getting a message to us."

"You didn't get to be a senior officer if you can't handle a little interference! Do as she says, Ensign, beam them to sickbay!"

"The firing is making it difficult to localize their signals."

"Widen the damn confinement beam," Chakotay snapped, jumping at the turbolift. "Tuvok, you have the bridge."

"May I remind you Commander, that we are in a state of red alert, your place is on the bridge," Tuvok said, calmly.

The Commander's eyes flashed dangerously. "Tuvok, we have three seniors officers trapped on that surface, two with possible fatal injuries,"Chakotay shot back, "_My _place, as you so call it, is where I _want _it to be!" He spun about in the turbo lift, with a final snap at Harry, "I don't care how you get them back, Harry, but do it!"

Kim watched as the lift's doors closed, realizing that if he didn't get everyone back to the ship, the first officer was going to execute him.

* * *

As the walls began to cave in around her, Sarah frantically scrambled and pulled the mattresses from the medical cots off their resting places and threw them over Tom and Janeway's bodies. Both officers had fallen unconscious and Sarah, with the limited resources that she had, had done the best she could to stop their bleeding. Her left hand was pretty useless and her right arm was screaming protests as she pulled the heavy mattress to the floor. She wasn't sure these mattresses were going to offer much protection, especially when the Fleet blew the Central Nexus to pieces. "Barret to _Voyager! _Please! We need an emergency beam out directly to sickbay! I have wounded!"

The other side remained painfully quiet. Did Captain Janeway travel here all by herself? Was there really no _Voyager _in orbit? If that was the case, by the time Commander Chakotay managed to track Janeway down, it would be too late; they would be dead, buried beneath kilotons of rubble. Sarah sprawled out on her stomach underneath the mattress, covering her head with her hands. Of all the ways to die, here on this planet, this was the farthest one from her mind when she had first come here, being buried underneath rubble and a mattress, her arms torn up by the enemy's blade. _At least, _she thought, _the Kreyole have a chance for freedom now. _She only wished that Ravior and the others would be around to see all they had worked for come to frutition.

Beneath her the floor began to rumble louder and louder as the building they were trapped in began to tear apart from constant plasma bombs. She felt the floor begin to fall out from underneath her trembling body. The last sensation she had before a blinding flash of light and an odd tingling sensation, was that she was falling, hard and fast into the bowels of the Central Nexus.

There wasn't even time to scream.

* * *

Chakotay entered sickbay just as the transport was completed. He was shocked when three yellowed mattresses appeared on the floor in front of the biobeds. And then one of those mattresses squeaked a surprised yelp and he was propelled into action. Crewmen around him began to pull the mattress back to reveal Tom Paris, Kathryn Janeway, and Sarah Barrett lying beneath them.

He audibly gasped when he saw them, his first thought was that he had never, even in his days with the Maquis, seen so much blood. All three of them were covered in it from various stab wounds, Paris bleeding from a gaping wound in his back, Sarah's right arm was torn open and her left hand had a huge hole through it. And Kathryn...he couldn't even look at her. He had to advert his eyes to collect his thoughts for a moment. When he looked back, her condition had not changed like he had prayed. She still had two fairly decent sized wounds on both sides of her neck, deep, but not deep enough he realized that she would die right away. Her attacker had wanted her to die slowly. He was pushed out of the way when crewmen rushed to pick up Kathryn and Tom and put them on biobeds.

Sarah screamed when they went to lift her. In fact, she whirled her wounded arm around and sucker punched Murphy. The ensign grunted as he stumbled backwards into an instrument tray. It wasn't a bad move, Chakotay realized, given the fact that her arm must be killing her.

"Lieutenant!" the Doctor was yelling at her. "You're safe! We're only trying to help you!"

But Chakotay could see that Sarah was in emotional and perhaps physical shock. She shook her head and reached for the nearest thing she could hurl at the hologram, a medical tricorder. The First Officer watched as it sailed right through the hologram and hit an unsuspecting crewman in the shoulder. _Ouch, that's going to leave a bruise. _"Doctor," Chakotay said, calmly, intervening when the hologram started to rant that if she didn't calm down she was going to destroy his whole sickbay, "I'll handle this, you have patients."

"Commander, she's one of them!"

"Is she in danger?"

The Doctor looked incredulous. "Well, her wounds don't look that serious, nearly not as serious as Mister Paris and the Captain, but she's been off the ship for close to five weeks! She needs to be examined!"

"But it can wait until after you've treated Paris and the Captain?"

"I wouldn't reccommend it--"

"But it can be done, later, right Doctor?"

The hologram deepened his permanent frown. "Yes," he grumbled. With a glare he turned to Kes. "Bring me blood gas infusers, we have to stabilize their breathing before I can operate." Still sulking at the First Officer, the Doctor went about his work as Chakotay inched closer to Sarah. She recoiled and grabbed the nearest weapon, a cortical stimulator. The primal fear in her eyes was heart breaking, how much had she really endured the last five weeks, only for it to come to a head in the Central Nexus?

"Sarah," he started softly, as if addressing a child. "It's alright now, you're on _Voyager._ You're home. You're safe."

Her grip slackened on the cortical stimulator. Chakotay took the chance and moved closer, his hand gently reaching out and prying the instrument from her hand. "Let the Doctor help you, Sarah. No one here is going to hurt you."

"I killed him."

Chakotay blinked, looking over his shoulder at Tom briefly. "I...I'm not sure I understand, Sarah."

"He was going to kill us, Commander! I...I had to do it!"

So she had been the one to kill their attacker. Very well, Chakotay understood, it was kill or be killed, she had acted. Why was she so upset about it? A nameless Gerroan soldier attacking them and subsquently being killed by Sarah in self defense shouldn't be rattling her this way. "It's alright, Sarah, you did what you had to do. Here, let me help you up. You can rest while the Doctor works on the others."

She flinched slightly but allowed him to help her to her feet and assist her up onto the last biobed. She was trembling but Chakotay could see the primal fear in her eyes start to diminish and the calm demeanor of a Starfleet officer took hold. He would be lying, however, if he said he wasn't deeply worried about her mental state. Despite everything they had been through, her faked death, Tom's abrupt departure, leaving the children behind on Nydia and Kathryn trying to cover it up, to Kathryn's suicide mission, it couldn't possibly compare to Sarah's five weeks of isolation on Gerroa Prime. _People who are recovered from Gerroan prisoners are just that, recovered. There is nothing, psychologically, left of them to rescue._

With a shiver Chakotay recalled Prime Minister Yutell's words when the senior officers had first met with him. Was the only thing they had rescued from Gerroa Prime a shell of the officer taken from them?

"Doctor there's a problem," Kes' voice sounded urgent. Chakotay spun about to fix his gaze on their young nurse. She was standing besides Kathryn's bed. "Their blood isn't coagulating."

The hologram looked concerned. "The procedures should have stopped the bleeding to prepare them for more treatment."

"They're still losing blood."

"And more rapidly," the Doctor said, running a scanner over Kathryn's body.

"Doctor, what's going on?" Chakotay inquired, gritting his teeth.

The hologram shook his head. "I'm not entirely sure. There appears to a be toxin of some kind in her system, preventing her blood from clotting." He moved to investigate Paris. "It's present in Mister Paris as well. At this rate, I'll never be able to stop their bleeding in time before they both die! Kes, prepare to extract a sample of the toxin!" The two began flying around the biobeds at a dizzying pace, nearly knocking Chakotay over as they spun out of control to try and save Paris and Kathryn. Chakotay could do nothing but be pushed out of the way and pray that this wasn't going to end as badly as it was looking at the moment.

On the biobed, the monitors began to blare all sorts of warnings. Paris and Janeway were going into shock, their bodies were putting up the last defenses before they slipped away. Their skin was ashen, colorless; they already looked like death. He swallowed and allowed his eyes to fall on Sarah, staring up at the ceiling. Presumably the toxin was in her system as well, just working more slowly due to the fact that her injuries were not nearly as severe.

"Isolate the toxin," the Doctor was ordering Kes who was gazing into a microscope. "We can use it to create a counter agent."

Time seemed to stand still, at least for Chakotay, who was anxiously keeping an eye on Kathryn's monitors. _She's fading, hurry Doctor. _

"There!" the hologram shouted triumphantly. He yanked a hypospray away from the work station and rushed to the Captain, injecting her with a counter agent that they all collectively prayed would work. Slowly her heart rate steadied and the bleeding began to slow. The Doctor looked smugly at the monitors before rushing to give Paris and then Barrett the injection as well. "Excellent, Kes, we can start treating their wounds with the dermal regenator."

Kes moved to treat Sarah first, but Chakotay shook his head, grabbed the instrument from her hand and proceeded to heal her wounds. Kes silently acknowledged that the First Officer wanted to speak to her, now that she seemed to be calming. The young Ocampa didn't know enough about psychology to know that Sarah was actually in a state of traumatic shock, not calming down.

"These are pretty nasty," Chakotay said, running the regenerator over Sarah's hand. "That solider must have wanted you good and dead, Lieutenant, to leave these."

"He wanted me dead, the others were just a door prize," her response was cold, emotionless.

"Casius must have sent him."

"He sent himself."

Chakotay stopped what he was doing and snapped his dark eyes up in an attempt to meet hers. She was staring listlessly at the wall, a glassy look in her eyes. No wonder she was shaken by her killing; she had killed Dellon Casius in self defense, the repercussions it would have on the galaxy were not lost on Chakotay. And what about the ones it would have on her? Hatred swelled inside of his heart as he pictured that monster slashing his knife into Sarah's flesh, and Tom's, and then it exploded as he pictured Kathryn screaming in agony.

He realized that if Sarah hadn't been the one to kill Casius, he would have done it himself.

"_Tuvok to Chakotay._"

"Go ahead Commander."

"_Prime Minister Yutell demands an update_."

Chakotay frowned. _Of course he does. _"What's our status Mister Tuvok?"

"_For the moment, Gerroan forces are retreating. The Central Nexus has been destroyed and the Resistance Fleet is landing ground troops, there seems to be no immediate danger in the vicnity."_

He finished healing the gash on Sarah's arm and with a final pat of her shoulder, he placed the instrument back down on the tray. "I'll be along in a moment, Tuvok, Chakotay out." He searched Sarah's eyes for a moment, before instructing her to get some rest. With one last sigh, the First Officer left sickbay behind, realizing that things could have been much worse, given the circumstances. If _Voyager _hadn't beamed the officers out when she did, well, Chakotay hated to think what would have happened to them. It was bad enough that Paris and Janeway had almost bled to death. The worst, he concluded, was seeing the shell of their counselor.

Stepping out onto the bridge he couldn't help be feel responsible. He was after all one her commanding officers, but his brotherly protection of her stretched beyond normal first officer subordinate relationships. Again he came to the conclusion that if Sarah hadn't killed Dellon Casius, he was sure he would have, with his bare hands. "Hail the Prime Minister Harry," he ordered gruffly.

Prime Minister Yutell's face appeared on the large viewscreen. "Commander Chakotay, I wish to speak with Captain Janeway. Our sensors indicated that you were successful in transporting your people back to _Voyager _before the Central Nexus was destroyed."

"I'm afraid Prime Minister that Captain Janeway is unavailable at the moment," Chakotay replied. "I'm in command for the time being." _So you're going to have to deal with me._

"Very well," Yutell said, despondently. "I assume now that this is all over, _Voyager _will be heading back to Nydia."

"You assume correctly," Chakotay said, harshly. "We have crew we need to retrieve. I'm sure they're feeling quite abandoned right now."

"Your implication that my people are not taking care of your crew insults me, Commander," Yutell snapped.

"Let me make something perfectly clear, Prime Minister," Chakotay said hotly, "We never would have needed to leave them behind if _you _hadn't talked Captain Janeway into this suicide mission. We were lucky to get her back in one piece. Now, _Voyager _will gladly go to Nydia and pick up those we left behind, but don't plan on us doing any more _favors _for you or your cause. _Voyager _out." He motioned for the transmission to be cut and turned about to get to his seat.

Tuvok and Harry were both looking at him, actually Harry was gaping and Tuvok had that one eyebrow of his crocked up in a way that Chakotay knew a lecture was soon to follow. He mustered his best Kathryn Janeway death glare silencing any objections either officer might have had before slumping into his seat with a silent groan. He would be glad when this day of hell would be over.

* * *

_First Officer's Log, supplemental; Three days have passed since the Central Nexus has been destroyed. We have arrived at Nydia and are finishing repairs in their primary space port. The Gerroan, with the overseeing of several Nydian and Kitae officials, has formed a new government under the command of a Sub Commander we thought dead. Apparently the Resistance hide Sub Commander Quierron before Dellon Casius could arrest and execute him. Unfortunately, Doctor Jetrel didn't fare as well. After he submitted his distress signal to us, Casius had no use for him and the Gerroan executed him. At least the truth finally came out. As for Captain Janeway and Lieutenants Paris and Barrett, the Doctor has released all three from sickbay. However, it is obvious it is going to take a long time for their emotional wounds to heal._

* * *

Chakotay noticed that despite their best efforts, _Voyager_ just had not gotten back to normal since they had started back to Nydia three days prior. Kathryn had been unnervingly private, more so than usual, hiding out in her ready room when on duty, against the Doctor's wishes of course. Tom Paris was still in a tremendous amount of pain from his injuries and would be off duty until further notice, and Sarah Barrett, Chakotay wouldn't have known she was back on the ship if he hadn't been in sickbay when the away team was beamed back on board.

Sarah's isolation had Chakotay even more worried than Kathryn's isolation. Five weeks was a long time to be held against one's wishes, but to be held by a tyrant was even worse. He had read the Doctor's report on Sarah's condition after he had examined her. She had several traces of injuries, including being sexually assaulted, and the possibility that she was pregnant. The Doctor was waiting a few more days to run that test, let her get acquainted with the ship again. She was already in distress, and the Doctor, or Kes rather, had pointed out that a pregnancy test would only cause more. Sarah's time on Gerroa Prime had been no picnic. He had seen the emotional trauma it had caused in sickbay three days before. It terrified him where it was leading her.

To make matters worse Chakotay wasn't sure who qualified to counsel her. His natural choice and first choice would have been Kathryn, she seemed to have a good rapport with the young woman, but she was emotionally traumatized herself. Sighing, he wished the answers would come easier to him.

"Good afternoon, Commander," Neelix greeted him cheerily as he entered the turbolift with him.

Chakotay looked at their chef. "Neelix," he greeted solemnly.

"Everything alright Commander? You seem preoccupied."

"Lots on my mind I suppose."

"You and everyone else."

"How _is _the crew holding up?"

"Anxious. No one has seen Lieutenant Barrett since she came back. They're all worried about her," Neelix answered. "Has anyone been to see her?"

"Kes has checked on her, but she refuses to see anyone else," Chakotay said with a frown.

Neelix screwed his face up. "With all due respect, sir, shouldn't we be disregarding that order?"

Chakotay shook his head. "We need to give her her space. She needs to garner some trust."

"Trust? We're her friends, Commander, she should already trust us!"

"She's gone through severe emotional trauma, her psyche doesn't know how to trust right now," Chakotay said leaving the conversation at that and stepping out of the turbolift on deck three. As he walked he briefly looked at Kathryn's door. He had waited three days for her to explain herself but to no avail. His conversation with Neelix had made his patience even thinner than it already was.

He pressed her door chime.

Surprisingly she allowed him admittance. He found her buzzing around her quarters, coffee cup in hand, status report in the other. "Oh good, you must have read my mind; I was just about to call you and ask for you to join me. We have some things to go over. I think the shield modifications are more power conservative than our original ones. Tell B'Elanna she can keep them."

"Ah yes ma'am."

"Also, have Neelix draft a supply list, we're going to open trade negotiations with the Nydians. Thankfully your little outburst the other day didn't do any damage," Kathryn said, sipping her coffee.

Chakotay blinked. Was she lecturing him about showing aliens who was the boss? "I'm sorry, we've all be under a bit of stress."

"Next time, use a stress ball."

"A what?"

"Never mind. How many hours has the Prime Minsiter given us before we start negotations?"

"Commander Tuvok reports six hours."

Kathryn took a large swig of coffee from her mug. "I'll beam to the surface once at that time, I'll take a security detail with me. I've already Kes to beam down, I'm sure the Doctor is going to want the crew that stayed behind on Nydia examined before returning to the ship."

Chakotay was irked that she so casually threw off her children like that and hadn't even bothered to join Kes on the surface while their nurse made sure the crew was fit to transport back to the ship. It would be the first time in almost a week that Kathryn had seen them, and with the way she left them, he had a feeling they hadn't taken the separation so well. She kept talking before he could say another word.

"Speaking of the Doctor, Harry drafted a plan for the new activation sequence; he'll install the new subroutines once all the repairs are complete."

He noticed that she refused to acknowledge why the Doctor needed the power to control his own activation sequence. She was avoiding the subject of her children completely because she knew where he stood on her abrupt abandonment of them. "Sounds good," he said, coolly.

"Something wrong Commander?"

"Permission to speak freely?"

Kathryn knew she was probably about to open a can of worms but she said yes anyways.

"Your isolation from the crew is only making you put off facing what happened. Since leaving the children behind on Nydia you haven't mentioned them by name and I have yet to see any reports on what happened on Gerroa Prime," Chakotay replied, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"I've decided to let both Sarah and Tom heal a little before they issue reports. I'm not sure if Sarah will ever be ready for that."

"What about you?"

She averted her eyes. "I walked into the wrong room and Dellon Casius stabbed me. There isn't much else to report."

"If you had informed us of your intentions, perhaps you wouldn't have been in that room," Chakotay snapped.

"This is what this is all about, isn't it? You're upset that I didn't inform you about my plans."

"I'm not upset, I'm furious."

"Noted, is that all?"

He shook his head fiercely. "No, I'm not done yet. What you did was reckless, irrational, and if we were back in the Alpha Quadrant, Starfleet would be investigating you for possible mental instability! Kathryn, it was a suicide mission, and don't tell me you didn't realize that when you agreed to it!" Chakotay argued. "This crew would wither and die without you. And what was I supposed to tell your children? Sorry, I let your mother go on a mission that was destined to kill her."

Kathryn glared at him. "This crew has done enough, sacrificed enough already. I couldn't ask them to sacrifice anymore."

"But you were asking them to sacrifice, you were asking them to sacrifice you. Kathryn, sometimes you have to put yourself first."

"Starfleet captains don't have that luxury."

His gaze grew dark. "Starfleet captains in the Alpha Quadrant, maybe, but out here, where the crew depends so much on you, you have to think about the consequences of your actions!"

Kathryn deepened her glare into a death glare. "Are you quite done lecturing me like a child in _my _quarters?"

"Not unless you promise never to keep me in the dark like that again," Chakotay said. "And you have to really mean it Kathryn."

"Very well," she said, "I admit that I made an error in judgment and I promise, I will never keep you in the dark like that again--unless I see fit."

Chakotay realized that this was the best he was going to get. But between the two of them they knew it wasn't going to end here. Someday they would be having this conversation again. And that frightened him. He opened his mouth to argue some more when they were interrupted by a voice over the comline.

"_Captain, the Nydians are ready to transport the children, Crewman Celes, and Ensign Wildman back to the ship," _Harry Kim's voice said. "_Shall I inform the transporter room to wait until you arrive, ma'am?"_

Kathryn had forgotten that she had requested that she be notified when the Nydians were ready to transport the others back to _Voyager. _It had already been unfair of her to abandon Michael and Ava like she did, it would be even more unfair if she didn't greet them in the transporter room. Turning slightly away from Chakotay she pressed her combadge. "Yes, I'll be there in a moment, Mister Kim. Thank you for notifying me. Janeway out." She lowered her head for a moment and took a deep breath. Focusing on the stars beyond her viewport, she said softly, "I appreciate your concerns Chakotay. But you have to understand that I thought I was doing what was best for this crew."

"You honestly think sacrificing yourself is best?"

"No, but if it meant that none of them had to die, then yes."

"Kathryn, I swear, if you ever pull a stunt like that again, I'll have your command codes permanently restricted."

A sad grin formed on her face. "I thought you said the crew would be devastated if they lost me."

"I'm your first officer, if throwing you in the brig is the only way to protect you, then so be it," Chakotay snapped playfully.

She laid the palm of her hand on his chest and smiled sweetly. Their eyes met for the briefest of seconds, "Thank you," she whispered before slipping out of the room quietly. She heard him exit behind her, but move in the other direction, possibly to make his way back to the bridge. Closing her eyes for a moment she tried to capture that look between them and hold onto it. For a few seconds she wasn't his commanding officer, his wasn't her subordinate, they were just two people; two people that were beginning to care for each other more than protocol would allow. Snapping her eyes open she entered the lift and called out her destination hastily. If it were another time or place, Kathryn realized, she might not hesitate, but protocol was protocol and hadn't they just argued about what was best for the ship? Surely the Captain getting involved with her first officer wasn't in their best interests.

Kathryn stepped into the transporter room with this thought lingering. "Ensign," she ordered the young man at the controls, "energize." She waited patiently while the transporter whined to life and deposited four humans onto the pad.

"Mommy!" a bright toddler's voice cried out.

Immediately Ava was doing her best to jump off the pad and run to her mother. Kathryn knelt to her level and scoped her daughter up into her arms. "Hi baby," she choked into the little girl's hair. "Did you miss me?"

Ava pulled away and studied her mother's face for a moment. "Yes. Where you go?"

"On a mission."

"You back now?"

"Yes. I'm back now."

"Until you have to go away again and leave us on some other dumb planet," Michael said, angrily.

Kathryn was startled by his hostile tone. "I didn't want you getting hurt." _I wasn't going to be held responsible for your death. Not if I could prevent it. _

"You didn't even say good bye!"

"I know, I'm sorry honey. But you have to understand..."

"I wish we never had come with you! I wish Daddy was still alive! He wouldn't have just left us!" Michael cried, bolting off of the transporter pad and out of the room.

Kathryn sat there, arms tightly wrapped about Ava, struggling to maintain control. She should have expected something like this, she should have known that Michael wasn't going to let her off the hook so easily. He had already been upset with her before he left, afraid that she was going to die and _leave _him. And there she was, placing him on a transporter pad and shipping him off while she flew into a dangerous region of space. As she buried her face against Ava's hair she realized that she had only made her personal problems worse, not better.

* * *

Tom Paris was starving. He had slept most of the afternoon thanks to the pain killers, but his rumbling stomach had finally woken him up around sixteen hundred hours. Crawling out of bed he got dressed in a simple button down shirt and khaki pants and decided that he didn't want to eat alone. Neelix had expressed his concerns that Sarah wasn't eating and hadn't left her quarters since returning. Tom promised that he would help once he was feeling a bit better. Today his back didn't hurt nearly as much as it had yesterday or the day before that. Taking a deep breath he decided it was time to get Sarah on the path to healing, even if he had to push her out the door.

He didn't talk to many people on his stroll to her quarters, many simply nodded their heads or asked him how he was feeling. There was no doubt in Tom's mind that the crew was still suffering tremendously from all that had taken place the past five weeks. A month long ordeal, with a never knowing atmosphere. He didn't blame them for not wanting to speak to him. They needed to heal just as much as he did or Sarah or even Captain Janeway. Neelix had also mentioned that Janeway was keeping to herself as well. It was the Talaxian's hope that once the children were back on board she would come around. Tom was still having trouble grasping the notion that Janeway had left them behind.

Stepping up to Sarah's quarter's he pressed the door chime. There was no response and it made him a little agitated. Sarah hadn't left her quarters for anything, with the exception of going to see the Doctor in sickbay. What was she doing? He pressed the chime again and got no response. "Computer, locate Lieutenant Barrett."

"_Lieutenant Barrett is in her quarters."_

"Sarah?" he said through the comline, "are you alright?"

Again there was nothing but silence and he was growing increasingly more nervous. Sure she had ignored him in the past, but that was before she had spent five weeks in captivity. Something was wrong. He used his security overrides to open the door and stepped inside. What he saw was not what he had expected to find. Sarah was sitting on her bed, dripping wet from a bath or shower, wearing absolutely nothing.

Tom grabbed a blanket off of her chaise lounge and rushed to wrap it around her. "What are you doing? You'll catch a cold sitting here like this."

Sarah stared blankly at the wall. "I didn't know what to wear."

"What?" Tom asked, rubbing her shoulder's gently as he sat on the bed with her.

"On Gerroa Prime if I wasn't dressed to his satisifaction he'd hit me until I got it right."

Tom felt his anger boiling. "It doesn't matter what you wear on _Voyager. _No one is going to beat you up over it."

"I didn't know what to wear, Tom," she cried, looking at him with tear filled eyes. "I didn't know what to do. I didn't want anyone to be disappointed in me."

He gathered her into his arms and held her tight. The path to healing suddenly got longer, rockier, as he soothed her, letting her wet hair soak through his shirt while she cried. Tom realized then, that it was going to take a lot more than a few meals in the mess hall to get Sarah down that path, if she ever did make it. There was a possibility that she may never heal from her time on Gerroa Prime. "Sarah, he's dead," Tom reassured her. "I promise, he can't hurt you anymore. We'll get through this together. Remember, I'm not about to leave you when the going gets tough."

It had quite possible gotten the toughest that either them were ever going to see. _Voyager, _as a whole, had a lot of healing to do.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5: A Wish to Dream

_Disclaimers: Paramount owns all with the exception of Sarah Barrett, Michael and Ava Janeway. If I owned it, I would have a lot more money than I do now or ever ;)._

A/N: I was inspired by the song "Broken" by Lifehouse, if you'd heard the song, you know this isn't going to be a happy story...but really were you expecting happy from me? My normal warnings apply as usual, this is not P/T, is J/C but unfortunately they are only going to be backdrop in this story. I've included the chorus to the song so you can see where my inspiration came from. Anyways, I should be updating with new stuff starting tomorrow!

* * *

_I'm falling apart  
_

_I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating  
In the pain  
_

_Is there_ _healing  
In your name  
I find meaning  
So I'm holding on  
_

_I'm barely holding on to you_

* * *

_A WISH TO DREAM_**  
**

"_The time is zero six hundred hours."_

She didn't need the computer to tell her what time it was or that she needed to get up. She had been awake since she got back from her duty shift. Sarah Barrett laid on her bed looking up at the drab ceiling of her quarters listening to the computer drone on in her unemotional voice. _To be emotion free, it would be wonderful, _Sarah thought as she told the computer to reset the alarm for twenty four hours. Sighing heavily, she pulled her tired form off of the bed and went into her bathroom. She had laid her dress uniform out the night before, today she was meeting with the Ambassador from the Ionas Consortium and assisting Captain Kathryn Janeway in first contact. If everything went well than _Voyager _would have enough dilithium to last them six months. It was a prospect that Janeway couldn't pass up and B'Elanna Torres would kill for.

Sarah activated the sonic shower and stripped down out of her lounge pants and tank top. Briefly she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. The bruises had all but gone now, nothing but yellowed discolorations of her creamy skin. The cuts were nothing but puffy pink scars, that with one more dermal regeneration treatment would be gone.

The emotional bruises were still there. It was why she couldn't sleep. She hadn't slept since coming back on board _Voyager _six days ago. When she went for her check ups in sickbay she would sneak a stimulant before returning to duty. The Doctor was oblivious to this crime because he was too excited about his new subroutines that allowed him to deactivate himself. When he was done with Sarah he would smile smugly and call out the order before shimmering out of existence. Kes was always in and out so she never noticed Sarah giving herself an extra dose of medicine.

No one suspected, not even Tom, who was the only one she was allowing to see her outside of duty. The rest were all too relieved to have found her alive to take too much notice to her isolation.

She stepped out of the shower and began to dress. The first time she had showered, a real water shower, she had stepped out and panicked. She didn't know what to wear. She wasn't on duty and the last time she had picked an outfit Dellon Casius had hated it and beat her until she had dressed more to his likening. Not knowing what to do she had curled up onto her bed, dripping wet, staring at the drawers. Tom had found her this way and helped her pick out clothes, assuring her that it didn't matter what she wore. She silently admitted to herself that she was glad she had to put on a damn uniform everyday, it took away the potential for more embarrassing panic attacks.

"Computer, lights at seventy-five percent illumination."

The computer beeped a response and the light to the main cabin came up. Sarah made her way into her living area and headed for the replicator. She stared at it for several moments, decided that she wasn't hungry, and ordered a cup of hot coffee. With the mug in one hand and a PADD in the other Sarah sat down to catch up with her work until it was time to meet the others in the transporter room to greet the Ambassador's party. Janeway had told her she could sit this one out, that it was okay if she needed more time, but Sarah didn't want more time to dwell on her abuse, on her rape; she just wanted to forget about it. With a final straightening of her science blue dress uniform Sarah made her way out into the corridor towards the turbolift.

As she walked she could feel the coffee she had just consumed kicking in along with the stimulant she had taken at zero three hundred hours. With any luck it would keep her going until well after the luncheon that Neelix had prepared. She could refuel on coffee there. She was hoping that the lift ride to deck four would be in silence, but she had no such luck. The doors swished open on deck five and Tom Paris entered with Harry Kim.

Tom raised an eyebrow and glanced at Harry. "They're busting out the fine linens for this Ambassador."

"Captain Janeway wants to make a good impression. We haven't made a lot of friends out here," Sarah retorted.

"Blowing up things will have that affect you know," Tom said with a shrug. "Bridge," he ordered the computer.

The lift whirred to life and began to climb again. When Sarah stepped out of the lift on the next deck Tom made some off handed comment that he was glad to be on the bridge all day and not have to partake in any of the festivities. She made a mental note to request Tom to be on the "Welcoming Committee" for the next first contact mission. One day sitting in session after session of diplomacy and he would run screaming back to the bridge. That would teach him real quick, she thought vindictively as she stepped into the transporter room.

Neelix was nervously fretting about. Chakotay and Janeway were not present yet. Sarah decided to lean patiently against the wall and watch as their Talaxian guide paced the length of the room. Before, she would have tried to calm him, but now, she found she wanted very little interaction with other members of the crew.

"I've left Tuvok a shore leave schedule," Commander Chakotay's voice said as he walked through the doors just slightly behind Kathryn Janeway. "Tom and Harry have agreed to take Ava and Michael off of Tal's hands for a few hours, God help the rest of us," he said with a wry grin.

Janeway grunted. "Michael's been pretty bitter since returning, I wish them luck." She nodded her head at the transporter chief. The transporter whined to life and a blue shimmer appeared for a few seconds replaced by the solid bodies of Ambassador Janari and her officials. The Ionasan woman was dressed in a white, draped gown, which made her navy blue skin look even bluer. Her male officials were dressed in simple red uniforms. The Ambassador was a tall, lanky woman, almost stood at eye level with Chakotay and her indigo hair was piled on top of her head in a large bun. She smiled broadly and stepped off the transporter pad.

"Captain Janeway we meet at least," Ambassador Janari greeted.

"Ambassador, welcome to _Voyager,_" Janeway replied warmly. "My First Officer Commander Chakotay and Ship's Counselor, Lieutenant Sarah Barrett."

"Lieutenant Barrett...we weren't expecting you to be well enough for these meetings," Ambassador Janari said, surprised to see her.

Sarah gritted her teeth. She wasn't surprised that half the sector knew about her time with Dellon Casius and the Gerroan. "My time with the Gerroan has been wildly embellished from one person to the next. It wasn't as serious as it has been made out to be."

Chakotay visibly winced at her cold assessment of her captivity. He noticed that Neelix looked appalled, but Janeway kept her command mask in place.

"Well, we're delighted then that you could join us," Janari said, beaming. "_Voyager's _reputation precedes you Captain. My people are a peaceful people; we'd rather not get involved in other species' quests to annihilate one another, however, your firm stance on what the Gerroan were doing to the Kreyole make me believe that you are indeed a moral people and therefore worth taking time out of my busy life style to get to know you."

"That's wonderful to hear, Ambassador," Janeway said with a smile. "Mister Neelix, our guide is going to prepare a luncheon for us, but for the time being I'd thought we'd give you a tour of the ship and then head up to our briefing room to begin discussing our alliance."

She gestured for the party of Ionasans to follow her and she began the tour of the ship. Sarah stayed close to Janeway in case she needed any advice but the Captain seemed to be handling the situation nicely and if she was at a loss for something to say Chakotay would slid right in and offer a new conversation piece. The Ambassador's party was impressed with the warp core, asking Lieutenant Torres at least thirty questions before the Captain politely informed them that B'Elanna had a mission to prepare for. She would be leaving with Harry Kim later that day to search the nearby moons and asteroids for resources. Their shuttle had been packed last night.

They spent the next three hours showing the Ionasans the holodeck and how it worked, the science lab, Stellar Cartography, and even the school room where Michael Janeway and Ava Janeway were playing in a sensory table. Michael pretended to be uninterested in their guests while Ava dropped what she was doing and went to study them with intense eyes. She even asked the Ambassador, much to her mother's embarrassment, if she was cold, because her skin was blue. Sarah saw Chakotay suppress a chuckle while Janeway's eyes went wide and her cheeks flushed pink. The Ambassador on the other hand found the toddler to be utterly enthralling and answered all of her questions.

Their last stop was the bridge, where Tuvok was ruling with a steady and calm hand. Their guests seemed impressed with the efficiency of the bridge crew.

Janeway introduced the rest of her senior staff and the Ambassador wondered how she could keep track of all of them.

"We manage," Janeway said with a smile, directing them into the briefing room.

Sarah was the last one to enter the briefing room and was shocked to find that Neelix had decked it out "to the nines" as Tom would say. Their chef was beaming with enthusiasm as he told the group all the courses he had prepared and how he had decided to host the luncheon in the briefing room so talks wouldn't have to stop. Needless to say the Ambassador looked impressed. Sarah found her stomach lurch. The room were Casius had taken advantage of her had been a decked out conference room of some sort. Neelix of course would not have known this because she hadn't mentioned the incident to anyone.

For the most part Sarah kept silent during the opening exchanges, only nodding her head and offering advice when Janeway requested that she do so. In fact her little interaction was startling to both her commanding officers. However, it wasn't the time or place to question her on it.

Besides, Chakotay thought, the talks were going so well even without Sarah's guidance. When she did offer advise up it was done in a cold, emotionless manner, nothing that Janeway or himself were accustomed too when it came to their counselor. She had started to blossom into a bright officer that had now been squashed by her captivity. He had tried to speak to Kathryn about Sarah's isolation but the Captain had her own demons from the Battle of Gerroa Prime. And now as he looked at both of them he could still see the strain in their eyes. Oh, they were good at hiding it from their faces, perhaps a trait that both had learned from their Admiral fathers; but they couldn't hide it completely from the people that knew them the best.

Sarah became more restless as the talks dragged on. She wanted to get out of that room. It felt like the walls were closing in around her the more Janeway spoke with the Ambassador. It wasn't the room were the vicious attack had happened, but it began to take on similarities that were frightening. The smell of the food, the way the Ambassador's officials' laughed; she was suddenly underneath the table cowering in fear, Casius' hands reaching for her.

Instinctively she kicked back and swung her fist out in defense, hysterically screaming, "Don't touch me!"

There was an unfamiliar squeal of pain by her side and she turned to see one of the Ambassador's officials holding his nose, indigo blood seeping through his blue fingers.

Gasping, her eyes went wide with horror. "Oh no! I'm sorry!" Sarah cried, exhaustion finally winning the battle as she turned towards a stunned Janeway. "I'm sorry Captain...I...I didn't...I didn't mean too!" Tears of frustration ran down her cheeks and she saw the Captain silently nod her head at Chakotay, who announced that now would be a good time to go and tour sickbay. Sarah plopped down into her chair and buried her face into her hands and cried.

The shuffling of feet died down behind her as Chakotay led the Ambassador and her party out of the room towards the turbolift. When the door had hissed shut she felt Janeway sit down next to her.

"I think perhaps you were too eager to come back to duty," the older woman said patiently.

"The Doctor cleared me," Sarah snapped between gulps.

"Physically, yes, but I'm not sure emotionally," Janeway said. "Normally an officer would need both the clearance from their doctor and from their counselor before returning to active duty, I'm not sure who qualifies here to give you that clearance. Certainly not the Doctor, he has no grasp on emotions himself. Chakotay expressed his concerns, but I waved them off; I was blinded by the fact that we hadn't lost you after all."

"I'm fine."

"I don't think you are."

"I'm edgy today, but it's nothing, Captain," Sarah insisted, gaining her composure.

Janeway looked at her sadly. "Don't lie to me Sarah. I know it wasn't easy those five weeks away from _Voyager. _It wasn't easy for _Voyager. _This entire crew has healing to do and you'd be better off opening up then bottling it all inside before you explode. Take my advice, it's not a pretty sight." _You've been down this road before, don't you remember what it did to you? _"Take the rest of the day off, log some holodeck time, beam down to the surface, or read a good book, that's an order," she added for good measure.

Sarah nodded her head and whispered, "Yes ma'am," before rising from her seat and leaving the briefing room. As she stepped onto the lift she felt very tired. It was time for another trip to sickbay.

* * *

Harry Kim dropped his equipment bag into the forward cabin of a type nine shuttle craft. "Sorry I'm late," he muttered to his travel companion, B'Elanna Torres. "The Janeway children took more time to entertain then Tom and I anticipated."

"So it went well then," B'Elanna said with a little grin.

"Let's just say I'm no where near ready to have kids yet," Harry retorted.

B'Elanna chuckled and finished up their preflight routines. "Come on Harry, it couldn't have been that bad. I'll admit the Captain's children are a little rambunctious and get into my systems far more than I would like them too, but can you imagine _Voyager _without them? I for one think it would be downright boring."

"_Voyager, _boring? Now there are two words that don't belong together in a sentence."

She agreed. It seemed that since they had been pulled into this quadrant there hadn't been a moment's worth of peace. Something always seemed to go wrong and Chell seemed to think that they were cursed from the beginning. _Cardassian spies, dying entities, aliens intent on killing each other; you have to wonder Lieutenant Torres if there is some higher power against us, _he would always say to her when the start of a new crisis was upon them. B'Elanna wasn't so sure they were cursed, after all there had been a lot of good things to happen as well. They had made friends, seen interstellar phenomenon that no other starship could boast about, and on more than one occasion had been lucky when it came to causalities. By right there was no way Sarah Barrett should have come back from Gerroan space. It made B'Elanna wondered if fate was looking out for them. "All set to go," she announced. "The Ionasans were kind enough to program the coordinates of their moon where we can mine the dilithium."

Harry smiled. "Great. This should make the trip a lot faster."

"Don't like spending time with me Harry?"

He blushed. "No, it's not that...it's just that Ionas is beautiful and I want to spend more time there...without the having to play the babysitter part."

B'Elanna tried to hide her disappoint in a sly smile. "Nice cover up Starfleet."

"It's not a cover up," Harry said. "I really do enjoy spending time with you, in fact, I don't think we get to spend enough time together, so, I was thinking...when we get back...you could join me...on Ionas for some shoreleave."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Your buddy Tom Paris won't be upset? I know he likes to spend shoreleave time doing male bonding."

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "He'll deal." The truth was Tom had been the one to tell Harry that he wouldn't be going on shoreleave with his best friend. Even though he was pretending that the attack on Gerroa Prime wasn't affecting him, Harry could tell that it was. Tom had not been himself since returning. He hadn't even been formally reprimanded for taking off in the shuttle like that. Perhaps Captain Janeway felt that she had deceived them too and there fore couldn't punish Tom without punishing herself. Harry had tried to get Tom to talk about what happened on the planet, but Tom seemed intent on just forgetting it. Besides, he was more worried about Sarah than his own mental state. Sarah was an entirely different story. She never even left her quarters except to go to sickbay or duty.

"_Shuttle craft Arizona you have permission to take off," _Janeway's voice said over the com. "_Good luck, Lieutenant."_

"Acknowledged, we'll see you in three days," B'Elanna replied, before guiding the shuttle out of the shuttle bay.

They jumped to warp, leaving the shining planet and _Voyager _behind them. She had to admit she was glad to be getting off of the ship for a few days. Being Chief Engineer had it's perks of course, but it also had its downfalls. Even though she had the power to designate duties, she was also cursed with having to fix every little problem that surfaced. _Now Joe can handle it for a few days, _she thought leaning back in her chair. "It feels good not to be chased, or under cloak, or in the middle of a war," she commented.

Harry chuckled. "It's been so long, I'd forgotten what it was like not to be under attack."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Do you think this whole trying to get home idea is crazy, or do you think we should try to find an M class planet somewhere and settle down?"

Harry looked at with a puzzled look. "That's a deep thought, what brought that around?"

B'Elanna shrugged her shoulders. "We nearly lost Sarah because of sticking our business into something that didn't concern us. How many more people are we going to lose, Harry, before it really starts to come unraveled? We have plenty of people, we could start our own community. Who knows, maybe someday the Federation will have technology that will get them all the way here and back a whole lot faster and we can go home. I'm just not sure anymore if its worth risking our necks."

"I don't know about you, but I sure as hell miss my mom's cooking, and the bay at night in the summer," Harry said, "I want to get home."

"Even if that means losing people you care for?"

"I guess that depends on how many people we lose."

"Don't you think we've lost enough already?"

"Of course, losing one person is too many, but we all knew the risks coming in."

"I want to go home, but sometimes I'm afraid of what lies ahead."

Harry was astounded to hear her admit to fear. She always pretended to be so tough, so Klingon formidable that it wasn't very often that she bore her soul. He decided to shut up and listen to her. "We're all afraid of that," he said, softly, "it's called the future."

B'Elanna scoffed. "The future," she hissed. "It wasn't so rosy, remember, you sent Ava Janeway back in time yourself to change it. She _lost _everyone Harry, by the time she was five years old her entire family was dead. Do you want that to happen again?"

"It isn't going to happen, we know about it now."

"You can't manipulate fate."

"No but I can land a shuttle," he teased. "While we've been debating the finer points of life we almost missed our stop."

They pulled out of warp and in front of them was a vibrant green and blue moon. B'Elanna was happy to see that the sensors were picking up kilotons of dilithium. Even if they only got a third of that they could boast the reserves by fifty percent. She smiled as Harry guided the shuttle down and felt better that she had told him the truth about how she felt since Gerroan space. Sarah had always told her it wasn't good to bottle it all up inside because that's usually how and when she exploded. She had to admit it had did have a calming affect. But it only seemed to work with Harry. Sarah frustrated her with her cryptic questions whenever B'Elanna's counseling session came up and Chakotay just down right infuriated her when she opened up to him like this. She shook her head. It didn't make sense that two people she should feel calmed by only made her worse. The shuttle shook slightly.

"Just some atmospheric turbulence," Harry announced. "Nothing serious."

Suddenly it sounded like some plating ripped off their hull. "That was _nothing serious_?" B'Elanna questioned, sitting up straight. "Damn, we lost a whole section of the shuttle's hull plating." She ran her fingers over the controls swiftly. "We're going to have to land or we'll break apart."

"Already on it," Harry said, guiding the shuttle down through the turbulent atmosphere. "Hold on!"

B'Elanna gripped the edge of her seat tightly as the shuttle bucked and swayed all the way down to the surface of the moon. It wasn't a smooth landing, they were both nearly flung form their seats when the shuttle impacted with the dry earth. She quickly accessed the senors to see if there was anyway they were going to be able to take off. Frowning, she turned towards Harry. "Engines are off line, as well as weapons and shields. We won't be able to take off. Send a message to _Voyager, _by the time we finish collecting dilithium they should be able to pick us up."

Harry wasn't paying attention to her.

"Harry," she snapped, "did you hear anything I just said?"

"B'Elanna, I thought the Ionasans said that this moon was uninhabited?"

"They did, why?"

"Because, I'm picking up life signs."

She looked at her own sensors and confirmed his readings. Her mouth hung open a moment as more information was gathered. "Kahless," she breathed," they're human!"

Harry shook his head. "I'm also reading a Federation signature. I can't tell if it's from a combadge or a shuttle or what...it's too far away. Are the transporters working?"

"They are, what are you proposing?"

"That we beam to the sight."

"Harry, we don't know what's out there."

He was already on his feet grabbing a tricorder, a medkit, and a phaser. "They're human life signs B'Elanna. We can't ignore it. Besides, they could use our help, if they've had anything like the experience we've had."

"We came here for dilithium," she reminded him.

"Which we'll mine once we investigate," Harry replied.

B'Elanna had little choice but to go with him. She set the coordinates for the transporter into the computer and soon they were taken away from their disabled shuttle to a patch of defense forest. At first all she could see was the hull of a runabout, it definitely wasn't _Voyager's, _the ship didn't have a runabout, not to mention, Harry and B'Elanna were the only away team out at present time. _Could the Caretaker have taken more people from the Alpha Quadrant that we didn't know about? _She flipped her tricorder open. "The life signs are coming from that runabout."

"It looks like it's in rough shape," Harry observed, his own tricorder opened. "There's lots of structural damage as well as systems' damage."

"I'm not picking up any signs of weapon's fire, it looks like they had a system malfunction that caused them to crash," B'Elanna reported. "I won't know for sure until I take a look inside." She closed her tricorder down and started walking towards the fallen runabout but was startled when something small, an animal perhaps jumped out in front of her. She yelped in shock and jumped backwards.

So, it came as a great surprise to her when that little animal in front of her spoke. "Everyone come quick! Starfleet's sent someone to take us home!"

* * *

"Have you been eating?" the Doctor asked her sharply.

Sarah Barrett frowned and tried to give him a look of astonishment. "Of course, why would you even ask that question Doctor?"

The hologram scowled. "Because, you've lost weight since coming back on board _Voyager. _If you lose any more it could start to become detrimental to your health. And quite frankly, a woman in your condition should be gaining weight." He shook his head furiously for a moment. "It won't do you any good, or your baby any good if you're not eating."

She fidgeted about on the biobed for a moment. "I haven't been that hungry," she lied. "I promise I'll try to do better."

"I don't want promises, Lieutenant," the Doctor snapped, "I want action."

"Are you going to order me to the mess hall or something, because I'm tired of being ordered around when it comes to my health," Sarah argued.

"Captain Janeway has perfectly logical reasons for wanting you off duty," the hologram responded. "You nearly broke that official's nose."

Sarah crossed her arms over her chest. _He had to bring that up? _She thought as she stared at the floor. As if it wasn't bad enough that she was pregnant with a monster's child, that very few people on the crew knew about, but she had panicked in a diplomatic meeting and punched a government official when he was trying to be polite by pulling her chair out for her. _Damn damn damn, _she cursed silently, closing her eyes. She was probably lucky that Janeway hadn't ordered her into the brig. Maybe that's where she belonged. "Can I go now?" she asked, opening her eyes and looking right at the Doctor.

His brow furrowed. "Only if you promise to go straight to the mess hall."

"Fine, I promise."

"Good," the Doctor said with a nod of his head. "If you'll excuse me. Computer, deactivate EMH."

Sarah watched as he shimmered out of existence before hopping down off the biobed and heading into the lab where she knew the Doctor kept all his extra medications. Sooner or later, she realized, he was going to come to the conclusion that she was stealing the stimulants, but she really didn't care. In fact, she didn't care much about anything it seemed as she pressed the hypospray to her neck. She felt the instant jolt take over and decided that perhaps she would follow up on Janeway's order to log some holodeck time.

"What are you doing back here?" Tom Paris' voice asked.

Sarah jumped, startled and dropped the hypospray. "Oh...the Doctor asked me to fill some of these hyposprays."

Tom quirked an eyebrow. "Isn't that Kes' job?"

"She's in her garden right now."

"What would the Doc need stimulants for?" he asked, giving her a questionable look as he picked the hypospray up off the floor. "Sarah, have you been taking these?" Sarah tried to divert her eyes and but he took her face in his free hand and forced her to look at him. His was angry and worried all at the same time. "Damn it, Sarah, tell me the truth. Have you been using these?"

Tears clouded her vision. They slipped down her cheeks as she fumbled for an answer. She had been able to lie to Janeway, to Chakotay, to the Doctor, but she couldn't lie to him, at least not completely. "I'm having trouble sleeping through the night. The stimulants are helping to keep me a wake. I swear, Tom, I've only taken one a day since being back. Captain Janeway probably drinks more coffee than that in one hour."

"True, but she isn't pregnant. This could hurt the baby."

"I don't care," she hissed.

"How can you say that? It's your child!"

"Do you think I want to be pregnant with _his _child?"

Tom felt his heart lurch. So much pain for one person to sort out. He was sure that her hormones were not helping matters either. He wiped at the tears that had managed to slip out of her eyes and down her cheeks. "Listen, we've had this discussion before. Everything will work out in the end. You just have to trust me." He placed the hypospray down on a nearby tray and moved to hug her. She pushed him away.

"I don't want your pity Tom," she cried angrily. "I don't want anyone's pity."

With that she turned on her heel and stormed out of the room. Prompting Tom to log into the computer to see just how many stimulants she had replicated or were missing since she had returned. Dismayed at what he found, he realized he only had one choice now; bring his findings to Captain Janeway.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

Kathryn Janeway shifted uncomfortably in her desk chair desperately trying to get into a position so her neck wasn't aching. Moving around made the pain worse she realized as she looked down at the reason for her discomfort. Twenty month old Ava snuggled against her, sleeping peaceful. _At least one of us is comfortable, _Kathryn thought as she stroked the baby's soft cheek for a moment. In fact, Ava had been comfortable since lunch time, when the Captain had tried to spend a little bonding time with her daughter only to have her whine the whole meal. Ava had immediately fallen asleep after that in her mother's lap.

_So much for an afternoon of bonding with my daughter, _Kathryn mused as she went back to work on several status reports that she had neglected the past few days in a desperate attempt to make amends with her son. So far it had always ended in disaster. Ava was more receptive to her attempts at closing the gap and was insisting to eat lunch with Kathryn whenever she could. Kathryn, feeling guilty about leaving them behind on Nydia, had forgone protocol and allowed Ava to dilly-dally around in her ready room. In the last few days Kathryn had learned some startling things about her daughter. Ava's vocabulary was increasing everyday and she had shocked her mother when she had properly asked for ice cream. Kathryn was also surprised to learn that Ava could recite her ABC's and count up to twenty.

Chakotay had told her once that Ava was smarter than any of them gave her credit for. Kathryn was beginning to believe him. Ava stirred now as the door chimed. Large blue eyes opened to glare at her mother.

Kathryn frowned. "It's not _my _fault," she told the child, "come in."

Tom Paris anxiously walked through the door, clutching tightly to a PADD. "I'm sorry to disturb you Captain, but...there's something that I wish to speak to you about."

"It's alright Tom," Kathryn said with a wave of her hand. She plopped her own PADD down onto her desk and watched as Ava slid off of her lap and moved towards the replicator.

"I want juice," Ava declared, pointing at the replicator.

Kathryn stood up and moved towards the replicator, glancing over her shoulder at Tom. He appeared nervous and upset, something that Kathryn wasn't used to seeing from him. She ordered the replicator to create a sippy cup of apple juice before turning about to hand the cup to Ava. "What can I do for you Tom?"

He fixated on watching Ava drink her juice hungrily before thrusting the PADD into Kathryn's hand. "I'm worried about Sarah, Captain. I think she's in more trouble than any of us have been led to believe."

"I'm not sure what I'm looking at," Kathryn said, gazing at the PADD.

"It's the inventory list for stimulants in sickbay."

"Stimulants?"

"Yes ma'am."

Kathryn's eyes narrowed for a moment. "There's a lot missing, Lieutenant. Are you suggesting that Sarah's the one using them all?" _Could I really have been that blind? She had a problem with drug addiction in the past, Gabriel warned me of a relapse. _

Tom nodded his head slowly. "I caught her in sickbay ten minutes ago. She told me she was only using one a day, to help her stay awake, apparently she hasn't been sleeping well. I didn't quite believe her so I checked the inventory logs...she's taken as many as it takes to stay away, right through the night Captain." He swallowed some bile that had risen in his throat. "How much of her health do you know about Captain?"

"Her health?" Kathryn repeated. She was perplexed. "The Doctor cleared her physically for duty."

"She's pregnant, Captain."

"Pregnant...why didn't the Doctor...or Sarah say something?" Kathryn gasped.

"Sarah can't accept it herself and the Doctor is bound by doctor/patient confidentiality," Tom replied with a sigh. "I only knew because she told me on Gerroa Prime."

Kathryn felt her heart breaking. Pregnancy was supposed to be a happy time, a time when two people who loved and cared for each other rejoiced in the knowledge that they had created a new life. Kathryn knew what it was like when that feeling was taken away from you. She hadn't felt joy when she learned she was pregnant with Ava, just an immense sorrow that her baby wasn't going to know her father. However, Sarah's feelings had to be entirely different; the pregnancy had been _forced _upon her. "The stimulants will kill the baby."

"She doesn't care," Tom said.

The Captain took a sharp intake of her breath. She tapped the PADD he had given her onto her leg for a moment. "It's not our place, Tom, to tell her to keep her baby."

"If _she's _the cause of her baby's death, I know later down the road she'll feel terrible about it," Tom snapped.

"What do you want me to do, Tom? Order her to either abort the pregnancy or to keep the baby?" Kathryn asked, shaking her head. "My hands are tied. As I'm sure the Doctor's are too. I can talk to her about the stimulants, but I can't force her to make a decision regarding her child. It has to be hers and hers alone."

Tom looked disheartened. "I understand, ma'am."

She moved to place a hand on his shoulder. "She's lucky to have you as a friend, Tom."

At that moment Tom wished he could believe her, but he couldn't. He had tried to push his own demons of what happened to him on Gerroa Prime from his mind to focus on Sarah, however, he too was waking up in the middle of the night from horrible dreams that ended in all three of them bleeding to death on the floor of that hospital ward, Casius laughing over them. It made him want to shiver now thinking about that dream. He turned his gaze to the floor. "Healing is easier said than done, Captain."

_Don't I know it, _Kathryn thought sadly. "It's important that we see it through to the end, Tom. For all of us, for her especially."

"Is there an end, Captain?"

"I'd like to think that there is, Lieutenant."

Tom shook his head. "When I was at the prison, I saw some messed up people, bad things had happened to them, some of them terrible and the pain was too much to bear and they lashed out only to end up locked up for the rest of their lives. _There _was no end for them Captain."

"Those people had no one Tom, absolutely no one to help them through their pain," Kathryn answered. "Sarah does, that's the difference."

He frowned and looked at her sadly. "I hope it's enough."

* * *

B'Elanna Torres almost fell over into the brush surrounding the damaged runabout, but thankfully Harry Kim grabbed her firmly by the arm and helped steadied her. Standing in front of her was a child no more than nine years old, bright green eyes and blond hair, looking at her eagerly. B'Elanna blinked. _Where the hell did she come from? _Brushing some imaginary dirt from her uniform she glanced at Harry before speaking. "I'm Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres from the Starship _Voyager, _what's your name?"

"Arissa Cook," the child replied, looking over her shoulder anxiously.

"Is that runabout yours?" Harry asked, pointing to the damaged ship.

"It's my parents'," Arissa replied.

"Where are they?" B'Elanna inquired.

"Our mother's dead and our father's been injured since we crashed here," another voice said.

B'Elanna and Harry watched as a teenage boy stepped through the brush and came to stand with Arissa. Even though the boy had darker colorings and brown eyes, the officers could see that these two were siblings. Their facial structure was almost identical. "Is it just the two of you and your father?" the Chief Engineer of _Voyager _asked.

"There are two more scientists," the boy replied. "They're out and about collecting samples of the local plant life."

"How long have you been here?" Harry questioned.

"On the planet or in this quadrant?"

"How about both?"

The young man frowned slightly, recalling the events that led them here. "We were pulled into the Delta Quadrant almost two years ago; we've been stranded on this planet for about three days. We kept trying to send out a distress signal but we don't have the equipment to repair the communications array on the runabout."

B'Elanna looked at Harry for a moment. "When _Voyager _gets here we should be able to salvage that runabout."

He nodded his head in agreement. "I can beam back to the shuttle and send another message to Captain Janeway, tell her that we've picked up some friends."

"Wait a minute, you aren't here to take us home?" the boy interjected.

"I'm afraid not," Harry said. "You see we were pulled into the Delta Quadrant almost six months ago. Starfleet has no idea we're out here, in fact, they probably think we were destroyed in the Badlands. You're welcome to come along for the ride though, I'm sure Captain Janeway wouldn't mind."

"My dad doesn't like Starfleet," the boy said, scowling. "He isn't going to want to work for some stuffy captain."

"Caleb, who are these people?" a Bajoran man asked joining the group.

"Starfleet officers from the starship _Voyager,_" the boy, Caleb, answered.

The Bajoran sized the two officers up. "Val Cargen."

"Harry Kim, B'Elanna Torres," Harry introduced pointing to himself and then B'Elanna respectively. "Our shuttle crashed landed here and we picked up human life signs along with the runabout's signal; we came to investigate. Caleb was just giving us your story before you showed up."

Val scratched his chin for a moment. "I wanted to get out of the Federation, but not this far. Tell me something, how did a Starfleet vessel get out here?"

"An entity called the Caretaker."

"He was still alive six months ago?" Caleb asked, eyes wide.

"I take it you've met him," B'Elanna mused.

Val frowned. "Unfortunately, he was the one that decided to deposit us here. We were going to try and use the array to go back, but the Kazon had other ideas about letting us onto the station. We had no choice but to set a course for Earth hoping that we'd find another way home. I'm guessing the same thing happened to you."

Harry winced for a moment. "Something like that. The Kazon weren't too keen on the idea of us using the array either to get home, the Caretaker died while were still in orbit. Instead of letting the Kazon get their hands on the station...our captain decided to destroy the array."

"You destroyed it!" Caleb gasped.

"That was a blatant violation of the Prime Directive," Val pointed out.

_Wait until he hears that we have a Maquis First Officer,_ Harry thought as he exchanged glances with B'Elanna. "We knew that but the way we saw it, it was the right decision to make."

"Cargen, I just checked on Noah," a woman's voice said. "Oh, we have company!" She was mid height with short cropped brown hair and blue eyes. "I'm Lainey Phillips," she shook hands with Harry and then B'Elanna. "I wasn't aware that Starfleet had any ships stationed in the Delta Quadrant."

"Err, long story," Harry said with a shrug. "Is there anything we can do to help?"

Phillips looked at Arissa and Caleb for a moment before asking them to leave the adults alone to talk. She waited until they were back in the runabout. "Unless one of you is a doctor, I'm afraid not. Noah's injuries are pretty severe, we've kept him alive as along as we possibly can with our abilities. It's only a matter of days unless he gets emergency surgery."

"We've sent a distress signal to our ship, they're only a few light years away."

"Thank god, we can get off this rock."

"Lainey, they're Starfleet," Val argued.

"I don't really care anymore Cargen."

Harry's combadge twittered, interrupting the argument. "_Chakotay to Kim, can you read me?_"

"Yes, Commander," Harry said, with a little sigh. "I can."

"_Are you and B'Elanna alright?"_

"We're fine sir, the shuttle is a little beat up."

"_Voyager should be there in a few hours, Captain Janeway just needs to tie up some loose ends on our trade agreement with the Ionasans and we'll be on our way,_" Chakotay's voice replied, firmly. "_Any luck finding dilithium yet?"_

Harry squeezed his eyes shut. He had completely forgotten about their original mission. "We haven't had the chance to look yet, we actually ran into...well...I wouldn't classify it as a situation, but needless to say we made a bit of discovery."

"_Oh?_"

"I think it's better if we explain in person, Commander."

"_Very well then, Chakotay out._"

B'Elanna let out a breath that she wasn't aware that she was holding. "We should probably get working on find that dilithium or Captain Janeway is going to have a field day with us. I don't know about you but I don't want to be on the receiving end of her death glare. We can come back in a few hours when _Voyager _arrives and have the survivors beamed up to the ship."

"Will you be alright for a couple of hours?" Harry directed the question at Lainey rather than Cargen.

"We've been here on our own three days, I think we can handle a couple of hours," Lainey replied, firmly.

Harry nodded his head slightly and took after B'Elanna, realizing that _this _was not what he had been expecting when he decided to go on a three day mission with her.

* * *

"What are we going to do with them?" B'Elanna asked when they were out of earshot of the group of castaways.

Harry looked baffled. "What do you mean _what are we going to do with them? _They'll comeback to _Voyager _with us." He slung his equipment bag over his shoulder and steadied himself on a rock while she did scans for dilithium. "We can't just leave them here, B'Elanna. They're one of us."

B'Elanna shook her head. "Correction, Starfleet, they are not _one _of us. You heard the Bajoran, and that kid; they don't like Starfleet. You really want to mix them into the fold? It was hard enough balancing everything out when we got stranded here. I'm not sure Captain Janeway will be up for it again. Perhaps we can just fix their ship and be done with it."

"A runabout is never going to make it back to the Alpha Quadrant."

"And you think a starship is?"

He shook his head. "We have a better shot than that runabout. If we left them to their own devices they'd never make it. Their survival depends on us no matter how much they may not like Starfleet."

She didn't look convinced. As if Janeway didn't have enough on her plate at the moment they were bringing Federation haters into the fold. Of course, she knew that Janeway liked a challenge, but how many challenges could one woman face before completely crumbling under the pressure. Not to mention they really didn't have the facilities for the children. They could barely keep up with Ava and Michael. "They're civilian scientists, Harry. She can't force them into becoming a part of our crew. They're going to make their own decisions."

"She didn't force the Maquis."

"No, but Chakotay made the decision for us. Besides we didn't have a runabout and it was better than spending seventy-five years in the brig," B'Elanna replied.

"Good point," Harry joked, with a little smile. "I'm sure being on _Voyager _is going to be better than spending the rest of their lives in a runabout."

"Good point," B'Elanna said with smirk.

She heaved a sigh as she continued working. The extra help around the ship wouldn't hurt, she had to admit, and it would be good for Michael and Ava to have a playmate in Arissa. She just wished she didn't feel so anxious about the whole thing. An hour after they had left their new _friends _they had enough dilithium to power the engines for another two months and a back ache from climbing over treacherous rocks that was probably going to last a whole week. When they returned to the damaged runabout they found that Noah Cook, the children's father, wasn't doing so well. B'Elanna wished for a fleeting second that they had taken Tom Paris along with them, at least then they would have had someone with some form of medical knowledge. However, the Doctor hadn't cleared Paris to leave the ship yet. _Damn Dellon Casius still screwing us over even when he's dead._

"I don't think Noah has much time, how far away is _Voyager_?" Lainey asked.

"They're at least two hours away," Harry said, "that is, if their trade negotiations went well."

"Is there anyway we can contact them?" Cargen inquired.

"Our shuttle is a transport away," Harry said. He moved into position and was ready to type his combadge to order the computer to transport him back to the shuttle when Lainey grabbed his arm.

Her jaw set, she said, "I'm going with you." Harry looked at B'Elanna for a moment. "I'm sorry, but I don't trust you. I want to make sure you do indeed call this ship of yours," Lainey replied when she saw their puzzled glances. "Shall we go then?"

"Very well," Harry surrendered, taping his combadge. "Computer, lock onto my combadge, two to beam directly to the Arizona."

B'Elanna watched as her friend disapeared in the transporter beam with the other woman. She was now alone with the Bajoran.

"Not many Klingons in Starfleet," Cargen said, trying to make conversation.

"I'm not Starfleet...well at least I wasn't."

"You know for a Chief Engineer, you're not making a lot of sense."

"It...It's a long story."

Cargen crossed his arms over his chest. "So Harry Kim said earlier. The way I see it is that since we're going to be going aboard your ship I think we need to know the whole story. So, what is the whole story B'Elanna Torres?"

"Fine then," B'Elanna snapped. "The whole story is that we were pulled into the Delta Quardrant from the Badlands. Our Captain destroyed the array and we've been trying to find a way home since. Kathryn Janeway wasn't my captain when I first got here, in fact I hated her for what she did, but I had no ship left and she was holding an olive branch. My captain took it and the rest is history."

"Your captain?"

"Commander Chakotay."

"The officer Kim talked to?"

"Yes, he's our First Officer."

"Were you a science ship like us?"

"Maquis."

Cargen's eyes widened but he didn't get to respond. Caleb came rushing out of the runabout, sweating and with a terrified look on his face. "Val, come quick! Dad's not doing so well! We have to do something Val, or he's going to die!"

The Bajoran grimly looked at B'Elanna. "Here's hoping that your ship is on it's way, Starfleet or not."

* * *

Tom Paris suddenly got the feeling that something was off. Glancing up around the bridge he concluded that everything was in it's right place, so what the hell was bugging him? Scratching his head he briefly thought about asking Chakotay for a quick break, that his back was hurting, and go for a walk around the ship to ease his troubled mind. But he squashed that idea. He was being silly. Wasn't he? Attempting to focus on his work, he shook his head to clear his mind. He was being silly, he was just uneasy because of all that had happened to him, to _Voyager. _It was only natural to feel this way, he told himself. Still...it was nagging him. He wasn't going to feel better until he figured out what was bothering him in the first place.

"Commander, I need to be excused," he said, turning about in his chair to face Chakotay.

Chakotay glanced up from his stack of endless reports and narrowed his eyes. "What's the problem, Paris?"

Tom silently prayed that the first officer couldn't see right through him at that every moment. "It's my back sir, I think I need to go to sickbay to get some more pain killers." He watched as Chakotay stared at him for a few moments, as if trying to gage what the pilot was telling him was the truth or not, but then his face softened and he nodded his head. Tom quickly got up from his post and made his way to the lift, passing Chakotay's chair as he went.

"She's going to be alright Tom," the first officer whispered, only for his ears. "Give her time to heal."

Tom felt his head snap back and look down at the Commander. Sarah, was she the reason he was the feeling this distraught? Was her plight so consuming that he couldn't even fly anymore without worrying about her? He just nodded his head before disappearing into the turbolift. _I wish I could believe him, I want to believe him, _he thought over and over again as the lift headed downwards. It made everything so much easier when he believed that Sarah was going to rise above the adversity, the pain, and return to some form of normalcy. It made him forget for a while that she had been broken in the first place. He sighed and stepped off of the lift, walking briskly down the deck to his destination.

His heart was beating wildly as he pressed Sarah's door chime. _Easy Paris, she's fine, reading a book I'm sure, _he comforted himself while he waited. He got impatient and pressed the chime again. She was going to kill him if he pressed it a third time before she answered, so he held back, if only for a few extra seconds. Perhaps she wasn't even home. A quick check with the computer confirmed that she was. Tom furiously typed in an override code and tore into her quarters. "Sarah!"

It was pitch black, except for the starlight. Everything looked to be in place, he could see the bed had been untouched which confirmed she wasn't sleeping at all in his mind. There were some clothes strewn over the chaise lounge, nothing out of the ordinary she was always leaving stray pieces of clothing around her living space. Taking a deep breath he called out, "Sarah? Where are you?"

Tom barely had enough time to duck the vase that came flying towards his head when he stepped into the bedroom. With a grunt he fell to the floor and rolled to his side when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye and the vase flying towards him again. The vase shattered on the floor into a thousand different pieces as he struggled to his feet. Sarah was coming at him again, only this time with a razor in her hand. He only had one option, one he hated to implement, but if he wanted to make sure she didn't slice his arms off, he had to do it. Swinging about he grabbed a hold of her forcefully and pried the razor from her fingers. It went flying through the air and disappeared somewhere in the dark.

Sarah screamed a cry of from the bottom of her throat while thrashing about. _Dear God, Tuvok's going to be called up here any moment now if she doesn't stop, _Tom thought while he struggled to contain her in his arms. She caught him in the shins with her boot and he bit his lip to suppress his own scream. "Sarah," he said, wincing through the pain, "it's me, it's Tom!"

"Let go! Let go of me!" She yelled, kicking with all her might.

"I'm not going to let go until I know you won't hurt me or yourself, Sarah," Tom said, firmly.

"You don't have any right to hold me! I didn't want to come here in the first place!" Sarah shouted, tiring in his grasp. Finally exhausted she slumped against him and sobbed, "I did it to save _Voyager. _I never wanted to come here."

Tom was suddenly rendered speechless. First by the fact that she was hallucinating and second that she was having visions of being on Gerroa Prime and that _he_ was Dellon Casius. With a little shake of his head, he rubbed her shoulders affectionally. "Sarah, you're safe now, you're back on _Voyager, _and we're all fine. You did save us. And Casius' is dead, he can't hurt you anymore."

The slackened grip was all she needed to whirl around and hit him square in the nose. He heard the bone crunch as it broke and blood gush onto his face. Sarah gasped loudly when she saw the blood. "Oh no! I...I...oh God Tom, I...I thought...I'm sorry!"

He shook his head. "It's fine, the Doc can fix it."

Sarah, tears streaming down her face, retreated into the bathroom to grab a towel. Pressing it to his nose, she cried harder. "Captain Janeway is going to take me off duty forever after she finds out about this. I already broke that official's nose and now I've broken the Chief Helmsman's."

"She doesn't have to know about this one."

"It will be in the Doctor's medical logs."

"There are ways to erase those you know."

With tears glistening her cheeks, she smiled sadly. "Let's get you to sickbay." She wrapped her arm around his and lead the way out of her quarters back towards the turbolift. Needless to say they got quite a few looks from passing crewmen and she was sure that Chakotay would hear about this by the end of the shift. Not to mention the fact that she had another flashback that caused her to punch another man, Tom of all people, the one person that she had grown to trust immensely over the past few months. Maybe Captain Janeway was right after all, perhaps she hadn't come to terms with what had happened to her, she hadn't healed emotionally.

Suddenly the corridor went black. Sarah halted, gripping Tom's arm. Startled, Tom asked her what was wrong. "My eyes," she said. "Tom, I can't see!"

"Alright, take it easy," Tom said, shifting his weight so he was the one leading now. "I'll get us there."

"Why can't I see!"

"The Doctor will figure it out, don't worry." But even as the words left his mouth she let out another gasp and collasped onto the floor. Tom was taken down with her and they became a mess of tangled arms and legs and a bloody nose in the corridor. "What is it?" he cried, "What's wrong now?"

Sarah's voice was panic stricken, high pitched. "I can't feel my legs Tom! I...I can't move them! I'm paralyzed!"

* * *


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

Sarah could only hear and barely move her arms. Her body was slowly loosing feeling and she was lying in darkness. Tom had managed to drag her to sickbay, quite literally since she couldn't get her legs to work, the Doctor had to sedate her and it was bothering her how quiet he had become since they had entered. Despite not being able to see or move her body, she could still hear. A hand gently stroked her cheek in assurance and she knew it was Tom. She suddenly was extremely grateful that she wasn't alone.

"What's going on?" Kathryn Janeway's voice demanded as she entered sickbay. "You told me that she was physically fit."

The hologram was close to her bed, his voice was booming when he spoke. "Apparently I was mistaken, Captain, I know that it is hard for you to imagine that a superior program such as myself could make a mistake," the Doctor answered, arrogantly, "but I am has humble as the next hologram. It appears that Lieutenant Barrett's pregnancy has had an unforseen complication. One I probably would have detected earlier if I had proper access to Gerroan medical records."

Sarah tired turning her head to the sound of Janeway's voice but now her neck wasn't even responding to simple commands from her brain. Her mouth was dry from the lack of the ability to swallow and she could barely use her voice. Everything was falling apart.

"What kind of complications?" Janeway asked, firmly.

"It appears that her genets are just not compatiable with Gerroan genes."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that the fetus is releasing an enzyme that would have no affect on a female Gerroan, but is a neural toxin to Lieutenant Barrett," the Doctor replied. "It's a slow moving toxin, but it has attacked most of her nervous system, with the exception of her brain, rendering her blind and paralyzed. If it continues to spread my only guess is that it will attack her brain and move onto her vital organs. If we don't abort the fetus, she'll die."

Sarah closed her eyes, not that it mattered she couldn't see a thing anyways, it was more of an instinctive response. "There's no way to save the fetus?"

The Doctor shook his head. "I'm afraid not, Lieutenant."

She bit her lip. It was no secret that she didn't want to have this baby in the first place, but now that the Doctor _had _to abort the pregnancy just so she could live made her heart broken. Tears gathered into her unseeing eyes. _Do you want to see again? Walk again? Will I be able to walk again? _For a moment she was terrified that this condition was her permanent one. "Doctor...will I be able to see?"

"Yes, with the proper treatment you will be able to see again," the Doctor replied.

"And walk?"

"There's no knowing what the toxin did permanently until we abort the pregnancy, Lieutenant."

Uncertainty, Sarah wasn't sure she had heard that in the Doctor before. He had told her that she would see again in the hopes she would shut up and move on. But he couldn't tell her she'd walk again. She felt like crying, but wasn't sure her brain could even command tears to fall. Trying her best to steady herself she took a deep breath. "Just get it over with," she said, bitterly.

The Doctor shuffled some instruments about. "It should only take a few moments, I won't have to sedate you anymore than you already are." He asked Kes to extract a sample of the enzyme that was slowly killing their counselor and informed the others that he would prepare for the abortion. Sarah wouldn't notice him cringe at the use of the word, but it wasn't lost on Tom or Janeway as the hologram left the room for a few moments.

Janeway felt terrible. For a day that had started out rather promising it was taking a turn for the worst. "I'm sorry, Sarah," she finally said.

"It's not your fault," Sarah responded hoarsely. "We both know how I feel about this anyways."

"You may not have wanted this baby but it still hurts to have to terminate it like this," Janeway replied. "You can act as hateful and as bitter as you'd like, the truth is when the time came you were going to be ready to accept this child, weren't you?"

A tear finally escaped and made it's way down her cheek. "I'm...not sure."

Janeway reached out and patted her hand even though the young woman couldn't feel it. "Someday, you'll make a great mother, maybe...you just weren't ready for this yet."

_Some things just aren't meant to be, _Cosette Barrett had uttered those words years ago when Sarah's first boyfriend had broken up with her. It had been one of the only fond memories she had of her mother. Sniffling she gave her head a small nod as the Doctor came back into the room. He informed her that the procedure would be painless and quick and that Kes was already working on an antidote to combat the toxin. Sarah wished that she could press her arm over her eyes and just block everything out. It was impossible because she couldn't even move. She wasn't even aware that Tom was holding her hand or that Kathryn Janeway was gently stroking the other one while the Doctor performed the abortion. In a matter of moments the child that she hadn't even had the chance to accept was gone, in order to save the mother. Perhaps one day she would have the courage to ask the Doctor what the sex of the baby had been. But not today.

"Doctor I've isolated the enyzme," Kes said.

"Excellent, I'm just about done," the Doctor said, happily. "I'll be there in a moment."

At the moment she was glad she couldn't feel a thing; it accompanied the emotional numbness. Sarah could have been crying, she wasn't sure, there was just nothing but numbness and darkness. She would happy when she could see again. If she would _ever _see again.

"_Chakotay to Janeway._"

"Go ahead, Commander," Janeway's firm command voice echoed in the room.

"_We're approaching the planet. Ensign Kim informs me that they have a medical emergency. I'm picking up four human lifesigns and a Bajoran along with Kim and Torres. Should I beam them all to sickbay?"_

Janeway looked stunned, as did Tom Paris. "Have a security detail join me before transport, Janeway out." She spun about looking for the Doctor who was entering the room with a hypospray. "Doctor, is Lieutenant Barrett in any danger at the present time?"

"I won't know until I test this antidote on her."

"Is she ready for it now?"

"Yes. Why do you ask Captain?"

"Because, the away team is coming back to the ship with a medical emergency," Janeway answered. "Your top priority is going to be them."

"Aye Captain."

Sarah heard the soft hiss of a hypospray and then the hurried frenzy of the crew getting ready for medical emergencies. Janeway contacted the bridge when Tuvok arrived with security and had the away team along with the mysterious strangers beamed to sickbay. She suddenly felt very tired despite the fact that there was a lot of noise around her as people were yelling and shouting over the Doctor. She thought she heard children's voices in there but she couldn't be sure. The newcomers were quickly ushered out by security so the Doctor could work on the injured. It became quiet then, the exception being the Doctor ordering Kes about. As she drifted off to sleep she could have sworn the world around her got a little bit brighter.

* * *

Lainey Phillips was fascinated by some of the artifacts that Captain Janeway had in her ready room, but she was most intrigued by the ginger haired toddler. Who at the moment was trying to coax Val Cargen into getting her some apple juice. Val looked completely out of place around the baby, in fact the baby of the ship's captain, and inched away from her. She didn't scream or shout, instead she glared at him intensely. Lainey bit her lip wondering if she had inherited that look.

"I'm sorry we kept you waiting," a woman's voice said.

"Val Cargen," the Bajoran introduced himself while Lainey turned around to see a petite woman enter the room followed by a tall, board shouldered man, who was devilishly handsome. "Lainey Phillips. Thanks for taking us on board, Captain."

Lainey, whose eyes had been fixated on the male officer, snapped her head up to look at the woman. She was beautiful, in a piercing kind of way. Slender shoulders, long hair pulled back tautly, and curves that a Starfleet uniform barely concealed. All these years and the Federation still had not come up with a uniform that was truly unisex.

"It appears that there was very little choice in the matter," Janeway said, coldly. "Your runabout is nonsalvagable and one of your crewmen is dying."

Val winced at the cool tone. "We're lucky you came along. Noah wasn't going to survive much longer on our lackluster medical skills. Our doctor was killed when the Caretaker pulled us into the quadrant. We're lucky that any of us survived really." He paused for a moment, waiting for a reaction out of the Captain, but got nothing. Shuffling his feet about he looked at the floor. "Er, what do you plan on doing with us now?"

Janeway's demeanor didn't change. Lainey found she disliked the woman with a passion all of a sudden. "I can offer you passage on _Voyager _but you're going to have to earn my trust if you want the same privileges as my crew. Lieutenant Torres informed me of your dislike of the Federation Mister Cargen, Miss Phillips. I have to say I'm disturbed by it as well. Never the less, I can't just leave you here, that would be cruel and writing your death sentence. You'll be assigned positions according to your areas of expertise and we'll see what happens from there."

Val mutely nodded his head. Lainey was disgusted. "What do we have to do, _Captain Janeway _to make you trust us? We're thousands of light years from the Federation, we'll probably never see it again, and you're worried about a little insignificant matter?"

"The way I see it Miss Phillips, it isn't insignificant. I've already been betrayed once, it nearly cost me the life of my daughter," Janeway responded heatedly. "I'm not about to put my ship that close to peril again if I can avoid it."

"Oh, because three scientists and two children without a ship are so dangerous."

"I could always change my mind and leave you here, Miss Phillips," Janeway countered, firmly, silencing the young woman.

"That won't be necessary Capatin," Val interjected, glaring hotly at Lainey. "We'll gladly except your terms." He eyed the precocious toddler behind Janeway for a moment. He knew what female animals could do to protect their young; he had studied enough creatures in his life time to observe such behaviors. If Janeway felt that her child was threatened, Val wouldn't put it past the woman to throw them out the nearest airlock. _Perhaps I should have gotten the kid some juice. _"I'm sorry that we've come off as hostile, Captain, it's been a long tenure here in the Delta Quadrant, as I'm sure you are aware."

Janeway's eyes softened for a moment. "I'm well aware the hardships this quadrant has to offer."

_And you willing put yourself here, _Lainey thought with spite, thinking back to the array that could have gotten them all home. The rest of them had very little choice. Leave it to a Starfleet captain to think she knows best. How could she condemn her child to a life like this? Noelle Cook, Noah's late wife, who had died when they were pulled into the quadrant, would have been fuming at this. She always used to preach that a woman's top priority was her family, it was the reason why she and the kids had come on the trip with them. She had wanted them to stay together. Lainey gave her head a little shake. Noelle would have given Janeway a piece of her mind and no one would have been able to stop her.

"Then you must understand perfectly clear why we're a little...skeptical, Captain."

"The feeling is mutual, believe me," Janeway replied. She gestured towards the man standing next to her. "Commander Chakotay will escort you both to your new quarters. If you need anything combadges will be provided for you."

"And we'll get a visit from the local counselor I'm sure," Lainey snapped.

Janeway looked crestfallen for a few seconds, but it was certainly brief. "Our counselor is unavailable at the moment due to health issues."

_The young woman in sickbay? God she was gorgeous, Val will be drooling over her once we do have to sit and chat, _Lainey thought mentally rolling her eyes. If Val had one weakness it was women, especially beautiful women. And it had been a long time since Val had been with a woman. She wondered if she should mention that he was a bit of a womanizer to Janeway before she sent them on their merry way. Deciding against it, Janeway would find out soon enough on her own, Lainey followed mutely behind Commander Chakotay and Val. She had to admit the view of the Commander from where she was wasn't that bad.

"You'll have to forgive the Captain," Chakotay was saying as they entered the lift. "It's been no joy ride the last month and a half."

"Problems with the Kazon?" Val asked.

"The Gerroan."

"Haven't heard of them."

"Consider yourself lucky."

Lainey hadn't thought herself lucky in a long time. And, as Chakotay led them to their new living spaces, she was pretty sure she wasn't going to consider herself lucky for a while either.

* * *

_"Mère __."_

_She pushed the old oak door to their colonial home open and stepped inside. A mixture of the centuries was the best way to describe the Barrett household. Her father loved antiques of any kind but her mother was into the latest technology that came out. It was no surprise to anyone who knew Jason and Cosette Barrett that their vidscreen was hanging next to an antique Monet painting. _

_It was almost summer. Her mother had worked countless hours that spring in her garden. Luke was constantly playing baseball out in the backyard with his buddies and wanted little do with his baby sister, who was seven. He was thirteen now, he was too cool to be seen with her. Sometimes if she welded enough tears in her eyes he would break down and take her to the ice cream shop down the street of their small Massachusetts oceanfront town. But lately it was taking water works. Daddy had told her that it was because Luke was getting older and would rather hang with his friends; it didn't mean Luke didn't love her, he just didn't know how to show anymore. Mère __had tried scolding Luke about it, nothing had really changed because of it. _

_School would be out in two days. __Mère __and Daddy were supposed to come by for the first grade picnic that afternoon. Daddy had been called away to the office last minute; Admiral Hayes had contacted him over the vidscreen, Sarah had been playing in the next room when it came in. Daddy had kissed her cheek and promised he would take her for lots of ice cream all summer for missing her special day. She had told him it didn't matter, __Mère __was still coming. Or at least Sarah thought __Mère __was coming. _

_They had all gone outside to meet their parents, blankets under their arms, lunch boxes in their hands. The fields behind their school were lush and green and the sun was bright, but it wasn't too hot for a mid June day. The teachers had set up tables and parents had put out an assortment of food for the adults to pick at. The kids were allowed to run once they hit the playground. Pictures were snapped on holocameras as sixty something first graders ran screaming happily towards their families. It was chaos trying to sort out who was who in the crowd, but Sarah was certain that __Mère __was there, probably with Baxter on his leash. Mrs. Boyes had said dogs were allowed if they could behave. _

_Soon, she found herself standing around, alone. __Mère __hadn't come. She was crushed, Mrs. Boyes had offered to sit with her. Sarah knew that the other parents were looking at her, muttering under their breaths about _Starfleet _parents. __Mère __must have had a good reason not to show up. Perhaps she had been called to San Fransisco as well._

_"__Mère__, where are you?" _

_Baxter the family dog came bounding around the kitchen island, tail wagging wildly. He was a mutt, a blend of black German Shepard and Black Lab. Sarah hated it when he licked her face with his oversized tongue. Baxter didn't same to really care. She gave him a little pat. Well, he wasn't tied up, and Gram wasn't there. __Mère __had to be home. Biting her lip to stop from crying she began to run from room to room screaming angrily for her mother. She even slammed doors for good measure to make sure that if her mother had slept through her picnic she was going to be woken up. She found __Mère __in the last room she stormed into yelling at the top of her lungs, her voice all but gone, the master bathroom. __Mère __was sitting with her back to the sink, she'd been crying because her make up was smudged._

_"__Mère__! You promised you'd be there!" Sarah yelled stamping her foot onto the tile._

_Cosette had looked at her with hallow eyes. "I'm sorry, minette." She wiped at her tears, her black eyes liquid. A hand wove through the already tangled masses of raven hair. "I just couldn't be seen like this. I...I tired to call your père__; he must not haven't gotten my message in time. Je suis désolé.__"_

_She was using a lot of French, she never spoke her native tongue unless she was angry or upset. "__Mère__, what's wrong?"_

_"It's nothing, minette."_

_Sarah wasn't a stupid child, on the contary, Mrs. Boyes constantly told her parents that she was the brightest in her class. She knew that something was bothering her mother. __Mère __wasn't an emotional person, she very rarely smiled and she very rarely said 'I love you'. Baxter came panting up behind her, investigating the scene, he too seemed to realize that something was wrong because he whimpered the moment he saw __Mère__. _

_"Cosette!" Daddy pushed his way into the bathroom. "Sarah, leave now, take Baxter outside and play!"_

_"But Daddy!"_

_"Don't argue with me Sarah Cosette!" Jason grabbed a hold of her arm and pulled her out of the bathroom, slamming it shut in her face. _

_Behind it she could hear __Mère__ sobbing. "I lost the baby, Jason! Doctor Tisdale doesn't believe I can carry another child to term! My last pregnancy was too difficult, it did a lot of damage!" Sarah heard something smash against the wall. __Mère had thrown something. __"I...I can't...I can't have anymore babies." Her father mumbled something, Sarah tired to press against the door to listen. She hadn't even been aware that her mother was pregnant. She felt bad that she had been so angry about the picnic. __Mère__ had lost her baby and she was upset that she had to sit with the teacher at a silly end of the year picnic. Baxter nuzzled her, but she still felt terrible. __Mère__'s make up smudged face would be the only thing she would remember about this day._

"Mère..."

Tom Paris heard her raspy voice and glanced up from his chair. Sarah was stirring, moving her limbs slightly with a troubled expression on her face. Since she had fallen asleep over three hours ago she hadn't made a sound. Exhaustion had been evident in her demeanor before she had even had the complications from the pregnancy. Getting up off his chair he inched his way closer to her bed and took her hand firmly in his. He hoped the simple touch would calm and help her sleep peacefully, lord knew she needed it. However, it did not.

She thrashed again, and cried out in a whimper, "Mère..." before her eyes snapped open. A lone tear leaked out of her eye and down her pale cheek.

He gave her hand a squeeze. "Sarah, it's okay, you're in sickbay."

"I completely forgot."

"Forgot what?" Tom questioned, concerned.

Sarah shook her head. Did it really matter now? Twenty years later? Especially since her mother was dead. And even if she was still alive it wasn't like she had the opportunity to call her up and inform that she now knew what it felt like to lose your unborn child. Her parents never talked about that loss again. After her father had managed to calm her mother down they had tried to make it up to her for missing the picnic by taking her out to dinner while Luke slept over a friend's house. She had still felt horrible for yelling at her mother and her parents had believed her to still be angry. Jason had taken her to work the next day. She'd met most of his colleagues, including Owen Paris. "I...I met your father once."

Tom was surprised since he had never met hers. "You did? When?"

"I was seven," she answered. "Daddy took me to work with him. We were eating lunch outside on the grounds when your father came to give him a report." She remembered clear as day now, Owen had taken her father aside and spoken to him in hushed voices so the little girl couldn't hear. When they were done, he had come back over to meet her. She recalled him now as a warm person, sparkling eyes. "He told me I was pretty."

"Yeah, that sounds like him," Tom said with a sad smile.

"I never met the rest of your family, Daddy never brought work home, ever."

"I wish that was the same about my father. We dined with almost every admiral under the sun."

"But not Daddy."

Tom shook his head. He wondered if she was hurt by this. Of course if Owen Paris knew that Jason Barrett didn't like to bring work home, he wouldn't have invited him over to the Paris' for dinner out of respect. He brushed the hair out of Sarah's eyes. "Just think, when we get home, my dad can tell you how pretty you are for a second time."

Sarah blinked back her tears. "I don't feel pretty, Tom." Did her mother feel this way when she had lost her baby? Damnit, how she wished she had the opportunity to speak to her mother. But it wasn't possible. She cried harder. She felt him brush the tears away, shushing her while the pain consumed her. She didn't deserve his affection or his attention. She certainly had done nothing to earn it. In fact she had repulsed it since the very beginning because she was scared. It wasn't fair to him and he deserved better. "You should go, I'm wasting your time."

"I want to be here, Sarah, it's alright," Tom assured her.

"You deserve better," she whined.

"Stop talking nonsense. You're exhausted, go back to sleep, you'll feel better after a good rest."

"I don't feel pretty Tom; you deserve someone who is pretty."

He kissed her cheek softly and whispered in her ear, "I don't want someone pretty, I want you. Now, go back to sleep. You're not getting rid of me as easily as you'd like." Rubbing the spot where he kissed her, he smiled. "I'll be here when you wake up, that's a promise."

A sudden sense of calm washed over her at this prospect and soon her exhaustion won out. Tom watched as she drifted back to sleep. With a heavy sigh he plopped his body down into the chair and picked his book back up again. The Doctor eyed him across the room. He shifted trying to ignore the hologram but it was no use, their Chief Medical Officer was moving towards him.

"I told you I can give her something to keep her asleep the whole night," the hologram said with a frown.

"She's taken enough stimulants, no more drugs," Tom argued. "I don't mind staying here in case she wakes up."

"This isn't good for your recovery process, Lieutenant, in case you have forgotten you were stabbed almost two weeks ago."

Tom winced at the memory. How could he forget the burning that the blade had made as it had cut through his flesh? "No, I haven't forgotten, Doc. I'm fine, the pain relievers you gave me earlier did the trick. Besides, her recovery is more important."

The Doctor would probably never understand the human capacity to put others before their own health and safety. Captain Janeway was notorious for doing this he'd noticed over the past six months. Lieutenant Paris had sat in the same chair for over three hours and the Doctor wanted Lieutenant Barrett to sleep at least another eight before allowing her to get up and try to move her limbs. Paris would probably sit in that chair the whole time which was going to make his still healing injuries sore. Grumbling, the hologram turned away and went to work on his newest patient. Thankfully Captain Janeway had managed to keep Noah Cook's colleagues and children out of sickbay. It made the Doctor's job a lot easier.

Tom Paris and Sarah Barrett were the least of the Doctor's worries. Since removing the fetus from her womb and thus stopping the production of the enzyme that was killing her, Sarah's condition had improved. Her eyesight was slowly returning and she had been able to move her limbs, even if they were just short, jerky movements. Tom's wounds were healing nicely and would have been completely healed if he didn't insist on taking care of Sarah. But, everything else pushed aside, the Doctor wasn't worried about losing them. His new patient on the other hand, didn't have much time if the Doctor didn't figure out a way to repair all the damage the runabout crash had caused without causing more. He had pretty much given into the fact that Noah Cook wasn't going to make it when the doors to sickbay swished open.

"Miss Phillips wants a report," Crewman Andrews stated moving swiftly towards the Doctor.

"Is Miss Phillips in charge now?" the Doctor snapped back, running an instrument over his patient.

Andrews blushed slightly. "No, it's just...she wants to know how Mister Cook is doing and since she is not allowed to roam the ship yet she asked if someone could bring her an update."

The Doctor was about to remind him that it wasn't his business to be giving out medical reports to just _anybody _who wanted one when the biocomputer behind him started to scream at him. It jostled Sarah Barrett awake from her slumber and caused Tom Paris to stumble out of his chair and run around the corner to see what was happening. The Doctor quickly propelled into action as Kes came running from the other room. But even as he grabbed his medical tricorder he knew that there was nothing more he could do for the man lying on the surgical biobed.

In just a few moments the biocomputer flat lined and Noah Cook was dead.

* * *


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

Harry Kim was not surprised to find B'Elanna Torres working in the mess hall at zero three hundred hours. She had spent most of the afternoon refining the dilithium they had brought back to the ship with him and had complained that she was behind in her work as a result. He had offered to help her, but she had told him she didn't need it. Harry had tried to go back to his quarters to get some rest but felt guilty for leaving her with heaps of work. He'd dressed and proceeded to the mess hall. "Need a hand?" he asked, stepping up to her table.

B'Elanna glanced at him. "I thought I told you to go to bed."

"Sorry, Mom, I can't sleep," Harry joked, taking a seat.

"Very funny, Starfleet," B'Elanna quipped. She shoved a stack of PADDs towards him. "Here you can start with the warp core maintenance."

Harry smiled broadly as he took the stack in his hands and began to go over them. It took them an hour of idle chatter to get through all the PADDS. As they were wrapping up Neelix was coming in to make breakfast. "Guess there's no point in going back to bed," Harry said with a shy smile.

B'Elanna sighed, rubbing her temples. "I didn't even get to bed," she replied. "Don't worry about it, when I was with the Maquis there would be days before we could get any sleep; I'll manage," she told him when she saw his look of concern. "Besides, all nighters are nothing new if you've been to the Academy."

"True," he said, "but I much prefer getting a good night's sleep over pulling an all nighter. Maybe you should have someone else go over those reports when you're going to be gone."

"No one keeps me company better than you when they need to be done," B'Elanna blurted. When she realized her mistake she covered her mouth. "I mean….everyone else is all formal with me and I can't stand that…not at three in the morning…and…well you know what I mean."

Harry actually didn't know what she had meant by her comment or by what she was trying to say now. Instead of showing that he was confused he shrugged his shoulders. "Sure, you'd rather sit here with a friend than be addressed as ma'am and Lieutenant all night long. Understandable since you listen to it all day down in Engineering. And I don't mind sitting up with you it that's what makes you get through them faster. But next time, maybe we could start at a reasonable hour and not zero three hundred."

B'Elanna chuckled as they got into the turbo lift. "Deal."

"_Senior officers report to the briefing room._"

"Kahless," B'Elanna cursed. "Doesn't Captain Janeway realize what time it is?"

"It must be important if she's pulling us all out of bed this early," Harry said, instructing the lift to go to the bridge. "Or, in our case, pulling us from our all nighter," he said with a little quirk of his eyebrow. "Do you think she made a decision regarding Lainey and Val?"

B'Elanna shrugged her shoulders. "As far as I know they were given quarters and Captain Janeway was going to consider what to do next. I don't know why the Captain would want us all to hear her decision at this hour of the night. Something else must have come up. Like I said its one crisis after another around here; if things started to turn normal on this ship I'd start to worry."

Harry thought about what she had just said. It was true that they didn't have it easy out here in the Delta Quadrant. They were prime prey being so far from home and having no back up. She'd voiced her concerns of surviving. Yet, they'd survived so much already. While it appeared that the forces were against them it also appeared that there was someone somewhere pulling for them. If there hadn't been Harry was sure that they never would have been able to fly into Gerroan space and find Sarah, or destroy a once tyrannical rule. "Maybe," he offered as the lift came to a halt on their deck, "We have a guardian angel."

"Klingons don't believe in guardian angels," B'Elanna replied, leading the way to the briefing room. "But…I'm willing to change my point of view." She realized as well that they had been awfully lucky and was starting to wonder if there was something bigger than them out there looking out for the wayward ship and her crew.

Kathryn Janeway looked like she could use a guardian angel at that very moment. Harry and B'Elanna exchanged glances before taking a seat at the table. Their captain looked like she hadn't slept in days, the brims of her eyes appeared red as if she had been crying, and her shoulders were slumped. Her face was hidden in the shadows cast by the dim light in the room but there was no mistaking the look on her face, she was deeply troubled. B'Elanna noticed that Chakotay looked concerned as well but his concern was clearly directed at Janeway.

It wasn't like to her to call a meeting this late, unless there was some crisis at hand. They'd met for hours in this room when they had been planning a rescue mission for Sarah, but never this late. Janeway didn't move or look at her officers until she was certain that all were present. When she did raise her eyes they were startled by the dark, weary look. She was usually filled with optimism, hope. Was the Delta Quadrant sucking the life out of her? "I've made my decision, regarding the civilians that Harry and B'Elanna found," she said, in a flat tone. "As you know, we can't leave them behind here on the planet, they wouldn't survive, and their ship is beyond repair. I'm aware of their anti-Federation feelings but I feel I'm left with very little options. I've assigned them accordingly to departments on the ship."

Harry looked around the table for a moment. Everyone was slightly confused. Why would the Captain call an emergency meeting to report the addition of new crewmembers?

"Mister Cargen and Miss Phillips are well qualified, I have no doubt with time they'll make fine additions to this crew," Janeway continued. "But they aren't the reason I called this meeting. Normally, this meeting would have been called between myself and Lieutenant Barrett. Unfortunately, under the current circumstances, I've had to turn elsewhere. The Doctor informed me that at zero one hundred hours Noah Cook died from his injuries. We now have two minors on board this ship without a legal guardian. I've spent the last three hours with them; they're scared, and rightly so."

"Could we appoint a legal guardian for them?" Chakotay suggested.

"We'd be asking someone to take on an awful lot of emotional baggage on their own," Janeway countered. "And with Counselor Barrett out of the mix for who knows how long, we'd be asking this person to be their counsel as well as guardian. I'm not sure I can ask anyone on this crew to do that."

"What about Doctor Cargen or Doctor Phillips?" Neelix asked, sleepily.

"I've considered them," Janeway replied. "However, I haven't spoken to either about this prospect since Mister Cook's death."

Chakotay leaned forward in his chair slightly. He knew the reason Kathryn had called this meeting. She _needed _to hear the senior staff say that they would step in and help care for the children. However, it wasn't the Cooks she needed to hear it about it, it was her own children. She had faced her worst nightmare in a sense by informing Caleb and Arissa that their father was dead. They were now alone, seventy thousand light years from home. "Perhaps we could all pitch in, Captain."

A grateful look passed over Janeway's face. His simple words had lifted a great weight on her shoulders. "Thank you, Commander, perhaps that's what we'll do until Lieutenant Barrett is up on her feet." She let out a small sigh and nodded at them. "I'll inform Miss Phillips and Mister Cargen of their colleague's death in the morning, for now, let's all do what we can to make the transition for the children easier. Dismissed."

Harry pulled his now wide awake body out of his chair and quickly followed after B'Elanna, glancing a quick peak back at the Captain, still seated at the table. He was relieved that Chakotay had stayed behind and approached Janeway as the doors to the conference room hissed shut.

He scooted into the lift with B'Elanna. "Breakfast?" he asked.

She grinned. "Only if you're offering up your replicator rations; I can't stomach Neelix's cooking after staying up all night and then having to sit through that meeting."

"I might be able to scrounge up something for breakfast," Harry said. "Your place or mine?"

"Since you're buying, I'll host," B'Elanna said with a cheeky grin as the doors to the turbo lift opened onto her deck. "Just give me fifteen minutes to shower and change, okay?"

Harry grinned. "Sounds good. See you in twenty minutes." She playfully cursed him before the lift doors shut again and the lift resumed to his deck. He quickly showered and pulled on a fresh uniform before replicating a breakfast of eggs, bacon, orange juice, and pancakes. Securing the plates underneath platter covers he made his way back to B'Elanna's for the first morning of what would later become a tradition.

* * *

"Everything appears to check out," the Doctor reported running his scanner over her body.

Sarah traced its path with her eyes. She had gone through vigorous eye exams, physical therapy evaluations, and now was getting one last, _thorough _check out before being allowed to leave sickbay after forty-eight hours of being tied to a biobed and the holographic doctor. "Does that mean I can go back to my quarters now?" All she wanted was some pajamas and a hot cup of tea.

The Doctor shut his tricorder down. "Yes and no; I'd like you to go to the mess hall for something to eat. You weight is still dangerously low. I know Mister Neelix's cooking isn't the best but you have to eat _something _I suppose. Lunch should be started by now."

Sarah was terrified suddenly of the prospect of going to the mess hall by herself. She wasn't sure why, exactly. True it would be her first time out and about since returning from Gerroa Prime. She had avoided the mess hall at all costs upon returning. A public place, where people could openly judge her, scared her to death almost quite literally. She wasn't ready for their looks of pity and concern and she certainly wasn't ready for their well wishes. She just didn't know how to respond at the present time. Word had no doubt travelled that she had been pregnant and nearly died because of the pregnancy not being compatible with her body. "Can it wait for a few hours; I'd like to go shower and stuff."

"No, you haven't had solid food in over a week by my estimate."

There was no way getting out of it, she could see this. The Doctor would probably call Tuvok and have the chief tactical officer escort her to the mess hall and sit with her while she ate. _As if that wouldn't be embarrassing, _she thought as the doors to sickbay opened.

"Ah, Mister Paris, in need of some more pain killers?"

Sarah glanced up to see Tom standing before hier and instantly her body started to relax. His presence had been comforting while confined to sickbay and he hadn't left her side for most of the forty eight hours. For that she was grateful. In fact she wasn't sure how to repay him for all of his support. He spoke to the Doctor but his eyes never left her face. "Nope, I'm good, I just came to see if Lieutenant Barrett would like to join me for lunch."

"You're timing is impeccable, Mister Paris, I was just ordering her to the mess hall for a good hearty meal."

"Well, I can certainly get her a hearty meal, I don't necessarily know about good," Tom joked with a wink. "So, is she free to go?"

"Yes, but I'd like to see you back here tomorrow for another follow up, Lieutenant," the hologram persisted as Sarah climbed down off the biobed. "And don't put it off. If you don't show up at this time tomorrow I'll have Mister Tuvok hunt you down and drag you here by security detail if I have too. Your health isn't something you should be toying with."

Tom took her by the hand. "Don't worry Doc, I'll make sure she gets to her appointment."

With his hand firmly placed against the small of her back, he guided her out of sickbay and towards the turbolift. "A little bird by the name of Kes said you looked quite anxious about going to the mess hall. I would hate for you to disobey the Doc's direct orders and go back to your quarters to hide away. The crew misses you Sarah."

She sniffled, trying to stop her tears. "I know," she whispered as they entered the lift.

"Do you really?" he asked gently before telling the lift to go to deck two. "They're worried about your isolation, they want to see you, talk to you. Do you know what a morale lifter it was just to find you alive? We thought you were dead, hell for a while, it seemed that you really were. We had a body in the morgue; Captain Janeway was preparing a memorial. It crushed them."

The tears clouded her vision as the lift whirred to life. "I'm sorry. I…I had to sort out my demons."

"You never had to do it on your own," Tom assured her. He saw the tears that had welled up in her eyes finally explode over the rims of her lashes and down her cheeks. "Computer, halt lift." The computer chirped in response and the lift stopped in its tracks between decks three and four. He took her face in his hands and gently kissed the salty tears away. "It's okay to lean on me, you don't always have to be strong for me Sarah."

"I didn't want them judging me. I was so angry," she cried.

"You had every right to be angry. They wouldn't have judged you."

"I don't know what to do, Tom, I don't know how to move forward," Sarah whimpered, moving closer to him. She needed his embrace desperately.

He recognized this and wrapped his arms around her. "You can start by walking into that mess hall with me."

She moved in to give him what she meant as a tender, brief kiss, but it was if their lips touching ignited an inferno of desperation and she _needed _the kiss to deepen.

Tom was more than happy to oblige. He'd longed for this type of kiss from her perhaps since the moment he'd laid his eyes on her on the bridge for the very first time, staring down Commander Cavit because the man had reacted icily to him. She was kissing him like she was drowning and he was the air she was desperately trying to breath. Passion suddenly had a whole new meaning for him as he tasted her tongue, the inside of her cheeks, the roof of her mouth. He'd imagined this moment so many times but it was fast exceeding even his wildest day dreams and he could cook up some wild ones. The whole sensation was completely intoxicating.

_"Tuvok to Lieutenant Paris._"

Sarah pulled away, gasping for air. Tom nearly cursed the Vulcan for his habit of interrupting perfectly good moments. It felt like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar before dinner. He tapped his combadge. "Paris here."

"_The Captain requests to see you in her ready room. Are you busy at the present time?"_

Tom saw Sarah cover her mouth with her hand to stifle her giggles. It made his heart beat faster just to hear that sound; for a while he didn't think she'd ever laugh again. "I was on my way to lunch," _and being thoroughly kissed for the first time in a long time, _"however, I'm none too eager for Neelix's cooking; lunch can always be skipped."

_"Since lunch can be skipped__, please report to the ready room immediately._"

"Aye, sir, Paris out," he replied, lowering his head. _So much for helping Sarah move forward_, he thought as he directed the lift to resume, adding a new destination, the bridge. Letting out a frustrated sigh he wondered what the Captain could possibly want to see him about. Was it for missing that emergency senior officer meeting the other night? The Doctor had given him an excuse, although he did it with much protest. He was trying his best around here to fit in and make something of himself, Janeway had given him the opportunity and he didn't want to fail her or Sarah for that matter. Were his efforts really going to waste?

A hand reached out and lifted his chin. Sarah forced him to look at her. "It's okay Tom, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" he asked as the doors opened on deck two.

"I will be with time," she offered and with a gentle smile stepped out of the lift.

Tom watched as she disappeared down the corridor before the doors shut with a soft hiss and the lift resumed. His mind was whirling, still drunk from her kiss, and it was hard to focus on anything but that kiss until he stepped inside Janeway's ready room. Tuvok and Janeway were waiting for him, both standing in front of her desk, with intense looks on their faces. Tom felt a knot form in his stomach. "You wanted to see me, Captain."

"Yes, sit down Lieutenant," Janeway said, softly, which hardly went with her gaze.

Tom did as he was told and slid into one of the chairs facing her desk. He felt like he had been summoned to the principal's office. "Did…did I do something wrong, Captain?"

Tuvok and Janeway exchanged glances for a moment. "No, your service has been excellent, Tom; I'm not disappointed in your performance at all. But what we're about to tell you doesn't leave this room, it's vital that you understand me that only the three of us know about this, is that clear, Lieutenant?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good," Janeway said, her voice firm, "because we have a mission for you."

* * *


	9. Chapter 9: Deception Point

_**Disclaimers: I do not own anything Star Trek, that all belongs to Paramont, I'm just playing in the playground. However, the characters of Sarah Barrett, Ava and Michael Janeway, Marcus Black, and Andrew Benson are my creation.**_

A/N: I'm baacccckkkkk! I fiddled around with _The 37s _some more and I just couldn't get it going. _Anyways _this is an original idea that I got when I was watching _Equinox. _I still plan on rewriting that episode, someday, hopefully, lol. There's really nothing similar in this story except for the fact that _Voyager _comes across another Federation ship. As always reviews are welcome just do not be mean! And you can always PM me if you have ideas or suggestions! Enjoy!

_**

* * *

Deception Point**_

Secrets she knew were hard to keep on this ship. Sarah Barrett noticed another crewmen gazing at her with speculation in their eyes and knew what they were thinking without even bothering to do a telepathic probe as they passed in the corridor. Discretion was also another thing that was hard to do on this ship. As wild speculation spread it became harder and harder to keep her relationship with Tom Paris a secret. It had only been two weeks since they had officially started to date and already Sarah was certain that the crew was pegging them for having slept together. The relationship hadn't gone that far. She still was recovering from the abortion she had needed to save her life and the emotional scars of being raped had left her with. Still, she was beginning to wonder if she just flat out told everyone that they were seeing each other if the speculation would stop or just move onto another unsuspecting couple.

Pulling her tunic down she called for the turbo lift and waited impatiently for it to open. Since retrieving the runabout from a backwater planet Sarah had been working nonstop to integrate the two scientists and two children into the daily lives of _Voyager's _crew. It was turning out to be disaster. Lainey Phillips was a constant thorn in her side and Val Cargen wanted nothing more than to get in her pants. _Yet another reason to announce that I'm with Tom. _

This thought brought a small smile to her face. It had been a long time since she had truly thought of her self as someone else's. Not that common knowledge would stop Cargen. Sarah was pretty sure that he would still try to seduce her even if she was a married woman. She stepped into the lift and called for deck two. She was on her way to the mess hall to grab something to eat before her scheduled appointment with Arissa Cook. Of the three new passengers the eight year old girl was having the hardest adjustment. She'd lost both her parents in a short amount of time to the Delta Quadrant and didn't quite understand how long it could take them to get home or she just didn't want too. Either way Sarah had spent most of her time with Arrisa since her brother wanted very little to do with comforting her. He had his own demons to sort out Sarah supposed.

She hated the days she met with Arissa. It was usually a time for the little girl to vent her fears and her anger at what had happened to her parents. Sarah recalled each time a conversation with Michael Janeway about who would care for him if Kathryn Janeway should die on this journey. Sarah had promised that she would. No one had promised Arissa.

Captain Janeway had assigned the children a temporary guardian in the form of Neelix until Phillips and Cargen were settled into life on _Voyager. _ Of course that could take years with the progress Sarah was making with the two but that seemed to be beside the point.

The mess hall was pretty much empty at zero six hundred when Sarah strode in. The only ones there were Neelix, busily cooking away, Phillips and Cargen were sharing a table in the far corner of the room, and the Cook children were at the other. Only Arissa looked up with a smile and a wave at Sarah. At least one of them liked her.

"Good morning Lieutenant," Neelix greeted her cheerfully. "You're up early."

"Early meeting," she explained pouring herself a cup of coffee.

She heard the mess doors open with a soft hiss and noticed a bleary eyed Tom Paris walk in. He made his way to the coffee pot and muttered a greeting to both of them and then absentmindedly leaned down to try and plant a kiss on Sarah's lips. She pulled back awkwardly and questioned, "Lieutenant, are you sleep walking?"

Tom realized what he had been about to do and glanced up to see if Neelix had noticed. The Talaxian was looking at him rather suspiciously as if trying to decide whether or not he had seen the Chief Helmsman about to kiss the Ship's Counselor. "Ah, still trying to wake up I suppose. I couldn't sleep last night you know, had a date with a pretty girl and couldn't get her out of my head. Guess I was still thinking about that girl just now. That would have been embarrassing, huh? It certainly would have been more fodder for the gossip mill."

Neelix eyed him questionably. "Who did you go on a date last night with Tom?"

Sarah looked at him angrily as if shouting, _don't you dare! _ Tom fiddled with his coffee mug trying to find the right words. He could of course make up some name but one check on the computer would determine that no Susie Q lived on _Voyager _and if he gave a real name all Neelix would have to do was ask the subject how the date had gone to blow Tom's cover out of the water. "You know something," he finally said, "it was really a dream now that I think about it." He scratched an imaginary itch behind his right ear. "Come to think of it a dream would explain why there were dancing elephants in the streets of Venice."

"Dancing elephants?" Neelix repeated. "Must have been some dream. No wonder you didn't sleep."

"Yeah, crazy," Tom said grabbing a tray of food and following a silently laughing Sarah to an empty table. He plopped his tray down across from her and sat down, looking about the room before lowering his voice so only she could hear. "That was close."

"It wouldn't have been close if you hadn't tried to kiss me," Sarah whispered harshly.

"Hey, it was natural instinct."

"A natural instinct that could have caused a huge headache."

Tom took a bite of his breakfast. "I know I know. We're keeping this quiet until we're sure this is serious. It's getting hard to keep silent, Sarah. I think Harry is beginning to suspect and we already know that the crew has bets going out there that we're sleeping together."

"Just think, if we tell them they'll be planning our wedding," Sarah tried teasing but Tom wasn't in the mood. "Just a couple of more weeks okay?"

"Okay. Two weeks, tops."

"Two weeks," she repeated diving into her own breakfast.

Even though she really wasn't sure what she was eating she found that she was starving. Probably the prospect of spending the morning with Arissa was making her anxious and she had always been an emotional eater. She watched, as she ate, the Cook children from her seat. They weren't speaking much and Caleb only uttered words when it was time for them to go. Sarah's sapphire eyes followed them out of the mess hall. It was going to take a lot longer than a couple of weeks to get those children adjusted to _Voyager. _ She had toyed with the idea of asking Chakotay to give Caleb some minor duties. It would keep the boy busy at least. She wasn't sure how that would fly with Captain Janeway since just yesterday Sarah herself had yanked Michael out of a power conduit when he refused to come out on B'Elanna Torres' request.

The ensuing argument that Sarah had witnessed in the ready room between mother and son startled the young lieutenant. Michael was struggling with Janeway's leaving him behind on Nydia while she had flown _Voyager _into the heart of Gerroan territory. While an adult would be able to see that it was a mother protecting her young, to a child it was abandonment. Michael was extremely mad at his mother and was lashing out in ways that could cause harm to himself or to the crew.

"I don't want breakfast!"

Her eyes shifted to the subject of her musings stomping into the mess hall. Things hadn't changed much since Sarah had spoken to Michael the other morning. Kathryn Janeway was behind him, not stomping but definitely walking with a bit of an angry step. She pointed towards Neelix making breakfast and gave a silent order. "I told Tal I didn't want that stupid cereal!"

"And you should have done it a bit more nicely. Throwing the bowl on the floor was _not _an option. Now take a tray and head back to our quarters I have work to do."

Michael glared at the tray that Neelix reluctantly prepared for him. "I don't want it."

"I don't care if you don't want it, take it," Janeway grumbled. "You ruined Tal's breakfast as well, the least you can do is bring her a tray."

"She can replicate more of that yucky cereal," the boy argued.

"_Captain to the bridge."_

"I have to go, when I check in on you at lunch I better find out that tray was delivered to Tal," Janeway said with a huff and stalked out of the room.

Michael stood there staring at the tray.

"I wonder how long he'll stare at it," Tom mused glancing over his shoulder at the boy.

"Don't under estimate his stubbornness. He'll stand there and look at it as along as it means not pleasing his mother."

"It's really that bad? I know the kid is angry but it's time to let it go."

Sarah shook her head with a sad smile. "You have a lot to learn about kids, Paris. He isn't quite capable of rational thinking yet. While his mother was doing her duty to protect him he sees it as abandoning him and that she'll just dump him again when she sees fit. He figures that if he lashes out at her it will make her think twice about leaving him somewhere."

Tom looked at her skeptically. "Wouldn't that make her want to drop him off at the next friendly planet sooner?"

"Not in the eyes of a child."

"Right, I keep forgetting, irrational thought," Tom muttered as he sipped his coffee.

"You'll get the hang of it someday," Sarah said with a small smile.

He scoffed and grabbed his tray. "Duty calls? Lunch?" he asked hopefully.

"Sure," she answered.

Tom felt elated. Every moment that he got to spend with her was precious and few and far between. Sure, he'd taken her on a couple of romantic dates to the holodeck, but it was hard keeping everything casual during the day. Right now he wanted to kiss her good-bye but knew that Lainey "the Gossip" Phillips would have it spread all over the ship by midday that he had done so. He was going to have to wait until tonight to kiss her. "See you for lunch."

He went to recycle his tray and with one little last glance back at the object of his affection he slipped out of the mess hall and made his way to the turbolift. Suddenly the prospect of a long duty shift didn't seem so bad when he had Sarah to look forward too. He'd never envisioned himself a man to love or to even think about loving someone. But Sarah had changed him. She had showed him that there were plenty of good reasons to love a woman. He only prayed that her swearing him to secrecy wasn't going to be the wedge that drove them apart before they even got started. He knew he had to be patient, but patience had never been one of his strong suits.

"Mister Paris," Kathryn Janeway's stern voice cut through his thoughts as he stepped onto the bridge. "Take your station."

"Yes ma'am."

Tom sauntered down to the helm. He wasn't late, that much he knew. Glancing at the screen he saw her reason for trepidation. A Starfleet ship, Nebula class by the looks of it, was hovering in the view screen. "Where did that come from?"

"Good question, Mister Paris," Janeway drawled. "We've been trying to hail the ship for the past five minutes."

"I finished running it's registry number, Captain," Harry Kim said from operations. "It's the U.S.S Washington."

_Washington, Washington, I know that ship for some reason, _Tom thought as he signed into his station. Then a memory from the penal colony hit him. One of the inmates had been assigned to the ship when he'd been charged with treason. Tom couldn't remember why he'd been charged, only that the man had joked once that it was good thing because the _Washington _had gone missing somewhere in the Beta Quadrant. "Captain, that ship has been missing for almost two years."

"Lieutenant Paris is correct. It was last seen running a scout mission in the Beta Quadrant," Tuvok said.

"How did it end up here?" Chakotay inquired.

"The Caretaker maybe?" Harry offered. "We don't know how long it was taking ships before it took us."

Janeway scratched an imaginary itch behind her ear. "Any luck hailing them yet?"

"No ma'am."

"Maybe no one's alive," Tom said.

"I am reading eighty life signs, mostly human," Tuvok replied. "They are alive."

"Communications must be down then," Chakotay suggested.

Janeway gave him a curt nod of her head. "It's possible. Mister Kim, keep working on trying to get communications up."

"No need too," a deep, cheery voice said, startling the bridge crew. "Oh sorry," a middle aged man on the view screen said, "I didn't mean to startle you Captain…"

"Janeway, Kathryn Janeway."

"Marcus Black, it's been a while since we talked to anyone from home Captain," Black replied with a hopeful glint in his eye. "Has Starfleet found a way for us to get home?"

Janeway felt her heart sink. They believed _Voyager _was here to bring them home and why wouldn't they? If a highly advanced starship showed up on their scopes it would fill her with hope. "I'm afraid we are just as lost as you are, Captain Black. We were pulled into the Delta Quadrant six months ago."

"Then you're no stranger to disappointment then," Black replied with a wry grin.

Janeway felt a little uneasy about his reaction. Of course if they had been out here as long as she suspected then she supposed nothing surprised them anymore. She was beginning to realize that not much was surprising her out in the Delta Quadrant. "I wish that I was Captain."

"Maybe my first officer and I can beam over to your ship and swap stories?"

"We'd love to have you."

* * *

Rubbing her temples Sarah stepped into the transporter room. It was only an hour into her day and she already had a headache. Her appointment with Arissa had been cut short when Captain Janeway had called her down here. Apparently they were receiving guests. What kind of guests Sarah wasn't entirely sure but Arissa seemed more than happy to get out of Sarah's office and go play with Michael Janeway. Today's session had been nothing but one dead end after another. Sarah wasn't sure where to go from here. Back home she'd have the sounding board of her colleagues at Starfleet Medical, however in the Delta Quadrant it was just her. _Today can't get off to much worse of a start, _she thought as the transporter beam was engaged.

She was surprised when three human males materialized on the transporter pad. She was even more surprised when she saw that the men were wearing Starfleet uniforms. Had they stumbled across the Alpha Quadrant somehow?

"Captain Black, welcome aboard _Voyager," _Janeway greeted warmly, stepping forward.

The man heading the group stepped off the transporter pad and shook Janeway's hand. "My first officer, Commander Andrew Benson."

Sarah's eyes shot up and met the gaze of the young commander standing next to Captain Black. "Andy?"

"I was wondering when you would notice me, Barrett," Benson said with a grin. "Sarah and I graduated from the Academy together," he explained, to Janeway.

"Well then," Janeway said with a smile, "I was going to have my chief of security give you a tour, but I'll let you two catch up."

_What's there to catch up on? _Sarah thought, anxiously. Andrew had more than just graduated with her, he'd been her boyfriend and they hadn't parted ways very amicably. In fact, Sarah hadn't spoken to Andrew since the day of their graduation. She'd heard about the _Washington's _disappearance of course but she'd been deeply involved in the Borg Project by that point. She reluctantly gestured for Andrew to follow her and they made their way out into the corridor. "Where would you like to go first Commander?"

Benson laughed. "You don't have to be so formal with me, Sarah! You heard Captain Janeway—it will be a good opportunity for us to catch up."

"Fine then," Sarah said, curtly as they entered the lift. "We can _catch up _on our way to Engineering." She ordered the lift to go and kept her shoulders square to Benson so she wouldn't have to look at him. "What would you like to catch up on?"

"It's been a long time since I was in the Alpha Quadrant…did you ever get on the Borg project?"

"I did. I spent seven months on the _Explorer._"

"Wow, your dad must have been on cloud nine when you got that assignment."

Sarah felt a stab in her heart thinking about her father. "He was proud, but he knew I had a lot of hard work to do. He never wanted me treated any differently than any other new officer out there."

"How'd you get this job?"

"Long story," Sarah said truthfully.

"Can I hear the short one then?"

"_Voyager _was sent to the Badlands to hunt down a band of Maquis. Captain Janeway thought my thesis on terrorism would provide helpful."

"Ever find the Maquis?" Benson questioned as they stepped into Engineering.

Sarah grinned as she gestured towards B'Elanna Torres. "Commander Benson, meet our Chief Engineer, Lieutenant Torres."

"New recruits?" B'Elanna said with a smirk.

"We ran into another wayward Starfleet vessel," Sarah informed her. "We're hoping to compare notes on our journeys."

B'Elanna scoffed. "Have fun."

Sarah and Benson gave a chuckle as they continued about their tour. Over three hours later and well caught up, Sarah led Benson onto the bridge. She quickly introduced the remaining senior staff that had not been present in the transporter room. She wasn't surprised when Andrew scowled at the hand that Tom offered to him. Immediately she became defensive, like she had when Commander Cavit had done the same, but for entirely different reasons this time. Last time, she'd been doing her job and sticking up for Janeway's decision, this time, she was sticking up for her boyfriend. Blinking, briefly she wondered when she began to think of Tom as her boyfriend. "Something wrong, _Commander_?" she questioned scathingly.

Benson eyed her suspiciously. "No, nothing," he said stiffly, shaking Tom's hand. "When is this tour taking us to the mess hall? I'm starving."

Sarah opened her mouth to respond but Tom rudely cleared his throat. She shot him a look before speaking. "I'm afraid that I have plans already, Andy."

"Well maybe I could join you and your friend."

Tom cleared his throat again.

"Something wrong Lieutenant Paris?" Sarah snapped.

"No ma'am," Tom said with a little smile. "Just a tickle in my throat." He turned about and settled himself down at his station.

Benson didn't miss the subtle meanings behind Paris' timely throat clears. He glanced at Sarah. She was glaring at the back of Paris' head. "You know something, I have a lot of work to do back on the _Washington. _Perhaps we could do dinner tonight?"

"Sure," Sarah agreed, noticing Tom's ears turn red. Satisfied she offered to walk Andrew back to the transporter room. Once inside the lift the question she knew would be coming spilled out of her former lover.

"How long have you been seeing Tom Paris?"

"What makes you think I'm seeing him?" Sarah asked innocently.

"I don't know," Benson said, "maybe it was the way he looked at you."

"You'll learn quickly that Tom Paris looks at _all _women that way."

Benson wasn't quite buying it. "Sarah, I know you, maybe better than anyone on this ship. You only get that look in your eye when someone you care for has been offended. You were pretty quick to pounce on me back there for not wanting to shake the man's hand. Sorry, but I'm not in the habit of shaking the man who is responsible for the death of fellow officers and then having the gall to lie about it."

Sarah bit her lower lip. He was baiting her. If she reacted angrily then he would know without a doubt that she was seeing Tom. "Captain Janeway demands respect for all of her officers. Tom Paris has been an exceptional pilot on this journey. He's saved our neck a few times already. I was only demanding that you show him the respect that he deserves."

"Please," Benson scoffed, "spare me the 'he's changed' story."

"Fine, I will," Sarah snapped as she led him to the transporter room. Captain Black was there parting ways with Captain Janeway.

"Ah, Andrew," Black greeted. "Have a good time catching up with your old friend?"

"Just peachy," Benson grumbled as he got onto the transporter pad.

Janeway glanced sideways at Sarah for a moment before smiling nervously. "Well, Captain, we'll have to make an appointment to go over your data. I must say that I'm excited about the prospect of this technology. It sounds most intriguing."

Black nodded his head. "As soon as I brief the rest of my senior staff I'll meet with you. Thank you for your hospitality, Captain."

"Anytime," Janeway replied. With a nod of her head the transporter beam was activated and she watched as the two officers were transported back to their ship. Slowly she turned towards Sarah, who was still flustered. "Apparently you're meeting with Commander Benson didn't go as well as mine with Captain Black. Care to talk about it?"

"He just confirmed every reason why I broke up with him," Sarah hissed. "It's disheartening how some things don't change."

"You have," Janeway offered.

"I don't think he cares or realizes," Sarah said with a shake of her head.

Janeway reached out and put her arm around the young woman and directed her towards the exit. They walked this way to the lift. "I can't speak for Commander Benson, but maybe he was disheartened to see that _you'd_ changed. They've been out here in the Delta Quadrant a lot longer than we have and just like us are looking for anything that reminds them of home. To face you changing meant that home must have changed as well."

Sarah frowned as they entered the lift. "I never thought of it that way." As the lift whirred to life she prayed that Andrew wouldn't be attracted to those changes. She was aware that he already knew about her relationship with Tom, or at least suspected, and Andrew Benson did whatever he could to get what he wanted. It wouldn't matter to him that she was seeing Tom. She feared what his showing up in the Delta Quadrant was going to do to her new relationship. It was already tense because they were trying to keep it silent for a little while longer. A sinking feeling that bad things were to come crept into her senses and she could only hope for the best.

* * *


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I know that it has been well over a month. I just haven't felt the passion for writing and when I do I don't have the time:(. Thanks for being patient! I hope to get more writing done in the next few days. As always reviews are welcome but please be nice!

* * *

The conference room was unusually packed for the afternoon briefing. Several of the _Washington's _senior officers had crammed into the room with _Voyager's _and much to Tom Paris' dismay, Andrew Benson was amongst them. It wasn't a surprise, Benson was after all the first officer on the_ Washington, _but Tom had been worried about the look in Benson's eyes when he had asked Sarah Barrett to dinner. There was no mistake—Sarah and Benson had been an item at one point and Tom suddenly had a true competitor for her affections. Out of curiosity Tom had looked up Benson's personnel file. There wasn't a blemish on it. He was the _perfect _officer, smart, handsome, held a high position—Sarah could easily remember why she had been attracted to Benson and decide he was the one she wanted to be with.

Clenching his fists at the thought he made a move towards his chair. He'd just have to keep his eyes on Benson that was all. He wasn't about to let some guy from Sarah's past swoop in and tear away everything that he had crafted together for the past six months. Slumping down in his chair slightly he waited patiently for the rest of _Voyager's _senior staff to arrive and the meeting to begin. At least this meeting would keep his mind off of Sarah and Benson.

The doors to the conference room swished open and Tom watched as Sarah, Kathryn Janeway, and Chakotay walked in. Through the idle chatter of the officers Tom could see Benson gesture for Sarah to come stand next to him but she coldly pulled out her chair next to Tom and sat down. The pilot hid a smile at the sight of the _Washington's _first officer bristling. Leaning over he whispered in her ear, "I know you have dinner plans with Mister Personality over there, but do you think you could free some time up for a drink in Sandrine's tonight with me?"

Sarah's eyes shot towards Benson, still steaming from her blatant rejection. "I don't foresee dinner lasting that long."

"Oh, trouble in paradise?"

She shot him a glare that told him to not even pursue it. Tom pressed his lips together and decided to change the subject. "I was hoping that we'd get some time alone on the holodeck this week. I have nice little spot in Greece that I wanted to try out. "

"Broadening your horizons, Lieutenant?" she teased with that little smirk that made his heart flutter.

_God, I love her. _He loved her so much that just the thought of an old boyfriend of hers on _Voyager _made his heart clench with jealousy. As Janeway called the meeting to order he felt a hand slip underneath the table and grasp his, giving it a little reassuring squeeze. He squeezed her hand back and felt his confidence start to return. What did Benson have on him really, besides his service record and looks? Benson hadn't been the one to wipe her tears, comfort her during her recovery, or reassure her when she woke up in the middle of the night from horrible dreams that everything was going to be alright. Tom had spent countless hours doing just that, holding her and consoling her. That had to count for something.

Sarah's hand slipped out of his just as stealthy as it had entered and she began to address the group. Tom hadn't even been aware that Janeway had asked for her to give a report. "Captain Black has given me a list of his crew that has had the hardest adjustment to life in the Delta Quadrant. They lost their counselor in the first month out here and it hasn't been all roses since then," Sarah reported, glancing at a PADD in her hand. "I've freed up some time in my own schedule but the Cook children still are in the highest demand for my services. Mister Neelix has kindly offered to lend an ear to anyone on the _Washington's _crew that could use it."

"Wait a minute, children?" Black questioned raising an eyebrow. "You have children on board this ship?"

Janeway looked immediately uncomfortable. "Yes, four of them."

"Captain forgive me for sounding rude, but what the hell are children doing on this ship?" Black inquired. "I thought _Voyager _was sent to track down some Maquis. That's a pretty dangerous mission that you've brought children with you on."

Across the room Andrew Benson could immediately see Janeway's senior staff getting defensive. _They adore her,_ he thought blandly. It was an odd conclusion seeing how it was Janeway that had destroyed the Caretaker's array that had stranded them all here.

"We rescued those children from a planet here in the Delta Quadrant," Sarah snapped. "And it has little bearing on this meeting Captain Black."

Black glared at her from across the table. When she didn't back down a broad grin spread across his face. "Just like your mother, you know that? She wasn't afraid to stare down authority either." He turned towards Janeway. "Forgive me, Captain, for getting off track. When you've been out in the Delta Quadrant as long as I have you tend to get a bit nostalgic."

Janeway nodded her head in understanding then smiled. "If all goes according to plan then we may not be out here in the Delta Quadrant much longer."

Tom stole a glance at Sarah as the surprised murmurs popped up around the table, all from the _Voyager _senior staff. It was apparent that the _Washington's _senior officers knew what Janeway was speaking of. Even Sarah had a surprised look on her face and she had spent almost three hours with Benson and then another two with Janeway afterwards. Whatever Janeway had to reveal now was a well kept secret. Tom on the other hand wasn't sure how he felt about getting home. After all he was still a felon back there and still had his sentence to finish up. That would certainly squash his relationship with Sarah. She'd definitely go back to Benson and forget about him rotting in prison.

"Captain Black has negotiated with a local species and obtained technology that will allow us to actually fold time and space," Janeway revealed.

"We do not believe that the technology can be adapted to fit the _Washington, _she's too old," Black continued, "however, we have reason to hope that _Voyager _will be a compatible match."

"Folding time and space is a dangerous thing," B'Elanna Torres said, anxiously. "We can't just strap the technology onto our engines."

"We understand that, Miss Torres," Black said calmly. "Captain Janeway has assigned Lieutenant Paris and Ensign Kim help you make a few holodeck runs."

_Fabulous, _Tom thought. Holodeck simulations, especially with Harry, would take all day. Who knew when he would see Sarah? It would be the perfect opportunity for Benson to wiggle his way in and snatch her away. His heart thundered with jealousy as he tried to find some rational excuse not to be apart of the simulations. However, there were none. Tom had never felt so defeated in his whole life. Just when he thought he had gotten his life back on track he was derailed yet again. He firmly looked at Janeway. "Captain, it could take hundreds of simulations for us to make a reliable prediction and it still wouldn't be one hundred percent accurate." _Remember the failed transwarp drive?_

She must have for she nodded her head at him. "I'm aware of that Mister Paris. And I believe that it's a risk we should at least explore."

"Yes ma'am."

"We've had several successful attempts on our holodeck, Lieutenant using _Voyager's _configurations," Black assured him.

Tom still wasn't entirely convinced but he would follow through with his orders anyways. He didn't have much hope that the technology was going to work, despite Black and his crew having successful runs on the holodeck. Torres was right, technology that folded time and space was not something that they should be playing around with lightly. Janeway had to have warned Black of this and told him the price that they paid for a failed transwarp drive. _Jesus, I can't imagine going through that again, _Tom thought with a shiver recalling the massive damage to the ship and the wounded. "Harry and I will start working with Lieutenant Torres on it right away, Captain."

"Good," Janeway said with a smile, "if that's all you're all dismissed. Commander Chakotay and I will be handing out assignments accordingly. We're going to have to start bringing the _Washington's _crew over to _Voyager. _Unfortunately only one ship can make the trip and by default it will be _Voyager. _We'll meet again tomorrow morning."

He didn't move right away with the rest of them. Leaning back in his seat he pondered the new development. Going home to the Alpha Quadrant didn't seem like a rosy idea to him. He had a cell waiting for him back at the penal colony and he wasn't the only one. Janeway wasn't going to be able to get Chakotay and the others pardoned just for good behavior for seven months on _Voyager. _Was going home really all that grand? He finally concluded that it wasn't and that he'd prefer to rough it a while longer in the Delta Quadrant. At least out here he wasn't sitting in a cell wishing his life away. Out here he had a life that was worth fighting for.

"Hello? Paris? Are you coming to lunch or not?" B'Elanna's voice cut through the fog.

Tom glanced up to see Harry and B'Elanna standing there looking at him pensively. "Where'd Sarah go?"

"She left with that hot shot commander," B'Elanna said throwing her thumb over her shoulder. "He said something about conferencing with her on the personnel needing her services. If you ask me it was an excuse to try and get her alone with him. It's obvious he has the hots for her."

"Well good for him," Tom grumbled getting to his feet.

B'Elanna shot him a funny look. "What do you care Paris? You're not dating her or anything."

_Now see, if we were open about our relationship Sarah, I could tell her off right now. _He sighed. It wasn't B'Elanna's fault that Benson was trying to wiggle his way back into Sarah's life and he shouldn't be taking his jealousy out on her. "He's a jerk. She could do better."

"Finally, something we agree on," B'Elanna said with a smirk. "Come on let's go eat before we run a thousand simulations."

Tom felt like groaning for more than one reason as the trio made their way to the turbo lift. Maybe after lunch he wouldn't feel as grumpy and then again there was no telling what Neelix's cooking was going to do to his mood. It was sour enough as it was. As they rounded the corner they interrupted what was an apparent tiff between Benson and Sarah. The _Washington's _first officer had her practically pinned to the wall and Tom could see her eyes dashing about for an escape route. Straightening his tunic he stepped up as close to Benson as he could without actually grabbing the guy and yanking him away. "Problem, Lieutenant?"

He was pretty sure he heard Benson growl low in his throat with annoyance. Tom kept his emotions in check but it was hard to resist the urge to grin. "I can call security if you'd like, ma'am," he antagonized.

Benson grumbled louder this time as he spun about on his heel. "That won't be necessary, Lieutenant Paris. I was just leaving." The commander stalked away in the opposite direction down the corridor, glaring once at Tom before he disappeared around the corner.

"Thank you," Sarah mumbled under her breath, trying desperately to avoid Tom's eyes. When she finally did manage to look up at him instantly her eyes filled with tears. "I left my PADD in the conference room," she absentmindedly said, pushing her way past Harry and B'Elanna and making a bee line for the now empty conference room.

Tom hastily followed her informing Harry and B'Elanna to go ahead to lunch without him. He'd catch up with them later on the holodeck. He found Sarah in the conference room, sitting in an empty chair with her head bowed. His heart constricted at the sight. She had just started to come to terms with the horrendous things that she had dealt with on Gerroa Prime and now an ex-lover had to show up. _When it rains it pours, _Tom thought as he took the chair next to her. Instinctively he reached out and pulled her close. She buried her face against his uniform and snaked her arms around his waist. "This isn't how I wanted our first few weeks as a couple to go," she mumbled into his chest.

"Hey, he's nothing but a thorn in our side," Tom soothed her. "Someday, we'll laugh at how absurd he was thinking he could weasel his way back into your life."

"You aren't afraid he could do just that?"

"I'd be lying if I said no."

She raised her head to look at him. "Would it make you feel better if I told you that he doesn't have a shot in hell?"

He smiled faintly. "Maybe."

Kissing his cheek she stood up to go. Tom stood with her and grabbed a hold of her hand. "Hey, come here." Pulling her towards him he engulfed her in his arms and leaned down to bring his mouth to hers, kissing her hungrily. When she tried to pull away he didn't let her go so easily. He felt her laugh against his lips.

"Tom we could get caught."

"So? What's Janeway going to do—throw us in the brig?"

"I really need to be going. I have a lot of personnel files to look over."

He kissed her again. "I could help you with those."

Sarah pulled away and smiled coyly at him. "No, you'll distract me from them. Besides you have all those fun holodeck simulations to run with Harry and B'Elanna. I wouldn't want to keep you from that."

Tom scowled. "Don't remind me."

Rubbing his cheek where she had kissed it a few moments ago, she whispered, "If all goes well we'll be home by this time tomorrow." A darkened look came over her face as if she wasn't sure how she felt about that. "I wonder what Starfleet will think when we show up. Maybe they're still looking for _Voyager _but I know they stopped searching for the _Washington _months before _Voyager _was even launched. What a hassle that's going to be—changing all of our statuses from _presumed dead_ to _found alive_."

"To be honest with you—I'd rather stay out here."

Sarah didn't question him—she knew what he meant—his life wouldn't have much freedom if they made it home tomorrow. She tried to smile and joke. "I'll come visit you in prison."

"Gee thanks."

"If you behave yourself maybe you'll get out early."

"If I behave myself?" he repeated innocently.

"It's a pretty big _if,_" she retorted playfully.

Tom mockingly glared at her as Janeway's voice filled the comline. "_Lieutenant Barrett, can I see you in sickbay please?_"

_Sickbay? _Sarah thought, confused. She pressed her combadge. "I'm on my way, ma'am. Barrett out." She scowled slightly. "Duty calls. Want to take any bets that this has something to do with Michael?"

"I'm not a betting man," Tom joked as they made their way out of the conference room.

"Right, I keep forgetting," Sarah said, calling for the turbo lift. She couldn't remember exactly why she had burst into tears after Tom had chased Andrew away. Perhaps the stress of the last few days was getting to her or perhaps all of the memories she had of Andrew were flooding her. Frustration was starting to settle in she realized as she stepped into the lift. Andrew wasn't going to accept that she had changed and moved on with her life so he was going to do whatever it took to win her back. The problem was she didn't feel for him that way—at least not anymore. At some point she must have loved him because she never would have gone out with him other wise.

She glanced at Tom. Would he stick around if things got anymore complicated? He'd once told her that he wasn't going to leave just because the going got tough but that had been before an old boyfriend had been involved. Perhaps things would just be too tough to handle this time.

"My stop," he said as the lift opened on deck two. "See you tonight at Sandrine's?"

"Sure," she said with a soft smile before the doors closed and the lift resumed.

With a sight she closed her eyes and began to listen to the hum of the lift and then the soft hiss as it came to a stop. Stepping out she made her way to sickbay where she ran through a list of various things that Janeway could have beckoned her for. When she stepped into the medical bay Janeway gruffly pointed her finger at the Doctor's office and she peered inside. Michael was sitting at the hologram's desk looking rather peeved. _Wonderful, _Sarah thought. _What did he do now? _ "Captain, what's going on?"

"I have tried everything I can think of to get through to him," Janeway snapped. "Apparently I just don't pay enough attention."

"You don't!" a voice yelped from the office.

The Doctor glared at Sarah from behind his tools. "Captain I'd prefer it if you'd take this family dispute elsewhere and not my sickbay."

"It's my ship, Doctor. I can have my family disputes where ever I want," the Captain snapped. The hologram silenced Janeway looked at Sarah beseechingly. "I came back from the meeting today to find my toddler covered in a rash."

Sarah blinked wondered where this was all leading. "A rash?"

"Michael gave her cherries."

"Oh," Sarah sighed. The Doctor had recently diagnosed Ava with a cherry allergy after a rash had broken out over her body two weeks ago after sampling Neelix's attempt at cherry pie. "I'm assuming then that Michael knew that she was allergic or I wouldn't be here."

"You assume correctly, Lieutenant."

Sarah made her way into the Doctor's office and stood before the desk. "Did you think giving cherries to Ava would make your mother happy?" she asked the boy in a low tone. "Or were you just trying to get her attention?"

Michael scowled at her. "Everything is always about Ava."

"So you gave Ava the cherries because you were mad at your mother."

"Yes."

"Did you ever think to tell your mother that you're mad instead of crawling into power conduits, giving your sister food that she isn't suppose to eat?"

Sarah sat down in the chair across from him and leaned across the table. "I know it wasn't easy when your mother left you behind. But it wasn't easy for her either. She loves you Michael and she felt there was no other way to protect you. She didn't want you getting hurt. She came back for you didn't she?"

"Yeah," he grumbled.

"She didn't _have _to come back for you. There's no written law that says your parents have to return for you. They return because they want to and because they love you. Your mother has a dangerous job, Michael, and I know her leaving frightens you, but remember, I told you that you'd never be alone."

Michael wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Pinky swear?" he asked, holding out his baby finger.

She hadn't done a pinky swear since she was a child herself. Popping her pinky out she hooked it around Michael's. "I pinky swear—you'll never be alone."

"I guess I should go say I'm sorry to my mom, huh?" Michael said, unlatching their fingers.

"You guess right," Sarah replied getting up. She gestured for him to come with her and as he went to stand with her she put her arm around his shoulder and gave him a reassuring pat. Janeway was sitting on a biobed, Ava in her lap while the Doctor gave the fussy toddler one more thorough check up before sending her on her way.

Michael looked up at Sarah timidly for a moment before stepping forward. "Mama," he squeaked out. "I'm sorry I made you mad."

Kathryn Janeway's face softened as she shifted Ava about onto her hip and climb down off of the biobed. "I'm not mad, not anymore. I don't like when you purposely make your sister sick or put yourself in danger, do you understand?"

"I think so," Michael said. "Am I still grounded?"

"Yes," Janeway said firmly before reaching out and hugging him. "But maybe I can lessen the sentence if you can be on your best behavior."

Michael grumbled something inaudible against his mother that made her smile. Sarah grinned at the still scowling Doctor before turning about to leave. The doors opened to release her from sickbay and in a whirl of motion she felt her breath leave her and saw the _Washington _exploding into a brilliant ball of fire.

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: I apologize that I haven't been faithful in updating. Hopefully I will be able to get back into the grove of writing. Enjoy!

* * *

Tom Paris sighed heavily as he entered his quarters to get a little quiet time in. After spending the whole day with B'Elanna and Harry testing the technology that the _Washington's _crew had come across he needed the peace and quiet. However, something was beeping obnoxiously.

Unzipping his tunic slightly he slapped a button on his personal computer. The screen lit up with the emblem of the Federation. Grumbling he pulled his tunic off completely and tossed it over his shoulder. It landed across his dining room table, the combadge clanging loudly on the glass as it hit. He was looking forward to getting out of his uniform and into some more comfortable clothes and heading down to _Chez Sandrine's _for a drink and some pool. After a long day's worth of testing and re-testing and nothing but more of it tomorrow, he concluded he _needed _the drink.

"Hello Uncle Tom, if you're receiving this message now you must have integrated my disc into your computer."

Bewildered he turned about to see the face of a young woman on his screen— a young woman who weeks ago now had traveled through time to push _Voyager _onto a different path. Tom had forgotten about her in the chaos that had followed. "Ava," he whispered, sitting down at his desk.

She quirked a grin as if she had heard him and they were speaking face to face. "I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to show up, however, I wasn't sure how long _Voyager's _journey would be around Jenahari space so I programmed the disc to activate when the transporter records showed a Captain Marcus Black coming aboard the ship."

Tom felt a pit form in his stomach. Ava had told him that she had created the disc in the hopes of helping _Voyager _get through some troubles. He began to wonder how a Federation ship in the same situation as _Voyager _was a bother.

"Captain Black isn't who you really need to worry about, he may come off as pompous at first, but eventually he sees my mother's side," Ava continued. "It's Commander Benson you need to worry about. Not only does he seem insistent on making Aunt Sarah's life miserable, he isn't being completely honest with you about _how _the _Washington _obtained the technology. I wish I could tell you more, but I'm already violating the Temporal Prime Directive enough as it is. Good luck Uncle Tom, I'll being seeing you soon."

He watched as the screen went blank. _Seeing me soon? Great what else are we going to run into? _ He'd barely had time to process that thought when Janeway's voice could be heard over the intercom asking the senior officers to report to the briefing room. Jumping up from his seat he grabbed his tunic off of the dining room table and hastily threw it back on over his shoulders. _So much for that drink, _he thought as he entered the turbo lift.

As the lift began to ascend he wondered how he was ever going to bring up the news that Ava had given him. She hadn't given him much, just that Benson had to be watched and that the _Washington's _crew might not have obtained the technology ethically. Janeway would have him sent to sickbay immediately to be examined or thrown in the brig for having such ridiculous hunches.

Zipping his tunic up he stepped off onto the Bridge and headed towards the conference room. Janeway was already seated with Commander Chakotay and Sarah Barrett, Tuvok wasn't too far behind him. Slipping into his seat next to Sarah he whispered in her ear, "What's this all about? It's nearly twenty-one hundred hours."

Sarah glanced at him sideways. She looked a little tired and haggled to him. "Something's come up about the _Washington._"

_He isn't being completely honest with you about how the Washington obtained the technology, _Tom recalled Ava saying in her message. He wondered if Janeway had found something out that she deemed necessary to bring up to the senior staff at this late hour. Squirming in his seat he contemplated what he should do. And then it hit him—use Sarah. Janeway wouldn't question Sarah, especially if she told the Captain that it was a telepathic hunch. "Tell Janeway that you think they obtained the technology…unethically," he said softly into her ear.

She shot him a puzzled look. "What?"

"Just trust me on this," he assured her.

"Tom, do you know something that the rest of us don't?"

He watched as Harry and B'Elanna entered to take their seats. "Sarah, please, just tell her you have a hunch."

She couldn't respond, Janeway was starting the meeting. "I'm sorry that this is so late, I know that it's been a long day," the Captain started, her eyes searching the faces of her officers. "However, Lieutenant Barrett has had a…disturbing vision that I think deserves our attention."

Tom could see Tuvok raise an eyebrow from across the table. "I'm curious Captain," the Vulcan said, "She has had many visions and dreams before this and none of them have required an emergency senior staff meeting."

Janeway quirked one of her grins that always made Tom a little squirmy. "I'm glad you asked that Mister Tuvok," she said. The grin soon disappeared from her face. "The _Washington's _future seems to be in peril. Lieutenant Barrett has seen its destruction, by whose hand, we're not sure."

"Have you informed Captain Black yet?" Harry asked, slightly bewildered himself.

"Not yet," Janeway said shaking her head. "I wanted to make sure we had reason to worry. Since this afternoon Sarah's had six visions pertaining to the destruction of the _Washington._"

_Six?_ Tom thought, _no wonder she looks tired. _"Do you want us to keep researching the technology ma'am?"

"I don't see any reason to stop those trials just yet," Janeway replied. "Although Captain Black has been a little pushy and wants to get underway to the Alpha Quadrant as soon as possible, I want to make sure _absolutely nothing _goes wrong."

"We've actually run several successful tests, Captain," B'Elanna said.

Janeway shook her head. "I want time to digest what Sarah's seen—delay it as long as possible Lieutenant."

"So…you don't want us to mention any of this to the _Washington's _crew?" Tom quipped feeling slightly nervous.

"We need to have a little more concrete evidence first," Janeway said. "Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Tuvok are going to start an investigation."

"What exactly are we looking for, Captain?" Tuvok asked.

Janeway sighed. "At this point in time I wish I knew, Tuvok. Anything suspicious, I guess."

Tom could see the mood shift drastically as glances were passed between the officers. He made eye contact with Sarah. _Please, Sarah, _he thought hoping that she was somehow listening in on his thoughts, _tell her you have a hunch. _

Sarah turned away from his gaze for a second, eyes fixing on the table, before turning towards Janeway and saying, "Captain, I…have a feeling that the _Washington _obtained the technology…unethically."

"How so?" Janeway asked, arching an eyebrow.

"I'm not sure," Sarah replied, glaring slightly at Tom before proceeding. "Call it a _hunch_ I guess."

Janeway and Chakotay glanced at each other. The Captain seemed skeptical and Tom could feel his heart starting to pound. If this was how difficult it was going to be than he didn't want the damn disc. He wasn't so sure why the future Ava Janeway had given it to him in the first place. Chakotay or Sarah seemed like the more _logical _choice. _Damnit, now I sound like Tuvok. _

"Her hunches have never led us astray before, Captain," Tom suddenly blurted.

"I am not sure _hunches _are a legitimate reason to investigate how Captain Black obtained the technology," Tuvok said.

"Yeah, but shouldn't we take some stock in them?" Harry questioned. "I mean, it wouldn't hurt would it sir?"

Silence passed for what seemed like an eternity to Tom. _Janeway isn't going for it, _he thought miserably. And to make matters worse Sarah was sending a seething glance his way.

"I guess we can keep an eye out for anything that doesn't seem to stick with their story," Chakotay finally broke the silence.

"Agreed," Janeway said with a nod of her head. "Anything suspicious report it back to me immediately."

Tom felt his stomach give a hungry lurch as the Captain dismissed them and he left the briefing room.

"Don't tell me that you're starting to have telepathic visions as well."

Tom cringed. He should have known that he wasn't going to slip out of the briefing room without Sarah cornering him. She was smart--smart enough to know that he just hadn't pulled that hunch out of no where. _Damn, _he thought as he turned to face her. "Nope," he said with a grin trying to keep it light, "as far as I know I'm fully human."

Sarah glared at him. "Tom, I'm in no mood for this. A hunch like just doesn't come out of thin air. You have to know something that you're not letting onto and if that's the case it needs to be brought up to Captain Janeway immediately." She crossed her arms over her chest. "If this relationship is going to work we can't keep secrets and we especially can't keep secrets that could mean life and death out here."

He wanted her to trust him but if he told her about the disc that Ava Janeway had given him then she'd get mad at him for two things—one being that he had lied to her and the second being that he'd kept something that clearly violated the Temporal Prime Directive hidden from their commanding officers. "I promise, I don't know anything more than what we spoke about in the conference room." They stepped into the turbo lift together and he waited until the doors had shut and they were on their way before grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. "How about some dinner at _Sandrine's _to keep your mind off of the visions.?"

"I am a little hungry," she admitted. It had been hours since she had her last meal. Between the Doctor running countless tests on her and the Captain inquiring about her visions she hadn't had time to eat lunch.

"Well then," Tom said, instructing the computer to take them to the holodeck, "it's settled—dinner at _Sandrine's _it is."

"And since you offered, it's your rations we're using."

Tom winced slightly. He was running low on rations because he had used them to create a birthday gift for her, one that was still neatly wrapped up and tucked under his bed. He had hoped to save the little ones he had left and use them to skip breakfast and lunch in the mess hall. "Alright, just this once," he said grinning at her.

"We'll see about that," she teased.

Instinctively he pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it. Her skin was soft and smelled like lavender. "I love you," he whispered.

"I know," she whispered back as the doors swished open.

Almost immediately Sarah and Tom let go of each others hands as Commander Chakotay stepped into the lift with them, carrying a PADD. "Lieutenants," he greeted casually. "Engineering," he ordered the turbo lift. It whirred to life as he glanced behind him. Sarah and Tom were doing everything in their power not to look at him. "Calling it a night or are you both heading to the holodeck?"

"Holodeck, sir," Tom answered anxiously.

"We haven't eaten yet," Sarah added, unnecessarily.

Chakotay wasn't sure why she felt the need to point that out but he was pretty sure he'd seen them holding hands when the lift opened. They'd separated quickly but his instincts were telling him that he'd seen it. Of course he'd heard the rumors that they were together but it was only through the grapevine and no one had actually _told _him the rumor to his face. He assumed this was to keep the two officers from getting in trouble since he was certain they were breaking about a dozen protocols. "You've been holed up in sickbay all afternoon, I'm surprised the Doctor let you leave for the briefing," he said to Sarah with a wry grin.

"He wanted to make sure the visions didn't have...consequences," Sarah said carefully.

"Consequences?" Tom repeated. "What do you mean by that?"

"He's just concerned how frequently and intensely I get them, that's all," Sarah tried to reassure him.

"I'm sure nothing was wrong," Chakotay volunteered as the doors opened on his deck. "The Doctor wouldn't have let her leave his sight if that was the case," he concluded with a wink. "Evening, Lieutenants."

Tom waited until the doors had closed before he whirred around and faced Sarah. "These visions they can cause damage can't they? That's why the Doctor's always worried about how high your theta wave activity gets."

Sarah shrunk against the wall. "There are known cases where Betazoids have sustained brain damage but those conditions have been extreme. Nothing I experienced today was out of the realm of what I'm used too."

"And what happens if it becomes out of the realm of what you're _used _too?"

"Tom, it won't come to that."

"We don't know this!"

"It's not that important."

"Not that important? Sarah, I care about you! It could mean your life!"

The doors had opened onto their deck and a couple of startled crewmen were standing before them. Sarah swallowed back the nervous bile in her throat. _Great, _she thought, her mind racing, _let's just add a lover's quarrel to the rumor mill. _ "Tom, let's just forget about that briefing for now and go enjoy a game of pool, okay?" she said, giving him a slight push out of the lift. She noticed that the two crewmen where looking at her skeptically as they climbed into the lift. Turning Tom about she forced him to start walking but didn't say anything because she knew that it would come out as an angry retort and that wouldn't help matters any.

_Sandrine's _was unusually quiet for the time of night but Sarah concluded that the _Washington's _appearance and the technology they had brought had a lot of the crew pulling double shifts.

"Bonjour, Tommy," Sandrine, the proprietress of the pub welcomed them, wiping down a table for them to sit at. "I have your table awaiting you."

Tom brushed past her with nothing more than a nod of his head which was out of the ordinary for him. Sarah watched him as he went straight for the bar and ordered a gin and tonic. Thanking Sandrine for her kindness she joined him. "You know, you could have at least said hello to her."

"Are you going to lecture me on my manors now?"

"I'm not going to lecture you on anything, it was just rude."

"Whatever," he said taking a sip of his drink. "What I think doesn't seem to take stock with you."

"Tom," Sarah said, gently, "that's not true."

"Then why don't you seem concerned that these visions could hurt you?"

"Because the Doctor would never let it get that far!"

He shook his head. "You know what, you're not going to see it my way, so forget it. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Let's just forget that this happened at all." He refused to make eye contact with her and downed the rest of his drink and ordered another one.

Sarah frowned. "Is this going to be your solution for every bump we hit—fight and forget it happened and solve it by drinking?"

Tom glanced at her sideways. Anger was laced in his eyes but his voice was cold. "And your solution is better? Shrug it off?"

Her temper flared then. "I'm not the one who started this!" she snapped, loudly. Several of the holograms heads turned in their direction but as was the true nature of their programming they didn't get involved. She grasped onto her training to calm herself and lowered her voice. "Tom, it doesn't matter what—or who—started this but we can't just leave it like this." She felt tears starting to well in her eyes. How could they ever make anything work if they couldn't work through a stupid fight over her telepathic senses? _We're too much alike, this is never, ever going to work, _she realized and her heart broke.

Tom took a long sip of his second drink and noticed Harry and B'Elanna come in. "Yes, we can," he said getting up and moving towards his friends.

Sarah grabbed his arm forcefully. "Tom, if we can't work through this how could we ever work through marriage or parenting?"

His shoulders visibly stiffened and she recoiled. She had mentioned the two words that no woman she ever mention in the first two weeks of a new relationship—marriage and parenting. She let her hand drop from his arm. "Tom," she whispered, "say something...anything...please..."

"I think I'm going to go play pool with Harry," he finally said, his back still to her. "I'll see you on the bridge tomorrow."

Sarah wanted to beg him to come back but the words just seemed to get choked on. Swallowing her tears she lowered her head and quickly left the holodeck. As she moved past Harry she heard him remark to Tom, "Hey what's going on? Sarah looks upset."

Tom's response cut through her heart. "She doesn't seem upset to me."

She spun about on her heel and glared at him. "Tom Paris you are the biggest jerk to _ever _grace the Delta Quadrant, you know that!" Now her slim control over her emotions was gone and she fled the holodeck, not even aware that Tom had followed her. She made it to the turbo lift before he did and scrambled inside. The doors slammed in his face and she quickly ordered it to deck two. She knew he'd just follow and she had the right mind to just dump her combadge in the lift and lead him on a wild goose chase for her. But as she stepped off the lift onto deck two she knew that was beyond cruel.

However, it was still tempting. Maybe she could slip it into her office before going to the mess hall. Turning about on her heal and heading in the other direction she wiped the stray tears off of her cheeks and proceeded towards her office—only to find Andrew Benson standing outside of it.

"Hey, I was wondering when you were going to stop by here," he said smoothly.

"You haven't been standing there the whole time," she snapped.

"Okay so I asked the computer where you were heading, they said you were in this section so I assumed you were going to your office, " Andrew said.

"Clever," she said harshly.

Andrew scowled. "Have you been crying?"

"What does it matter to you, Andrew?" Sarah retorted with a little sniffle. Looking up she realized how close he was standing to her.

His hand cupped her cheek. "I care about you, of course it matters." His fingers caressed her cheek. She made sure to keep her eyes cast downward. She wasn't about to give him any satisfaction by looking at him. She knew that he thought he was comforting her, winning her over slowly, but she felt nothing but awkward. And she wanted to hide away in her office but he was blocking the door. She highly doubted that calling security for being embraced awkwardly was on the list of top breaches.

"Stop that, Andrew," Sarah choked out, her voice barely a whisper.

"Why? You don't like it?"

"Please...."

"You liked it at the Academy. You always said it made you feel comforted."

"The Academy was a long time ago," Sarah said a bit more firmly this time. She pushed Andrew's hand away but he didn't take the hint and moved closer to her. "Andrew, please, just leave me a lone. I don't feel for you the way I did back then. I'm sorry that you can't accept that but I've changed. I'm not the same person you fell in love with."

"Neither am I, Sarah," Andrew argued, his lips inches from hers. "And I disagree, I think you do feel for me but something is holding you back."

"Doesn't look like anything is holding her back, not from where I'm standing," Tom's voice snarled.

Sarah's eyes flew open, she actually hadn't even realized she had closed them. She backed rapidly away from Andrew and turned towards Tom. "It's...it's not what it looks like Tom," she pleaded with him. "Nothing happened."

Tom's gray eyes had turned a dark slate in anger. "Then enlighten me, Counselor, what _was _going on here?"

"You know something Paris, this is none of your business," Andrew said angrily. "So why don't you go back to your pathetic holodeck program and leave us alone."

Sarah slid between them, fixing her eyes on Andrew's face. "How did you know he was on the holodeck? Have you been following me?"

"No, I was heading there when you fled," Andrew said through clenched teeth. "I saw Paris follow you. It didn't take much to put two and two together—you'd had a fight and you were heading here to lock yourself away until one of you raised the white flag. I decided that I was going to see if I could stop you from doing that Sarah. Can't you see you're making a huge mistake?"

"You have NO right to interfere," Sarah said near tears again. "It's my personal life, not yours!"

"If I don't then who will? Besides, a romantic relationship between senior officers is highly frowned upon. Does Captain Janeway know about this? Maybe I should inform Commander Chakotay," Andrew retorted. "I heard he was a good friend of yours Paris."

Tom felt his temper flaring. He didn't care what Benson did to him but to intentionally try to hurt Sarah by revealing their relationship to their commanding officers drove him mad. He moved Sarah out of the way and swung at Andrew but in his drunken stupor, thanks to the two gin and tonics he had downed quickly on an empty stomach he stumbled slightly. His fist connected with the conduit and while he was nursing his knuckles Andrew suckered punched him in the gut. It only enraged him even more and this time his punch connected with its target. He heard Sarah cry out as Andrew stumbled backwards and took Tom down with him with a swift scissor kick. Tom landed on his stomach which put him in prime position for Andrew to beat on him.

"Andrew!" Sarah gasped, pushing him off of Tom. "Leave him alone!"

Tom took the opportunity that Sarah had created to get a few more punches in before she grabbed him roughly by the arm and tried to lead him away. His lip was bleeding, he could taste the blood in his mouth. He shoved Sarah away before slamming his opponent into the corridor wall with a loud thud. Andrew's skull connected with the panel outside of Sarah's office and there was a definite cracking sound. But it wasn't the glass Tom realized as he threw Andrew away from him—it had been Andrew's head. A thin red line of blood was making its way down the Commander's face.

"Oh my," a voice babbled behind him that didn't belong to Sarah. He turned slightly to see Neelix. "I guess we should get him to sickbay."

Sarah was leaning down and prying Andrew's eye lids open. "He has a concussion."

"Damn it," Tom cursed.

"Maybe we can treat him without putting it in the logs," Neelix suggested.

"It won't matter," Tom said rubbing his aching fist. "He'll just report me." _I let me temper get the best of me. _

Sarah and Neelix were helping Andrew to his feet. Sarah looked at him sympathetically and said, "We'll worry about it later, let's just get him to the Doctor."

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Happy Labor Day weekend! Here's an update. I went through it and caught most spelling but I didn't really do a grammar check so I'm sorry if anything is really messed up, I just wanted to post something new and quickly. Enjoy! :)

* * *

Chakotay rubbed his forehead as he stepped into his office. He'd already had to deal with the punishment of Tom Paris, Tuvok _complaining _that the one day in the brig wasn't enough, and Neelix complaining that the one day in the brig was too much. All this and he hadn't even had his morning coffee yet. And he usually wasn't a coffee person, he preferred tea, but if the first thirty minutes of his day was an indication of what else was going to happen today coffee was the way to go. Kathryn would be proud of him he thought with amusement as he ordered a cup from the replicator.

The door chimed as he sat down behind his desk. "Come in," he admitted who was waiting in the corridor into the office.

"How come when I get into a fight with Ava I'm not thrown in the brig?" Michael Janeway's voice asked as his little face peered over the desk at the First Officer.

Chakotay briefly wondered what story the boy had gotten from the gossip mills. "You get punished though, don't you?"

Michael frowned. "Yeah, I had to spend the whole day in my room once for hitting her."

"Well, look at it this way, Mister Paris has to spend the whole day in his room for hitting Mister Benson," Chakotay replied, standing up. _Although, I can't blame him._ There had been several meetings that Chakotay had been subjected to with the other first officer and there had been several times that he'd wanted to punch the man in the face. Tom had done them all a favor. "There are rules that he broke, Michael, and he has to be punished."

The boy cocked his head to one side. "Sarah didn't think so. She thought it was unfair that Tom got brig time but Commander Benson didn't."

Chakotay frowned. He had to agree with the young woman. However, it wasn't his place to punish Benson. "It's not my job to hand down punishment to Commander Benson, Michael. That's Captain Black's job, and if he didn't see it fit to give Commander Benson brig time than that's his choice."

Michael looked more confused than when he'd walked into the office. "I thought Mama was in charge of both ships right now?"

The First Officer tried to put it in terms that a five year old would understand, although Michael was a smart five year old. "It's complicated," he finally said as the door chime went off. He got up from his desk and placed his hand on the back of the boy's shoulder. "When you're older, you'll probably understand better."

"Everyone says that," Michael groaned as the door opened and B'Elanna Torres stepped through.

"Chakotay, we have a problem."

"What else is new?" Chakotay grumbled.

"Harry and I were investigating the _Washington__'s _records, just to get a better understanding of where the technology came from and how they obtained it," B'Elanna answered, ignoring his sarcastic comment. "We didn't find anything."

Chakotay was puzzled." So?"

"So? There's no record at all of this technology coming into their possession."

He vaguely remembered the staff meeting the day before, when Sarah had voiced her concerns about the technology being obtained unethically. However, to him it had looked like she hadn't been sure of that prediction. She hadn't let them down yet even in her infant stages of using her telepathic powers. " I don't suppose you've brought this up to Captain Janeway yet."

B'Elanna shook her head. "I wasn't sure how to approach her. She's been practically giddy with the discovery of the _Washington_and the technology that is supposed to be getting us home. I know that if they did obtain this technology against Starfleet principles then she won't be too happy and abort the mission altogether."

"Michael, shouldn't you be at school?"

"Sarah let me out early."

_Figures, _Chakotay thought. He had to think of something quickly to get the boy out of his office. If he let him stay to hear the conversation than the child would have it all over the ship before Chakotay could speak to Captain Janeway. "Can you run an errand for me then?"

Michael was catching on that Chakotay wanted him to leave the room but agreed anyway. "Sure."

Chakotay reached behind him and produced a stack of PADDs. "Can you deliver these to Lieutenant Barrett?"

"Okay," the boy replied, taking the stack of PADDs and exiting the office.

The First Officer waited until the door was shut before he spoke. "Did you download their travel logs?"

"Yes," B'Elanna answered. "There's a severe gap in several of their logs, all around the same time. I find it hard to believe that they just forgot about all their logs during that period of time."

"It's a hell of coincidence if they did."

B'Elanna bit down on her lower lip nervously. "So, what do we do?"

Chakotay heaved a sigh. "The Captain wanted us to keep an eye out for anything suspicious. I'd say this counts as that, don't you agree."

"Yeah, but I don' t want to."

"Neither do I." Silence passed between them and Chakotay wished that Sarah wasn't so upset at him for throwing Paris in the brig earlier or he'd invite her to this little meeting. There had to be something that she'd seen to clear up this mess, maybe suggest why the logs were so sparse for the period of time that B'Elanna had specified. He kept coming back to the came conclusion. The crew of the _Washington_was hiding something from all of them and it could render disastrous consequences if they weren't careful. "Stop the simulations."

"Sir?"

"Let bring your findings to Captain Janeway first. Maybe, it's a highly doubtful one, but maybe there is an explanation why those logs are so sparse."

"And what do I tell Captain Black or Commander Benson when they come asking why we've stopped?"

"I wouldn't worry about Benson," Chakotay said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I think he's going to be out of commission for a few days."

"Alright then, what about Black?"

"I'm sure Captain Janeway is going to want to take care of him once I bring her this news."

B'Elanna tried to suppress the smirk that began to creep across her face. She bit back a retort when Chakotay glared at her and shoved the PADD she had been carrying into his hand. "Fine, I'll go tell Harry to halt simulations. He's not going to be happy either. All he's been talking about is his mother's home cooking. Now that I think about it, he had me looking forward to it."

Chakotay looked at the data PADD in his hand briefly. "Hopefully we all get to taste the home cooking."

* * *

Sarah Barrett was entirely surprised to find the _Washington_was a war zone. The tiny ship had seen far worse than _Voyager. _Which was hard to believe at times because the crew of _Voyager_ had seen quite a bit in their short time in the Delta Quadrant. Sarah was entirely sure why the Captain had asked her to beam over here with her, but she hadn't questioned it for a fear that Janeway would change her mind and leave her behind. And after last night Sarah was sure she wasn't on Janeway's good side at the moment. In fact Janeway had dealt with her coldly and emotionlessly when they met up in the transporter room.

Janeway's jaw was unusually tight as they stepped off of the transporter pad and followed a young ensign, no older than Harry Kim, through the debris littered corridors to a turbo lift.

Tension was heavy and the ensign escorting them kept looking back over her shoulder nervously. Sarah couldn't help feel anxious herself since she had no idea why Janeway had called this meeting with Captain Black and why she had insisted that it happen on the _Washington__._ All she had been told when she met up with the Captain had been that new information regarding her previous hunches had been brought to her attention and that they were going to meet with Black to clear up a few things. Sarah couldn't remember what her hunches had been exactly until they were on the lift and on their way to the bridge. Tom had told her to inform Janeway that she had a hunch that the crew of the _Washington_had obtained the technology unethically. Dear god, had he been right?

Curious eyes watched them as they stepped out of the lift and onto the dimly lit bridge. Sarah felt like she was being paraded in front of a review board as they walked across the back of the bridge towards the _Washington__'s_ conference room. The ensign keyed in a code and the door slid open, startling both Sarah and Janeway that it was locked in the first place. _What kind of ship is this that they lock the doors of a public room? _Sarah thought as she stepped inside.

Marcus Black was seated at the table, two security officers to his right and left. "Captain."

The tone of his voice and the appearance of security sent a shiver up Sarah's spine. What exactly had Tom found out?

"I see that you brought your pet telepath with you."

"Lieutenant Barrett is here to observe, nothing more," Janeway said stoically. "Can I sit?"

"Please, by all means."

Janeway lowered herself into a chair at the far end of the table. Placing the PADD she had brought with her onto the table she gave it a push and slid it towards him. "Care to explain the holes in your logs?"

Black's eyes darkened as he gazed down at the PADD in front of him but he didn't pick it up. "I don't think I have to explain anything to you, Captain Janeway."

"You do if you want to use my ship to get home."

Sarah had to fight back a sudden vision of the _Washington_exploding again. It had been at least eighteen hours since the last one, but it was the same one and she still had no idea why it was happening.

"What is it exactly that you're looking for Janeway," Black snapped a dark undertone to his voice. "Proof that your unstable lieutenant here is telling the truth. Oh," he said when he saw Janeway start to balk, "I know all about her past, her present, and possibly her future. I don't think we should take a thing she says seriously."

"Despite your personal feelings for her," Janeway snapped back, "she hasn't led me astray yet."

"And I should trust your word."

"Absolutely."

Black frowned maliciously. "I'm sorry if I can't, Captain Janeway. You don't understand how difficult it is when you don't have your fancy ship and your fancy security systems. I have a science vessel; we aren't nearly equipped as you. While you have been able to sail away from many confrontations with little damage it hasn't been the case for us. It has forced me to...do things that I would not do in the Alpha Quadrant."

Janeway's eyes narrowed. "I've had my fair share of loss and hardship. You're preaching to the choir.

"Put yourself in my shoes and you'd bend the rules as well."

"So you freely admit that you've bent the rules."

"To keep my crew alive."

Janeway glanced at the security guards flanking Black. "I'm surprised you feel the need to have security here. Do you feel that me and my crew impose some sort of threat, Captain Black?"

Black glared at Sarah and Janeway for a moment before answering. "I've found that I can't trust anyone in this quadrant."

"Even if we're on the same side?"

"Even if we're on the same side."

"Well, then I guess I can't trust anyone either," Janeway said standing up. "I've terminated simulations until you come clean with how you obtained the technology. My first officer is waiting orders to go and find some answers ourselves since I've been informed by my guide that there is an outpost not to far from here and from what I'm told people are very willing to throw anyone under the bus. I'm sure someone will give you up."

Sarah had turned towards the door. It wouldn't open. "Captain," she warned Janeway before she felt a shooting pain up her spine. Falling to her knees she realized that the security guard had stunned her. Janeway was on her knees besides her reeling in pain as well. The door opened before her then and she peered up into Andrew Benson's face.

He looked down at her coldly. "It appears that you were right Andrew," Black's voice said from behind them.

"I knew that they wouldn't see it our way. It's better this way. We've got the technology ready to go. _Voyager_ can either follow us or stay behind, it doesn't matter to me."

Darkness began to creep into the corners of her eyes as she was yanked to her feet. "You should have listened to me Sarah. You could have joined us but you had to go and stir up trouble, just like you always do," Andrew's voice was harsh and angry, angrier than she had ever heard it. She wasn't sure what he had seen while out here but it had caused to him to bottle up a lot of hate and anger.

"Andrew," she managed to rasp as she was dragged out of the conference room. "Listen to me, the technology isn't going to work. It will destroy the ship."

"Says who? You and your visions?" he mocked.

"Please Andrew just listen!"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry Sarah. They said it wouldn't work either with our systems but we've proved them wrong. It's why we stole it."

Sarah and Janeway were dragged to the middle of the bridge, a picture of Voyager on the screen. "So why ask us to run simulations?"

"We were hoping that you'd join us," Black said honestly. "But I guess a little rule bending isn't in your books is it Janeway?"

"Stealing technology is far from bending the rules," Janeway sneered.

"What are we going to do with them?" the security guard asked. "Send them back to their ship?"

Black was about to answer _yes_, when Benson spoke up. "They go back to their ship _Voyager_ will do anything to stop us. Isn't that right, Captain Janeway? You couldn't possibly let us get away with breaking the rules now could you?"

Sarah felt fear being to creep into her senses. She wouldn't put it past Andrew to convince Black to kill them right then and there before they used the technology to get home. She was sure that the ship was going to be destroyed in the process and Voyager would think that they had died in the blast, not killed by the crew before the ship itself met its demise. The truth would never be told. Black was so warped at this point by all that he had seen out here and the lies that Andrew had probably fed him disguised as advice that he wasn't going to argue Andrew's suggestions. If only she had been able to pick up on it sooner that Black was nothing more than Benson's puppet but she never thought someone that she had once loved would be capable of such hate. "So what now Andrew," she snapped angrily, "are you going to kill us?"

Andrew chuckled. "We're not that despite Sarah. We'll just take you back to the Alpha Quadrant with us."

"Then what? Kill us there before we can report you to the brass."

"Only if you're stupid enough to do so."

"Then I guess you're going to have to kill us if you think we'll let you get away with this," Janeway snapped.

"I won't let you mess this up," Andrew shouted at her. "We can tell them that we found Voyager destroyed, that we tried to save you, but it was too late. Commander Chakotay would be foolish to follow because you've ordered him to not use that technology at any cost, even it means saving his captain. Its unfortunate that we have to kill you though, promising officers both of you ,but oh well sacrifices have to be made I suppose."

"Don't worry, we'll all be dead before we get there Andrew, you won't have to kill us," Sarah told him.

Andrew smiled wickedly at her while Black ordered the bridge to crew to prepare the ship for their flight. Around Sarah and Janeway officers began the frenzied pace. Hope and excitement was in the air and Sarah rememebered how her own crew had felt when they had tried using the transwarp technology to get home. That had also ended in disaster. She just never thought that Andrew would be the one to kill her, even if she was going to die in an explosion.

"Alright people, settle down," Black ordered loudly, "and let's go home."

* * *

Commander Chakotay was absent-mindedly going over some status reports when Harry Kim nervously spoke up from Operations. "Ah, Commander," the young ensign quipped, sounding a little perplexed. "The Washington is pouring up their warp drive. I'm reading traces of the technology they gave us to try in the signature."

"Are the Captain and Lieutenant Barrett back on Voyager?" Chakotay asked standing up and whipping about to face Harry.

"No sir. Sensors indicate that they're still on the Washington."

Chakotay suddenly had the sneaking suspicion that Sarah's prophecy of the Washington exploding was about to come true, and with their counselor and captain on board.

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

**A/N:** I'm posting the last chapter of _Deception Point_, it didn't quite shape up the way I wanted but alas, it's finished. Be looking for the first chapter of the rewrite of _Initiations_ coming soon! Thank you everyone who reviewed, I'll take the time to respond to them as soon as possible. Enjoy this next chapter! Again I apologize for any errors that I missed.

* * *

Kathryn tried to keep her composure, knowing full well that the ship she was being held hostage on was about to explode. Glancing slightly to her left she fixed her eyes on Sarah. Why did she ask Sarah to come with her when she knew that the outcome was going to come to this? Chakotay had offered but she had said that _Voyager _would need him in case of resistance from the _Washington_. Tuvok had offered as well, and Kathryn had said no because her ship and Chakotay needed a good first officer when she didn't make it back. She'd asked Sarah. Partially because she hoped that Black would listen to her and partially because she didn't think Andrew Benson would hurt Sarah. She'd been wrong on both fronts.

Andrew was stalking the bridge now, every so often his eyes would fix on Sarah's face and they'd flash with several different emotions. The one that Kathryn caught on the most was anger. Angry at a lot of things, Kathryn was sure, but there was definite anger directed towards the young Lieutenant. Being lost in the Delta Quadrant had certainly made her anger, but she assumed that Andrew had more reasons to be angry at this place. He had found his former lover completely changed, not the same person he remembered, but was still in love with her. Only to discover that she was in love with someone else, an ex-felon at that. For a stickler like Benson it had to be a shock for him to find out that Sarah was in love with Tom Paris. And Kathryn knew she was. They could try to hide their relationship as much as they wanted, Kathryn was sure something more than friendship as going on.

The First Officer of the _Washington _was a twisted stickler though. He was willing to bend the rules to get home but he couldn't believe that Sarah had let a redeeming felon into her heart.

Sarah's eyes followed Andrew's every move. Kathryn wondered what she was picking up but if she made any attempt to speak to Sarah then the guard whose weapon was trained on her would fire and kill her. It was obvious that Black and Benson had thought this out.

"You knew that I'd find out you'd stolen the technology."

"You're a smart officer, they didn't put you in charge for nothing," Black answered her statement coldly.

Kathryn swallowed the lump in her throat. "This is your answer then? Hold us hostages here and do what with us when we get back to the Alpha Quadrant?"

Black's eyes narrowed. "That's up for you to decide. If you decide you're going to turn us in then we'll have to kill you."

"You don't have to do this," Kathryn replied, feeling her heart start to race. What would happen to Michael and Ava if she were to die, not out in the Delta Quadrant, but at the hands of her comrades, or people she had once thought to be comrades. "There's another way. We could contact the aliens that you stole the technology from, maybe they'd be willing to negotiate with us."

Andrew laughed. "You're joking right? They'd shoot us before working with us."

Kathryn shot him a heated look. "Have you tried?"

"They basically laughed at me," Andrew sneered. "The technology will tear your ship apart. Well, they were wrong, we adapted it."

Sarah pleaded with him. "Andrew, they were right, listen to me. If this ship jumps to warp using that technology it will be destroyed." Her sapphire eyes were desperate and she was hoping they'd soften her former lover up, it wasn't having that kind of affect on him. He just glared at her. The Delta Quadrant had changed him in more ways than one she realized then and perhaps a little too late. "I'm sorry, Andrew, that life has been so harsh out here for you. It hasn't been easy for me either. I learned that my mother hid my telepathic ancestry from me, I was held captive for five weeks, raped, abused, morally degraded, but it doesn't mean I've given up on ever seeing home that I'll use a dangerous technology to get there."

He glared harder at her. "Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because it doesn't have to be this way."

"It's too late to be any other way. _Voyager_ made their decision and we made ours."

"So that's it then," Kathryn said, coldly. "We're nothing but casualties to you aren't we?"

Andrew's face grew hard. "Sacrifices have to be made if we're going to get home to our families Captain Janeway, I'm sorry you feel this way."

Kathryn felt her heart constrict before she spoke. "What about my family? What about Sarah's?" She thought about her children, safely tucked away on _Voyager _and blissfully unaware that their mother was staring down the barrel of a compression phaser rifle. "I have children, Captain Black, what about them? Are you going to explain to them that I was a sacrifice that had to be made in order for you to get home?"

Black's jaw twitched slightly. "I'll make sure I send my condolences to them as soon as we reach Earth."

"Michael's five and Ava's not yet two, do you honestly think they'd understand your condolences?" Kathryn asked. She knew that she was playing devil's advocate and she was surprised that no one had picked up on the fact that she was lying about her children being on Earth. It was growing more apparent that Black had no idea that Michael and Ava were on _Voyager. _It was the only angle she had to quite possibly get them out of this situation. "Do you have children Captain Black?"

"Yes, three."

"Then you understand," Kathryn said, easing the cold tone out of her voice a little.

Black shook his head fiercely. "I understand one thing Janeway, and that's to get home to them. I'm surprised you don't want to do the same."

"Yes, I want to get home to them but I don't want to blow myself up in the process," Kathryn responded coolly.

"Sir," the officer at tactical interrupted, "Voyager is trying to hail us. Should I answer them?"

"No," Black snapped.

Kathryn and Sarah exchanged glances. Both officers knew that Black was unaware that Chakotay was a former Maquis and that Voyager had technology that would cut through the Washington's systems to tractor them or to beam Sarah and Kathryn off of the bridge. Kathryn had ordered the systems to be shut down after they had traveled through Gerroan space since they contained a cloaking device but she hadn't ordered them removed; they might come in handy again one day. "My first officer is going to get worried."

Black ignored her. "Raise the shields."

Sarah swallowed the lump that formed in her throat. Black seem determined to keep them here and Andrew determined to kill them all. She wondered when he'd changed. He'd always been cocky, it was something she figured would make him a good officer, and despite the fact that he was easy to get jealous, he'd been good to her. So what had happened? "Andrew, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For...for a lot of things I guess."

He grunted low in his throat. "You're going to have to be a little more detailed on that, Sarah."

She took a deep breath. "Fine then, I'm sorry about the way I broke up with you, it was harsh and I blind sided you. I'm sorry that you've spent the last year and half out here struggling to survive. I'm sorry about the friends and colleagues you've watched die. I'm sorry that you've grown so bitter and desperate that you'll steal and lie to get home and I'm sorry that you have to drag people that you care about down that path with you."

"Little late for all that now, don't you think?"

"Maybe I'm sorry about that as well."

"Yeah, well, saying you're sorry and feeling it are two different things."

Tears started to form in her eyes. She wasn't getting through. He'd erected such high walls that she didn't think she'd every climb over them in the little time that she had left. Her heart thundered in her chest as she realized she never got to say good bye to Tom. The floor lurched underneath her now as something latched onto the _Washington_.

"Sir!" the surprised officer at tactical sputtered. "_Voyager_ has launched onto us with a tractor beam!"

"Impossible," Black muttered even as a transporter swept him, along with Kathryn and Sarah up and deposited them in _Voyager's _briefing room.

Commander Chakotay was standing at the head of the table with Lieutenant Commander Tuvok. "Sorry it took so long to get the transporter up," he informed Janeway.

"I was beginning to think you've forgotten about me."

"What the hell is going on here?" Black demanded. "No Federation ship has technology to cut through shields and transport."

Kathryn quirked an eyebrow. "It was technology that we obtained and adapted _ethically_." So what if she had broken protocol by flying her ship under cloak, it had been done for the safety of her crew. "You're right, I wasn't about to let you get away with what you've done. I'm sorry if you thought you had outsmarted me." She gestured for him to sit. Black reluctantly did so. "Now, the way I see we have to pick one of two options here, the first being that we set a course to the home world that you obtained this technology from and go about properly obtaining it. The other is we dismantle it and join forces until we find another way home."

"Another way home?" Black scoffed. "I'm sorry Captain Janeway, what other way home do you think there is?"

"You never know when another opportunity is going to present itself."

"There are no other opportunities," Black snapped. "It's now or never."

"Let me tell you a story," Kathryn started, her eyes darkening, "several months ago I ordered my engineers to install transwarp technology. It nearly teared my ship apart. I lost seven people, seven good people, and decided to dismantle the warp drive. Now, I could have tried again, but I didn't. The lives of my crew were more important. When we make it home I want to make sure I make it with most, if not all my crew. Don't you want the same, Captain?"

Black seemed to be pondering her words. His face softened for the moment, lost in private torment. "I've seen so many of my people die that I've lost track of how many I have left."

Sarah set her jaw. "If you let them use that technology then more of them are going to die."

His eyes snapped up to hers. "They're not going to be happy."

"That's apart of being captain," Kathryn said softly. "Sometimes, our decisions don't make people happy even if its for the greater good."

A long silence lingered in the room, while Black was seated in his chair with _Voyager's _senior most officers crowded around him. He finally let out a sigh and looked at Sarah. "You look like your mother," he said simply, "and she would tell me that I'm being a fool. I'm not proud of what I did, Sarah, maybe when you have command someday you'll understand my decisions, however, I've put my crew in danger enough." He stood, squaring his shoulders at Janeway. "Beam me back over to my ship, I'll stand down."

Kathryn was about to give the order when the room tipped violently to one side and Harry Kim's voice came over the comm. "_Captain, the Washington just used a feedback loop to break the tractor beam, they're powering up the engines to make the jump. What should I do?_"

"Hail them, Mister Kim," Kathryn ordered, leading the way out of the briefing room. Andrew Benson's face filled the screen.

"Andrew," Black said, "stand down."

"Sir?"

"Captain Janeway is right, we can't go through with this. We broke a lot of rules and hurt a lot of people to get this technology," Black said firmly.

Andrew's eyes narrowed on Sarah. "So, you've won. You've convinced him that all hell is going to break loose because of some vision you've had?"

Sarah shook her head. "No, he's doing it for the safety of your crew."

"Sorry if I don't see it that way."

The screen went blank and Sarah felt her hands tremble. Andrew was going to go through it with or without his captain. Janeway was trying to bring the ship about to launch another tractor beam but the feedback loop had damaged it, there was no way they were going to be able to latch onto the _Washington _now.

Black stood stoically besides her. "Can you beam me back to the ship?"

"You go over there and he launches you die," Kathryn told him.

"I understand that."

"Harry..."

"Yes ma'am," Kim said, running his fingers over the console. "Initiating transport now."

Black was swept up in the transporter beam. Kathryn looked over her shoulder at Tuvok. "How much time does he have?"

"By my estimates, under a minute."

Kathryn let a slow breath. All they could do now was pray.

* * *

"Andrew," Marcus Black said gently when he came out of the transporter beam. "It's over."

The young commander furiously shook his head. "How can you say that? We're so close to getting home! We can't stop now."

Black stepped down into the command center, his command center. "For a while I lost sight of what we're all about-exploration. We've been given an incredible opportunity, I know it's one we'd rather not have, but never the less it's been handed to us. Captain Janeway made me realize that I've strayed from that path. I'm so hell bent on getting home and seeing my kids and possibly my grandkids that I'd forgotten what it meant to care for my crew. It's not completely over Andrew. We'll dismantle the technology and join forces with _Voyager._"

"What purpose would that serve?" Andrew snapped. "Janeway hasn't been out here long enough to realize that protocol doesn't exist."

"No, but if we lose our protocols we lose our last tie to home."

Andrew's fingers lingered over the controls that would either send them home or destroy them. He couldn't believe Sarah would lie, although she'd lost her way if she was dating that loser Paris, but what were the chances that the technology that both crews had tested in the holodecks over and over again backfiring? He shook his again. "I'm sorry Captain," he said his finger pressing the controls, "but I'm not staying one more second in this forsaken quadrant. Janeway be damned."

* * *

_"_Ma'am, the _Washington _has engaged her engines. The hull is beginning to break up."

"Mister Baytart move us to a safe distance."

The words were barely out of Kathryn Janeway's mouth when _Voyager's _bridge was suddenly illuminated with the oranges and reds of a ship exploding in a flash. Kathryn set her jaw and shook her head a little. _What a waste, _she thought as she glanced at the faces of her officers. Chakotay didn't look too surprised, although his face was forlorn, Tuvok's was as emotionless as ever, Harry looked stunned, but Sarah's features were so contorted with a vast array of emotions that Kathryn wanted to gather her up into her arms and hug her. "We did everything we could, Sarah," she said softly, "but we couldn't make him listen."

Sarah nodded, slowly, her eyes fixed on the debris cloud in front of her. "Ma'am, can I be relieved for the day?"

Kathryn put her hand on the counselor's shoulder. "Alright."

Sarah spun about on her heal and quickly fled the bridge. Angry tears streamed down her cheeks upon entering the turbolift. The utter waste of life shocked her. Of course she'd seen this kind of loss before, back home studying Bajor or even here in the Delta Quadrant with the Gerroan's treatment of the Kreyole, however most of those victims had been faceless people to her. Now, she knew the man who'd pulled the trigger and she was angry. She wasn't sure where she was going until she ended up at the holodeck and called Tom's program up.

Retreating to a table in the far corner of the room and refusing any wine that Sandrine tried to offer her, Sarah slumped down into a chair and lowered her head onto her arms. Resting it there for a while she watched the flames flicker in the fireplace, heard the idle chatter of the pool players behind her and the every so often open and closing of the glass doors. Everything seemed detached here. Of course the holograms would not be aware of the vast scale of death that Sarah had just witnessed and even if they were they were programed not to be effected by it. She wished that she had the ability to reprogram her emotions.

Nothing would have change the outcome, she knew this deep down inside but she couldn't help by replay her steps.

"Can I join you?" a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"I thought you were in the brig until tomorrow morning," Sarah whispered when Tom sat down across from her.

"Got out on good behavior," he joked. Her face remained painfully serious. "I heard it was a rough day."

Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "Rougher than most I guess."

Tom reached across the table and took her hand. "Sarah, you can't blame yourself."

A piano player began to waft out the notes of an old Earth love song, each note haunting as a singer sang about a love lost. Sarah struggled with her emotions for a moment. True the singer was singing about a lover that had left not one that had died but the parallels to the lyrics to how she felt was overwhelming. "I didn't love him anymore Tom, but I can't help but feel sad over his death."

"It's only natural," Tom replied, gently stroking her fingers.

Sarah raised her chin slightly to make eye contact with him. "I'm sad because this quadrant changed him so much. I'm sad and scared it could do the same to us."

"Andrew lost sight of who and what he stood for was. As long as we don't lose sight of that we'll be fine."

For a moment her eyes looked away and he wasn't sure what he said comforted her, but then the music changed to a more happy song and a relieved look settled into her irises. He stood up, holding his hand out to her. "Will you dance with me?"

Sarah got up and took his hand. Tom led her to the dance floor, encircling her waist with one hand and clutching tightly to the other. Slowly he led her around the tiny dance floor. "I didn't know you could dance."

"Well, I had to do something to keep myself occupied while I was in jail."

Resting her cheek against his shoulder she knew that if they didn't lose sight of who they were, they were going to be alright.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14: Projections

A/N: I realize I haven't been very fair to the Doctor's character, so I figured that I'd take a swing at rewriting _Projections _instead of rewriting _Initiations. _And let me know if this shows up, I got a couple of PM's saying that the last post didn't show up unless you went into the first chapter of the story, so hmmm, I'm no computer genius so I don't know what happened! Also you're more than welcome to toss story ideas my way. Sometimes other people's ideas are better than what I come up with on my own haha. Please leave a review if you can, I like to hear what you think about my writing :).

* * *

**PROJECTIONS**

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

The EMH found his sickbay completely empty and in utter disarray. It wasn't like Kes to leave the room in such a state and he found himself getting infuriated that his program had been started when it was apparent that no one was in need of medical assistance. If this was another one of Michael Janeway's tampering with his program he was going to have to speak to the Captain again about putting stronger security codes on his program. "Computer, who activated the EMH?"

"_Auto initiation occurred when a ship wide red alert was initiated."_

"Emergency?" the Doctor questioned before tapping his combadge. "Sickbay to bridge." Nothing but silence followed his hail. Captain Janeway please respond."

"_Captain Janeway is not on board the ship."_

The Doctor sighed angrily. "Well then, who's in command?"

"_Internal scans indicate that new crew members are on board._"

"You mean the ship is empty?"

"_Affirmative."_

He started to feel what Lieutenant Barrett would probably coin as anxiety creeping into his program. He'd never been aware that he could feel emotions like this before. He was after all programed to deal with crisis situations. "What is the crew's location now?"

"_Unknown,_" the computer answered monotonously.

"Did the go on shore leave? Are they...dead?"

"_That information is not available."_

"Well can I at least get a ship's status report?"

"_Warp core is off line, the ship is restricted to emergency power and auxiliary systems only, structural integrity breach on deck six, deck seven, and deck twelve, deflector shields inoperative, weapon's array off line, communications off line-"_

The Doctor had begun pacing around sickbay. He finally interrupted the computer. "Alright I get the idea. What caused this damage?" The computer quickly responded that the information wasn't available. The Doctor sighed, "of course it isn't." He strode purposefully into the office and accessed the personal computer. "Computer, transfer all the bridge logs to this station."

_"Accessing bridge logs._"

"Replay last log entry."

Kathryn Janeway's tired and worn face appeared on the static screen. Her hair was falling out and it looked as though the bridge was falling a part around her. Her log came in bits and pieces, breaking up thanks to probably damage to the main computer core. "Heavy causalities...the warp core is going critical and the injector system is off line...I've ordered all personnel to abandon ship...Lieutenant Torres and I-"

Here the message cut off and was gone. The Doctor stared at the screen in for a moment as another new emotion plagued his system. What would Lieutenant Barrett say about this emotion? Fear? "Computer have any escape pods been ejected?"

"_All escape pods were ejected at twenty one hundred hours."_

"Scan the ship for any humanoid lifeforms."

"_There are no humanoid lifeforms aboard this vessel."_

The Doctor set his jaw. "Well, I'm glad everyone bothered to say good bye." He sat down in his chair and stared at the black screen of his personal computer. Lieutenant Barrett had suggested once that he keep a log, of course she had done so when he was angry with her and she didn't want to listen, but never the less he had taken the suggestion to heart. Now seemed as good a time as ever to record a new edition. "It appears that the _Voyager _crew has abandoned ship. Apparently they encountered something that caused a vast scale of damage. It seems that my services are no longer needed. I will be terminating my program. If anyone should read this log my program can be reactivated using-"

Something was trying to bang their way through the doors. The Doctor stood, surprised. "Hello?"

There wasn't an answer and he tried to stealthily make his way closer to the doors as a pair of hands appeared between them. He grabbed a hypospray and loaded it with a sedative. Pressing his back tightly to the door he called out again, "Hello?"

A body soon pressed itself in between the doors and the Doctor grabbed a hold of the intruder's arm. He had almost pressed the hypospray to the intruder's neck when the person turned and yelped. "Doctor! What are you doing?"

"Sorry," the hologram mumbled putting the hypospray down. "I didn't realize it was you Lieutenant."

Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres shook off the near disaster. "It's alright. I guess being alone in here would make me a little crazy as well." She pulled her tunic down tightly over her torso and winced.

"I thought the crew had abandoned ship?" the Doctor asked.

"They did."

"What happened Lieutenant?"

"We were attacked by the Kazon, caught us by surprise," B'Elanna explained. "Before we knew it every system was damaged the warp core was breaching. Captain Janeway ordered everyone into escape pods. The Captain and I stayed behind to stop the breach."

The Doctor led her to a bio bed to examine the arm that she was nursing. She was one to often turn treatment but usually came around if Joe Carey or Commander Chakotay dragged her to sickbay. "I can see that you were successful," he said grabbing a medical tricorder and running it over her arm. He frowned when it didn't show any readings. He picked up another one. "Hmmm, these tricorders seemed to have been damaged in the attack as well." He decided to just treat her for a broken arm because that's what it appeared to be anyway. While treating her, he asked, "What happened to the crew?"

B'Elanna scowled. "The Kazon used a tractor beam to tractor all the pods and went to warp before we could track them."

"And the Captain, where is she?"

"A support beam struck her just as we got the core stabilized. I didn't want to move her."

The Doctor nodded. "Very well, take a med kit and I can walk your through treatment."

B'Elanna shook her head. "Communications are down. I'm going to have to transfer you directly to the bridge."

"Did you forget that I can't leave this room?"

"Actually," she said quirking a grin. "We've installed holo projectors in key areas on the ship. We just haven't tested the system yet."

The Doctor looked confused. He'd never heard of any project about installing projectors to transfer him to other areas on the ship. "I wasn't aware that this project was in place. Where on the ship will I be transferable to?"

B'Elanna tapped some keys on the computer and accessed the projectors. "Key areas of the ship, decks one through five, the bridge, engineering, the mess hall, and the cargo bay. Sorry we didn't tell you, but the Captain didn't want to get your hopes up. This uses a lot of energy and we're not even sure it's going to work. Now I just have to figure out where to get that energy from right now since we don't have a lot in reserves."

"I'm thankful for the Captain's compassion, but next time I'd liked to be informed," the Doctor informed the Chief Engineer. "And why don't you just reroute power from life support from the lower decks since the crew is not on board?" He was surprised she didn't think of that sooner. The B'Elanna he knew would have thought of that immediately. Her slow thinking must be an after affect of the shocking twist of events.

"Good idea," she said typing the keys to make is possible. "Okay, it's going to take some time before the system is up and running."

The Doctor paced around sickbay while he waited impatiently for the transfer to be ready. His holographic mind couldn't put two thoughts together and he was surprised by this because he wasn't programed to have errant thoughts. But he kept coming back to how something did feel quite right, the computer not picking up any life signs when two humanoids had been on board, the tricorders not being able to read B'Elanna's life signs, and the hidden project to transfer his program all over the ship. Two and two didn't seem to be adding up.

"I'll contact you once I get communications up."

"I assume that there is still an emergency med kit behind the tactical station," the Doctor said snapping back to reality.

"Of course."

"Well then, let's get on with it."

B'Elanna nodded her head. "Alright, I'll be talking to you soon, unless this doesn't work and I'll be seeing you in five seconds." The Doctor nodded his head and waited anxiously. "Good luck," Torres told him.

"Thanks, I think I'm going to need it."

In an instant the hologram found himself on the bridge. Smoke and sparks filled the air from the damage. There were several support beams hanging precariously low and he had to duck and pick his way through the debris, which included a couple of dead crewmen or he assumed they were dead, the tricorders from the med kit were not working as well. After checking each crewmen for life signs and coming up empty he made his way to the unconscious Captain Janeway.

She was bent over the top steps leading down the helm, hair falling out of place and the Doctor could see that there was a large bruise on her forehead. He knelt down and pulled out the tricorder and ran the scanner over Janeway's body. No readings up. Frustrated he loaded some medication in a hypospray. He didn't need the tricorder to tell him that she had a concussion. Pressing the hypospray to her neck he helped her sit up when she started to stir.

Janeway sat up holding her head and gazed at the hologram. "I see the new emitters are working."

"There are indeed. How are you feeling? Any dizziness, nausea?"

"No, but I have a hell of a headache."

"That's understandable, you have a concussion."

Janeway rubbed her temples. "The crew?"

The Doctor frowned. "Unfortunately captured by the Kazon."

"Even the children?" the Captain asked in a strained voice.

"Even the children," the Doctor repeated softly.

He hoped she wouldn't go into some sort of state that he didn't know how to treat. While some psychology had been apart of his background he wasn't a trained counselor. He glanced at the empty seat usually occupied by Lieutenant Sarah Barrett. His mind focused on the young woman know. At times she was his only ally but then there other times that she was really just a thorn in his side. More often than not she was a thorn. She wanted him to be more patient, more friendly. Well patience and friendliness were not a part of his program. He wondered if she was telling Tom Paris to be less hormonal.

Janeway was attempting to stand but needed some assistance in doing so. She was another human that was complex and infuriating to the Doctor. She refused medical help half the time and blatantly defied his orders when all he had was her health at the center of his concerns. She couldn't very well run the ship dead, now could she?

"Let's see if we can get power up. We can't mount a rescue mission without power," Janeway said climbing over support beams to the science station. "Do you think you can help me Doctor?"

He followed her. "If anything is like a medical procedure then, yes, I think I can be of service."

Janeway smiled. "Alright then, let's get to work."

"_Neelix to bridge! I need help in the mess hall!"_

"Neelix? What's wrong? Can you hear me?"

"_Yes I can hear you Captain! We have an intruder!"_

Janeway shook her head. "With the turbolifts down it would take me over half an hour to get there." She looked thoughtfully at the Doctor. "But you could go."

"Me?"

"Yes, I'll transfer your program to the mess hall."

The Doctor nodded his head and waited. When he rematerialized he had to duck a ladle being tossed at his head. Mister Neelxi was hiding in the galley, throwing random kitchen utensils at a Kazon soldier hiding behind over turned mess tables. The Doctor's opinion of Mister Neelix was this, he was obnoxious. However the Talaxian's verbal tirade and throwing of various kitchen tools gave the Doctor the perfect opportunity to slip behind the Kazon solider and knock him out with the very ladle that had been thrown at the hologram's head. Not before one of Neelix's attempts to hit the Kazon managed to hit the Doctor on the side of the head. "Ouch!"

"Oh, sorry Doctor, I didn't see you there. Are you okay?"

"I'm not supposed to feel pain!" the Doctor exclaimed bringing a hand to his head.

"Maybe something is wrong with your programing?" Neelix said, appearing suddenly at his side.

The Doctor pulled his hand away and saw a red, sticky liquid covering his fingers. "Blood? I'm not supposed to bleed! It's not in my programing!"

Neelix knelt down to examine the cut. "It doesn't look too bad, superficial really. You should be okay."

"Okay? This is not okay!"

"Maybe your program was damaged in the attack."

"Yes, yes that has to be it."

But even as he asked for Captain Janeway to transfer him back to sickbay so he could examine his program he got a sinking feeling that something other than the holo emitters or sub routines was wrong.

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: I'm not really following the plot of the original episode in this. First off I'd rather just stick to the Doctor being confused if he is human or not. I do not think Reg Barclay is going to make an appearance in this rewrite, but one never knows I guess I have to see where my muse takes me. Again I apologize for grammar and spelling errors and reviews are always welcome, as well as ideas! Enjoy!_  
_

* * *

When the Doctor rematerilzed in sickbay he quickly went to grab a medical tricorder. Running it over his head he was shocked to see that the device was picking up _his _life signs. "Impossible," he muttered. "I'm a hologram! I shouldn't have life signs!" He tried to access his program on the computer but it came up inclusive. Well that was a lie, it did tell him that the program didn't exist. But how was that possible if he was running?

"Doctor?" a voice said. "Is something wrong?"

The Doctor turned to see a young woman standing in the entrance of the office, wearing a simple black jumpsuit and a Starfleet issued combadge. "Miss Barrett, I thought you had abandoned ship?"

Sarah Barrett looked at him puzzled. "No," she said slowly. "Doctor, are you okay?"

"This doesn't make any sense! The Captain said that the entire crew abandoned ship! You shouldn't be here!"

"Doctor," Sarah said, "maybe you should sit down so I can scan you."

Mumbling, the hologram did so, planting his bottom down onto a biobed. It was an odd sensation he realized having Barrett scan him with a medical tricorder and then pick up a dermal regenerator to fix the cut behind his ear. There must be a serious glitch in his programming if he was bleeding, registering life signs, and being fixed by a medical tool reserved for humanoid species. " Lieutenant, tell me, what happened to the Kazon?"

Barrett put the instrument down on a nearby tray. "The Kazon, who are the Kazon?"

"Surely you must remember the Kazon? We've had dozens of encounters with them," the Doctor replied, exasperated. "They were one of the first species that we came across in the Delta Quadrant, the fist in a long line of unfriendly species, but the first never the less."

"Delta Quadrant?"

"Yes! We've been stranded here for nearly a year now!"

A look of understanding came over the young woman's face. The Doctor thought he had finally gotten through to her and rang a bell, but when she opened her mouth to speak he was only discouraged even more. "Oh dear, it's worse than we originally thought. Doctor Zimmerman, do you know how I am? Do you know what your job is here? What my job is here?" Her eyes studied his face for a long moment. "Do you know where you are?"

The Doctor frowned. "First of all, I don't know about any Doctor Zimmerman. Second, of course I know what my job is here. I am the chief medical officer of the starship _Voyager. _And you, Lieutenant Barrett, are _Voyager's _ship counselor. And course I know where I am, don't be absurd Miss Barrett, I'm in my sickbay, on _Voyager!_"

Barrett patted his hand. "Doctor Zimmerman, you're suffering from a type of psychotic disorder, brought on by logging severe hours in the holodeck. You actually think you've become a part of the program. Yes, I admit I'm a counselor, but I haven't been assigned to a ship in, well, over a year, and you wanted to study the long term effects of isolation on a starship crew. We created the program together. Kes was concerned that you were spending so much time in here. I laughed at her, actually laughed at her, but now I can see her worries are justified. If you stay on the holodeck much longer I'm afraid you'll die; the program is slowly killing you."

"What are you talking about? I am the chief medical officer of a starship lost in the Delta Quadrant."

"Doctor, there is no _Voyager _it doesn't exist."

"That's crazy! Of course it exists! I serve on it! So do you!"

Barrett shook her head. "We only simulated those situations, none of this _really _happened."

"Prove it then, Lieutenant."

"Alright, computer resume Zimmerman project Isolation from the beginning."

The scene soon changed and the Doctor found himself in a smoke filled sickbay. He remembered this day, in fact it was the first memory his program had created. It was the day he first had been activated. Tom Paris and Harry Kim had carried Sarah Barrett to the biobed and Harry was asking for assistance. He shook his head. _If _it had really happened there was no way they could go back and relive it. Perhaps this was still apart of the program malfunction. He refused to believe that everything he thought was real had been nothing but a holodeck experiment. He asked for a tricorder and just like he expected Harry Kim handed him a regular one instead of a medical one. He shook his head and moved away from the bio bed, muttering to himself.

"Hey," Paris quipped, "aren't you going to help her?"

"No," the Doctor said turning about. "I'm not."

"What kind of doctor are you?" Paris yelled, baffled.

The Doctor looked at Barrett sitting up on the biobed. "Did I really program Mister Paris to be this obnoxious?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "You fashioned him after my boyfriend."

"Ah, computer, delete Paris."

The simulation of Tom Paris vanished just as he was about to sputter some form of protest. Kim looked besides himself as he questioned what was going on only to garner being deleted by the Doctor as well. Pretty soon all the holographic creations of the _Voyager _crew were deleted from the room. The Doctor stood in the middle of this looking as pleased as punch. "Do you believe now?" Sarah asked, looking around the empty room.

"Yes I believe I do. Now, let's stop the program so I can get out of here and go home."

"It's not that simple. You see, we've been trying to shut the program down for days."

"I don't understand."

"The subroutines started failing," Barrett explained.

The Doctor shook his head. "I'm not sure I'm following. You said that I had some psychotic disorder brought on by over use of the holodeck, well I am certainly aware of those types of disorders being a doctor and all. Most treatment is the simple shut down of the program and erasing it from the databanks."

Barrett nodded her head. "Yes, normally that works, however in this case the program has been run so much that the command codes are degrading. We can only reset it."

"How do we stop it then?"

"You programed two possible endings," Barrett told him. "_Voyager _either was successful and made it home to Earth or they were destroyed."

"Then...then we need to end the program with the destruction of _Voyager._"

"Yes."

"Won't we both be hurt?"

"I'm not really here, I'm a holographic projection, from the other side of the wall," Barrett said. "But we have medical teams standing by since it appears the holodeck safeties have been turned off in the degradation of the subroutines."

He scoffed. "No kidding, my bleeding proved that earlier today."

Barrett smiled. She had a pretty smile. "Then let's get on with it, before you get hurt more."

"Can you transfer me to Engineering?"

"Doctor, you're not a hologram," Barrett reminded him. "You can walk there."

He still wasn't sure about all of this, after all his only memories were of being a hologram on _Voyager, _but if Lieutenant Barrett was right and he was suffering from some sort of psychotic disorder from using the holodeck too much then it was possible that he just couldn't access those memories before his time on _Voyager. _There was a part of him that felt sorrow to learn that people he was starting to get to know and possibly, with the exception of Mister Paris, become friends with were only figments of his imagination. Well, perhaps they all weren't figments of his imagination. Lieutenant Barrett was real and she had mentioned Kes' name, so maybe some of these characters, people he had come to know were reflections of _real _people in his _real _life.

As they made their way to Main Engineering the Doctor observed the crew running frantic to and fro. Barrett had not stopped the program. It was still running from the beginning when the Caretaker had transported _Voyager _through the Bad Lands to the Delta Quadrant. He pleased that he had programed a pretty efficient little ship and crew. In fact, he was quite proud. For one who was criticized so much for his character he had certainly put together a hearty crew.

"In here," Barrett instructed, leading him into the large room that housed Engineering.

The crew was busy buzzing around trying to stop a warp core breach. They didn't pay much attention to Barrett or the Doctor walking in and the young lieutenant was hoping that they could slip in and shut down the holomatrix before anyone saw them. She didn't know how far the subroutines had degraded and it might be impossible to start the program from the beginning. The Doctor on the other hand had other plans. He smiled at Janeway as he passed and said, "Carry on."

Janeway looked a little surprised to see them. "Lieutenant Barrett, I thought I left you in charge of the bridge? And I didn't know you could move about the ship," she addressed the Doctor.

"It was a discovery that I just made myself actually."

"Good, then you can help. We have wounded over here."

"No, I don't think so."

The Captain straightened her petite form and turned a death glare on the duo. "Excuse me? Last I checked that is your duty. And you," she wagered a finger at Barrett, "were under orders to stay on the bridge."

"Computer, delete Janeway."

Janeway remained where she was.

The Doctor looked at Barrett with a panic stricken expression. "The protocols are further degrading, the program isn't recognizing voice commands."

"Are you responsible for bringing us here?"

"No no, let me explain."

"I don't think so," Janeway said ordering two security guards to come and escort the Doctor the brig and Lieutenant Barrett back to the bridge.

Barrett moved backwards a little. "Doctor, have any brilliant ideas?"

The Doctor put his hands up. "No need to worry, this isn't necessary. You're all about to beamed over to the entity in space. You'll discover the Caretaker there or..Banjo Man, whatever you wish to call him. So, Captain Janeway, you can take me to the brig but you will be gone in about fifteen seconds."

As the security guards moved towards the Doctor and Barrett the crew started to be whisked away by an pink transporter beam. Janeway gasped and started to ask the Doctor for an explanation but she was soon gone too. The Doctor grinned and looked around the now empty, with the exception of Barrett. "That was easy."

"Yes well, destroy the warp core won't be."

"Can't you help me?"

"No, I have to shut down my holomatrix or I could be injured when the program is destroyed. I'm apart of the program right now," Barrett replied. "The computer will register that I'm a holographic projection but not where the projection is coming from."

The Doctor nodded his head. "Alright, all I have to do is cause the warp core to overload."

"Pretty much," Barrett said, holding out her hand. "Good luck, Doctor Zimmerman."

He shook her hand before she disappeared and he went about overloading the relays to cause a warp core breach. It surprisingly didn't take too long and surprisingly he had not programed any safety measures that a regular starship would have to prevent warp core breaches. Perhaps it was another malfunction from the degrading subroutines and protocols. The pretty swirling blue warp core before him started to shake and hiss steam.

One of the last things he remembered was hear a deafening explosion before blacking out.

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

**A/N:** If anyone is interested I'm looking for people to help proofread and beta my work. Someone had contacted me about doing it but after that I heard nothing from them and I haven't been around consistently in a while to think about it. Anyways, just send me a PM if you're interested in helping out:). Here's the end of _Projections_. Any suggestions for what I should rewrite next?I was thinking _Non Sequitur. _Also, thanks go out to **PilotTheTruth **for proofreading this and rewording some grammar :), an left over mistakes are my fault ;).

* * *

"Doctor, can you hear me?"

Opening his eyes he glanced up into the concerned face of Captain Janeway. Startled to see her he sat up and looked around the room. Commander Chakotay was standing to Janeway's left, Ensign Kim to her right. Kes stood on the other side of the biobed with a tricorder in her hand and Sarah Barrett was standing to her right.

"Lieutenant," he addressed Barrett finally. "You told me that the program would end if I destroyed _Voyager_. Why are we still here?"

Barrett looked confused and glanced at her commanding officers for a moment. "Doctor," she said looking into his eyes, "I'm not sure I follow."

The Doctor felt his heart race, whether it was a real one or a holographic one he wasn't sure at this point. He turned towards Barrett and swung his legs over the side of the biobed furiously and with such force that both Barrett and Kes had to step backwards to avoid being hit. "You told me that the program had to be ended! You told me that I was dying!"

"Doctor," Kim said, "you were on the holodeck when we hit an ion storm that fried the holodeck circuits. We've been trying for hours to retrieve your program. It's entirely possible that the computer created characters based off of your memory banks. Lieutenant Barrett would certainly be in there."

"A feedback loop was created when the ion storm hit," Janeway explained. "The program you were running started malfunctioning and creating its own subroutines."

The Doctor shook his head. "No," he snapped at Barrett. "She came to me. She told me that I was running an experiment on long term isolation, that I had created _Voyager_ and that I was studying the holographic crew with her. She said there were two ways that the program could end; one was if _Voyager_ found a way home and since that wasn't going very well we concluded that it was unlikely to happen and so we went with option two, which was destroying _Voyager_. I destroyed the ship like she told me too! I shouldn't be here right now!"

"Maybe we should shut down his program until we're sure that the subroutines are fixed," Chakotay instructed Kim.

Kim nodded his head. "It's possible that the circuits were damaged more than we originally thought. I'll go to Engineering and see if they can spare B'Elanna."

Janeway placed her hands on her hips. "Do it," she ordered. Kim briskly walked out of sickbay, heading for Engineering. "In the meantime, let's shut down the Doctor's program."

"Wait a minute, don't I get a say?"

"Doctor," Janeway said firmly. "You're not functioning properly right now. You don't know what you want."

The Doctor jumped off the biobed and grabbed a hypospray before snagging a handful of Barrett's uniform up into his hand. "I do know what I want! I want this program to end! Every single one of you are not supposed to be here! Lieutenant Barrett you told me that yourself!"

"Shut the program down," Janeway hissed under her breath at Chakotay.

"You can't shut me down! I'm not a hologram!" the Doctor shouted as the First Officer went to manipulate the controls.

Chakotay looked completely baffled as every one of his attempts to shut down the Doctor's program resulted in not the Doctor shimmering out of existence but in staying very much in the room with a very real hypospray pressed against Sarah Barrett's neck. "I don't understand, Captain, the program isn't even registering in our databanks. For some reason the computer cannot find the EMH. It's like the program doesn't even exist."

Janeway's eyes narrowed to slits. "Let's say you're telling the truth? What is killing Sarah going to accomplish?"

"She's a hologram, she won't die," the Doctor replied. He pressed the hypospray to the fleshy part of Barrett's neck.

"And if she isn't, Doctor, do you want to have her blood on your hands?"

He suddenly felt torn. What if she was right? What if this was reality and everything that he'd just been told by the very woman he was holding hostage was the lie? Could he really live with himself if he killed her? He shifted his weight about. His grip loosened slightly. If he was the hologram then the program would be showing up in the computer and the Commander would be able to shut him down. He was right they weren't real. He had to be. "Captain, I'm sorry that you do not believe me. But this program has to be ended."

Janeway held her hand. "Alright, I won't have the Commander shut you down. Now, just let Lieutenant Barrett go."

"Why?" the Doctor hissed. "So you can shut me down once she's safe? Erase my program completely from the computer?"

"You just told me you weren't a hologram so what is there to worry about?"

He tightened his grip on the young woman, almost choking her. "You'll either shut me down or kill me."

Janeway shook her head. "We're trying to save you Doctor. If you let her go then we can work something out."

"_Kim to Janeway. We have access to the Doctor's program. Should I shut it down?_"

A tense look passed between the Doctor and Janeway. Time seemed to stand still while each contemplated what she was going to order, knowing full well that the life of one of her officers was on the line. The Doctor knew he'd programmed her, if she was just a program, to be unwilling to sacrifice those underneath her command. After all, hadn't they traveled through a very dangerous area of space to rescue Lieutenant Barrett before? "Mister Kim, shut the program down," she drawled in a low, husky tone.

"No!" the Doctor yelled before pressing the hypospray into Barrett's neck. He saw Janeway's eyes grow wide with horror as the young woman's body fell to the floor. He stepped back, breathing hard realizing he had made a huge mistake. Kes was feeling for a pulse but there was none. She looked at him with hateful eyes.

"You killed her," Kes snapped.

It was the last thing he heard before he shimmered out of existence.

When he came to he was standing in Engineering, at the very console he had been at when he'd first tried to destroy _Voyager_. Blinking he looked around the now empty room. It appeared that the crew was still on the array in this part of the program so the empty room explained at what point of the simulation he was in but it didn't explain what had just happened in sickbay. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Perhaps the program had simply reset itself to a different time when he had triggered the warp core breach. But why hadn't Lieutenant Barrett remembered him? The line between fantasy and reality was blurring further together and he wasn't sure who or what to believe anymore.

"What happened?" a voice asked.

He looked up to see Barrett standing in the entrance of the large room, a confused look on her face. "I thought you were dead," the Doctor said.

She shook her head. "No, I terminated my holographic image. I'm hooked up through a neural pathway in the computer to project this image to you. Remember, if I am still hooked up to the computer when you terminate the program I could be hurt."

"I killed you! Just now!"

"Doctor, I'm not following."

"In sickbay! I woke up in _Voyager's_ sickbay! Captain Janeway was going to terminate my program. I wanted to prove to her that I wasn't a hologram and I killed you."

Barrett moved towards him. "Your neural connection to the computer is beginning to degrade. Your mind is coming up with different scenarios."

The Doctor gripped the console. "None of this is making any sense. I destroyed _Voyager_ just like you told me to and I woke up in sickbay and killed you. Yet here you are!"

"That wasn't me you killed," Barrett said calmly. "It was a representation of who you perceived me to be on _Voyager_."

He still wasn't entirely convinced. If she had been a part of the creation of the program then no holographic record of her would have existed because she was an actual human. She wouldn't have been in that sickbay. Would she? "The holodeck created a representation of you that had no idea who I am? That I'm the EMH and not Doctor Zimmerman, that's how I perceive you?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I can't explain why the holodeck created a projection of me. It's severely damaged. We're not sure what it will do."

"We're not sure what it will do?" He repeated and suddenly felt angry. "You mean to tell me that you have no control on the other side of that wall?! "

"None at all," she said evenly.

A sharp pain started up the side of his head and he grabbed a hold of his temple. "What's happening?" he winced through clenched teeth. Being a hologram, or he thought he was a hologram, he didn't know what pain felt like until that day. "Why am I in pain?"

Her eyes, something that he once thought to be the most beautiful feature on her, were suddenly dark, cold. "You're dying, Doctor Zimmerman. The neural pathways in your brain are starting to break down. If you don't end this program you're going to die here."

"You shut it down!"

"I can't."

He lowered his body to the ground. "I'm in no condition to shut this program down Lieutenant!"

Her voice started to slur and he realized he was having trouble focusing on her. If he wanted any of this to end he was going to have to end it. "Doctor," she said. He noticed that she was kneeling down next to him. "You need to shut the program down."

"And what if you're wrong?"

"What if I'm right?"

Could she be right? Was this how a human felt when they experienced delusions? He had always believed it would be easy to separate delusion from reality because delusions to him were far from the truth. Little did he know how wrong, he really could be. But holograms were not supposed to be delusional. He was supposed to be the voice of reason in that sickbay when all hell was breaking loose. Right now he couldn't determine what was reason and what was absolute craziness. "If I'm right and that _Voyager_ is real, then it means I'm just on the holodeck and my program will go back into the buffers where the crew will be able to fix and retrieve me."

Barrett quirked an eyebrow and said. "And if you're wrong then your neural pathways will be beyond repair once we get you out of here. You'll never be able to go back to your work as a scientist. Is that what you really want Doctor Zimmerman?"

His head throbbed in pain. "This isn't real! I am the EMH on the starship _Voyager_."

"Then why did you come back to this very moment when you believed that Janeway had shut your program down?" Barrett asked, eyes piercing through him. "Why didn't you just disappear back into those buffers?"

"Ensign Kim said that there was something wrong with my program!"

"Did your program even register in their computer?"

For a moment he recalled Commander Chakotay trying to shut his program down and telling Janeway that he couldn't find it in the computer. Perhaps Lieutenant Barrett was right. He had created a representation of her in his mind and killed that representation. She wasn't really dead after all, was she? Or perhaps this is where he had come after Kim had shut his program down and he really had killed her. He squeezed his eyes shut. "No! But that doesn't mean it wasn't there! I won't destroy _Voyager_ unless I know without a doubt I'm not hurting the crew!"

Barrett's voice was nothing but a hoarse whisper. "The crew doesn't exist, Doctor Zimmerman."

The Doctor tried to tune out her voice. It was easy to do so with the throbbing pain in his ears. He wasn't convinced that _Voyager_ was nothing but a holoprogram but *then again he* wasn't convinced that the ship wasn't a holoprogram either. If he pulled the proverbial trigger and destroyed the program then he would end up brain dead. The medical statistics were not in his favor. And if this wasn't a holoprogram but rather something he was making up in his mind then _Voyager_ would be without a doctor because his program would probably be irretrievable. Either choice seemed to end in his destruction.

Slowly he pulled himself up by gripping the edge of the console. Barrett watched him with emotionless eyes and something struck him as odd. Even when she had her command mask in place her eyes betrayed her true emotion. Right now nothing was emanating from her dark blue irises. "This isn't real," he accused her. "I don't know who you really are, but you're not the Lieutenant Barrett I know!"

He turned to face the console and started to punch in commands. He'd destroy the ship again and probably end up back in this spot. But he'd destroy the ship as many times as he could just to end his delusions. His vision was blurry. By a medical standpoint, if he was human, his neural pathways were starting to degrade so badly that it was affecting his sight. The console swirled in front of him and he couldn'ttell the keys apart. He struggled to make out the buttons. Was Lieutenant Barrett there or had she disappeared back into the abyss?

Giving his head a shake he tried to type the code in once again. Nothing happened. He typed it again and once more nothing happened. "NO! This isn't real!" He shouted before a hand grabbed a hold of his arm and yanked him about. He was suddenly staring into Kathryn Janeway's eyes.

"Doctor?"

Behind her he could see the holodeck grid. Ensign Kim was standing by a console, Commander Chakotay close to his shoulder. Janeway was standing mere inches from his face. "Doctor, do you know who I am?"

"Captain...you're Captain Janeway."

She smiled softly. "Yes, do you know where you are?"

"I'm on the holodeck," he replied, evenly.

Again she smiled. "It's good to have you back, Doctor."

"It's good to be back," he said. "What...what happened exactly?"

"We encountered an ion storm that caused a feedback loop in the computer," Kim explained. "The Captain had suggested that you take a couple of days off to unwind and explore a holodeck program. That program was running when we hit an ion storm. You started to create different situations from your memory banks and couldn't decipher reality from fantasy for days. We've been trying to clean your program up for a week now."

He let out a little sigh of relief. "Then Lieutenant Barrett, she's alive?"

Janeway looked puzzled. "Yes, she's on the bridge right now. It's funny that you should mention her...she showed up the most in your memory buffers while you were caught in that feedback loop."

"Can I be transferred back to sickbay now?"

She paused for a moment, as if she was waiting for him to be more forthcoming with information. When he didn't disclose it to her she nodded her head and Kim did the honors. He soon found himself within the safe confines of his sickbay.

Everything was where he thought he'd find it, even his program. When he asked the computer to activate the EMH it always came back with the same response, _the Emergency Medical Holographic Program is currently running_. With a pleased and relieved sigh he sat down at his desk and called up his log. This would only be his third or fourth entry since Lieutenant Barrett had suggested he start one, but he felt the last days' experience should be logged. Just in case it ever happened again.

Nothing seemed to come though as he stared at the computer screen. He wasn't sure words existed for what he'd gone through. Well, that was a lie. There were definitely words for humans to use when they had delusions like he had, but there were not words for holograms. They were not supposed to have delusions.

"Am I interrupting?"

The Doctor looked up to see Sarah Barrett standing in the entrance to his office. She had her hair pulled back into a low pony tail and was wearing a black jumpsuit. Her eyes weren't emotionless and her face didn't look like it had been carved from stone. In short, she was nothing like the delusion his mind had cooked up. "No, of course not. Are you sick Lieutenant? I suppose since I've been decommissioned for a few days that some ailments that may have come up have yet to be treated."

She shook her head. "No, I'm fine. Surprisingly everything ran smoothly with the exception of your program the past seven days. Captain Janeway asked me to come and check up on you. She's a little concerned. You went through a traumatic ordeal Doctor, and you said absolutely nothing to her about it."

"I'm a hologram. I do not feel the repercussions of any events that humans would deem traumatic."

"I see you opened up your log. One of the ways humans deal with traumatic events is by writing everything down, getting their emotions out," she pointed out, gesturing towards his computer. "Perhaps you're more human than you think."

The Doctor's shoulders stiffened, he took on a defensive posture. "You recommended that I start one."

Barrett nodded her head. "I did because you needed to start connecting with the crew and one of the ways to do that is to become more like us. Everyone single one of us keeps a log, personal and professional. It's apart of being an officer."

He scowled at the emblem on his computer screen. "It's hard to be apart of this crew when you can't move freely about the ship like everyone else. Starfleet apparently didn't think it was necessary for an emergency medical hologram to have complete access to the ship."

"Starfleet also didn't bank on a ship being seventy thousand light years from home," Barrett retorted calmly. "We've all had to adapt."

"Then reprogram me."

"That would be an easy fix."

"So?"

"So," she said gently, "the rest of us just can't reprogram ourselves when things get rough. If you want to be more human, Doctor, then I suggest you start to think more like one." She turned to go. "When you're ready to talk about what happened just call me."

The Doctor watched as she started to walk away. "Wait, Lieutenant," he said, calling after her and jumping up from his chair. She waited patiently by the door. "I'm not proud of what...I did." She nodded her head and waited for him to continue. "I...I tried to blow up the ship...I killed...someone...all because I wanted to believe that I wasn't just some hologram. What would you say to a human patient if they came to you with that?"

She smiled before leaving. "I'd tell them that they're more human than they think."

When she was gone he sat back down at his computer, finally knowing what to say in his log.

* * *


	17. Chapter 17: Non Sequitur

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Thanks go out to **maquisrebels **for proof reading this piece any remaining mistakes belong to me. This is the rewrite of _Non Sequitur. _Enjoy!

_

* * *

Non Sequitur_

_"Ensign, we're attempting an emergency transport, stand by."_

Harry Kim strained to hear Kathryn Janeway's voice. It was more like she was speaking to him in a dream. Snuggling into his blankets he tried to fall back into a peaceful sleep. Wait a minute? Blankets? He'd been on a shuttle craft completing a scouting mission. Popping his eyes opened he was startled to see bright sunlight greet him. Something was definitely not right, he thought as he sat up in bed and caught a glimpse of the San Francisco skyline. Rubbing what he assumed to be sleep from his eyes, Harry climbed out of bed and went to peer out the window.

Sure enough before him was a beautiful sunny California day. He briefly wondered if this was one of Tom's practical jokes. His best friend was known for those throughout the entire crew of _Voyager. _Tom was constantly telling Harry that he needed to lightening up and this seemed like the perfect way to do so, by plopping him in the middle of a simulation of his apartment on Earth. Of course it seemed like a very cruel way to get him to lighten up and Harry had a few choice words for Tom once he figured out what exactly was going on. Pulling a robe on over his shoulders Harry made his way down the stairs towards the kitchen where he was surprised to find a fresh pot of coffee already brewing.

A stack of PADDs was resting next to a large, steaming mug of Kathryn Janeway's favorite vice. Harry went to take a sip. He'd never been a fan of coffee that is until _Voyager _had been lost in the Delta Quadrant and he'd spent countless days pulling double and triple shifts.

Taking a seat at the kitchen table and nursing his coffee mug, Harry picked up the PADD that rested on the top of the pile. There was a schematic of a prototype on the screen. Scrolling down Harry realized that he was the one who had written the report. "Damn," he whispered outloud. He had no recollection of this. Paris was good at pulling a practical joke.

"Kim to Paris. I get it, I need to lighten up more."

Nothing but silence greeted him. Harry frowned. "Apparently you've shut communications down as well, very funny Tom. You're not even out of the brig a week and you're already tempting fate to be sent back to it."

"Harry," a female voice called. "Shouldn't you be leaving?"

Snapping his head about Harry saw a tall, slender brunette making her way down the stairs. "Libby?" he choked out. Tom had gone too far this time.

Libby smiled. "Yes, who did you think it was?"

For a moment he didn't say a word. Tom wouldn't have been this cruel, would he? Harry came to the conclusion that even though Tom Paris liked a practical joke here and there he wouldn't have gone this far to entertain himself. "What's the stardate?"

"49011."

"So, this is the present, not that past."

Libby looked confused. "Did you sleep alright last night? I know you've been nervous about this meeting for months now but I've seen your research, the time and effort you put into your report. Everything is going to be fine." She smiled sweetly at him and ushered him into the shower. "Now, get dressed! You have to meet Lieutenant Lasca in forty-minutes!"

Harry let her push him into the bathroom. He quickly showered and pulled on his uniform trying to recall the last shuttle mission with Tom. Nothing had gone wrong, there had been nothing out of the ordinary that had happened. So how had he come to be in this alternate reality? By the time he was done showering and getting dressed he still didn't have any answers. When he stepped back into the kitchen he found that Libby had dressed as well and was heading out the door to work. She practically pushed him out of the apartment, gave him a quick kiss and headed in the opposite direction of Starfleet Headquarters.

He was still having trouble believing that he was really on Earth when his last memory was on _Voyager. _With a sigh he started to walk in the direction of the train which would transport him to Headquarters. He heard his name being called as he passed a small coffee shop. Glancing up he saw a chubby man holding out a travel mug. "Good morning, Ensign. Ready for your big presentation?"

"Ah...this may sound weird...but what exactly is my presentation on?" Harry asked as he took the coffee offered to him.

The man chuckled deeply. "You've been preparing for this presentation for seven months. But alright, I'll play the game. You're giving a presentation on a new ship design that you've created. It's pretty important."

"How long have I been coming here? You seem to know me."

"Since you graduated the Academy, Harry."

It seemed impossible to him. He'd shipped out to _Voyager _right after the Academy. Libby had not liked it. She had wanted to spend more time with him before his first assignment. She had even begged him to take a position at Headquarters so he could stay on Earth. Harry had wanted to explore space. He'd gotten a little more than he bargained for when _Voyager _had become lost in the Delta Quadrant but now, as he was standing there, he realized just how much he enjoyed serving on _Voyager. _"What's this?" he asked, gesturing to the coffee in his hand.

"A Vulcan mocha," the man replied. "I make one for you every morning."

"And your name is?"

"Cosimo," the man replied. "Really Harry, you're so nervous that you've forgotten my name?"

"I guess so," Harry said cocking a nervous grin. "Wish I could remember everything I've been researching the last seven months."

Cosimo placed his hand on Harry's shoulder. "I'm sure once you to this meeting everything will come back to you. I've told you every day since I met you Harry, you are a lucky man. A great job, a beautiful woman at your side, you have everything you'd ever want."

The young ensign frowned inwardly. It was true. It appeared that he did have everything that he wanted but something was missing and he knew that that something was _Voyager _and the crew. They were like a family to him and he felt like they'd been ripped away from him. He wondered if this was how Sarah Barrett had felt when the Gerroan had taken her prisoner. Did she feel as alone as he did now?

"Ah, there you are!"

Harry turned to see an office in engineering yellows running towards him. The man didn't look familiar to him at all. "Do I know you?" he asked.

The lieutenant let out a hearty laugh. "Trying to be funny to loosen up before the presentation? Good I want you to be your charming self."

"I'm not sure I can do that, Lieutenant."

"What's with the Lieutenant business? You haven't called me that since the day we met."

"I probably shouldn't do that today if I'm speaking in front of the brass."

Lasca shook his head. "Honestly, I think they could careless what you call me. As long as our presentation is good they'll be so focused on that they won't notice it."

Harry wasn't convinced the presentation was going to be good because he had _no _idea what he was presenting on. Before he could try and wiggle his way out of the presentation, Lasca grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the transport station. They rode the transport in silence, well Lasca bubbled on about the presentation but Harry wasn't really listening. A pit had formed in his stomach. It was clear now that this was not a Tom Paris prank and that he was in an alternate reality somewhere. He wondered what that meant for the rest of _Voyager's _crew.

Were they all still on Earth? Had the ship even gone to the Badlands? He hesitated bringing _Voyager _up because he was pretty sure that Lasca already thought he was going crazy. For now it seemed it was because he was nervous about meeting the brass. Maybe he could get access to a computer and do some research on _Voyager. _He just wasn't sure when and where that access would be.

"Here's our stop, Harry, let's go."

Slowly Harry pulled his body out of the chair and followed Lasca off of the transport. When they emerged from underground Starfleet Headquarters was before them. He hadn't seen it since the day before he'd left for Deep Space Nine.

It hadn't changed much. Same sterile halls, same stuffy officers walking around. Harry followed Lasca all the way into a bright, large conference room that faced the grounds. Taking a seat he anxiously waited for the brass to arrive.

A few moments later the doors slid open and Admiral Strickler waltzed in with his staff behind him. Quick introductions were made around the table and Lasca began his part of the presentation. Harry tried to concentrate on the presentation so maybe he could wing his part of it but his questions about what happened to _Voyager _and his friends kept him from thinking about anything else. Before he knew Lasca was turning the presentation over to him.

Harry stared at the schematic of the Yellowstone, apparently a state of the art runabout that he had helped Lasca design but had no memories of it. Strickler was looking at him with anticipating eyes. "Sir," he said politely, "I'm going to have to postpone my part of the presentation."

"Are you not prepared Ensign?" Strickler asked.

"No, I'm prepared sir, I'm just not feeling very well."

Strickler frowned. "You realize that I am traveling to the Cardassian Border in the morning. I won't be home for three weeks."

Harry nodded his head. "I realize that sir."

"Very well," Strickler said getting up. "I look forward to the rest of your report."

When everyone was gone Lasca glared at him. "Harry! We've been preparing this presentation for months!"

"I'm sorry, but this is going to sound crazy," Harry said, calmly. "But I don't belong here."

"Indulge me then, where do you belong?"

"On the _U.S.S Voyager_."

Lasca's eyes widened for a moment. His arms crossed his chest and he regarded Harry with a weary eye. "Harry, that ship has been missing for eight months now. We went to the memorial service, together, just two weeks ago. I know it's been difficult, Danny was your friend and all, but really, just because he got the commission on _Voyager _and not you doesn't mean that you should have been there." He threw his hands up in frustration. "Maybe you need more time than those stuffy counselors over at Starfleet Medical thought you needed. I'll see you later."

Harry watched as Lasca stormed out of the room. Once he was alone he realized he had the chance to use a computer. Sprinting towards the console he quickly called up any and all information on _Voyager. _The ship had launched on the stardate that he remembered and two weeks later was reported missing. The Federation had sent out every last available ship to search for any signs of _Voyager _but all they found was a torn hull plate. After months of searching and testing of the hull plate the ship was declared lost and a memorial service for those lost had taken place just two weeks ago.

Disheartened Harry continued to read the file. The roster was pretty much the same. There were a few people here and there that he didn't recognize. There were also names that were missing from that roster, Tom Paris, Sarah Barrett were just two. But after the crew roster something caught his attention. It was a separate file on a trial. Opening it he discovered that the Maquis had been captured and that Chakotay had been put on trial for _Voyager's _destruction. He'd been sent to prison for life but JAG was appealing for the death penalty despite testimony from top psychologists in Starfleet Medical.

A name suddenly caught his attention. "Damn it, of course," he muttered as he closed the file down, suddenly realizing where he had to go.

* * *

The psychiatric ward at Starfleet Medical was a long, glass walled hallway that led to a cluster of offices. Harry Kim had come here hoping to find some answers. However, it seemed the more answers he got the more confused he became. According to everyone that was willing to speak to him about _Voyager _had told him that the ship had been destroyed and that Chakotay had been charged, convicted, and sent to prison for its destruction. Harry had rebuffed that statement countless times by saying _Voyager _wasn't destroyed at all but rather lost on the other side of the galaxy. His partner had asked him if he was feeling ill. Harry and Lasca had gone to the trial since their friend, Danny Byrd had been an officer on _Voyager _and subsequently killed.

Harry had no recollection of such an event. When he told Lasca that perhaps he should go see a doctor he'd gone back to his office and pulled up _Voyager's _records. It was given a star-date of commission and decommission. There was also a whole file on Chakotay's trial where one particular witness caught Harry's attention. It's why he was striding down the glass hallway now.

"Can I help you sir?" a wry blond receptionist asked as he approached the cluster of offices.

"I'm here to see Lieutenant Barrett."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Ah, no," Harry said with a shake of his head. "But we're friends, I'm just here for a visit."

The receptionist frowned. "I'm sorry but Starfleet has strict rules when it comes to going in and out of these offices. They don't like their top psychiatrists to be wasting their time with petty visits when there are plenty of patients that need to be seen."

Harry returned the frown. It was the last place he had expected to find Sarah Barrett, considering her adversity to this aspect of her career. She had always told him that she was a field person. She rather be out studying the psychological aspects of different species or helping a starship track a terrorist group or a first contact mission. It's why he believed her to be thriving in the Delta Quadrant on _Voyager _not sitting behind some desk. "I'll make it quick, I promise."

"Fine," the receptionist said with a wave of her hand and she pointed him in the direction of Sarah's office.

"Thanks," he said coolly as he proceeded to the door. Bracing himself he pressed the chime.

Immediately the door swished open and Harry stepped into the room. It wasn't unusual to see Sarah's desk covered with PADDs because the Delta Quadrant wasn't forgiving with its time, but he was surprised to find that Sarah didn't seem to have any rhyme or reason to her stacks of PADDs. On _Voyager _she was always so organized. Her head suddenly popped up behind the mountains of data. "Tam that better be you with lunch," she snarled, then seeing it wasn't who she believed it was going to be, she scowled. "Oh, sorry, I wasn't aware I had an appointment with you."

Harry shook his head. "I don't have an appointment."

"Was I supposed to testify today?"

"No, ma'am," Harry said firmly.

"Well, what the hell do you want then? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"I'm here to talk to you about _Voyager._"

A dark and angry look came over her face. "Listen," she snapped, "I already gave my opinion on _Voyager _at Captain Chakotay's trial. I can't help it if the JAG lawyers don't like what I had to say, but I don't think Chakotay was the one to destroy the ship. And I'll stand by that if it means keeping him from the death penalty. Now, you can tell your superior officer that I'm not going to recant my statement. Chakotay is not a terrorist, he's a freedom fighter, regretfully to be one you"re automatically assumed to be the other as well."

Clasping his hands behind his back he gave her a hard look. "I'm here to discuss the possibility that _Voyager _has not been destroyed."

She quirked a slender eyebrow. "You're trying to tell me that the starship _Voyager _is still out there somewhere? Where has Starfleet been hiding it all this time? You do realize that there has been no trace of the ship for eight months?" Pausing she didn't even wait for him to answer before continuing. "But of course you do. I remember you now, you were at Chakotay's hearing."

"No, I wasn't," Harry argued. "That's my point. None of this is right."

He had her interest peaked, he could tell by the look on her face. He let out a slow sigh before starting his story. "I know this probably sounds crazy-."

"Please," she interrupted. "I hear _crazy _all day."

"Right," he said with a grin. "Anyways, I was on _Voyager. _We tracked the Maquis into the Badlands and we were transported to the Delta Quadrant by an entity known as the Caretaker. We had to destroy the array that would get us home to protect a race and we've been stranded for eight months trying to get home."

"You say 'we' like I was there," Sarah pointed out.

"You were...are..."Harry replied.

Sarah shook her head furiously. "My reassignment to _Voyager _was turned down. Captain Janeway left for the Badlands without me. I was assigned here to this office job listening to Starfleet's finest complain about their problems. The brass wanted to keep me close in case I regressed. Which, I have to admit, regressing back to the drugs has sounded tempting after a day of listening to one more officer whine about their love life."

Harry felt like he was fighting a losing battle. "You have to trust me, Lieutenant Barrett. Now, I think there is a way that we can put this all back together, but I need your help. Now, before you kick me out of here, I just need you to hear me out on this. From where I stand, the Delta Quadrant looks a lot better then here. Commander Chakotay is in jail, and will quite possibly be executed for destroying _Voyager, _the ship itself is gone, you're holed up here trying to fix the mundane problems of the Federation. Now I know that being that far away from home probably doesn't sound that great, but we're all alive and happy."

For a moment Sarah didn't say anything. Then she smiled gently. "You're right, that does sound crazy."

"Are you going to help me?"

"Sure, I have nothing else on my plate for today," she replied with a shrug of her shoulders. She pressed a button and asked the receptionist to cancel the rest of her appointments for the day. "Where to do we start?"

"Marseille, France."

"Why there?"

"I need to see Paris."

"But...you just said we were going to Marseille."

"Trust me, it will all make sense in the end."

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait, this has been sitting around waiting for me to make the corrections that **marquisrebels **so kindly did for me and I've just been lazy. Now, it's done and I hope to keep writing, real life has really gotten in the way :( I could really use some feedback, positive or constructive to get me in the grove again. As always thanks for taking the time to read!

* * *

The real _Chez Sandrine's _looked exactly as the holoprogram that Harry had frequented with Tom Paris on _Voyager. _He stood outside the old stone front of the restaurant and gazed at it. He'd told Tom once that he hoped to see the real _Sandrine's _one day and Tom had promised that once they made it home he would take him no matter how old they were. Well, here he was, standing outside of the restaurant without Tom. The man that Harry knew to be Tom Paris probably didn't even exist, replaced by the man that was wallowing away his life in France. Glancing to his right he looked at Sarah looking at the restaurant front with a puzzled look on her face. "Do you recognize this place?"

Sarah shook her head. "I've never been here. But...but something...I don't know...seems familiar."

"On _Voyager _we recreated a holodeck program of it."

"I was never on _Voyager, _remember?" Sarah retorted, quirking an eyebrow.

He wondered if it was possible if her telepathic senses were experiencing what he'd been experiencing since he woke up--something wasn't right. If this was the case then it might be easier to convince Sarah that she had to help him set the timeline straight. "But you just said that this place looks familiar, maybe, just maybe, my story is right?"

She glanced at him with a stern look. "If that's the case, Ensign, then how come you're the _only _one from that ship that seems to have different memories?"

"I can't explain that," Harry said. "But we need Tom Paris to help us."

"Tom Paris is nothing but a washed up malcontent."

Harry couldn't help but see the irony in that statement and the disgusted tone that she used when she uttered it. He couldn't recall her ever having that kind of tone to her voice when she talked about Tom, not even their first few weeks in the Delta Quadrant. However, different situations had obviously led to different opinions. "The Tom Paris that I know isn't a malcontent wasting his life away. He's making something of himself of _Voyager. _He has friends...you included."

Sarah scowled. "Well, there aren't many choices in _friends _when you're that far from home."

"You get close."

"How close?"

"Dating close."

"Let's just get inside and get this over with."

Harry chuckled silently and pushed the old wooden doors in. Leading the way inside the bar he found everything exactly like it was in the holoprogram. Sandrine was behind the bar serving patrons drinks. The pool table was in the middle of the room with a disheveled looking Tom Paris playing a game with himself. "Tom," Harry said stepping up to the table.

Tom turned to look at him. "Do I know you?"

"Yes."

"You don't look familiar."

"I'm Harry Kim. We served on _Voyager _together."

He took his shot and burst out laughing. "I didn't step foot on that ship. Guess I was lucky considering what happened to it. I see you've brought the calvary for Captain Chakotay. I'm sorry, but I'm not helping that man get off death row. He never helped me. Besides, sweetheart, your pretty little face back in that courtroom will be enough persuasion for the jury--provided that it's an all male jury that is."

Sarah frowned and thrust her thumb out at Tom. "Let me get this straight, I fall for _this_?"

Harry returned her frown. "He's not like this on _Voyager._"

"You seem pretty convinced that I was on that ship," Tom said, moving about the pool table to line up his next shot. "I made it as far as Deep Space Nine, saw her from my shuttle, but I got into a fight with the Ferengi that tends bar there and I was thrown into the brig by a very unpleasant shape shifter. Oh sure, Captain Janeway tried to get me out, but Starfleet was strict about the terms of my release and she left without me.

"Looks like you have been a shining contribution to society," Sarah snapped.

"I've stayed out of the way of Starfleet, isn't that enough for you people?"

"By you people you automatically assume that we're from JAG," she said with a glare.

"No, I'd remember you if you were in JAG."

"You could only be so lucky."

"Listen," Harry said throwing his hands up in frustration," we're not from JAG and Starfleet didn't send us."

Tom leaned against his pool stick. "Fine then, I'm listening. Why did you come to see me? I've already paid my dues to the Federation so don't think for one moment I'm going to rejoin the ranks."

Harry shook his head. "I'm not asking for you to rejoin the ranks. I'm asking for your help."

"Sounds like you're asking me to come back to Starfleet, at least to me it does."

"Will you just hear me out?"

Tom shot a glare at Sarah before finally nodding his head. It seemed odd to him that a top terrorist expert in Starfleet would go along with this crazy game of Harry Kim's for no other reason then to get him to rejoin the ranks. He wasn't stupid(,) he knew that things were not good between the Federation and the Cardassians. "Fine, I can give you five minutes, but that's it."

Harry clenched his nervously clenched his fists. "Okay, five minutes should be enough time to explain everything." He took a deep breath before continuing. "We met at Deep Space Nine, I got into some trouble with the Ferengi bartender, and you were the one to help me out of it. You did lead us into the Badlands to find the Maquis. _Voyager_ was taken from the Badlands by an entity that we came to know as the Caretaker. Captain Janeway destroyed the Caretaker's array to save the Ocampa, and we've been traveling the Delta Quadrant ever since. I went on a scouting mission recently and I ran into some form of disturbance and I woke up here. Whatever my shuttle hit, it has completely changed the time line."

"Let me guess," Tom retorted pointing at Sarah, "you were supposed to be on that ship, too, weren't you, sweetheart?"

"His argument is a little compelling, don't you agree?" Sarah asked.

"You've shown me no evidence that his story is _true._"

Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "I came here on a whim and because I wasn't in the mood to listen to whining officers for the rest of the day."

"Really? What's that whim telling you now?"

"Listen, Tom, I need your help," Harry interrupted. "I don't know enough about flying, and I have to recreate the accident that sent me here."

"Why me? There are plenty of pilots in Starfleet."

"You're the best one I know."

"Listen, Harry, I'm sorry if I don't jump at the chance to help you," Tom said dryly. "But let's face it, we got the better end of the stick. I'm not sure I want to send myself back to being seventy thousand light years away from home."

Harry was quickly loosing his patience. Tom had always been a little bit frustrating on _Voyager, _but this was going beyond ridiculous. "You're telling me that you'd rather sit here, drunk every night, shooting pool, then be a successful pilot with a promising career on a starship?"

For a moment it looked like Tom was contemplating what Harry had just said but then he nodded. "Yep, hell of a lot better."

"You once told me that you treated life as one big game and you never worried about the rules until you _lost _the game."

"Did I now?"

Harry frowned, eyes narrowing. "You also told me what you thought would have happened to you if you hadn't been on _Voyager- _you would become a loser and drunk...and that's exactly what's happened."

Tom's face grew red with anger as he wound up and attempted to swing at Harry. All the ensign had to do was step out of his way and watch as the man he regarded as his best friend fell face first onto the pool table that he so adored. Harry spun about on his heel and stalked out of the bar. He was just going to have to do this on his own. It wasn't going to be easy but nothing in the Delta Quadrant had been easy so he figured that he was well qualified to deal with a little difficulty.

"I'm sorry he wouldn't help you," Sarah Barrett said behind him. He'd forgotten she was even there.

"It's okay," Harry muttered. "I'll just have to find another pilot."

Sarah stepped up next to him and watched as the moonlight reflected off of the ocean. "Sorry I can't help you there; I barely passed my flight training at the Academy."

_Another altered reality, _Harry thought, _the Sarah I know is a good pilot. _He sighed. "Most of the people I know are either in the Delta Quadrant or here but they think I'm crazy."

"What if you do manage to change the time line back?" Sarah asked nervously.

"Then you'd be on _Voyager._"

"Dating that thug?" she asked, still not sure how she had ever fallen for him.

"Like I said before-he isn't like that on _Voyager._"

Sarah peered thoughtfully out over the water. "This morning when I woke up I had a feeling that something was off. The apartment that I've lived in for the last eight months, the walk to work, even my morning coffee didn't seem _right. _It almost felt like something was missing. And then you showed up at my office. It can't be coincidence, can it?"

Harry looked up at the stars. "I've learned over the last eight months that anything is possible."

"Tom Paris is right though," Sarah said, "on one account, you've shown me no evidence that your story is true."

Something from the file he read early jogged his memory. "I think I can prove to you that I'm right, but first we have to go to jail."

* * *

It was lucky for them that Sarah had the clearance to enter a maximum security prison, using the guise that Harry was her assistant. The place was dark and deary even in the middle of the day. A guard led the two of them into a small, stuffy conference room and told them that he'd be back with the prisoner in a few moments.

"Take a seat," Sarah instructed him pointing at a dingy chair.

Harry was surprised that the Federation had such nasty prisons to begin with. He thought they were all about humanity. Slowly he shook his head. "I'd rather not."

Sarah grinned slightly. "You know, Harry, even the Federation doesn't think highly of terrorists. They're thrown into prisons like this to break them. It's not pleasant, but Starfleet seems to think it works. I'm not sure I've seen any of the Maquis we've dragged in here break. A lot of them would rather die for the cause."

"I think I would too if it meant keeping me out of here," Harry muttered as the door opened.

A man with long dark hair and a straggly beard was pushed through the entrance and someone from behind the newcomer yelled, "You have five minutes!" The old steel door was slammed shut and the three were left alone.

"Come to toss out your testimony, Miss Barrett," the prisoner asked raising his head. Harry was shocked to see it was Chakotay.

"I've already told them, I'm not recanting my statement. You didn't destroy _Voyager._ It's not your style."

"You must be the only one in Starfleet that believes me."

Sarah sat down across him at the small table. "Chakotay, I need you to tell me what you saw in the Badlands that day."

Chakotay glared at her. "Why don't you just read the case files?"

"I did. You said you saw _Voyager _destroyed by some type of beam. Tell me about it."

The former Maquis leader set his dark eyes on her face. Both of them knew that Starfleet had never asked him about the beam before, not even his fresh out of the Academy lawyer had asked him about the beam. It might have been the only thing going for his defense. Starfleet didn't much care for his defense. They wanted him locked up for life or dead. They preferred that he was dead. "We were watching _Voyager's _course closely. I knew the ship was there to find me. I'm not stupid. I found the Vulcan and quickly disposed of him. A coherent tetryon beam scanned the ship. Few moments later a displacement wave was detected and I got out of there. The last thing I recalled was seeing _Voyager _trapped in that wave."

Sarah tried to remember if the Cardassian ship that had picked Chakotay and his crew up when they had exited the Badlands had said anything about a displacement wave in their report. She couldn't recall them mentioning _Voyager _at all. In fact, it wasn't until the hull fragment had been found that Starfleet accused Chakotay. "There's no way your ship could have produced a wave like that."

"Starfleet didn't agree with you," Chakotay said dryly.

"Is this how it happened?" Sarah asked turning about in her seat to look at Harry. "A displacement wave?"

"Yes, we figured later it was some form of transporter," Harry replied with a nod of his head. "It did a massive amount of damage to the ship; that's probably why a piece of the hull was found in the Badlands."

Chakotay looked angrily at Harry. "What's going on here? Why does it sound like he knows what happened to _Voyager_?"

Sarah looked nervously at Chakotay. Harry didn't blame her. He had a feral look in his eyes and who knew what this man was capable of doing when he was angry. "Harry is from _Voyager, _but not the one you saw in the Badlands. He claims that a shuttle accidents had altered the time line. According to him, your ship was pulled into the Delta Quadrant along with _Voyager."_

He laughed deeply. "You believe him?"

"I do now."

"Fine then, what are you going to do about this altered timeline?"

Harry took a deep breath. "I want to change it back to the way it was."

"Why? Being stranded so far from home sound that appealing to you? And what if you're _wrong_?"

"What if I'm right?"

Chakotay shook his head sadly. "I don't see how this affects me. I'm still not sure you're right. Why are you with him?" he addressed Sarah.

"Because," Sarah said, "if he's right then life is going to be a whole lot better for _all _of us."

The door to the room swung open and the guard stepped back inside, silently telling Chakotay and the others that their time was up. Chakotay slowly got up from his seat. "Miss Barrett, I pray to the spirits that you are right, because I'm not sure how much longer I'll survive in here."

Sarah and Harry watched as Chakotay was led away and the door once again slammed in their face. A few seconds later another door, the one in which they had entered the room, opened and their escort told them it was time to go. Sarah led the way out of the small room and walked briskly down the hall, all the way out of the prison. Once they were out front she let out a breath that Harry hadn't even realized she'd been holding. "It looks like you're right, Harry Kim. So, how do we fix our problem?"

"We have to recreate the accident," Harry said as they began to walk towards the transport that would take them back to Headquarters.  
"You don't happen to have a shuttle we can borrow do you?"

"No, sorry. I highly doubt Command is going to let us borrow one of theirs for this."

_The Yellowstone, Harry, use the Yellowstone. _"I might have a ship, but we're going to have to wait until tonight to use it."

"Alright, we should set a time to meet up then," Sarah said.

"Zero two hundred hours," Harry answered. "Security isn't as heavy that early in the morning."

Sarah nodded her head. "Zero two hundred it is."

They decided to part ways at the transport station, Harry taking the transport back to his apartment and Sarah back to Headquarters. Hopefully her little time out of the office would go unnoticed until _after _he'd fixed the time line. Then again, he thought as he crossed the street and started to walk at a steady pace, it wouldn't matter if they found out after he fixed everything because Sarah would never have been here.

He'd been incredibly lucky to have convinced her to go to the prison to see Chakotay. She'd been reluctant at first but once he told her that Chakotay had seen _Voyager _in the Badlands before he fled, she'd agreed. It had been the evidence he had needed to prove that maybe his story was true. Too bad he hadn't thought of it when they had gone to see Tom. His best friend's alter ego in this reality was not the man he had come to know and respect. He made a note to tell Tom that he was doing a good job making a new name for himself when he did make it back to _Voyager- if _he ever made it back to _Voyager. _There was no guarantee that recreating his accident was going to solve anything.

As he crossed the street near the coffee shop that he'd gotten the Vulcan Mocha from that morning, Cosimo, the owner called his name. Harry slowed his progress and stopped when he got to the man.

"The presentation, did it go well?"

"Ah, not really. I wasn't feeling well."

"That's too bad," Cosimo said. "Listen, Harry, there is something that I want to tell you."

"Yeah what is it?"

"This...altered reality that you speak of...you are not imagining it."

For the first time since waking up in his apartment Harry felt like he was going to get some answers. "Then it's true. My shuttle accident created an altered time line."

Cosimo nodded his head. "Yes. I was sent to Earth to watch over you and make sure that everything was alright, but it has become clear to me that it is not. My people exist in what you would call a temporal inversion fold of the space-time matrix. You're shuttle collided with our time stream which has caused reality to be slightly altered."

"_Slightly_," Harry repeated sarcastically. "It's been more than slightly altered."

"I'm sorry," Cosimo said. "I understand it must be difficult."

"It is. Just tell me how to fix it."

Cosimo frowned. "I wish I knew how to fix it, Harry, but nothing like this has ever happened before. It was an accident and the conditions before the accident maybe hard to recreate. Even if you do manage to recreate the conditions, there are no guarantees that it is going to work. Do you really want to give up your life here, Harry? You have a beautiful girlfriend and a great career."

Harry shook his head. "What about Danny Byrd and Tom Paris? Did their lives turn out for the better?" _And let's not mention Chakotay or Sarah or anyone else that was a member of the Maquis crew that was caught. _"A lot of people's lives were changed because of _my _accident."

"Well, I wish you luck then, Harry Kim."

"Thanks," Harry said before taking off towards his apartment, "I'm going to need it."


	19. Chapter 19

_Disclaimers apply as always._

**A/N: **Here is the final installment of _Non Sequitir_. I have two chapters already written for the next part, just have to clean them up, if anyone would like to proof read it for me I'd greatly appreciate it :). Thanks to **maquisrebels **for looking over this, any remaining errors belong to me. Enjoy and review if you can!_  
_

* * *

She got the impression that she was being followed. After parting ways with Harry, Sarah Barrett had gone back to her office to retrieve some work and then headed up home. The work would keep her occupied until she had to meet Harry at the hanger but she was no more than ten feet out the door when she felt the presence of someone waiting in the wings behind her. Of course she never actually saw the person but she knew that person was there.

Intelligence was probably keeping an eye on her since she had gone to see Chakotay that afternoon. It was no secret that they didn't trust her because of her opinion about Chakotay's trial. She wouldn't be surprised if they placed her under house arrest for this. They'd been itching at the bit to do so and this was the perfect opportunity. Not that they needed any good reason. Plenty of people had been locked up for sympathizing with the Maquis. She wouldn't be the first and she wouldn't be the last either.

Knowing that they wouldn't risk arresting her in public she decided to dilly-dally and run some errands. She was hoping that by delaying them she'd bore them or make them extremely angry and they'd give up.

Over three hours later, her arms overloaded with food, a cup of take out coffee, and a bouquet of flowers, she headed back to her apartment. She looked more like she was preparing a romantic dinner than running from the law. She'd delayed everything as long as she possibly could. Now, she had to come up with a new plan. She wouldn't be able to pretend she didn't hear them at the door until two in the morning. They'd break it down before then. Maybe if she quickly dropped off her bounty she could head back out just as quickly and stall for another three hours or so. Two of her friends from the Academy that had been after her to go out with them.

Catching up with old friends would take at least two hours. She might be able to convince them to go out after dinner for a drink or two, which would kill another couple of hours. Of course she was taking a big risk by prolonging her arrest but if Harry Kim was right, and this wasn't the way things were supposed to be, then she wasn't supposed to be arrested in the first place.

Pushing her way into her two bedroom apartment she made up her mind to trek down to a small Italian restaurant that she knew her friends from the Academy would be, like they were every Thursday night. It would look odd, buying all that food and then heading out to eat with friends. But she needed to buy the time. Hopefully the person following her and assigned to arresting her would be a green officer and not figure it out that quickly that she was trying to avoid them arresting her.

She changed into civilian clothes before heading back out. She was still being followed of course. A veteran officer would have placed her under house arrest at least in the fifteen minutes that she was in her apartment, but there hadn't even been a knock on her door. Whoever was following her was new to this. Either that or they really were just keeping an eye on her.

The tiny restaurant that her friends frequented was busy when she arrived but she knew they'd be there. In fact they were seated at a table in the outside cafe, white Christmas lights gave the area a festive glow.

"Well, this is a surprise," her old roommate, Mona greeted. "What have we done to earn the honor of your presence?"

"Nothing," Sarah replied feeling slightly embarrassed. "I just thought I'd join you."

"You haven't joined us since you were with Andy."

"I know it wasn't nice of me."

Mona chuckled. "Since when did you really care about being _nice_? You left poor Andy high and dry after he proposed to you and we haven't seen you since then. Andy keeps in touch. We get messages every now and then from him, and he's not even on Earth. The least you could do Sarah is send a message that you're alright."

_Andy can't possibly be sending messages, he's missing, _Sarah thought, but suddenly didn't know where that thought came from. She had gotten his message that he had sent out just a week ago. Despite the fact that she had declined his proposal he still kept in touch with her, even if she didn't return the gesture. _Andy proposed to me? I thought he left because he didn't want to get married? _Her thoughts were suddenly conflicting and she wondered what was bringing this on. It had started when she had gone to France earlier that day with Harry. "Mona," she finally said, "are you going to keep scolding me or invite me to sit down?"

"Don't listen to Mona," an old friend from her physics course, Heather said, " sit down, we'd love to hear what you're up too."

"I'm not doing anything exciting," Sarah confessed, sitting down in the chair next to Heather.

Heather shook her head. "I can't believe they never put you on the Borg Project. You were their best candidate."

_But, I was on the Borg Project, at least, why do I feel like I was? _Sarah cocked a shy grin. "Yeah, well, I guess everything happens for a reason."

"No kidding," Mona said with a smirk. "You have a way of dodging disaster too. You _should _have been on _Voyager._"

Sarah choked a little as she ordered a glass of water. Turning slightly red, for her friends were looking at her funny, she smiled shyly. "Yeah, I bet the Brass isn't thinking that-their probably upset that they didn't get rid of me when they had the chance. Instead of being a thorn in their side I'd be dead or lost in space somewhere."

Mona cocked an eyebrow. "You still believe that _Voyager _is out there don't you?"

"Yes."

"Well, then where the hell is it?" Heather asked bluntly. "Hiding in the Badlands?"

The waiter placed her glass of water in front of her and she took a large swig. "You probably wouldn't believe me even if I told you," Sarah said, swallowing the cold water down. Heather and Mona were looking at her with questioning gazes, mixed with concern that she was going slightly mad. "I just had a weird visitor today, that's all."

Heather seemed happy to let it go, but Mona was not. She scowled. "Sarah, when are you going to stop believing every crazy story that walks through your office?"

"I don't believe _every _story," Sarah snapped back. "This one just opened up my eyes to different possibilities."

"Oh, like what?" Heather asked innocently.

"Don't you ever wonder what things would be like if you'd made different decisions?"

"Who doesn't?"

Sarah took another sip of her water, this time getting a full taste of the lemon wedge. "Today, I've been thinking a lot about what ifs. That's all Mona, no need to worry that I'm going insane."

"Good," Mona said, "as if Starfleet needed another reason to arrest you."

"They don't need reasons, they'll just do it when they feel like it," Sarah mumbled.

Heather frowned. "We warned you not to testify at Captain Chakotay's trial. It's only brought you trouble since. You were supposed to get a ship assignment, instead you're sitting behind a desk doing what? Listening to all the officer's problems? That's not for you. Sarah, you're better out in the field and Starfleet needs you out in the field but you manage to find ways to stay here on Earth."

Sarah felt her face flush with embarrassment. It was true. She did always manage to find ways to stay stationed on Earth. The first had been her involvement with a security officer that was the Chief of Security on the _Explorer _for the Borg Project. Starfleet had reasoned it wouldn't be good to send out a romantic couple on a dangerous mission. Second, she gotten caught doing drugs and sentence to rehab, it had been the reason she _wasn't _assigned to _Voyager _although Captain Janeway had objected. And finally, she had testified for the defense in Captain Chakotay's trial, targeting her for Intelligence as a Maquis sympathizer. "I guess I'm just not the officer my parents thought I could be."

Mona was going to say something when their waiter stepped up to the table. "Lieutenant Barrett," he said handing her a PADD. "You have a message from Command."

Slowly she took the PADD and thanked the waiter. _I've been put under house arrest. Change of plans, meet me here as soon as possible. _The person sending this message didn't need to sign it for her to know who it was from. "I have to go," she said getting up. Mona and Heather tried to get her to stay but she told them she had other plans and quickly left the outside cafe and made a fast track to the train.

It was easy to loose the person following her in the rush hour hustle. But it wouldn't take them long to find her. If they were staking out Harry Kim's apartment then they would see her coming.

Harry was the one to answer the door. He let her in glancing behind her to make sure that no one had followed her. Sarah bit down on her lip. She probably should have told him that she had already been followed earlier and that they were keeping tabs on her as well. "What happened?" she asked.

"When I got back to the apartment security was waiting for me," Harry said pulling up his pant leg to reveal a tracking device on his ankle. "They think we're working for the Maquis since we went to see Tom and Chakotay."

"Nice piece of jewelry," Sarah tried to joke. "What do we do now?"

"I'm breaking it and we're transporting to the _Yellowstone._"

Sarah felt a little panicked. "Harry, that will alert the authorities."

Harry shrugged his shoulders, grabbing a metal vase nearby. "They weren't willing to help me so I guess I just have to help myself."

"What are you doing?" she asked nervously.

"I'm going to break this damn bracelet."

"That will alert them that you're not here."

"It will bring them where ever the bracelet is broken," Harry informed her. "Meaning it will bring them here and we can get a head start to the _Yellowstone._"

Sarah wasn't sure this was the best idea but at this point they really didn't have any options. If they laid low for a few days it would only be a matter of time before Starfleet got antsy and threw them in jail with Chakotay. "I hope you know what you're doing, Ensign."

A young woman suddenly appeared at the bottom of the spiral staircase. "Harry," she said looking at him concerned. "What are you doing?"

Harry looked between Libby and Sarah. He felt torn. He wanted to stay with Libby, she had been all he had thought about since the day _Voyager _was lost, however, he knew it wasn't right. What about Tom? What about Chakotay? Was it fair to go on with his life because it had turned out for the better because of his accident when they were suffering? He concluded that it was not and he knew what he had to do. He'd already dragged Sarah too far into with him. It was the only option in the end. "I have to make everything right."

"If you've spent the last eight months trying to get home to me then why, now when you're here, are you trying everything to get away from me?" Libby questioned tears spilling out of her brown eyes. "I thought you were happy."

"I _am _happy," Harry assured her, "but I can't be happy at other people's expenses."

He broke the bracelet off and looked at Sarah. "We probably only have a minute."

Sarah nodded her head and used his computer to set transporter coordinates. She gave him a grim nod of her head when she was done and ready. Harry said a hasty good bye to Libby and directed Sarah to transport them. If he stayed longer he'd have second thoughts and it was too late for second thoughts. Events had been set in motion. They rematerialized outside of the hanger where the _Yellowstone _was housed. "Sorry," Sarah mumbled, "this is as close as my codes would get me."

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "It's better than nothing, now how do we get inside?"

"My father's codes," she responded.

"Admiral Barrett has been dead for almost two years."

"Starfleet has been so concerned about the Maquis they have yet to terminate his command codes."

Harry followed Sarah to the control panel where she punched in some codes. "Of course," she said with a little grin. "It's only going to take them a few seconds to figure out we're here."

She was correct of course. No sooner had they started their sprint across the hanger towards the _Yellowstone _then security came out of a transporter beam near Sarah. Harry had never seen Federation security use such physical force and a person he regarded as a friend in his own time line was grabbed roughly by the arm, so roughly that Harry heard the bone snap. The guard that held Sarah snarled for his partner to grab Harry and he commed in that they had apprehended the suspects. Harry ducked under the wing of a nearby prototype and started to job towards the runabout. If he could make it to the ship perhaps he could get away.

He was just reaching the _Yellowstone _when the guard grabbed him and laided a punch square in his jaw. It erupted in pain and Harry bit his cheek. Blood began to fill his mouth. The large hanger spun for a moment and he struggled to gain his bearings. The guard reared back and was getting ready to punch him again when someone else knocked him into the nearby shuttled. Harry watched as the guard fell to the floor unconscious.

"I guess he isn't that bad," Sarah said appearing behind Tom Paris, a cut over her left eye.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked.

"Saving a friend."

"How did you find me?"

Tom grinned slyly. "I still have a _few _friends in Starfleet. They told me that you and Bonnie here were in serious trouble."

Harry smiled slightly at Tom's twentieth century reference. He was happy to see that some things didn't change. "Yeah, you could say that. They think we're spies for the Maquis."

"I know how that feels. Anyway, the life you painted sounds a hell of a lot better than the one I'm living here," Tom said. He offered Harry his hand and helped him up, Harry didn't even realize that he had been pushed to the ground. "Come on, let's go fix the time line."

Harry led the way into the _Yellowstone. _Now that security had tried to apprehend them he knew that it wouldn't be long before the brass sent out the cavalry. He instructed Tom to take the pilot's seat, going from memory of the schematic he had of the prototype. He asked Sarah to man tactical.

While Harry worked on figuring out the exact conditions of his accident, Tom treated Sarah's cut. "I didn't know you were a medic," she said softly, as he ran a dermal regenerator over her forehead.

"Yeah, well, my little stint in the Maquis taught me a few things," he said with a grin.

"Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?"

"Joining the Maquis?"

Tom halted what he was doing and looked at her seriously. It was a look that she had never thought he was capable of. "You know, it's not something I ever really thought about. I met a lot of good people out there, fighting for something they believed in. Me, I wasn't fighting for anything, I was just fighting because I was angry at myself and at the Federation."

Sarah met his eyes. Looking into them she suddenly realized why she had fallen for him in Harry's time line; he was just like her, she saw herself in him and she wondered if he saw the same in her. "Do you think what it's going to be like in the Delta Quadrant?"

He laughed, finishing up treating her cut. "I haven't thought about it much, just it's gotta be better." He reached for her arm. "Here, let's fix this."

She winced slightly as he took her broken arm and began to heal it. He had a gentle touch, something she didn't think a drunk and a convicted felon possessed and she realized she had misjudged him.

"Alright," Harry said, "I've programed the launch coordinates, we probably have only a few minutes before security is alerted."

Tom jumped into the pilot's seat, Sarah squished between him and Harry. "Engines are coming online," he said as an alarm began to flare. He frowned at the console, "The launch doors are closing."

"Warp engine is on line."

"Here we go," Tom said, guiding the shuttle through the closing launch doors. He grinned cocky at Sarah. "Still have it; we're clear."

Sarah rolled her eyes and began to sweep the area for any temporal anomalies. "Sensors are picking up a temporal anomaly about a parsec from here, I'm entering the coordinates into the computer."

Harry peeked at the projection of the anomaly over his shoulder. It looked like the time stream that Cosimo had come to tell him about after he had been placed under house arrest. And the coordinates were the ones that he had given to him as well, but he wanted the existence of his people to be kept a secret so Harry wasn't allowed to tell Sarah or Tom. "Head for it, if we intersect it and recreate my accident maybe it will send me back to my time line."

"Alright, I'm changing our course."

"Tom," Sarah said, "we have a star ship on our trail, Nebula class."

"Great, a challenge," Tom muttered. "I _just _love challenges."

"They're charging weapons," Sarah informed him.

The tiny runabout jostled around as it was hit with phaser fire. "Shields are down to fifty percent," Harry shouted out as another blast hit them. "Twenty nine! It looks like the defense systems haven't been finalized yet."

Sarah glanced sideways at Tom. "We can't take too many more hits like this or the hull is going to rip apart."

"We'll intersect the anomaly in ten seconds," Tom informed them. "Harry, let's recreate that accident."

"Alright," Harry said getting up and squeezing his way between Sarah and Tom. "I think I was traveling at a hundred and forty thousand KPH."

"You think?"

"Hey, it was another life time. I'm doing the best I can."

Tom rolled his eyes. "Increasing our speed to a hundred and forty KPH."

"Now, I also remember running a poloron scan. The scanning beam was scanning at a radius of half a million kilometers." Tom was just about to make the corrections when Harry shouted, "No wait! A quarter million."

Sarah made the adjustments. "Initiating the poloron scan."

"We'll intersect the anomaly in five...four...three...two..." Tom counted down, but nothing happened. He peered at Harry quizzically as another phaser blast hit the ship.

"What happened?" Sarah asked. "Did we miss it?"

"No, we passed right through it," Tom replied. "The runabout was unaffected."

Something beeped on Sarah's console. "The star ship is powering up it's weapons again. Another hit and we'll lose containment."

"I'm forgetting something," Harry muttered. "The emergency transport! The last thing I remember before waking up was hearing Captain Janeway's com voice. _Voyager _was trying to beam me off the shuttle. I need to transport into the anomaly."

Tom shot him a look. "Are you crazy?"

Harry returned the look with an even firmer one. "We have to recreate all the conditions of the accident."

The tiny runabout was suddenly thrown in a violent pitch as the star ship fired on them. Tom's controls began to blare. They had lost magnetic containment and a core breach was imminent. Tom didn't seem to care. "I've looked onto the coordinates of the anomaly, Harry, get on the transporter pad."

"No, I have to shut down the core breach."

"There's no time!"

"In fifteen seconds this runabout is going to explode and you'll both be killed. I can stop the breach."

"Look," Sarah said grabbing his arm, "Harry if you're right and transporting you to that anomaly changes the time line then we aren't even supposed to be here. We'll be on _Voyager._"

"And if I'm wrong, you'll be dead."

Tom grabbed a hold of him and shoved him towards the transporter pad. "It isn't going to matter much, now is it? We're criminals, Harry, we might as well be dead. Now, go!"

Before Harry could protest he was swept up into the transporter beam just as the runabout exploded. He felt dizzy as he came out of the beam, but he could hear Janeway calling his name. Opening his eyes he found himself back on the _Drake _right where this whole thing had started. "I'm here, Captain," he answered her, lazily.

"_Ensign, we need you to drop your shields._"

Harry acknowledged and did so, still trying to wrap around the fact that it had actually worked. He'd been successful returning to his own time line, with Tom and Sarah's help of course. A small sigh of relief passed his lips while he awaited transport, that was, until he realized that his shuttle was breaking apart and _Voyager _had yet to beam him on board. If the shuttle exploded he'd never know if everything he'd gone through with Tom and Sarah had worked.

But then the beam swept him up and he was standing in Transporter Room Two. Now a real sigh of relief passed his lips as he heard Janeway com and asked him if he was alright. He answered with a smile, "I think so Captain. Are Lieutenants Barrett and Paris there?"

"_Yes, they're here. Why?" _Janeway answered sounding a little confused.

Harry smiled. "It's a long story, ma'am."

"_I look forward to hearing it. I'll be in my ready room, Janeway out."_

Harry proceeded to the bridge, anxious to see Tom and Sarah. Nothing felt out of place here, not like when he had woken up in San Fransisco and known almost immediately that something was off. All the faces he recognized. Which was a good sign, no one appeared to have been shifted out of the time line this time around. When he stepped on the bridge he was delighted to see Commander Chakotay greet him.

"It appears you were caught in some kind of temporal anomaly."

"A time stream?" Harry asked with a grin, thinking of Cosimo visiting him after he'd been placed under house arrest.

"You could call it that," Chakotay replied.

"I've already been briefed, Commander," Harry said, going to stand next to Tom's station. Sarah was at the console to his right, typing in some data.

Tom looked up at him and greeted him with a smile, "Welcome back. Kind of rough ride huh?"

Harry placed a hand on each of their shoulders. Both Sarah and Tom looked at him confused. "What's wrong, Harry?" Sarah asked.

"Thanks," he said with a smile, "I owe you guys one." With that he turned and walked away, leaving Sarah and Tom looking at each other with puzzled looks. Harry went to take his station content that everything was just as it should be.


	20. Chapter 20: Persistence of Vision

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

A/N: Sorry this took so long, real life kind of got in the way. Here's the next update, rewrite of _Persistence of Vision_! Thank you goes out to **PilotTheTruth** for proofreading this for me :). Enjoy!_  
_

* * *

**Persistence of Vision**

"_Paris to Janeway."_

Kathryn Janeway groaned inwardly. She was tired and pressed for time and today seemed like one of those days where _everybody _needed a piece of her time. "Yes, go ahead Mister Paris."

"_I've done an analysis of our route through Botha space," _Paris said. "_Whenever you have a moment, you can check it out."_

She nearly laughed out loud at that; _a moment? Who is he kidding? _Heaving a sigh, she responded, "I'm on my way to Engineering. I'll be with you as soon as I'm done."

"_Aye Captain, Paris out._"

Kathryn heaved another sigh and kept walking. She was on her way to check on the progress of B'Elanna Torres' and Harry Kim's project of installing holo-emitters throughout the ship so they could transport the Doctor.. Perhaps she could make the rest of the trek to Engineering without interruption. She was going to have no such luck. The com line beeped again. "_Barrett to Janeway. Ma'am, when you have a moment Mister Neelix and I would like to meet with you regarding the Botha._"

"Yes Miss Barrett, as soon as I can, I'll meet with you both."

"_Is there anyway it can be soon rather than later ma'am? Neelix is getting a little…restless._"

"I'm on my way to a meeting," Kathryn said, getting testy. "Mister Neelix is just going to have to be restless a little while longer. Janeway out."

Her head was beginning to throb indicating the start of a migraine. She might have to have yet another cup of coffee to ward off the advancing pain or go and see the Doctor, who would probably tell her to get some much needed rest. There was, however, no time to rest, not when you were the captain of a Federation starship and certainly not if you were the captain of a Federation starship lost in the Delta Quadrant. Even her children had demanded more of her time than normal. Ava had been particularly hard to deal with that morning and Tom Paris had not looked happy when Janeway had dropped her off with Michael for school. It just happened to be the luck of the draw that it was Tal Celes' morning off from watching the almost two year old. Kathryn made a mental note to ask Tom how much Ava had tormented him when she went over the navigational route with him later.

Kathryn entered Engineering hoping that B'Elanna and Harry were going to get it right the first time in transferring the Doctor to a different part of the ship. They had been successful before in transferring him to the holodeck; they saw no reason why it shouldn't work if the proper holo-emitters were installed throughout the ship. "Sorry I'm late," she mumbled. "What do you have?"

"I think we're ready to make our first attempt, Captain," B'Elanna informed her.

"Alright," she said with a nod. "Let's do this because I'm a little pressed for time."

B'Elanna acknowledged the captain's order with a curt nod of her head. "Engineering to Sickbay, are you ready Doctor?"

"_I'm standing by._"

"Initiating transfer," Harry said, the emitters beeping. "Here he comes."

They all watched as the Doctor's form appeared before them and then promptly shrunk to the size of one of Michael's action figures. "Well," the Doctor huffed, "this is certainly a brilliant feat of Engineering."

Frustrated, Kathryn turned around to glare at Harry and B'Elanna who looked amused. "What happened?"

"I guess the imaging interface wasn't properly stabilized," B'Elanna offered.

"Just a small oversight, no pun intended," Harry said with a little smirk.

"Very amusing," the Doctor grumbled.

Kathryn pursed her lips together, clearly not amused. "How long will it take you to correct this _small _oversight?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe a couple of hours."

"Mister Kim," Kathryn said, tersely, "I have to assess our navigational planning and prepare to make first contact with an alien species, I can't drop everything whenever you call!"

B'Elanna and Harry looked a little surprised by her outburst as the com beeped. "_Tuvok to Janeway."_

Every muscle in Kathryn's jaw visibly twitched and tightened up. "Go ahead!"

"_Captain I would like half an hour of your time to go over the security protocols before we encounter the Botha."_

She was using every bit of her Starfleet training to muster up a non testy response but she was sure that it wasn't going to sound that way. "Yes, Mister Tuvok," she said swallowing angry bile in her throat, "Somehow I will find half an hour, Janeway out." The words were barely out of her mouth when the doors to Engineering opened and Neelix burst through, Sarah jogging after him. Kathryn closed her eyes. She'd had a feeling that Neelix would hunt her down and Sarah wouldn't be able to stop him. _Children, it's like I have one hundred and fifty_ _children today. _

"Captain!" Neelix gasped. "We can't put off talking about the Botha any longer!"

"Captain, I told him that you'd meet with us as soon as possible," Sarah said, "He just wouldn't listen."

Kathryn opened her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "Mister Neelix, when Lieutenant Barrett gives you an order, I expect you to follow it," noticing the satisfied look that came over Sarah's face she said "and don't think, for one moment, Lieutenant, that your behavior in the matter is acceptable. You're a senior officer, you deal with it. I don't care if you have to use physical force next time to stop him! When I say I'll meet with you later, I mean _later!_"

Sarah shrunk back slightly. "Yes ma'am."

"Excuse me, Captain," the Doctor said, grabbing her attention, "will you come down here please."

Kathryn sighed and got down onto her knees so she was somewhat at eye level with him. "Yes, Doctor."

"When did you last take shore leave?"

"About two months ago."

"Ah," he said, knowingly, "and how long since you did something pleasurable, for recreation?"

Kathryn knew where he was going with this and she grinned a little. "Doctor, I know I'm a bit touchy today—."

"How long?" he interrupted.

"It's…been awhile," she admitted. It was the truth. The last few months had been nothing but crisis after crisis and she hadn't had the time to even think about sitting down to read a book or take shore leave or a trip on the holodeck with her children let alone actually do it. She'd been busy keeping her crew alive and her ship intact. "I had been running a holonovel program that helped me unwind, but I haven't had the time to run it for some time now."

The Doctor gave her his best imitation of a death glare. "Well I want you to. _Now!_"

"Doctor, I'm really very busy."

"I've checked Starfleet regulations; the Chief Medical Officer outranks the Captain, or any senior officer for that matter, in issues pertaining to health. Isn't that correct, Miss Barrett?" he looked toward Sarah and waited until she nodded her head before he continued. "Now, I realize that this is probably the first time a hologram has given an order to a captain, but, I'm ordering you to report to the holodeck."

Kathryn smiled warmly at him. "Aye sir," she said, standing up and striding past her stunned officers.

When she was gone the Doctor glowered at Harry and B'Elanna. "Now, the two of you can get busy on undoing this ridiculous blunder of yours!"

* * *

Tom Paris suddenly found himself in charge of Michael and Ava Janeway while their mother went to 'unwind' on the holodeck. He'd been thrilled to hand the kids over to their nanny that morning after Michael's lesson. It seemed that Ava was walking around in the same mood as her mother. And when he'd been informed that it was his turn in the rotation to give Tal a break he couldn't believe his luck; bad not good.  
They were sitting at a table in the mess hall and Michael seemed more than happy to chat away about the history lesson that Tom had given him that morning on early aircrafts, but Tom was so busy trying to make sure that Ava was pleased, he could barely pay attention.

"Tom, do you think we could make a model B-52 sometime?" Michael asked as he shoved some lunch into his mouth.

"Sure," Tom said, cautiously guiding Ava's spoon with replicated applesauce on it up to her mouth. "I don't see why not."

Michael cheered loudly, which caused Tom to jerk the spoon right into Ava's front teeth. The toddler began to wail and Tom found the front of his uniform covered in applesauce. _Wonderful, _he thought as he turned Ava around to inspect her mouth and make sure he hadn't maimed his commanding officer's daughter. Tom would have laughed out loud at the glare she was giving him if the occupants of the entire room weren't looking at him as if he were incompetent. Maybe when it came to kids he was. Give him a starship to pilot and he was calm, in control. Give him two children to watch for forty-five minutes and he felt the control slipping away and being placed into their hands.

He placed her down into the chair next to him and tried to wipe the applesauce off of his uniform. As he was doing so, he noticed, belatedly, Ava slip off her chair and take off running, knocking into crewman carrying trays of Neelix's lunch and straight out the door. "Dammit!" Tom cursed, leaping up from his seat and chasing after her, nearly causing just as much destruction as the toddler before him.

She was just rounding the corner towards the turbo lift when Tom emerged from the mess hall. _She's taking a page from her brother's book, _he thought miserably as he tore around the corner and nearly slammed into Commander Chakotay, holding a fidgeting Ava. "Lose something?" the First Officer asked with a little twinkle in his eye. He was loving this.

"Ah, yeah," Tom said, snatching Ava back.

"Where's the other one?"

"The other what?" Tom asked, confused.

"Child."

Tom frowned and then his eyes went wide as he remembered he'd left five year old Michael sitting at the table, still shoveling down his lunch. He spun about on his heel and rushed back to the mess hall, Ava glancing over his shoulder and whining for _'__Kotay. _When Tom found his way back to the table, Michael was still sitting there, thankfully, eating. All Tom needed was for him to take the opportunity and use it to go fiddle around in a power conduit. With a sigh he slumped back down into his seat. _Crisis adverted. _

"What do you think this is made out of?" Michael asked, holding up a long, brown wiggly stick that reminded Tom of tofu.

"Probably nothing you want to know about," Tom mumbled.

Michael safely pushed the _sticks _aside. He noticed Tom hadn't touched too much of the food that Neelix had prepared. It could have been because he'd been too busy feeding Ava, but Michael concluded that it was because it just wasn't that appetizing. He only ate it because Mama would be mad later if she found out he hadn't eaten. "Can we start making our model tomorrow?"

"I don't know," Tom answered truthfully. "You'll have to check with Sarah."

"She's been acting funny lately," Michael said.

"Funny?" Tom repeated.

"Yeah, talking to people that aren't there," Michael replied, "and she's had different memories than mine."

_Interesting, she seemed fine to me the other night on our date, _Tom thought with a little frown. "Michael, what memories are different?" Perhaps the child just remembered a sequence of events differently than Sarah did, which wouldn't be out of the ordinary for a child.

Michael shrugged his shoulders. "The other day she asked me about my science project. I'm not doing a science project, not right now. She gave me an assignment in art. She wanted me to draw a picture of _Voyager _using water colors. She said she was sure we had worked on the project together the day before, but we worked on picking out paints for my picture. And she had an _entire _conversation with Tuvok yesterday when Tuvok wasn't even in the room."

Tom wondered if she was having visions, but she'd never actually communicated out loud with a vision before. Was it possible that she was hallucinating? She was under a lot of stress, trying to stave off Neelix's impending anxiety attack over Captain Janeway having yet to meet with them about the Botha. And of course there was the stress related to the prospect of making first contact; never an easy task. He gave Michael a reassuring smile. "I'm sure she's fine," he said, "perhaps she's just got a lot on her mind right now."

Michael didn't look convinced. "I looked up the definition of hallucination in the computer. I think she's having them."

_Who made the kid the Doctor? _Tom laughed nervously. "Why don't we leave the diagnosing to the Doctor, okay?"

"Fine," the boy mumbled, pushing his tray away. "Can I go play? Meghan Delaney said I could go and map star charts with her."

Only a Janeway would find mapping star charts enjoyable, Tom thought with amusement as he nodded his head. "Just, no detours into power conduits, got it?"

"Got it!" Michael said cheerily as he rushed out of the mess hall.

Ava fussed angrily. "I go! I go!"

Tom scowled. "Ava, you're too little to map out star charts."

"Not too little!" she shrieked. "_Not too little!_"

_Dear lord, they aren't kidding when they call them the terrible twos, _Tom huffed to himself as he stood up, holding onto Ava as best he could since she was kicking and screaming the whole way out of the mess hall. And he still had twenty five minutes left with her before Tal would come to relieve him. He half expected to see Chakotay standing in the corridor either laughing at him or scowling. Perhaps Sarah was in her office and she could deal with this latest temper tantrum, after all wasn't she trained in dealing with temper tantrums?

As he came around the corner near Sarah's office Tal intercepted him. "Commander Chakotay said you looked a little overwhelmed. I'm here to _relieve _you."

Tom felt little relief. In fact, he felt angry. Didn't Chakotay trust him? _Of course not, _Tom concluded. Chakotay was more overprotective of Janeway's kids than the Captain was. He handed over the thrashing child. "Here you go," he said with a sarcastic grin. "Good luck."

"Thanks," she mumbled as she stalked down the corridor with Ava kicking and screaming that she wanted to stay with Tom.

_Go figure, _he thought as he stepped into the turbo lift and realized how happy he was to be returning to the helm. Piloting was something that was cut and dry to him, children on the other hand were a complex mystery that he was not yet prepared for. He briefly wondered if Sarah wanted to have children. She'd never spoken of the baby that had to be aborted to save her life after her captivity with the Gerroan but that didn't necessarily mean she didn't want to have a baby someday…later down the road…_a lot later down the road, _he mused stepping out onto the bridge.

Chakotay was standing near the helm and Tom was waiting for him to make a snide comment about his lack of babysitting skills but it was Sarah that jumped at the opportunity first. "Oh, good, they didn't swallow you whole. I was worried there for a moment."

"Ha ha," Tom mocked as he took his seat noticing Chakotay laughing silently. He went about his work, not bothering to acknowledge their mockery of him. Ignoring them wouldn't do him any good though, Sarah would get him later or Harry would, either way it was a lose-lose situation for him.

"Lieutenant Barrett," Tuvok's voice said as he came down onto the command station. "What are these?"

"The diplomatic reports you asked for," Sarah told him, looking at him quizzically. "You wanted them before lunch so you could go over the security protocols with Captain Janeway."

Tuvok's brown furrowed. "I do not recall asking for these reports."

Sarah looked bewildered. "Yes you did sir, yesterday morning in the school room."

_She had an entire conversation with Tuvok yesterday and Tuvok wasn't even there! _Tom recalled Michael Janeway telling him that mere moments ago in the mess hall. Dear lord, she really was hallucinating and wasn't aware of it yet. He peeked over his shoulder at the growing scene behind him. Tuvok looked like he was trying to delicately pick what he was going to say next and Chakotay had a concerned look on his face. "Lieutenant, that is impossible, I was here, on the bridge," the Vulcan replied.

Sarah opened her mouth to say something but snapped it shut. Chakotay put his PADD down. "Maybe you should go have the Doctor scan you. You might be coming down with something."

"But, sir, I know I had the conversation yesterday," Sarah argued.

"Lieutenant, Tuvok was on the bridge, the whole day," Chakotay said, "I can vouch for him."

Uncertainty began to creep into her eyes. Tom knew she was thinking or at least trying to think about a plausible cause for her lapse in memory. Finally she rose up from her seat, and mumbled, "I'll go see the Doctor."

The three senior officers watched as she left the bridge and then Tuvok turned to Chakotay. "Commander, we have to consider the possibility that these hallucinations are telepathically induced."

"Ok Sarah's had telepathic induced visions before but she never believed the visions to have _actually_ occurred."

"Perhaps it is a tactic implored by the Botha. Has Mister Neelix made any mention of the Botha being telepathic?"

Chakotay shook his head. "Neelix hasn't been very forthcoming with me, he insists that he needs to speak to Captain Janeway, I'm pretty sure he's been hounding Lieutenant Barrett to step up that meeting. However, she hasn't mentioned anything about the Botha being telepathic. I would think if she knew that she would have."

Tuvok didn't get to debate the issue as Harry let Chakotay know that they were being hailed by a ship, claiming to have been sent by the Bothan government. "On screen," Chakotay groaned turning to the screen, thinking what a fine time it was to have the ship's counselor in sickbay and the Captain, well, no where to be seen.

"They're asking to speak to Captain Janeway only."

"Fine," Chakotay grumbled. "Chakotay to Janeway."

"_Janeway here."_

She sounded a little stressed to him. "Captain, we've been hailed be a representative of the Bothan government; they would like to speak to you."

"_I'll be right there, Janeway out._"

Chakotay asked Harry to get Neelix up to the bridge and then slumped into his seat. He was sure that the Doctor wouldn't release Sarah, not until he felt he had done a thorough check up on her; which, Chakotay concluded, could take _hours. _He heard the doors hiss open and looked up to see Neelix enter the bridge.

"Commander you wished to see me?"

"A representative from the Botha just hailed us, asking to speak to the Captain. She's on her way here now."

Neelix look infuriated. "I knew we should have spoken this morning! Lieutenant Barrett told me to wait."

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it now."

Tom was half expecting the Talaxian to explode but he nervously began to pace the deck until Janeway arrived. "Captain!" he shouted out sprinting towards her. "We should have spoken this morning! I told Lieutenant Barrett that she was being too lackadaisical in the matter!"

Janeway half glared at him. "Calm down, Neelix, tell me what you know."

"I've been in contact with my nomadic friends," Neelix started nervously, "traders, collectors, much like I used to be. They're in a position to gather information during their travels. What they have told me doesn't sound good."

The Captain frowned. "What did they tell you?"

Neelix resumed his nervous pacing. "There are hosts of rumors about ships that enter Bothan space never to be heard from again. They say that the Botha protect their territory fiercely."

Janeway let out a sigh that she believed no one could hear but the truth was the entire bridge crew had heard it. "But we aren't aggressors."

"I don't think they are either, Captain," Neelix replied. "They just don't want anyone crossing their borders."

The Captain's shoulders tightened as she made her way to her chair. "Where's Lieutenant Barrett?" she mumbled to Chakotay. She hadn't heard about Sarah being taken off duty and even though she had gotten angry at the young officer earlier that morning she didn't think she came off as wanting Sarah to skip out on duty that day. "I could use her right about now."

Chakotay fidgeted slightly. "I sent her to sickbay. Commander Tuvok and I were concerned that she is becoming ill."

Janeway heaved another loud sigh. "Will they negotiate?" she asked Neelix.

"It's hard to say," Neelix replied, standing in front of her and blocking her view of the screen. "Some believe that they don't even have a legitimate claim to the space, that they're nothing but odious vandals. In which case, diplomacy would fall on deaf ears."

_Wonderful, _Tom thought from the helm, _just what we need another species unwilling to be diplomatic in the Delta Quadrant. _

"We're being hailed again, Captain," Tuvok calmly informed her.

"On screen."

The large view screen was suddenly flooded with the image of an alien sitting on a pedestal of some sort with white light streaming out from behind him. No one on the bridge could see his face and it made Janeway nervous. She set her jaw as she stood up to try and look a little more authoritative to the alien. "I'm Kathryn Janeway, captain of the Starship _Voyager._"

"Why have you entered our space without our permission?" the alien asked in a deep, threatening tone.

"We didn't know this was your space. On what basis do you claim it?"

"I have no intention in explaining myself to you. The fact is you are violating our territory."

Janeway tried to remain calm but it was difficult, they had learned the hard way that this quadrant was unpredictable. "I assure you, we mean no disrespect. We're from another part of the galaxy. We're just trying to get home."

"We'll send a ship to rendezvous with you. If you meet the criteria we'll consider your request."

It was a start, Janeway realized. "Thank you," she said. "What are the criteria?"

"We'll discus that when we meet."

The view screen went black and the bridge crew were looking at stars. "Friendly fellow," Paris quipped with a bit of a scowl.

"At least they're willing to talk," Janeway pointed out.

"I wonder why he wouldn't let us see his face," Harry wondered.

"I suspect it was a calculated move, an attempt to intimidate us," Janeway said, turning to Chakotay. "Commander," she ordered, "you have the bridge." She proceeded towards her ready room, instructing Neelix to join her so they could talk about the upcoming meeting and informed Chakotay to send Sarah in as soon as she was back from the Doctor.

Neelix didn't look pleased. "Captain, if I may? When was the last time you ate?"

"Ate?" Janeway repeated. She saw Neelix nod his head. "I had a bowl of soup last night."

"Then let me suggest that we have our talk in the mess hall," he said, cheerily. "I've prepared a scrumptious selection for lunch today."

Janeway looked to Tuvok for help but he only raised an eyebrow and went back to work. She then glanced across the bridge at Harry, who simply shrugged his shoulders. _Great, they're all ganging up against me, _she thought as she smiled, uneasily. "Right," she said, "Lunch it is." As she was leaving the bridge she was sure she could see Chakotay laughing.


	21. Chapter 21

_Disclaimers apply as usual_.

**A/N: ** Here's the next chappie. No one has looked over this so any mistakes are mine and I apologize, I really just want to get this story going again because I was struck with an original idea that I'm anxious to get written. Hope you enjoy and as always please leave a review if you can!

* * *

Kathryn was only half heartedly listening to Neelix lecture her on her eating habits. She tried to tell him that sometimes she just got too busy to eat, but he insisted that he was only a call away and he'd bring her a tray. She just gave in and let him load up her tray with food she had no idea about. It wasn't until they came to the end and she saw the cucumber sandwiches that she felt a pit forming in her stomach. She had seen those same things, in the same arrangement, on the holodeck that morning, in her holonovel. She picked one up. "Where did these come from?"

"Lieutenant Hargrove asked for them," Neelix replied seeing the distressed look on her face. "Is something wrong?"

"No, just a funny coincidence," she replied placing the sandwich back onto the tray. "Something I saw on the holodeck today." She shook it off and followed Neelix, who was getting a mug for her to pour her a cup of tea. "Thank you, Neelix, this all looks delicious."

The cook was handing her tea in a china cup, one covered in flowers that had been the same one that Beatrice had shattered in the holonovel that morning. Could that be coincidence as well? Kathryn couldn't shake the odd feeling. "Where…did you get that cup?"

Neelix handed the tea to her. "I'm not sure really, I think I found several of them in storage. Unusual isn't it?" He watched as she turned the saucer over in her hand. "Captain, is everything alright?"

Kathryn took a deep breath and tried to smile. "Perfectly alright, Neelix; I just have to remind myself that coincidences do happen."

"Excuse me, Captain," Sarah's voice interrupted the conversation.

"Oh good, Commander Chakotay sent you down here like I asked," Kathryn said placing her tea cup down onto the counter.

The young woman looked perplexed. Her blue eyes darted from Kathryn's face and back to Neelix's face. "I'm sorry. Who is Commander Chakotay? I'm looking for Commander Fletcher."

_Fletcher, Fletcher, that name sounds familiar, _Kathryn thought as she tried to gain some composure. How did Sarah not recall who Chakotay was? And then she remembered that Chakotay had sent her to sickbay. He had been concerned that she was ill. It was apparently much worse than he had let on if she didn't recall him. "Sarah, Commander Fletcher isn't on _Voyager. _He's in the Alpha Quadrant. Maybe we should get you back to sickbay."

She tried to put her arm around Sarah but the young woman flinched and jumped back slightly. "Captain, I'm…I'm not sure I know what you're talking about. I've never heard of ship called _Voyager _and Commander Fletcher asked me to meet him here, in order to go over my latest report. It's just…I can't seem to find him."

"Sarah, do you know who I am?"

Her eyes began to nervously shift about the room, obviously not recognizing anyone. "You know me, how?"

"Do you know me?" Kathryn repeated, harshly.

"I don't know any of you! I'm looking for Commander Fletcher!"

By now Kathryn could see the crew in the mess hall looking at their counselor with severe interest. The Captain knew she had to get the young woman out of the room but Sarah wasn't letting her touch her and she hated to have to call security. That would only make matters worse. Already Kathryn could tell that Sarah was trying to find an escape route, whether she would slip out the door she came or try to run across the room to the other doors if all else failed. Suddenly Kes appeared in the doorway behind Sarah. "Lieutenant Barrett you need to return to sickbay," the Ocampa said calmly.

Kathryn saw her coming and threw her arms out, stopping Sarah from escaping out the other doors. The young woman screamed at the top of her lungs and the Captain and Neelix tried to subdue her. Kathryn managed to wiggle a free hand out and slap her combadge, "Janeway to Tuvok! I need you in the mess hall immediately!"

When Tuvok arrived he found Kathryn and Neelix barely holding onto to Sarah who was thrashing about and screaming. The Captain and Neelix let go, allowing Tuvok and his security detail to grab a hold of Sarah and drag her out of the room. Kathryn straightened her uniform and smoothed her hair back down. _Dear God, _she thought, _what the hell was that? _"Neelix, perhaps we should continue with our meeting? That is, until the Doctor briefs me on Lieutenant Barrett's condition."

Neelix mutely nodded his head and four hours later, when Kathryn decided that it was time to head back to the school room to collect the children, she still hadn't gotten an update from the Doctor; maybe after she put the kids to bed she'd give him a call. Maybe he just didn't have anything to report.

"Tom said we could start building a model of a bomber," Michael chirped happily besides her as they walked.

"Sounds like it will be fun," Kathryn replied half heartedly. Her mind was still running over the events in the mess hall. "When do you start?"

"I wanted to start tomorrow but Tom told me to ask Sarah first," Michael mumbled. "I don't think Sarah is feeling well lately."

_You're telling me, _Kathryn thought as they walked along. Of course, thankfully, the children had not had lunch with her like they normally did, thus they hadn't been witness to the scene in the mess hall earlier that afternoon. Kathryn was happy that she didn't have to explain what had happened in the mess hall either. It seemed for the time being that Michael had not heard the story, which Kathryn was sure had spread throughout the ship like wildfire once Sarah had been dragged back to sickbay. Hopefully by this time tomorrow when they were returning to their quarters for dinner she would have the answers to tell him. Right now, she was as confused as ever. Sarah had shown no signs of being ill, and yet, Michael had just mentioned he didn't think Sarah was feeling well. "Honey, why did you say Sarah isn't feeling well lately?"

"She's been talking to herself a lot."

"I talk to myself too, working through things."

"Yeah, but Mama, she was talking to Tuvok and he wasn't in the room."

Was it coincidence that Sarah was hallucinating and Kathryn was seeing things from her holodeck program? _I can't help myself, I've fallen in love with you. _She heard the voice and froze in her place. Kathryn spun about only to see Ayala step into the lift behind them, barely aware that the family was standing near by. Kathryn shook her head and kept walking. Of course she was replaying the last scene from the holonovel in her head, she had just been thinking about the cucumber sandwiches and the tea cup in the mess hall earlier.

Michael was babbling still, this time he'd moved onto to his upcoming project with Tom. Kathryn was trying to focus but she was finding it very difficult. Suddenly she caught the flash of a plaid skirt. Hustling down the corridor following what she thought was Beatrice, she could hear the children asking her where she was going.

Kathryn didn't stop. She rounded a corner and saw Beatrice standing there. Her eyes widened with horror.

It was impossible for this little girl to be standing there. She was a hologram and holograms couldn't move about the ship. "My mother is alive," the child said, coldly, "and my father loves her, _not _you."

The Captain closed her eyes tightly but when she opened them the child was gone.

"Mama?"

Kathryn turned about to see Michael standing behind her, holding Ava's hand. Both of the children were looking at her quizzically. "Are you okay?" the boy asked.

"Fine, I'm fine," the mother answered nervously.

"Why were you running?"

"I…I thought I saw someone I needed to talk too," Kathryn replied, quickly, reaching out and guiding Michael back down the corridor towards the turbo lift. "How about a visit to Engineering for a while? Maybe Crewman Hogan can show you the plasma injectors?"

Michael's eyes lit up as he completely forgot the obvious discomfort that his mother was in. "What are we waiting for?" he happily shouted as he let go of Ava's hand and tore off towards the lift.

Kathryn scooped the toddler up and followed, peaking back once to see if Beatrice was following them.

* * *

"I'm a little worried that she has no memory of what happened in the mess hall," the Doctor told him.

"A little worried?" Chakotay repeated back, baffled. "I think we should be more than a little worried, Doctor. She had no recollection of _Voyager._"

The hologram scratched his chin and looked down at his unconscious patient. When Kes had informed him that Sarah had escaped, he hadn't been too surprised. After all the senior officers on this ship seemed bound and determined not to listen to their Chief Medical Officer and do as they pleased. He'd sent Kes to find her. Lieutenant Barrett had been returned kicking and screaming, dragged by Tuvok and his security guards. He'd immediately sedated her and she had been asleep since. "I found nothing abnormal in her scans. There is no brain damage to suggest delusions and her theta wave activity was within normal parameters. This doesn't necessarily mean that this isn't telepathically induced, it just doesn't seem likely."

Chakotay frowned. "Could it be a virus?"

"Possibly," the Doctor replied. "But my scans have found nothing yet. To put it frankly, I don't know what happened."

The First Officer wasn't happy. _Voyager _was going to be making contact with an alien race that didn't enjoy outsiders too much and their diplomatic advisor was sidelined. He hadn't told Kathryn the extent of her condition because he didn't want to make the overstressed woman worry even more than she already was. "Doctor," he said firmly, "we're due to meet with the Botha in less than twenty four hours. We need her on the bridge."

"Commander, even if I knew what was wrong and could treat her, I wouldn't suggest duty," the Doctor snapped.

"Is there a possibility that she was just sleep walking?"

"Sleep walking?"

"Yes, sleep walking."

The Doctor pondered the possibility. "I suppose but that doesn't explain her hallucination of Commander Tuvok. Most humans, when they sleep walk, fail to remember what they did."

Chakotay had known that he was grasping at straws but he had to grasp at _something. _It just couldn't be possible that Sarah's delusions were just happening without a medical explanation. "What about bacteria or a parasite or an alien? Something, Doctor, is causing these delusions and I'd like to know sooner rather than later why!"

Movement from the biobed stalled the Doctor's response. Sarah was stirring and waking up. Chakotay and the Doctor watched as she stretched her arms, as if she was waking up from a long nap, and sat up on the biobed, eyes blinking into the bright light trying to adjust. The Doctor quickly grabbed a medical tricorder and proceeded to scan her. She followed his every movement but there wasn't a hint of panic on her face, in fact, she looked relaxed. Finished with his scan the Doctor closed the instrument down. "Do you know me, Lieutenant?"

Sarah gave him a puzzled look then looked at Chakotay briefly before answering. "Yes, you're the EMH."

"And what ship are you on?"

"_Voyager."_

Chakotay couldn't help the small sigh of relief that passed his lips. Perhaps, she had just been sleep walking.

Sarah heard his little sigh and picked up on his tremendous relief. She shot her head around and looked at him, her eyes wide with worry. "Commander, is something wrong with me?"

"We think, or at least I do, that you were sleep walking."

"Sleep walking?"

"You believed that you were on a star base looking for Commander Fletcher," Chakotay informed her. "You didn't recognize Captain Janeway."

"I've never slept walked before," Sarah said softly. "And I was just thinking about the _Explorer _the other day. Michael asked me questions about my last ship."

The Doctor glowered for a moment. "As Commander Chakotay said, he believes you were sleep walking. I'd like to run a few more tests before I properly diagnosis you with a sleeping disorder. You're going to have to sleep here, in sickbay, Lieutenant."

Sarah numbly nodded her head. If she was honest, she was a little disconcerted about this sleep walking thing. Could it be another post traumatic side effect to her captivity on Gerroa Prime? To witnessing her former lover destroy his ship? She suddenly felt very tired. Chakotay ordered her to get some rest and not to worry about the Botha that they would be able to handle it without her, and he returned to the Bridge. The Doctor asked Kes to replicate something for Sarah to eat and then disappeared back into his office, going over the test he had already run on the counselor.

She was still sitting there, a tray of food on her lap, when Tom entered. He peeked around the room to make sure that no one was looking and then dashed towards her, kissing her forehead. "Chakotay told us that you'd be spending the night here."

"He thinks I'm sleep walking," she replied.

"Oh, that could be a reasonable explanation," Tom said taking her hand and stroking it gently.

"For my entire conversation with Tuvok?" Sarah asked quirking an eyebrow.

Tom chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment. "It could have been a dream."

"Michael told you," Sarah snapped. "Don't lie, I can sense it."

"Fine, Michael did mention you talked to Tuvok when he wasn't there," Tom confessed. "But you remember that conversation. Do you remember what happened in the mess hall?"

Her face clouded over. "Chakotay told me that I thought I was on a star base looking for Commander Fletcher and that I didn't recognize Captain Janeway. I'm not sure the full details and I don't remember any of it."

Tom knew it was probably better that way. She'd be embarrassed to know that Tuvok had been called in. He'd heard the story himself when he'd gone to dinner. B'Elanna was buzzing about it. Apparently the whole ship was. It had taken three security guards to drag her out of the mess hall and back to sickbay. She didn't recognize anyone in that room, even Captain Janeway. Tom couldn't imagine how that had felt for Janeway. He knew how he would have felt. He would have felt heart broken. "See, people don't remember what happened or what they did when they sleep walk."

Sarah stared at the remainder of her food. She had tried to eat most of it but she found she didn't have much of an appetite. "I thought I was getting better, Tom."

"Better? What do you mean, love?"

"I thought I'd put my captivity and the _Washington _behind me."

He reached out and brushed away the tears she had not even been aware that had fallen. "Those are things, love, that just aren't going to go a way so easily. But I'm here, and whenever you feel like crying, it's okay, I'll wipe the tears."

Sarah slid the food tray on a nearby cart, an angry, frustrated look in her eyes. "I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life."

"Who says that the sleep walking is a result of post traumatic stress? There could be any number of reasons why you're sleep walking."

"And having random conversations with myself?"

"Yeah, sure, maybe you have a virus or something."

"The Doctor doesn't know what's wrong," Sarah cried suddenly, tears spilling out of her eyes and down her flushed cheeks.

He hated to see her crying like this, but he put himself in her position. It had to be terrifying not knowing why she was hallucinating. This time he took her face in his hands and kissed the tears away, eventually claiming her mouth in a tender, loving embrace. He knew he was taking a risk, kissing her in sickbay, at any moment anyone could walk in and see them, but he didn't care. She needed comforting. Pulling away he let his lips linger over hers. "Everything is going to be alright," he whispered, "you'll see."

Sarah could feel his breath on her face. It was warm and smelled like the spices Neelix loved to use. "You should go, before we get caught."

Tom looked at her with disappointed eyes. "I don't want to go, not just yet."

"I'm rather sleepy," she argued. "I'm not going to be very good company."

He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. "That's fine. We don't have to talk."

"You're impossible, Tom Paris."

Tom flashed a wide grin. She wouldn't be the first person to tell him that and it wouldn't be the last time he'd hear it. "I do my best," he cracked, leaning back in his seat.

"Well, do your best and go replicate me a good book," Sarah ordered good naturedly.

"Yes ma'am."

Sarah watched as Tom disappeared into the back to go and replicate something for her to read, probably some twentieth century novel that had little relevance to life these days, but Tom was fond of that era so she tried to tolerate it. While she waiting the doors to sickbay swished open and Kathryn Janeway walked in.

The Captain activated the Doctor. He shimmered into existence and asked her to state the nature of the medical emergency. "Have you come up with a reason why Lieutenant Barrett is hallucinating?"

"None yet, Captain. Why do you ask?"

"Because…I'm hallucinating too." 


	22. Chapter 22

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

**A/N: Sorry that this took so long. I've been extremely busy leaving very little time to write. Sorry for any grammatical mistake, sending work off to a proof reader takes even longer to get this out for you. Enjoy!**

* * *

Sarah Barrett was exhausted but the Doctor was refusing to let her go to sleep. He needed to compare her test results of those with Captain Janeway's. Of course, he was finding no similarities, everything appeared to be normal. He'd gone as far as to check for a chemical leak of some kind on the ship to explain why both the ship's counselor and the captain were having hallucinations. "Doctor," she grumbled, "please, can I just take a nap?"

"Unfortunately, Miss Barrett, the answer is no. Now, I would appreciate it if you would kindly shut up so I can finish my work."

Falling back onto the biobed, she let out a loud sigh. "Your displeasure with the situation is duly noted, Lieutenant," the hologram drawled.

Sarah shot him a glare that she knew he wouldn't see, but she didn't care. She just wanted to sleep. Glancing up at the boring ceiling, she listened to Captain Janeway talk about her own hallucinations, wondering if they were caused by stress. Of course, the Doctor thought it was a possibility, he just didn't want to chalk up to stress. They'd all been under extreme amounts of stress lately, it came with the territory of traveling the Delta Quadrant. She'd come to accept stress as her second best friend, behind Tom that is, because it was always there for her. Closing her eyes briefly when she heard the Doctor leave the room she figured she could at least try to get a five minute power nap. Never underestimate a power nap, she'd been told at the Academy by older cadets.

"Doctor!" Janeway gasped.

The frightened tone in her captain's voice startled Sarah. She sat up on the biobed and looked at Janeway, staring intensely in front of her. Turning about Sarah caught a glimpse of a little girl, dressed in a plaid period dress, perhaps the 1800s, her blond hair piled up onto her head in banana curls. Had she fallen asleep? Or was she seeing Janeway's hallucination?

"What is it?" the Doctor appeared in the doorway of his office.

"Who do you see?" Janeway asked patiently.

"I see you and Lieutenant Barrett. Why? Who do you see?"

"I see you, Lieutenant Barrett, but I also see a little girl from my holodeck program."

Sarah focused on the vision for a moment. Did she have a telepathic connection with Janeway at the moment, that's why she was seeing the little girl? She had never made a telepathic connection with a non-telepathic before, not like this anyhow. Of course she could read their thoughts when she focused on them, but she had to be really focusing, right now, she was barely able to keep her eyes open and she was seeing Janeway's vision completely. Sarah blinked, hoping to clear her vision, but when she reopened her eyes the little girl was standing there still. The harder she concentrated on the little girl, the more crisp the vision came, and then suddenly the child rushed towards Janeway and vanished...almost like she had vanished _inside _Janeway. "What...what was that?"

Janeway looked at her, surprised. "You saw it?"

"Yes, I saw the little girl and then she rushed at you and...disappeared," Sarah sputtered.

There was a look of hope in Janeway's eyes. Perhaps she wasn't hallucinating at all, perhaps there was an explanation for this. "Yes, that's exactly what happened. She was standing there and rushed at me."

"Mmmm," the Doctor responded, running a scanner over both Sarah and Janeway. "I do not see a telepathic link between you to suggest why you both saw the same hallucination."

"Maybe we're linking sporadically?" Sarah suggested.

"Perhaps, I'll have to run more tests."

Sarah groaned and plopped back down onto her biobed. She was never going to get any sleep tonight.

"But, I suppose I can run those tests in the morning. Captain, you may go back to your quarters and get some rest."

"Hey!" Sarah said sitting back up. "How come I have to stay here?"

The Doctor glared at her. "Captain Janeway has not had any memories lapses and until I figure out why you are and hallucinating as well, you're staying right here. Good night, Lieutenant." He shut the lights off and Sarah was left sitting there in the dark.

Flopping back onto the biobed she groaned, loudly. The Doctor snapped a response that made her smile as she closed her eyes and tried to let sleep over take her. But, the harder she tried, the more wide awake she found herself. She thought about reading the book that Tom had replicated for her but then realized how fast the Doctor would be on her if she did. After all she was supposed to be sleeping. She was exhausted, she could feel it in her entire body ,her muscles ached, but she just couldn't fall asleep. She'd drift, that was evident, but that drifting stopped when the Doctor made a noise in his office or another thought popped into her head.

Sighing, loudly again, Sarah opened her eyes and stared into the darkness. She placed her hands on her stomach and began to methodically tap them, trying to keep herself amused.

"Really, Miss Barrett, go to sleep," the Doctor called from his office.

"I can't. This bed is too hard. I'm sure I'd get plenty of rest back in my quarters."

"That bed is the same mattress as the one in your quarters. They're Starfleet issued."

_Damn it. _Sarah bit her lip to stop a snide comeback. If she wanted to be allowed to return to her quarters that night then she was going to have to play nice with the Doctor, which wasn't easy to do. "It's a psychological thing—you wouldn't understand."

The hologram huffed in the other room. "A bed is a bed, Lieutenant. Now, go to sleep."

"Yes, father," Sarah snapped and then chuckled when she heard the Doctor grumbling under his breath. Rolling over onto her side she stared at the door wondering how far she would get back to her quarters before Tuvok was called and she was dragged back to sickbay kicking and screaming for the second time that day. "I could just leave," she challenged.

"But you won't."

"Why not?"

"I'd call security."

"I could just shut you down you know? Or _loose _my combadge and send Tuvok on a wild chase," Sarah offered.

There was another grumble from the office. "Miss Barrett, if you do not stop talking in the next thirty seconds I'm going to give you a sedative to help you fall asleep."

Sarah was pretty sure her mother had used that threat on her as a child. This memory made her laugh out loud this time. When the doctor questioned what she thought was so funny, she said, "You sound like my mother when I was nine."

"Your mother gave you a sedative to sleep?" He asked, sounding appalled.

"Well, she was a doctor, she had access to them—but no she never did it—just scared me and my brother into thinking she would."

"She sounds like a charming woman."

"I think you would have gotten along great with her."

The Doctor appeared in the entrance to the office, the light outlining his silhouette and darkening his features. "Lieutenant, please, go to sleep. I am a doctor—not a sounding board—in other words I was not programmed for idle chit chat."

Sarah frowned. "I thought you wanted to be more human?"

"Not tonight!" he shouted, disappearing back into his office.

She realized that she had probably towed the line and he was going to resort to using a sedative on her. Sighing again, she rolled over onto her side and curled up, pulling the starchy blanket up to her shoulders. What she really wanted was her homemade throw blanket that was on her bed in her quarters. What she really wanted was to go back to her quarters. However, that wasn't going to happen, the Doctor was hell bent on keeping her here.

After a while she finally dozed off and dreamed of nothing in particular. She didn't have much of a chance to fall into a deep sleep. Captain Janeway was screaming.

Sarah's eyes flew open. The lights in sickbay were on and Tuvok and the Doctor were restraining a terrified Janeway.

"Captain!" Tuvok shouted over her screaming. "You are in sickbay! You are okay!"

Janeway's eyes focused on Tuvok, she realized where she was, and pulled back. She inspected her hands, as if she was expecting to find a wound there, and then she started to cry. Sarah had never seen the captain cry before, not that she didn't think Janeway was capable, she just...never expected it to happen.

"I don't understand," the Doctor gasped, running a tricorder over Janeway. "There is nothing in her scans that suggest telepathic activity, brain damage…nothing to explain why she is having these hallucinations. She hasn't even left sickbay! I've been monitoring her ever since she got here."

Sarah was confused. "Doctor, you sent Captain Janeway back to her quarters."

"I most certainly did not, Lieutenant. You are supposed to be asleep."

"But, Doctor! I was here! I heard you send her back to her quarters!"

"Mmm," Tuvok mused, helping Janeway up onto a biobed, the Doctor have given her a sedative to calm her. "Captain Janeway believed that she was in her quarters when the woman from her holodeck program attacked her. Perhaps, Miss Barrett linked that hallucination with her own."

The Doctor shook his head. "None of this is making sense."

"Indeed we have a mystery," Tuvok replied. "I shall inform Commander Chakotay, perhaps we should get the senior staff together and brainstorm."

Sarah swung her legs over the biobed. "If that's the case, I'm going."

"Absolutely not!" the Doctor yelled, pointing an accusing finger at her. "You are going no where!"

"But I might be able to help," Sarah argued. She looked at Tuvok pleadingly. "Commander Tuvok?"

Tuvok quirked an eyebrow at the Doctor. "Is she in any immediate danger?"

"Well, no, she has not exhibited any more hallucinations, unless you count her differing memory about where Captain Janeway was," the hologram replied. "But, nothing as startling as her performance in the mess hall earlier today."

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Does that mean I can go?"

"Very well, but once this meeting is over, you best be back in my sick bay," the Doctor ordered.

"Yes sir," Sarah said happily jumping down from her bed and following Tuvok out of the oppressive room and into the turbo lift. "Thank you, Commander."

"Do not thank me yet, Lieutenant," Tuvok answered, dryly. "We do not know what is causing both you and Captain Janeway to hallucinate."

Sarah tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear. "I'm confident that with all of us putting our heads together we can come up something." _And I just need to get out of that sickbay for a couple of hours and if takes an emergency staff meeting, then so be it, _she thought as they stepped out of the lift and onto Deck One. The senior staff, with the expectation of Janeway, was waiting for them in the conference room.

"Update, Mister Tuvok," Chakotay ordered.

"Captain Janeway has experienced another hallucination. This one far more serious than the last few."

Chakotay's eyes grew dark with intensity. "Does the Doctor have any idea what's causing it?"

Tuvok shook his head. "If he did, he did not share it with me."

Sarah watched as Chakotay's face grew darker and darker. She'd seen him angry before, especially when Janeway's welfare was concerned, but there was something different about this look. He almost looked scared, frightened that they couldn't figure out what was wrong. "I'm sure that the Doctor is going to figure it out soon, Commander."

"We _need_ to figure this out soon," Chakotay snapped. "We're meeting with the Botha in a matter of hours."

"Commander, Neelix has fully prepared me for that mission..."Sarah stammered, "I'm sure he can...prepare you as well."

"Not the point, Lieutenant," Chakotay snarled. He was on edge. No one could blame him. "We're traveling into a delicate situation and we're down our commanding officer and our counselor, in case you haven't noticed, Lieutenant, I'm not the best at diplomatic situation! I need the Captain and I need you to be at peak performance, however something, or someone, seems bound and determined to keep the two of you out of this!"

Tuvok calmly spoke first. "Are you suggesting that the Captain and Lieutenant Barrett's condition is being caused by the Botha?"

Chakotay snarled again. "The possibility has crossed my mind."

"What would be the point?" Neelix questioned.

"I haven't figured that one out yet," Chakotay answered.

"Maybe they want to learn about us," Sarah offered.

Tom Paris made a funny face. "By creating visions and tampering with memories? They have a funny way of doing things. They could have just asked us."

Sarah scowled. "They might not see it as harsh...to them it maybe ethical."

"They have a funny sense of ethics," Tom drawled.

"What are the options here?" Chakotay asked. "Should we wait until the Doctor has figured out why the Captain and Lieutenant Barrett are hallucinating, or should we go a head and make first contact with the Botha?"

"The Doctor isn't going to let Captain Janeway be apart of any first contact," Sarah said, regretfully. "It was hard to convince him to let me come here."

Chakotay stood up. "I'll go speak to the Captain," he offered. He gestured for Sarah to join him. "And as much as I'm sure you're enjoying being out of prison, it's time to go back. Tuvok, start running continuous scans to see if we can detect any kind of technology that would suggest causing visions and tampered memories."

Tuvok nodded his head. "I will begin immediately, Commander."

The First Officer nodded his head as he left the room, hoping that by the end of the day they were going to have some answers. 


	23. Chapter 23

_Disclaimers apply as usual._

**A/N: I didn't forget about this! Here is the next part, short little chapter, but the next one (or two) will be about the crew's hallucinations. If there is anyone's that you really, really want to see, let me know! Enjoy!  
**

* * *

"Make sure you report to me as soon as you make contact with the Botha!" Kathryn Janeway shouted after her first officer as he left her behind in sick bay.

Once the doors to sick bay were closed she began to pace. Sarah Barrett watched her seat upon a biobed. Commander Chakotay had returned her to sick bay much to her dismay. The Doctor was in an even more grumpy mood than he normally was. "I'm sure Commander Chakotay is going to do just fine, ma'am."

Kathryn glared at her. "What have I told you about calling me, ma'am?"

Sarah straightened her tired from. "Sorry, I forgot."

"Captain, would you please sit down," the Doctor implored of her. "You need to rest."

Kathryn slid onto the empty biobed next to Sarah but the counselor could see that she clearly was not relaxing. How could she? This was probably one of the biggest first contact missions that _Voyager _had in it's young history in the Delta Quadrant. Negotiating the right to travel through their space was key. If they couldn't pass through than they would have to go around and that was going to add years to their already long journey.  
"If you would just let me go handle this I could relax," the Captain snapped at the hologram.

He glared at her. "That is not an option right now. There maybe something terribly wrong with both of you, thus you are not fit to perform your duties."

Sarah decided at that very moment that she had seen too much of sickbay in the year she'd spent on this ship. "But I feel fine."

"And were you feeling _fine _when Mister Tuvok had to subdue you in the mess hall?"

She shrunk back against the biobed. "I have a lot of work to do, you know."

"It can wait."

"That's easy for you to say," Sarah mumbled, lowering her chin to her chest.

The Doctor turned around and glared at her. "You're making my work a lot harder, Lieutenant."

She wanted to say _good _but saw Janeway sending her a death glare. It was amazing to her how the Captain could make any of them feel like little children again be scolded by their mothers with that one simple look. She bit the snide comment back and laid down. Throwing her arm over her face she briefly wondered if her mother was laughing down at her right now. All those years she had wondered why she could predict things with such accuracy and her mother brushed it off. She had to have known and just didn't tell her as some kind of payback because Sarah had never been the daughter she wanted.

"Here Mama," a small voice said. Sarah opened her eyes to see Michael Janeway handing something to Kathryn. "We brought you something to read." He was also carrying a bag.

"Where's Tal?" Kathryn asked when she saw the children.

"I told her to go home for the night," Michael said, dumping the contents of the bag out onto the floor. Sarah could see that it was some blankets and pillows. "We're going to stay here tonight."

He began to unroll the blankets, much to the Doctor's dismay. "Mister Janeway," the hologram snapped, "this is a sickbay...not a hotel room."

Michael looked at him funny. "I know."

The Doctor looked at both Kathryn and Sarah but both looked the other way. It served him right for treating them rudely to have to deal with little children for the night, at least that's how Sarah was feeling. "They can't stay alone in their quarters, Doctor, they're still little children."

"Isn't that what a baby-sitter is for?"

"Are you offering?"

"No," the Doctor snapped. "Just stay out of my way Mister Janeway."

Michael mumbled something along the lines of _don't worry _and Sarah smiled to herself. At least there would be entertainment this time around in sickbay instead of the last time when all she had was the Doctor to talk too. Of course, she had just hallucinated that whole conversation up, hadn't she? The lines between what was real and what was a vision were starting to become blurred. And this worried her. How far back did her differing memories go? She shook her head to clear her thoughts. It couldn't go that far back, she thought. But what if it had? What if everything that last few weeks was nothing but her induced memory? What if she had cooked up Tom confessing his love to her?

"Lieutenant, relax please," Kes' soft voice said, breaking through Sarah's panicked thoughts. "Your heart rate is sky rocketing."

Sarah felt embarrassed. She was overreacting, she was sure of it. "Sorry," she mumbled as she laid down, "I'll try to get some sleep." Closing her eyes she wished she hadn't been so stubborn about telling everyone about her and Tom. If she hadn't then she could easily ask Kes about their relationship. And why did it matter so much? Was she really that head over heels for him? Pressing her arm over her face she wished that the Doctor knew what was wrong so she could separate reality from her visions. Everything was so much easier when you knew what was real and wasn't.

This time sleep came to her much quicker and more easily. One moment she was listening to Michael talk about his day and his next project and the next she was listlessly dreaming, and for once they were pleasant dreams. Since returning from Gerroan space her dreams had been nothing but terrible. It was nice to dream about something other than murders and blood and fear. If she knew how to hold onto dreams like the pleasant ones she was having now she would never have another nightmare.

Shaking woke her up. At first she thought that the Doctor was shaking her but instead it was Janeway. "We need to get to the bridge."

"Captain," the Doctor protested, "I strongly object. I have not completed my tests on either you or Lieutenant Barrett."

"My ship is under attack," Janeway snapped as Sarah got off the biobed. "My place, Doctor, is on the bridge."

Sarah didn't argue with her commanding officer. She'd been wanting to get out of sickbay for hours now. Jumping down from the biobed she heard Janeway instruct Michael and Ava to stay in sickbay with the Doctor and Kes. Both the hologram and Michael looked appalled by the situation. Neither argued, which was surprising considering who had just been ordered to stay together. Sarah followed Janeway out into the corridor and into the lift.

They rode it in silence. Sarah knew that Janeway was uncomfortable being confided to sickbay. Her ship was traveling through a hostile region of space and she couldn't be on the bridge. Right now that ship appeared to be in crisis as it rocked again from weapon's fire. "I knew I shouldn't have left Chakotay in charge of this mission. The Botha are too unstable. I should have handled it."

"Captain, you couldn't have known this was going to happen," Sarah tried to assure her.

Janeway looked at her, sadly. "No? Doesn't this always happen, Sarah? We have to fight our way through territories just to make it home."

Sarah could see the wear and tear in Kathryn's eyes. They had been traveling for nearly a year in this quadrant and they'd seen more bad than good. This was evidently beginning to take it's toll on Kathryn. Maybe it had begun to take it's toll a long time ago and Sarah didn't realize it until now. "Captain, you did what you thought was right."

Kathryn couldn't be sure if she was talking about the current situation or their situation as a whole in the Delta Quadrant. The lift doors opened and she could hear Chakotay trying to speak to the alien that had attacked them.

"Your ship is damaged and you captain is incapacitated. I will accept your immediate surrender."

"Your not getting one," Kathryn said going to stand next to Chakotay, "the captain is fine."

"I don't think so," the alien said, "I think the battle is over now."

He moved towards them, so they could see his face, and Kathryn froze. On the screen in front of her was someone that shouldn't, couldn't possibly be there. "Brian?"

Brian Dawson smiled, his eyes twinkling and his cheeks dimpling. "What's the matter, Katie, don't you recognize the man you married? The father of your children?"


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: **Wow this is WAY overdue. It took me a while to get back into writing this but I recently read everything over from start to finish and fell in love with the characters all over again. Enjoy!

* * *

"Mister Paris, who do you see?" Kathryn Janeway asked in a low drawl, trying to maintain her composure. It wasn't often that your husband came back from the dead.

Tom Paris let out a shudder from the helm. "My father," he replied in a shaky tone. "I see my father." The figure of Admiral Owen Paris scowled down at him, his usual look reserved for Tom and unfortunate cadets. Tom frowned. Of all the people to...appear...hallucinate...he'd chosen his father. But of course he did. Owen Paris was always on Tom's mind in some form or another. Even this far away Tom thrived to please his father.

"I see my girlfriend Libby," Harry said cutting through Tom's thoughts. What was going on if they all saw someone different?

"Mister Kim, shut down visual."

"I'm trying Captain. It won't terminate."

"Sarah, do you see anyone?" Janeway asked, hopefully. If this was telepathic, maybe she was blocking it.

"No," Sarah replied, unsteadily. "Not yet anyways."

Tom wondered why she wasn't affected. Her telepathic senses had been off all week. In fact, Michael had told him earlier that same day that Sarah had been talking to Tuvok when the Vulcan wasn't even in the room. Tom shot a glance at Sarah. Could this be telepathic and her already screwed up senses were blocking the effects?

He watched as Janeway turned towards Tuvok only to find him standing there in some form of catatonic state. "Harry, can you run a multiphastic scan? We need to see if there's some weakness in their defenses," she ordered once it became clear they couldn't just down the view screen. "I need everyone to stay with me," she said, " and don't look at the screen no matter how tempting it really is."

"I hope you're behaving yourself."

Right, the hallucination of his father was still in front of him. Tom decided that if he ignored him, then well, maybe he'd go away. It had never worked in the past but this was _his _hallucination, shouldn't he be able to control it?

"_Torres to the Captain. We're having problems done here. People are becoming delusional."_

_"_It's happening here too."

"_I think I know why. There's a massive energy field coming from those ships. It's bioelectric, modulating on a delta-wave frequency. It has psionic properties and is permeating the hull."_

Janeway immediately looked Sarah, as if a light bulb kicked on. "A psionic filed has a psychoactive effect, that would explain your hallucinations, perhaps mine. You felt the field days out."

Sarah nodded her head. "It's possible. What do we do now?"

"_You can try remodulating the shields. In the meantime I'm going to set a resonance burst from the warp core. That will probably block the field, but it'll take a while to set up"_

_"_Notify the Doctor_," _Janeway ordered Torres. "If the field is bioelectric he maybe able to help. Commander, I want you to go to Engineering and assist B'Elanna. Neelix, if the crew ever needed a morale officer it would be now. See if you can help."

The Taxlian looked pleased as punch to help out. "Aye Captain," he burst before disappearing from the bridge. Tom watched him go out of the corner of his eye. It was easier to stay distracted if he watched what was going on around him and not on the viewscreen.

Sarah had taken over Harry's job, Tom was disheartened to see that when he looked away from Neelix leaving the Bridge he found his best friend slipped into a coma. "Captain, those scans are coming back. There doesn't seem to be a defense weakness, and the metalurgical analysis is inconclusive."

"Are you still with me Mister Paris?" Janeway asked behind him laying a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm with you," Tom rasped out. For how long, he wasn't sure. He wasn't stupid. He knew that whatever was happening on the screen was the reason why they crew around him was in a catatonic state. It was probably only a matter of time before he too became a statue and then what? "What do you need me to do?"

Janeway leaned closer to him. "I need you to stay with me and try to get _Voyager _away from the bioelectric field."

Tom could only nod his head. Why was it so tempting to peek at the screen? Why did he want to subject himself to such torture?

"Let's see if you can do it this time without causing an accident. You usually make a mess of everything you do."

His eyes found Sarah, still at Harry's console, unaware what was going on in his head. Was he going to mess that up too? _No, _he told himself. _I'm a different person now. I won't mess it up. _"Get out of my life!" He yelled at the man he'd never been able to please.

"I'm just telling you what you already know. When the going get's tough. You crumble."

"Not anymore!" Tom snapped, closing his eyes and spinning his chair about. When he glanced again his father was gone. He felt like he had defeated...whatever demons that bioelectric field was creating.

His fingers had just glided over the controls when a voice shouted out for him to step away from the helm. Startled, Tom jumped back, his chair toppling over and taking him with it. Four phaser rifles were thrust into his face. Puzzled, Tom opened his mouth to speak when someone backhanded him. Blood seeped into his mouth and he laid there stunned. What had happened to make his crew turn on him like this?

"We have the fugitive, Captain, what should we do with him?"

"Do with me?" Tom questioned pulling his body up onto his elbows. "I don't even know what I did wrong!"

"Shut up, Paris," Andrews barked. "Let's go."

Tom looked around at his shipmates stunned as the butt of a phaser rifle was pressed into his stomach and he was forced to move. Thrown into the turbo lift like he was a rag doll, he caught a glimpse at the screen. Where his father had stood not five minutes before, was nothing but black. Had he really made the whole thing up? Was he loosing his mind and that's why they wanted to take him in? This was protective custody right, because he was having a mental breakdown? That had to be the reason because prior to what the hallucination of his father Tom thought he was behaving himself. "Can ask why you're taking me into custody?"

Andrews sighed, annoyed. "Captain Janeway requested that you were taken into custody."

"So, that's just it then," Tom snapped, patience wearing thin. "That's all you're going to tell me is that she asked you to take me in?"

"When we get to the brig I'm sure Captain Janeway will provide you answers," Andrews snarled, silently asking for Tom to shut up.

The bewildered pilot snapped his mouth shut. This had to be some kind of joke. The ship was in the middle of a crisis and Janeway was taking him away from the helm when moments before she had asked him to steer the ship away from the bioelectric field that seemed to be knocking the crew into catatonic states. Where was Sarah anyways? She'd been his only defender at times. And she had been standing on the bridge with Janeway when she'd ordered Tom to set a new course. Was he really to believe that she had stood by there mutely while Andrews had taken him into custody. _If she was really there at all, Paris. _Reality was having a difficult time pulling away from hallucination right now. But he wasn't hallucinating, was he?

In the brig, Janeway was waiting for him. She was scowling at him with that trademark glare and he felt a shiver run up and down his spine. He must have done something wrong to garner that look from the Captain. "Ma'am, I'm confused as to why I'm here," Tom stated as Andrews shoved him into the holding cell and then activated the force field.

Janeway placed her hands on her hips and pressed her lips tightly together. "Are you playing me for a fool, Mister Paris? You have absolutely no idea why you're here?"

"Should I?" Tom countered.

"I let you onto this ship thinking I could trust you, Mister Paris. You apparently didn't take that trust all too seriously now, did you?"

"With all due respect, Captain, I think I take that trust more seriously than anyone on this ship."

Janeway quirked an eyebrow, another one of her trademark looks. "Oh? Really? Attempting to steal my ship and bring it to the Botha isn't a breach of trust?"

Tom blinked, feeling his body going numb. "Captain I never would betray _Voyager _like that!" His eyes darted about, trying to think of a way out of this. Sarah. "Where's Counselor Barrett? She'll tell you that I was following your orders!"

"Why would she do that?" Janeway asked, softly, coldly.

"She...she's my friend," Tom answered, not ready to divulge that he was really seeing Sarah on a more intimate level than friendship.

Janeway didn't look convinced. She scowled. "Counselor Barrett is dead, Mister Paris."

Tom froze. Sarah was dead? He had just seen her fifteen minutes before on the bridge, alive and breathing. This was not happening. This was all apart of the hallucination. It had to be. Sarah couldn't be dead. Just remembering how it felt when the Gerroan had taken her away and he thought she was dead made him heartsick. "I...I just saw her fifteen minutes ago."

"I'm not sure how that's possible," Janeway replied stoically. "She's been dead for almost a year. She died in the Badlands. She's dead because of the misguided information you gave us."

"Misguided?" Tom repeated, still trying to swallow the information that Sarah was gone. "You asked me to lead you to the Maquis, in the Badlands."

Janeway's face became angry. "And you told me that you were the only pilot capable of steering _Voyager _through them. I trusted you. It was just a giant set up. I lost a lot of good officers, Mister Paris. Fine people that once we get back to Earth I'm going to have to tell their families. Or maybe I should make you do it as apart of your punishment."

Tom's worst fears, he realized, were suddenly coming to manifest. Sarah was dead. _By his hand, _no less. And Janeway didn't trust him. He had failed. He failed Sarah. He had failed _Voyager. Just like my father said I would.  
_

* * *

Sarah Barrett wasn't sure when Tom stopped talking to her, all she knew was that at some point, while she was frantically trying to shut down the view screen, he'd grown silent. "Tom?"

When he didn't answer her, Kathryn Janeway went to shake him. But it was useless. Tom had fallen under the same trance as the rest of the crew. Kathryn looked a little crestfallen. She was speaking to herself, or rather, Sarah assumed the hallucination of her husband that was trying to pull her into the same trance. Sarah blinked and looked at the screen. Was she going to be the only one left on this ship that wasn't affected by the field? Or would she eventually fall victim to it as well, it was just taking it longer to manifest in her systems.

"Sarah?"

"Sorry," Sarah snapped back to reality. "I...I got sidetracked."

"I need you to stay with me, Sarah," Janeway said reaching out and patting her on the shoulder.

"Yes ma'am," Sarah mumbled.

"I'm going to head down to Engineering, see if I can help out," Janeway said, sprinting towards the turbo lift. "Can you hold the fort down up here?"

Sarah looked around at the statues of crewmates. "I think so." But before Sarah could even finish her sentence Janeway was gone. Sarah was thrown into silence. What could Tom possibly be hallucinating about that he'd slipped into a catatonic state? She'd thought that her constantly talking to him would have kept him focused on her and not the viewscreen. Perhaps, he thought her speaking was a part of the hallucination. Perhaps this was all her delusion. After all, her record had not been stellar that week. Shaking her head she tried to erase all her doubts. _Focus, Sarah! Focus!_

There wasn't much to focus on. The ship was in limbo. Stuck underneath this strange bioelectric field that was causing the entire crew to go into a catatonic state. Everyone but the Doctor! "_Sickbay to the Bridge. Is anyone up there?_."

"I'm here Doctor," Sarah answered timidly. "I'm the only one here."_  
_

"_Hmmmm, it's possible that you are not effected due to your telepathic ability. It just might be stalling the field long enough so we can disarm it."_

"Any suggestions?"

"_I was about to ask you that, Lieutenant. Didn't Lieutenant Torres set up the resonance burst."_

Sarah closed her eyes tightly. "We were trying. Commander Chakotay was on his way down to Engineering but we haven't heard from him since. Captain Janeway was on her way there to help, but...well, it's just...Doctor I'm not sure I'm not making this all up right now."

"_Well, there's only one way to find out, Lieutenant."_

"What do you mean, Doctor?"

"_Shut down the field, Lieutenant."_

_Did you see my Engineering scores from the Academy? I was lucky I passed, _Sarah thought fleetingly. "Um, I'm not entirely sure how."

"_Not entirely sure how? You did go to Starfleet Academy right?"_

Sarah was not in the mood for the Doctor's sarcasm. "Listen, Doctor, you either help me out or you're on your own because I'm not sure how much longer I can hold off on this bioelectric field."

"_Very well, Lieutenant. I can send Kes to assist you."_

Sarah grunted an agreement and sprinted towards the turbolift. _Wait, Janeway told me to stay here. Shouldn't she have contacted me by now? _She shook her head to clear her thoughts. There was no way she had just hallucinated that whole conversation with the Doctor, no way. Taking a deep breath she stepped into the turbolift and found both Chakotay and Janeway, stone faces, looking back at her. Sarah's heart fell. Was she the only one left on this ship not under the trance of the bioelectric field? As she sprinted down the corridor towards Engineering, it became obvious that not even she was impervious to the aliens telepathy. It was starting to break through, despite her own telepathic abilities. She encountered crew members bleeding ,dying, screaming for her to help them. Her worst fear of being alone was finally being realized.

Ahead of her on deck eleven, someone groaned. Sarah rounded the corner and found Tom, slumped against a bulk head, suffering multiple injuries, the most notable plasma burns on his face. "Tom," she whispered. _Didn't I leave you on the bridge? _

"Please Sarah, help me!"

"You...you're not real," Sarah said, trying to desperately to avoid him. _You were on the Bridge when I left! Unresponsive!_

His hand reached out and grabbed a hold of her. "Where...where are you going? Sarah you can't leave me like this!"

Tears blurred her vision almost making it easier to look at him. "I'm sorry, Tom," she blurted, managing to wiggle out of his grasp. She took off down the corridor in a full out sprint, Tom screaming behind her that she was abandoning him. _He's not real_, she kept telling herself. _He's not real. _Oh, but he had felt real. So real in fact for the briefest of moments she'd entertained the notion of going back and helping him, even if that meant she'd be giving in to the alien telepathy.

"Lieutenant Barrett," Kes' demur voice greeted her outside of Engineering. "We need to hurry...I think...I think I'm starting to be affected by the field."

"You and me both," Sarah mumbled as they entered the room. B'Elanna and her staff were standing about like statues. The same eerie feeling she got when she's seen Chakotay and Captain Janeway looking that way in the turbolift, washed over Sarah again. She stepped closer to B'Elanna and studied her face for a moment. What could she possibly be _dreaming _about?

A hand reached out and shook her and she screamed. Kes jumped back startled. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant. I thought...I thought you'd slipped into one of those trances."

Sarah shook her head. "Not yet. Come on, I think B'Elanna was trying to create a resonance burst, maybe she I can access her last activity in the computer."

"What will that do? The resonance burst?" Kes asked.

"Hopefully disrupt the bioelectric field long enough for us to get _Voyager _out of here." She pointed towards a console. "Can you rouse the Doctor? I might need his help."

Sarah watched as the Ocampa moved towards the panel and called the Doctor, talking to herself along the way. Sarah frowned. Kes never spoke to herself. They were racing against time now.

* * *

**A/N: **Next chapter will have Kathryn and Chakotay's hallucinations.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: **Conclusion of Persistence of Vision. I already have two chapters written for the next installment. I am hoping to get one up for Hurricane Irene makes her way here and a possible power outage. A tiny little teaser at the end of the chapter.

* * *

"Why do you always put your command face on around me?"

Kathryn stiffened when she heard Bryan's voice. She couldn't bear to turn around and come face to face with him. She hadn't even come to terms with his death yet. "You're dead, Bryan. Why should I be warm and fuzzy to you?"

Bryan's hand reached out and stroked her arm tenderly, she pulled away. "Never did find my body, now did they? For all you know, I'm very much alive and very much here, Kathryn. Isn't that what you've always wished for, that some how I had managed to survive that attack and was just lost somewhere, trying to make my way home to you, to the kids?"

If he was real, she wasn't sure how he would have known that they had _kids. _Bryan had died even before she found out she had been pregnant with Ava. "I'm a scientist, Bryan, you know that. I don't hold any false notions that you're alive. The Borg left no survivors."

"What if I'm real, Katie?"

"And what if you're not?"

Bryan chuckled. "Always questioning, aren't you Katie?"

Kathryn turned slightly to glance at him. He was standing close to her. It was no surprise they were wedged into the turbo lift. Her composure melted a little seeing his face. She had never gotten the proper chance to say good bye to him. Like he'd mentioned, there was no body ever found. _This is ridiculous, Kathryn, he's not really standing there. _Still, a small part of her wished that he was. It would make things so much easier. She wouldn't have to worry about who would care for Ava and Michael if she were to die on this mission. She wouldn't have to feel guilty leaving them to go on away missions. In short, life would be simpler. But simple was not something that came with the Delta Quadrant and being the only Federation Captain out in it. "It's my nature, you know that."

He grinned, dimples similar to her son's deepened. "Don't you ever wonder what it would be like, the four us together and happy? I can show you Katie, if you'd just let me."

She squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to see them together as a family. Non of it was real anyways. If she kept denying him she couldn't fall deeper into the hallucination, now could she? "No, I don't want to see, Bryan."

"I don't recall giving you much of a choice," he replied, a child's laughter echoing behind her.

She recognized it immediately as Michael. He was calling for Ava. It sounded like they were playing. Their voices sounded carefree, happy. How many nights had she dreamed of hearing their voices sounded just like they were now? Of course they would sound just like she wanted; this was a hallucination after all. There was denying that. Yet she couldn't stop it from unraveling around her.

"Open your eyes, Kathryn and look at them."

Would it hurt? Just a glance, something to keep in her memory forever when this was all done. Kathryn slowly opened her eyes. She was standing in the middle of an Indiana field, Michael was chasing butterflies, and Ava, giggling ran after him. She watched them for a while, tears in her eyes. This was how her children should be living—not on a starship, thousands upon thousands of light years from home and traveling through the most dangerous quadrant of space.

Bryan slipped his hand into her own. "Just say the word, Kathryn, and this can all be yours."

"This is what I want Bryan," she said, finally giving into him and falling into his embrace. "This is what I want."

* * *

"I have it." Sarah said, almost relieved. "B'Elanna was writing a program to open up a symmetrical warp field."

The Doctor looked pensively at her. "Alright, well, you'll have to sequence the magnetic plasma constriction in the following formula. T = c sub one over theta times p sub e."

Kes wrote the formula onto a PADD and handed it to Sarah. "Do you know what any of this means?"

"No, that's why I almost failed my calculus class at the Academy," Sarah snarked, snatching the PADD. She had to move fast. Slipping underneath the railing she tried to reach the command module so she could activate the magnetic plasma sequencing. As her fingers touched the controls, a hand reached out and grabbed ah old of hers.

Sarah wasn't surprised to find it was Tom. He kept appearing and reappearing in her hallucinations. By now she had figured out that the hallucination was trying to prevent her from getting to Engineering and creating the symmetrical warp field. She ignored him. Slapped his hand away. "I know you're not real Tom. You can try to stop me all you want. I'm setting up that resonance burst."

"Why? We could leave this all behind Sarah! No one would know we're gone! Just think. No protocol, no responsibilities."

"The real Tom would feel guilty."

She finished entering the code and was about to ask what temperature the Doctor recommended she set the core to, when Kes started screaming. Sarah whipped about to see her leaning against a bulk head telling the Doctor that it hurt too much. "Kes!" she called trying to get the girl's attention. "It's not real!"

"It's no use, Lieutenant," the Doctor said from the small view screen. "She is completely engrossed in whatever she is hallucinating."

Sarah slapped her hand down onto the panel, hard. "Can I get in?"

"What do you mean?"

"Kes is telepathic, can I _get in _and access the hallucination."

The Doctor looked perplexed for a moment. "Yes, I don't see why not but you risk getting sucked into the vision yourself."

Sarah closed her eyes, preparing to breach the gap between her and Kes. "No I won't. I'm about to show that bastard he messed with the wrong crew."

* * *

Chakotay awoke with a start and staring into blackness. Pulling himself up off the floor, he wondered how he had gotten there in the first place. Hadn't he been on his way to Engineering to help B'Elanna? Obviously he hadn't made it. He was laying in a dark and blood smelling corridor. The blood he assumed came from the body next to him. Perhaps the Botha had overtaken the ship. He was unarmed though and had no memory of intruder alerts. Glancing down at the body on the floor, he realized he knew who it was. Pushing her onto her back, Sarah's lifeless eyes stared back at him.

Hadn't she just been on the bridge? Alive? Judging from the amount of blood that was drying and caked onto her uniform, she had died swiftly, probably bled to death. Chakotay stumbled forward and found the body of B'Elanna Torres, much in the same manor as Sarah's. A torn and broken, bloody mess. Before he could even pondered why he had _slept _through the entirety of their murders, for he was sure they had been murdered, he was sprinting down the deck towards Kathryn's quarters.

If Sarah and B'Elanna were dead then what had happened to the Captain? The children? And how had all of them ended up on deck three? Had they been on their way to Kathryn's together? Chakotay hated not having the answers. He hated that he hadn't been conscious when Sarah and B'Elanna had their lives stolen from them.

He was so consumed with his guilt and grief that he wasn't aware that he was running by more of the crew as he tried to get to Kathryn and the children. Outside of her quarters Tuvok had been slain. Were they all dead? Was he the only one on this ship still alive?

The door to Kathryn's quarters was blown open, the black burns around the corridor walls making the situation more ominous than it already was. Chakotay approached slowly, aware that he didn't have a weapon. Stepping inside he was hit with the smell of charred flesh and fabric. His stomach twisted in knots. Kathryn's body lay amongst the destruction of her quarters. He rushed to her, praying to find a life sign, however faint it might be, if he found one she still had a chance. But just like the crewmen he had seen in the corridor, Kathryn was dead. Her eyes glassy in death. Gathering into his arms, he cried, sobbing her name over and over, just wishing that this was all a dream.

A shadow appeared in the door. Chakotay glanced up through his tears to see _her _standing there. "You did this," he growled.

Seska grinned, hatefully. "We can be together now, Chakotay. You don't have anymore duty to Janeway or her crew."

Chakotay shook his head furiously, clutching Kathryn's dead body to his chest. "You'll have to kill me too."

"Very well then," Seska said with no remorse and she raised her weapon. "I hope you enjoy death."

* * *

Sarah opened her eyes. Neelix was standing there, next to Kes. She was covered in blisters and sores, screaming in pain. Sarah placed herself between the two and glared at the _fake _Neelix. He looked surprised to see her. "You...you aren't supposed to be here!"

"Damn straight I'm not," Sarah snapped. She turned towards Kes and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Kes, listen to me. Remember in sickbay, when you saw the character from Captain Janeway's hallucination, remember how you projected it back towards her."

Kes nodded her head. "Y-yes."

"I need you to do that now, project this hallucination back onto Neelix. It's not really him. You won't be hurting him! Focus, Kes!"

"NO!" the delusion of Neelix screamed and he grabbed Sarah, tossed her into a bulkhead.

Her vision went black for a moment, when it came through she was looking at a raging lifeform but not Neelix. Somewhere, somehow, the physical contact while Sarah was in a telepathic connection with Kes, had revealed the true identity of the intruder to her. She didn't know what to do, she didn't have to know what to do. Kes projected the delusion of her pain and sores onto the alien and he toppled over. It was all Sarah needed to break the connection and rush to the warp core. "I'm setting the temperature to three million kelvins." As her fingers glided over the controls, she threw a smile Kes' way. "Nice work, Kes. You did it."

The Doctor looked equally as pleased over her shoulder. "_All you have to do now is activate the warp core Lieutenant and the field should be broken."_

Sarah activated the warp core and almost immediately people around her began to wake up. B'Elanna blinked at looked between Sarah and Kes. "What happened?"

Kes looked shocked by her display of power, at the now unconscious alien lying on the floor of Engineering but didn't answer.

"Long story." Sarah answered.

"Is that who's responsible for all this?" B'Elanna asked looking at the alien. "He looks harmless."

It began to stir and B'Elanna reached for a phaser. He stopped all motion when he saw the weapon.

"You're a powerful little thing," he snapped at Kes. "I must say you surprised me." He glanced over his shoulder at Sarah, standing next to B'Elanna holding onto the phaser. "But I probably shouldn't have messed with you. You were easy. I could access your brain without the field. But giving you early access gave you the ability to block the field. That mistake came back to bite me."

Janeway entered the room and glared at the alien, placing a hand onto Sarah's shoulder. "Why did you do this to us?"

"Because I can."

"Is it just telepathy or is there technology involved?"

"Does it matter?"

"Oh, it matters to me, because I don't intend let you continue preying on others," Janeway said, kneeling down.

"How would you propose to stop me?"

Janeway was silent for a moment, thinking. "We could destroy your technology," she finally said. "Or adjust your brain wave pattern to prevent telepathy and then we could turn you over to the government of Mithern. We could even keep you confined in our brig behind a force field."

"I'm sure you're very well intentioned, Captain," the alien said, " and I'd like to be able to accommodate you...but you see...I'm not really here."

Before Janeway or the others could do a thing, the alien disappeared in a transporter beam. Janeway blinked and glanced up at Sarah, B'Elanna and Kes. Slowly getting back to her feet, she whispered that she wanted to see Sarah and B'Elanna's reports by morning, and left Engineering amidst a cloud of confusion.

* * *

_Captain's Log; supplemental. We have no explanation for the mysterious disappearance of the telepathic alien. We can't even be certain that he was actually here. He seems to have left us with any number of unanswered questions. For now, Lieutenant Barrett advises that we just go about our daily lives. I find that I agree with her. Too much dwelling can lead to low morale.  
_

* * *

Sarah Barrett nursed her cup of coffee and kicked her boots off. After a long day of reading crew reports on their experiences with the telepathic alien, she was looking forward of a night of relaxation. Dinner was set on the table, now she was just waiting for Tom. He'd gone to the holodeck for a little bonding time with Harry who was having a particularly hard time dealing with the aftermath of his hallucination of Libby. Sarah didn't blame him. Three weeks ago he'd hit some form of temporal anomaly and been on Earth, with her. Glancing at the time, she realized she had time to change into something a little more _comfortable. _

She had just slipped on a black, slinky nightgown when the chime went off. "Come in," she called out flirtatiously.

The door swished open and she leaned against the wall enticingly–only for B'Elanna Torres to walk in. Immediately both their faces turned red. "You were expecting someone else...sorry I'll stop by your office tomorrow."

"Wait!" Sarah said. B'Elanna _never_ came to speak to her. "Let me...let me just put my robe on." She sprinted back into the bedroom, grabbed her robe and slung it around her shoulders, pulling it tightly to her body. _Damn it, this is going to be all over the ship by tomorrow morning. _She went back out into her living room to find B'Elanna sitting on the sofa. "Alright, what's troubling you."

B'Elanna shrugged her shoulders. "Just something Captain Janeway said to me a few moments ago. I figured I'd go see her first, since you've probably be inundated with people not being able to handle their experiences."

Sarah shook her head. "It's alright, part of my job." She sat down on the sofa, aware that Tom was really late and that dinner was getting cold. It would just have to wait. Unfortunately, sometimes her job came first. "What did Captain Janeway say that upset you?"

"We talked about the possibility that the alien's telepathy targeted our deepest sometimes darkest fantasies," B'Elanna replied, leaning forward on the sofa. "I guess, I just don't know how to deal with mine."

"Everyone has fantasies, B'Elanna," Sarah told her gently, "it's apart of what makes us human. I'll admit, that alien had a way with getting into the dark places of our minds and accessing our fears. But, it doesn't make us less of a person. Is that what you're afraid of? That this dark fantasy you experienced makes you less of a human and more Klingon?"

She quirked a grin. "You're good."

"I've had a lot of time to hone my skills."

B'Elanna laughed half heatedly.

"Fantasy is just that, B'Elanna, fantasy. A separation from reality. Maybe you should take a separation from _fantasy _for a few days," Sarah suggested. "Mull over what happened. And if you need to speak to me, you know where to find me."

"I'm sorry," B'Elanna replied, getting up from the sofa. "I've kept you long enough and its obvious you have a date tonight."

Sarah's cheeks flushed pink again. "It's alright, duty comes first." _Sometimes, most times. _

B'Elanna nodded her head. "Still, I should be going. Just to exercise some discretion. I promise, Sarah I won't blab this all over the ship come morning."

"That is if I don't piss you off between now and then?" Sarah asked, quirking an eyebrow and small grin.

"Sarah you're my friend, I wouldn't do that to you," B'Elanna told her firmly before leaving.

The counselor blinked into the empty space. Friend? She mulled that word over in her brain for a moment. Yes, their relationship had gotten much _easier_ in the last year but Sarah still didn't think B'Elanna considered her a friend. Maybe she did. They hung out with Tom and Harry a lot at Sandrine's but never on their own. Sarah had just thought they'd come to a cool understanding of one another.

"I'm hope you put that one for me and not someone else," Tom Paris drawled as he stepped into her quarters.

"Of course it's for you," Sarah replied distantly.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah," she replied, grinning seductively at him. "I was just thinking. Let's skip dinner."

* * *

**Teaser:**_ Janeway shook her head slightly. If there was one thing this entire incident had made her realize was this—jealousy was something else she was going to have to add to the lists of things she was going to have to face in the Delta Quadrant._


	26. Chapter 26: One Day at a Time

**A/N:** While busily trying to wrap up the next original story idea I've had, I wanted to write a little more lighthearted installment. The next few chapters really don't follow a plot line but rather are snapshots of everyday life on _Voyager _and some scenes that otherwise wouldn't have been written because I didn't include those episodes in my AU. And thank you everyone for the well wishes regarding Irene. Right now NH is expected to be hit with tropical storm force winds and rain. Still scary but not as bad as it would be if a cat. 1 hurricane blew through. Schools are already closed on Monday, many would have been returning for the first day. I'm just hoping that we don't lose power to long. :)

_**One Day at a Time**_

**Kes' Surprise Party**

_Voyager _didn't always offer the luxury of having a good time, but when her crew had the small time afforded to them, they went all out. At the present moment, the senior staff was cramped up against the pool table at _Chez Sandrine's, _birthday presents in their arms and Sarah Barrett and B'Elanna Torres in the middle of a giggling fit. Which started all because when Sarah had tried to get more comfortable in her hiding spot, she'd bumped into B'Elanna, mumbled an apology and the two started laughing, almost uncontrollably.

Tom Paris was nearly besides himself. B'Elanna, giggling? "Will you two stop it?" he whispered. "Kes is going to be here any moment and you guys are laughing. She's gonna hear you when she comes in and there goes the surprise."

"Easy there Tommy boy," Sarah purred, using the nickname that many of the bar's patrons used. "Your persistence to get us to shut up might give it away."

_Voyager's _helmsman was pretty sure he heard Kathryn Janeway herself join Sarah and B'Elanna's giggling this time. _Women. _The door the pub flung open. "Everyone, she's on her way! Quiet it now! Quiet!"

Tom eased back against the pool table. His gift in his pocket, and a throng of streamers in his hand. He'd picked out his gift, very carefully, with the help of Sarah of course. Kes was enthralled with anything that was Earth related. She had even sat in on a couple of his history lessons with Michael. He'd wanted to give her something that was unique to Earth. Several hours of going through the catalog on the computer with Sarah they had decided on the small trinket. Sarah herself had one he'd given her for her own birthday. Her's was different of course, but the idea was the same. He tired to find her hand in the dark. It had been a while since he'd gotten to hold it.

"Paris," Harry Kim whispered, "I don't know what you think you're doing with your hand but put it away."

Sarah sputtered next to him. Right, she was on his left side, not his right side. "Sorry Harry," he whispered back and quickly took his hand a way. He found Sarah's now and gave it a squeeze, relieved that he hadn't grabbed Janeway's instead since he knew that she was around him somewhere. Or maybe he had grabbed her hand but she was saving him the embarrassment by calling him out in public.

Tom swallowed nervously as the door to _Chez Sandrine's _opened again and footsteps could be heard on the hard wood floor. This whole party had been his idea really. He'd pitched it to Neelix. Who had been excited at the idea. What if Kes didn't like surprises? Then they had just ruined her second birthday.

"Hello? Is anyone here?" Kes' voice called out into the dark room. "Neelix?"

Someone flicked on the lights, the cue for the senior staff to jump up from their hiding spots and yell, "Surprise!"

Kes certainly looked surprised as her friends threw streamers and gathered around her.

"Happy birthday, my sweet!" Neelix exclaimed before embracing her. "Imagine, two years old today. If you ask me you don't look a day over one!"

The senior staff laughed, while Kes looked around, happily. "Why was everyone hiding?"

"It's an old Earth custom called a surprise party," Tom replied, smiling.

"Sorry if we startled you," Janeway apologized.

"No," Kes assured her, "I liked it. It was very exhilarating."

Neelix put his arm around her and led her to the bar. "Now, how about a glass of my special birthday punch! Garcon?"

"On the rocks or straight up?" the Doctor asked turning about. He was wearing a white shirt and a beret.

Kes looked delighted to see him. "Doctor! I'm so glad you're here!"

Sandrine draped her arms over the Doctor's shoulders while he poured Kes a glass of punch. "My new bartender. Handsome isn't he?"

"I'm here in an official capacity of course—in case of a medical emergency."

"Emergency?"

"Surprises have been known to cause acute hyperventilation, esophageal spasms," the Doctor explained. "And there's also in extreme cases it can cause coronary arrest. One can never be too careful."

While the officers shared a light laugh and everyone started to get drinks, Sarah pulled Tom aside. "You did a great job, Tommy boy. I mean it. It's obvious that Kes loved the whole surprise thing as well. Perhaps, do I dare say it, you've out done yourself this time."

Tom grinned at her. "Out down myself, huh?"

"You didn't have to go through all this trouble. Neelix would have put together a party for Kes on his own."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Kes has been really interested in Earth and our customs for some time now. I thought that it would be fun to throw her a party like we've all had on Earth ourselves. I wasn't even sure if the Ocampa celebrated birthdays, since, well you know, they only live to be nine years old. I guess I never thought that parties were a big priority on their world."

Sarah sipped her punch that Harry had brought her. "Everyone needed a bit of fun."

"Even you?" he asked, wanting to reach for her hand again. After their near disastrous encounter with the alien in Bothan space, they had decided to wait even longer on revealing their relationship. If he was honest, there was a fun element to keeping it hidden. They certainly had to come up with different places to see each other besides their quarters. The crew would really start to put the pieces together if he was constantly seen leaving her quarters in the morning. Right now one of their favorite places to meet was the Jefferies Tube on deck six.

"Even me," she stated, playfully hitting him on the shoulder.

Tom looked down at the gift box in his hand. It was delicately wrapped. Thanks to Sarah. He was terrible at wrapping presents. He'd left her birthday present on top of her personal computer one morning before going to his duty shift. He hadn't bothered with wrapping it. "Don't worry," he whispered. "It's not as pretty as yours."

Sarah cocked an eyebrow. "I know. I helped you remember. Are you afraid I'm going to be jealous?"

"No."

"Wait until you taste this cake!" Neelix announced bringing in a blue frosted birthday cake with two candles on it to Kes. The senior staff and the holograms present in the program gathered around the young Ocampa. "Seven layers of Jimbalian fudge and the icing is made from pureed _I'maki _nuts—Kes' favorite of course."

"Now make a wish and blow out the candles," Janeway told her.

"Well, what do I wish for?"

"Anything your petite coeur desires, ma cherie, and with a figure like hers, she'll probably get it too," Sandrine said, winking.

"Okay! I wish—."

"Don't tell us!" B'Elanna exclaimed. "The wish has to be a secret if it's going to come true," she explained.

Kes blew out the candles and everyone clapped. Neelix put it down and began to slice it up, practically jumping out of his skin to pass on his prized cake for the crew to taste it. And if anyone in that room was completely honest with themselves it looked rather delicious. Cake was another luxury that the crew of _Voyager _was not often afforded.

Everyone in the room was happy, having a good time Tom noticed. Everyone that is but Gaunt Gary. The hologram probably just wanted to play pool and the senior staff was having a party around his table and his usual opponent, Tom, was otherwise occupied. "I hate to interrupt this tender little moment, Tommy boy, but don't you think it's about time we shot a rack?"

Tom put his hand up. "Don't worry, Gary, we'll play—soon."

"In the meantime then, you don't mind if I take your lady here for a spin do you?" Gary said, eying Sarah. "You managed to snag a smoking number this time."

Sarah and Tom were both glad that Harry, or rather, the rest of the senior staff was out of earshot. Tom leaned closer to him. "What did I tell you about that? We're keeping it a secret, remember?" The holograms all knew about their relationship. Tom had taken Sarah on a few dates to the pub by himself and he had sworn all the characters to secrecy.

"What? I didn't say it too loudly."

"Listen, we'll play pool," Tom assured him again. "In a minute." He shot Sarah a look before stepping forward, the small package, a beautifully done bow by Sarah, in his hand. "Birthday gifts are also an Earth tradition." He placed the gift into Kes' delicate hand.

"Oh thank you Tom! You didn't have to!"

Tom shrugged. "Hey, who am I to fly in the face of tradition? You can thank Lieutenant Barrett for the wrapping job. Decorating is not my forte."

Kes smiled at Sarah, brightly. "Is it tradition to conceal them like this?"

"I might like to add a little flourish," Sarah admitted. "But yes, traditionally humans wrap gifts in boxes and colored paper and bows. Unless, Tom does it—then it's just left on your computer."

The pilot threw a little glare over his shoulder. "I'm sure you're familiar with the saying '_It's the thought that counts_?'"

Kes laughed lightly and pulled the bow off. She opened the top of the gold box to reveal a golden necklace, with an oval shaped pendant on the bottom. The pendent was embellished with jewels and it glittered in the soft lift of the pub. "Tom it's beautiful," Kes gasped, pulling it out of the box. "This must have cost you a week's worth of replicator rations."

Tom was about to tell her that it cost two weeks worth but Sarah elbowed him. He yelped in mock pain and rubbed the area that she had hit him tenderly. While he was staring at her, neither of them noticed as Neelix stalked away, obviously jealous of Tom's gift.

"It's lovely!" Janeway was saying, she had asked to see the necklace. "Oh look, it's a locket. See," she said popping it open, "it has space for you to put tiny pictures of the ones you love, to keep them close to your heart. Sarah, you have one don't you?"

Sarah blinked, unaware that she had worn the locket that Tom had given her on her birthday. Hers was worth at least _four _weeks of his replicator rations. It was silver and heart shaped, with diamonds and engraved with her initials. It was designed after ones that women wore in the early twentieth century on Earth. Sarah and Tom had designed the one for Kes after they saw her admiring a similar necklace at a deep space station a few weeks ago when the ship had stopped to stock up on supplies. It had been Sarah's idea to make it into a locket, figuring that Kes was loving all things human at the moment and would be intrigued with the idea of having someone you cared about so close to your heart. Sarah reached underneath her collar and realized, she did indeed wear it. And obviously wore so people could see. Pulling it out she dangled it for Kes to admire.

Kes beamed. "They're lovely! I love the whole idea of a locket, of keeping someone you love close to your heart! Do you have a photo in yours, Counselor?"

Tom gulped nervously. _His _picture was in hers.

"Not yet," Sarah lied.

"Where did you get it?" Kes asked. "It looks very expensive."

"Birthday gift," Sarah replied, with a fleeting look at Tom.

"How about cake!" Neelix shouted, almost forcefully in her ear. Sarah jumped. "B'Elanna and Harry say it's delicious!"

Taking a slice she saw for the first time the frayed look in Neelix's eyes. She couldn't help herself. She reached out and read him telepathically. _Jealousy? He's jealous of Tom? _And then it hit her. Of course he was. Tom had given Kes jewelry for her birthday. If the situation had been reversed, she was sure that Tom would have been jealous of some other man of giving her jewelry. The two had been so exited to create something special for Kes that they'd totally forgotten about the implications. "Neelix," she finally said happily, "this is yummy."

He looked at her confused. "Yummy?"

"It means it's delicious."

This seemed to detract Neelix's feelings of jealousy and the rest of the evening went by without a hitch. Neelix was grateful, however, when the whole thing was over and he and Kes were walking back to her quarters. "Did you enjoy your first surprise party, sweeting?" he asked while they walked the corridor.

"It was wonderful, thank you."

"I thought you'd like it—the cake, the presents. What was your favorite part?"

Kes thought hard for a moment. "What I supposed I liked best was that all my friends were there."

"Ah that was nice, wasn't it? And don't forget that beautiful necklace Tom Paris gave you."

"Do you really like it?" she asked, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Why wouldn't I like it? It's obvious that Paris has excellent taste."

"I was afraid you'd be a little jealous."

Neelix tried to act shocked. "Who me? Oh, don't be silly."

Kes needed to make sure, though. "Are you sure?"

"You my dearest have seen the last of that green-eyed pus hog called jealousy," he told her, even if neither of them believed it to be the truth.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: **Hurricane Irene hit us as tropical storm Irene. We got a lot of rain, lost power for about ten hours, but no major damage to our house, cars, or street. We were lucky. This is a mix of scenes originally in _Elogium_ and _Parturition_. **  
**

* * *

_Jealousy and Lies  
_

Ship wide moral was at it's highest in weeks, Commander Chakotay realized as he walked the corridor during his daily rounds. After pulling out of Bothan space, it had been clear sailing. No sign of the Botha and no signs of the telepathic alien that had induced such horrible hallucinations. Lieutenant Barrett had reported no insistence of post traumatic stress. It seemed that the crew was handling their experiences in private. For the most part, Chakotay was glad for the silent stretch. It meant that the crew could unwind a little, regroup after a stressful event.

Life on _Voyager _had pretty much returned to normal—whatever that was.

"I was looking for you Commander," Sarah's voice called out as she caught up with him in the corridor. "Captain Janeway said you wanted to see my latest report."

"Yes," Chakotay replied, turning to look at her. She was wearing a simple navy jumper over a white long sleeved shirt and looked the most relaxed he'd seen her in months. "Judging from the lack of updates in our briefings, I'm thinking that morale is good."

"Ship wide moral has been at its highest in weeks," Sarah remarked. "Anyway we can stay in this region of space for another seventy five years?"

Chakotay smiled warily. "I'm not sure the Captain would approve."

Sarah frowned. "Bummer," she said, "I was rather starting to like the quiet."

Chakotay chuckled, pressing the button access the lift. "Don't get too used to it, okay Sarah?"

She didn't have time to respond. The doors to the lift opened and all motioned stopped. They had interrupted a couple kissing. And by the look on Chakotay's face they had surprised him. She diverted her eyes while the crewmen tried to explain, but just fumbled about their words. How often had Tom kissed her in the lift? How close did they get to being caught every time? The two crewmen scurried past Sarah, nodded at her in respect and disappeared down the corridor as Tom and Kes came walking up carrying leafy greens in containers, probably for Neelix.

"What was that all about?" Tom asked, looking suspiciously at Chakotay.

"I'd call it an example of indiscreet on aboard fraternization," Chakotay replied stepping into the lift with Sarah, Tom and Kes.

Tom quirked an eyebrow. "Sorry I missed it."

Sarah hit him on the arm, hard. "What is wrong with you?"

"OW!" he protested looking at Chakotay for help. The First Officer simply laughed before getting off the lift on deck six. "That was unnecessary," Tom informed Sarah once the commander had left.

"Really?" she asked, innocently. "Using a phaser would have been unnecessary."

When the turbo lift dropped them off on Deck Two, Tom was a little dismayed that Sarah followed them and was scowling at him. Although, the way she looked and the way his was smiling and laughing with Kes as they entered the mess hall, it was the perfect cover to their relationship. She almost looked jealous of Tom and Kes and not mad at him. He placed the container of cabbage down and smiled at Kes, noticing out of the corner of his eye that Neelix looked very angry. "See you later." He turned about and went to sit with Sarah.

Tom placed his coffee mug in front of him. "If we want to keep our little relationship a secret than slapping me on the lift when I say something stupid is probably not a good idea."

Sarah glared. "B'Elanna's right—you can be a pig. What if it had been us caught in that lift?"

Tom sipped his coffee. "Well, then Chakotay probably would have killed me where I stand. He's very overprotective of you, like a brother. Besides, we wouldn't get caught—we haven't yet have we and it's been over a month."

"We've been a little sloppy lately."

"Isn't that why we've moved some of our _meetings _to the Jefferies Tube?" he asked, a bit slyly. "Besides, Neelix seems to think I have a thing for Kes."

Sarah continued to glare. "Listen, I know we want to keep our relationship a secret, we just need to be even more careful. And, about the time you're spending with Kes, just remember this—Neelix isn't running to you worried that Kes is going to leave him, or screaming in a jealous rage. Tom, you realize that jealousy is not an emotion to be toying with. People have died because of jealousy."

Tom frowned at her. "You're starting to sound like Tuvok."

"And he'd say that we're acting completely illogical."

"Point?"

She was getting more increasingly frustrated. He just wasn't understanding the repercussions this could possibly have. He just wasn't taken this whole jealousy thing seriously because he found it ridiculous that Neelix thought he had feelings for Kes. Of course, Tom had never been able to see too far into the future. He lived more in the present. Which, she had to admit could be a redeeming quality sometimes, because he didn't worry about the future. Other times, she wished he could look at the big picture. "Point is, you're playing the part a little too well, Tom."

He grinned again. "Sure _you're_ not jealous, Sarah? I'm not playing any part, darling. She asked for my help and I offered it."

Sarah scoffed, snatched her coffee mug up. "You can be so difficult you know that!" she snapped, stalking off towards the pot to refill her mug. She was going to need it to get through the day. She was agitated to find that the coffee pot was empty. Groaning she looked up at Neelix. "Is there anymore coffee? It's going to be a really long day and I _need _it." From the looks on his face and Kes' face she suddenly realized that she'd interrupted them arguing. _Super. _

Neelix turned towards her with a beaming face and a fake smile for her. " Of course, Counselor. I can make a special pot just for you!"

"You really don't need to do that Neelix."

"I don't mind. Honestly. You have an important job!"

Kes snapped some cabbage apart so loudly that it made Sarah jump. _Tom Paris, if Neelix doesn't kill you first, I will. _"Um, is there a problem here?" Sarah asked eyes looking back and forth between Neelix and Kes.

"No problem," Kes said.

"Actually, Counselor there is a problem."

Sarah found that it was taking everything in her power not to groan out loud because she already knew what the problem was, she'd down a telepathic sweep to find out their argument after asking if they needed help only to find out they'd been arguing about Tom. "Can I help you...with it?"

Kes shrugged her shoulders. "Neelix is seeing things that just aren't here."

"You're such an innocent!" Neelix shouted. His voice caused Sarah to startle. "I see the way he looks at you. I used to look at women that way. I know what it means."

"Neelix," Sarah cautioned, "what did I tell you about Tom? He looks at all women that way. Just take the time to observe him around other women okay?"

Their resident Talaxian didn't seem to like her answer. But it was the best one she could give him at the moment, especially since Janeway was requesting to see the senior staff on the bridge. She couldn't get out of that. "Can we talk later?" she asked Neelix as Tom came up to put his mug away. "Maybe in my office?"

Neelix gruffly nodded his head and turned away. Sarah glanced at Tom before releasing the hold on her own mug. "Take care," Tom said over her shoulder to Kes.

As they walked away Sarah could notice Neelix's ears turning a distinctive shade of red. She waited until she was back in the lift with Tom to scold him. She squared her shoulders and faced him. "Take care?" she questioned, exasperated. "That's the saying you chose to use to say good bye to her. What was wrong with have a nice day? Or, good afternoon? Or how about not saying a damn thing at all!"

Tom looked to see that the lift had deposited them onto the bridge and that Kathryn Janeway was standing at tactical studying them with amusement. "Afternoon, Captain."

"Mister Paris," she said as the two officers stepped out, Sarah looking a little flustered. "Everything alright?"

"Yes," Sarah said as Chakotay gestured for him to join her, "Tom is just being his usual pigheaded self."

Tom looked a little wounded as he took his station but judging from the look Janeway shot him, he knew that he probably shouldn't fire back. Sarah would need time to calm down anyways and they could talk about it later. Sighing he plopped himself down at the helm and looked over his shoulder. Sarah was wedged between the Captain and Commander and the three seemed to be having a serious conversation. That is until Janeway smiled warmly, glanced at Sarah who had paled a little, and shook her head. She pat Sarah on the shoulder and moved about the bridge.

When Sarah finally decided to take her own seat, Tom tried to flash her a grin. She shot him down with a glare. He quickly suppressed the grin and went back to work. Did this qualify as their first fight? It had hardly been a shouting match that's for sure. But even after the day's shift ended, Sarah was still mad at him apparently.

"Dinner?" he asked, hopefully before getting into the lift with her.

"No. I have work to do," Sarah replied, barely making eye contact with him. "Perhaps Kes will be around."

"Sarah, this is starting to get silly," Tom argued but shut up once others joined them in the lift. Sarah got off on deck two and Tom decided to continue to Harry's.

When he got there he heard music playing and felt guilty for interrupting his private time. But he needed someone to talk to. He pressed the chime and waited for Harry to answer. When he opened the door, he was standing there with a clarinet in his hand. "That was you?"

"That was me."

"I'm impressed."

"I keep hearing my mother say, 'practice Harry, practice," Harry said as Tom came in. "So I ate Neelix's food for a week and used my replicator rations to create a new clarinet."

Tom headed towards the sofa. "Play something for me," he asked, sitting down and stretching out.

"Well, I've only had it for a few days and I don't think—."

"Oh, come on! Play something!" Tom said, "Just pretended I'm not here."

Harry sighed and began to play the piece that he was working on before. It had a light, happy tone to it. He figured it was something to brighten his days a little but apparently Tom did share his enthusiasm.

"Play something different."

"Different?"

"Something not so cheerful."

"Why."

"What you don't take requests?"

Harry went to sit with him on the sofa. "Something bothering you Paris?"

"I'm in trouble Harry."

"What else is new?"

"I'm in love."

"What else is new? Who is it this time?"

Tom fidgeted slightly. "Do we have to use names?"

Harry eyed him questionably. "No, I guess we don't have to but if you want me to help you it would probably be better to know who we're talking about. Don't you agree?"

"A whole ship full of women and I fall for the one that's more stubborn than me!" Tom lamented. "Why do I do this to myself Harry? Do I like a challenge?"

"When was the last time you had a serious relationship, Tom?" Harry asked honestly. "I mean, one where you actually were committed to the relationship—none of this causal business."

Tom thought for a moment. "Probably back at the Academy. What does this have to do with anything, Harry?"

Harry put his clarinet down and looked at his best friend thoughtfully. "You don't know how to act in a real, committed relationship. Come on Tom, everyone has seen you hanging around with Kes and flirting with her, but on the same day you're seen having lunch or dinner with Sarah. Now, popular belief is that you're already seeing Sarah and that you're fooling around with Kes on the side."

_Dear God, Sarah was right. I'm an idiot. _Tom shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Listen, Harry. You can't believe all the rumors out there on this ship."

"So you aren't seeing Sarah?"

"No, and I'm not seeing Kes either."

"You yourself just said that you've fallen in love with the one woman on this ship that is more stubborn than you," Harry pointed out. "Now, unless you've got some hidden feelings for Captain Janeway that I don't know about—I'd say you were talking about Sarah."

Tom sighed. "It's no secret that I like her. You know what, let's just...let this slide. Play something. Practice Harry practice."

Harry smiled slightly to himself and began to play his cheery piece and although Tom wouldn't admit it, it did make him feel better.


	28. Chapter 28

_**The Flu**_

"Counselor can I talk to you for a moment?"

Sarah Barrett looked up to see that Kes had approached her table in the mess hall. For a moment she wasn't sure she wanted to say _yes _just because of the mess hall disaster yesterday, but something in the young Ocampa's eyes compelled her. "Sure, have a seat," she answered, pushing her stack of PADDs to the side. "What's the matter, Kes?"

Kes sighed, frustrated. "It's the Doctor. I'm concerned about his lack of compassion for the crew when they're sick or in pain. Today Samantha came in complaining of a shooting pain down her back. The Doctor said it was just the position of the baby and the she had to deal with it. If it continued, then would be the time he'd give her something to help. He told her to go back on duty."

"We've been aware of the Doctor's lack of compassion problems for a while now Kes," Sarah answered. "It doesn't make it right to reprogram him. He might just need to learn compassion like the rest of us did."

"How long does that normally take?" Kes asked.

"It varies from person to person," Sarah said with a soft smile. "I wouldn't worry about it too much Kes. It's just going to take time."

Kes looked at the table for a moment. "He told me that compassion could be my department. But I just don't understand how he can be a good doctor when he's never experienced what it's been like to be in pain or sick—how vulnerable that can make a person. I just wish there was someway that I could make him see that without rewriting his program."

Sarah ran her carefully manicured nails over the table surface. "I can speak to him—about your concerns. I'm not sure he'll listen. Lately, he's perceived the crew as nothing by whiny and he doesn't want to coddle them." She reached out and pat Kes' affectionately. "I'll instruct him to tone it down a little." She rose, snatched up her PADDs and headed towards sick bay, with a quick stop at her office to discard her work. When she arrived in sickbay she found it empty. The Doctor had obviously shut down his program for the afternoon. "Computer, activate the emergency medical holographic program."

The Doctor shimmered to life, stating, "Please state the nature of the medical emergency."

"I thought Harry and B'Elanna were going to change that greeting," Sarah said.

"They did," the Doctor replied, "I found it very uncomfortable to find new ways to 'break the ice' as it were, that I restored it. Let's just say it works for me. Now, what seems to be the problem Lieutenant?" He suddenly sneezed.

Sarah was surprised. "Are holograms suppose to sneeze?"

"Generally no," the Doctor replied, looking thrilled. "I have programed myself with the twenty-nine hour Levodian flu—to better understand the vulnerability that humans or other species feel when they are sick. Kes suggested that I didn't have a grasp on compassion and wouldn't understand it unless I experienced illness or pain for myself. Naturally a hologram doesn't get sick or injured so I had to modify my program." He sneezed again, a little more violently this time. Reaching for a tissue, he wiped his nose. "Holographic tissue paper for the holographic runny nose. Don't offer these to the patients."

"I think this is very brave of you," Sarah told him.

The Doctor shook his head. "Nothing of the sort, I attend for it to be an educational experience."

"I'm sure you'll learn a lot."

"I meant for the crew," the Doctor corrected her. "I'm tired of the whiny, cranky attitudes we see around here. I intend to serve as an example of how one's life and duties do not have to be disrupted by simple illness." And Sarah knew that they were back a square one when it came to him understanding human emotions.

"Doc?" Harry Kim interrupted them. "I don't feel so good."

"Neither do I and you don't hear me complaining."

Sarah and Harry looked at each other briefly before she instructed him to go sit on a biobed. "Doctor, I think you're missing the point of this," Sarah told him.

"Hardly," he said going about his work.

"How is this going to help your compassion if you've got even less now than two hours ago?" Sarah asked him rehortically. "Here, let me show you something."

She approached Harry lying on the biobed. "What seems to the matter, Harry?"

"I've got a terrible headache. I can barely look at my station. I feel weak, nauseous. I think it's a migraine," Harry told her.

Sarah grabbed a medical tricorder and made sure that the Doctor was watching her carefully. "I'm sorry you're not feeling well, Harry. Let's see what we can do to make sure that you feel better in no time."

The Doctor pressed a hypospray to his neck. "There some painkillers will do. Now, go back to work."

Harry slowly got up from the biobed, glaring at the Doctor as he left.

Sarah stood here shooting the Doctor a look of her own. She dropped the tricorder down onto a tray and put her hands on her hips. "You didn't even let me finish the role play. How are you going to learn a thing if you won't let me finish teaching you?"

"I didn't ask that you teach me Counselor. Now, since nothing is bothering you, I'm going to deactivate my program," and with that said the hologram was gone.

Sarah sighed, frustrated. She could see where Kes was coming from. And then she got and idea. Going into the Doctor's office she called up his program and made a few minor adjustments. The lesson wouldn't be the same without them, she concluded as she left and returned to her duty station. Two could play this reprograming experiment game.

* * *

"You're very lucky you didn't hit your head on a sharper corner Mister Paris," the Doctor told him, hoarsely. "It could have resulted in a more serious injury."

Tom Paris looked at Sarah over his shoulder. He'd been moving some furniture around in her quarters when he slipped and banged his head against her table, resulting in a large gash across his left temple. Sarah had taken him to sickbay. "Is there something wrong with him?"

Sarah nodded her head. "The Doctor programed himself with the Levodian flu to see what it's like to be sick."

"Woah," Tom said sitting up rapidly. "Is he contagious?"

Sarah eased him back down onto the biobed so the Doctor could finish running the dermal reginrator over his wound. "Calm down, Tom," Sarah instructed him. "He's conducting an experiment."

The Doctor sniffled. "It's a holographic simulation—not a virus. There is no need for concern." He finished treating the wound and instructed that Tom could sit up. He immediately went to the box of holographic tissues that was on the monitoring station.

Tom sat up and looked at Sarah suspiciously wondering if she had something to do with this. "Touchy, isn't he."

"He isn't feeling very well," Sarah said.

"I don't require your compassion, thank you very much," the Doctor snapped. "I have been experiencing these symptoms for nearly twenty hours and I'm in complete control of my faculties." He let out a violent sneeze.

Tom straightened his uniform tunic and glanced at Sarah. "Oh yeah, complete control."

"You may both leave now."

Sarah and Tom exchanged one more glance, before Tom placed his hand on the small of her back, and escorted her out of sickbay. Once in the corridor he cocked a grin. "You weren't kidding when you said he was taking this experiment seriously."

"In all the wrong ways though," Sarah replied.

"Well maybe he'll understand eventually," Tom said as they got into the turbo lift to return to her quarters. "Although, it's the Doctor I'm not sure he'll ever understand."

Sarah smiled wickedly. "Mmmm, I think I might have taken care of that."

* * *

Kathryn Janeway was bored. So when the opportunity to go an a scouting away mission arose she took the challenge. Besides, it was Chakotay's day off. She began to issue orders and was about to let Tom Paris know he was in charge of the bridge when the Doctor contacted over the comm line. "Captain Janeway this is the Doctor, please turn to your emergency medical holographic channel."

She nodded for Paris to bring it up on his console and noted that the Doctor sounded like hell. He looked like hell too she realized when she got to the panel. "What is it Doctor?"

"Something terrible has happened," he replied, hacking.

"Doctor, I think you're carrying this experiment of yours a little too far," Kathryn said. She had been informed of his intentions the first day he'd set the program to begin by Lieutenant Barrett. She was concerned that he wasn't getting the whole concept of what Kes had originally been trying to get across to him.

"One hour too far to be precise. I very specially programed a twenty-nine hour Levodian flu—it has now been thirty."

Kathryn tried to keep her eyes from rolling. "Doctor I'm sorry but we have more pressing matters at the moment. I assure you when someone is free to come look at your program I'll afford it to you. Right, all crews are busy scouting the planet and collecting supplies."

The Doctor looked horrified. "You can't leave me like this! I need help! NOW! Get me someone who can tweak the computer and make me feel better immediately!"

"Very well," Kathryn sighed. She gestured for Harry to go. "Mister Kim is on his way. Try to relax, Doctor. Have Kes help you."

"Kes is with Mister Neelix having lunch."

"I can see to it, Captain," Sarah's face suddenly appeared on the panel. So, that's where she had gone to after her own lunch. "I'm sure with the help of Harry and myself we can get him on his feet in no time." She winked and closed the transmission.

Kathryn shook her head slightly and smiled. "Mister Paris," she said, "You have the Bridge. Keep me updated on the Doctor, will you?"

Tom nodded as she left the Bridge. "Yes ma'am," he said, all the while thinking about Sarah's wink. _Sarah, what did you do?_

* * *

"Oh, I don't understand it," the Doctor whined as Sarah helped to a biobed. She propped his feet up and made sure that he was comfortable. "I ran a computer diagnostic and it said that my program was fine."

Sarah grabbed a cloth nearby and placed it on his forehead. "Just try to rest, Doctor. Harry's on his way, he'll figure out what the problem is. Here's a nice cool, holographic towel."

The Doctor smiled at her. "Thank you, you've always been so kind to me." She grabbed a hold of her wrist. "I'm glad that you're here. I feel like I'm fading...just fading away. You don't know what that means to a hologram."

"What seems to be the problem?" Harry asked stepping up to the biobed.

"My simulated virus is leading me to a simulated death," the Doctor groaned.

Sarah smiled at Harry. "It's nothing to worry about. I just added a couple of hours to his computer program. Kes was afraid that he was not getting the meaning of the whole thing of compassion and this experiment and quite frankly neither was I. She seemed please when I told her what I did. In fact, she said she would have done the same if I hadn't. He should be alright in about forty five minutes."

The Doctor sat up slightly and stared at her. Harry turned away grinning.

"Knowing that it would end didn't exactly make it a fair test, now did it?" Sarah asked innocently. She excused herself and left sickbay.

Harry crossed his arms over his chest, smiling from ear to ear while the Doctor laid back down and concluded, "She is far more devious than I ever suspected."


	29. Chapter 29

**_Rumors and Stomach Bugs_**

Kathryn picked the cups of tea up off of the replicator pad and proceeded towards the upper level of her ready room, where Chakotay was standing, mutely. She asked him to join her after a long and tiring sift on the bridge. The last few days had been quiet, almost too quiet for the Captain's taste and she'd found herself making subtle observations about her crew. She handed Chakotay the cup of tea he requested, and said, "The crew is more comfortable talking to you then me, but I made an observation this morning and I was wondering if you'd made the same one."

Chakotay raised an inquistive eyebrow. "Oh? What observation was that?"

"Tom and Sarah were sitting shoulder to shoulder."

"Shoulder to shoulder? I'm sorry, Captain, I don't think I'm following. Tom and Sarah always sit next to each other, unless of course one is mad at the other."

A crafty grin spread across her face. "Don't play stupid with me, Chakotay. You're closer to the crew than I am, and even _I _have heard the rumors. Are you feigning ignorance to protect them?"

Chakotay looked partially baffled. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be protecting them from—you?"

Kathryn chuckled softly. "The rumor does insist that they're keeping their relationship a secret in fear that I'l court martial them."

"You can't believe every rumor you hear, Kathryn."

"What do you believe?"

Chakotay paused and took a long sip of his tea. What did he believe? He very much believed that Sarah and Tom were in a relationship and doing their best on a small ship to hide said relationship. He hadn't thought much about the two of them until Neelix had burst into his office one day asking that Chakotay discipline Tom for _flirting _with Kes. Chakotay had decided to indulge him and told Neelix he'd handle it. What he found was Tom and Sarah laughing and joking and looking more like a couple than friends in the mess hall. Added to the fact that Sarah's face had lost color considerably when Kathryn joked about the crew pairing off after the first officer had witnessed the couple in the turbo lift. "I believe...there's more to the story than we know."

She lowered her body down onto the teal sofa, noticing that Chakotay paused before he followed suit. " Our circumstances are quite different out here. It seems your concerns about fraternization were…prophetic," she told him with a small smile. "Maybe it's time to start rethinking Starfleet's policy, maybe it's time that we tweak to our needs."

" We should consider the fact that it might be necessary for the crew to start having children."

"It might take us a long time to get home."

"If it does take seventy-five years, we're going to need replacement crew in about half that time," Chakotay said, searching her eyes.

Kathryn let out a sigh, her face conveying a string of emotions and he noticed tears trying to creep into the corners of her eyes. "Who knew we would be considering a generational ship when we were originally ordered on a three week mission?"

"I know, but it's a problem we have to face now."

She was silent for a moment, studying her glass coffee table. "What would that mean for the children?" she asked him, rhetorically. It had been a question she had been struggling with since she had stranded her ship so far from home, and facing the prospect of raising her children on a starship. And even though she had found childcare in the form Tal and a teacher in Sarah, it was only a fix for a couple of children, not a whole generation. "What kind of life would we be giving them, aboard a starship, traveling through potentially hostile space? And are we equipped to provide for their needs? Childcare, educational facilities, we'd be building an entire community onboard this ship. That's a massive commitment."

"What if Tom and Sarah come to you, ask to be married? Are you prepared to tell them they can't have children?"

Kathryn shook her head. "I can't do that, not when I've got my own children on board with me but…there aren't any easy answers here." She placed her cup down onto the coffee table, noticing movement out of the corner of her eye as the port doors to the room slid open and Michael came in pulling Ava by the hand.

"Ava's sick," the boy said, looking rather disgusted at his sister.

Kathryn pressed her eyes shut for a brief second. "Did you take her to the Doctor?"

"She didn't want to go to the Doctor," Michael replied, stepping into the room further.

His mother and the commander exchanged bemused glances. Kathryn opened her arms and gestured for Ava to come and sit on her lap. The toddler let go of her brother's hand and climbed up the steps and onto her mother's lap; Michael, happy to be released of his charge, scampered off to go play while Kathryn snuggled Ava into her arms. "What's the matter my little bird?"

"Tummy," the toddler replied, rubbing a hand over her stomach. "It hurts."

Kathryn immediately, almost instinctively it appeared to Chakotay, emptied the vase of flowers on her coffee table, water and all, onto the floor, and leaned the toddler into the vase. As if on cue, Ava vomited up whatever she'd eaten that day, Kathryn rubbing her back soothingly. Then she smiled at Chakotay, "could I really deny them this particular joy of parenthood?"

Chakotay suddenly realized that she could not. He laughed softly. "I'll start working on rotating the crew through child rearing training."

As Ava sputtered and vomited again, Kathryn frowned, "No amount of training is going to prepare them for this."

"And just when you thought it was too quiet in this region of space."

"Well, my mother always said _be careful what you wish for."_

* * *

**_Teaser: _**

_He wasn't nearly as shocked now when he saw who he was facing now then he had been when they had first shown up on the shuttle's sensors. Tom knew that he was walking on thin ice and he wished he had half the negotiating skills that Sarah had, however, she was back on Voyager, blissfully unaware of the danger that he was in at that very moment._


	30. Chapter 30: Allies

**__**_Disclaimers apply as usual._

**_Allies_**

"Does anyone suspect?"

Michael Jonas shook his head. "No, not yet anyhow," he replied to the woman on the screen. "I'm not sure how long this will hold up Seska. If you're going to put your plan into action, you have to do it quickly."

Seska grinned. "Don't worry Mike, I've got everything under control here. We'll be ready to launch once _Voyager _clears the current system it's in. There's another thing I want you to keep an eye on, in your last message you said Tom Paris was causing some trouble? Any chance he might be willing to come on our side? We could always use a pilot like him."

"I don't think a fight with Jarvin in the holodeck constitutes as trouble," Jonas replied. "I was there Seska, Jarvin was all over Sarah Barrett and you know how Paris feels about her."

"If I know one thing about Tom Paris, is this, he'll never fit in with those Starfleet idealists," Seska replied. "Just keep an eye on it and inform me of any changes, okay Mike?"

Jonas sighed, "Fine, Seska, I'll contact you when we leave this sector, Jonas out." In the dark of his quarters he wondered what he really had gotten himself into.

* * *

He heard the computer telling him another day had started. Not wanting to get up just yet, Tom Paris reset the alarm and soaked in the sight of Sarah cuddled against him. The alarm hadn't woken her and he was glad, it gave him the opportunity to enjoy waking up next to her. She looked at peace for the first time in a long time, nestled against the hard lines of his chest. As much as he wished they could lay here all day he knew that duty called. He had to report to the shuttlebay in an hour and Sarah was due to report to the bridge.

Kissing her hairline she stirred and opened her beautiful blue eyes and looked right at him. "Morning, sleepy-head," he said, lovingly.

A smile etched its way across her face. "Hi," she whispered, "did I sleep through the alarm?"

"Like a baby."

Sighing, Sarah wrapped her arms tightly about his waist and nuzzled his his chest. "I wish you didn't have to go away. I don't understand why Chakotay assigned you to this mission—it's just a simple survey."

Tom ran his fingers absentmindedly through her silky hair. "We both know that nothing is simple in this part of the galaxy. It's only for a few days. Besides, we both knew that this was going to happen eventually—duty keeping us apart. I just always thought it would be you leaving on some diplomatic mission for days instead of me having to do a mindless survey with Captain Janeway. Just the two of us for four days. What am I going to talk to her about?"

Sarah leaned up and kissed his cheek. "You'll be fine."

"That's easy for you to say, you talk to her all the time."

"Maybe she asked for you on this trip to bond with you."

"Bond?"

"Yes. She wants to get to know you better."

Tom scoffed at the idea and slipped his arms from around her. He rubbed his hands over his face. "She already knows everything there is to know about me." He glanced a the clock on his nightstand. "We probably should be getting ready."

She sat up, pulling the sheet up around her exposed chest. "I'm not used to staying the night here. I don't suppose you have an extra uniform lying around," she said, teasingly.

He laughed and got out of bed, pulling on his boxers. "They might be too big for you," he replied with a wink. "But feel free to use my replicator to make a new one. It might be the only use it gets for the next three weeks. That date last night wasn't cheap." He went to his own drawer and pulled out a fresh uniform, glancing back at her still sitting in his bed. "You look good there, you know."

Sarah smiled, shyly, "I feel good here."

Tom grinned as he tossed his uniform into the bathroom. Crawling onto the bed, he stood on all fours and placed a kiss on her lips. "Good, I'm glad," he whispered. "Why don't you take the sonic shower first and I'll replicate some coffee."

"Sounds good."

He smiled and slid off the bed and proceeded into the living room. He replicated a pot of coffee and then a uniform, for Sarah, using the data from her last transport. Waiting for the sonic shower to activate, he poured himself a cup of coffee and took it to stand by the windows. Sighing he recalled the night before, how his body being entwined with hers had felt natural and beautiful. He was going to miss her while away on a blasted survey mission with Captain Janeway. He knew it was punishment for his behavior recently on the holodeck, but he supposed a survey mission was better than brig time.

Slipping into the bathroom when the sonic shower started he left her uniform on the bath tub and decided to climb into his own, skipping the shower for the day. He was just finishing getting dressed when she came back into the living room. "You didn't have to waste your replicator rations on a new uniform for me."

"Don't worry about it," he said, handing her a cup of coffee. Her hair was completely down, she'd cut a good chunk off last week, it now came just below her shoulders, and she had flirty bangs that fell to one side; she made even that uniform look good. "You look beautiful by the way."

"I'm in a Starfleet uniform, how could I look beautiful?"

"You look beautiful in anything."

"Smooth, Paris," she remarked as they stepped out into the corridor, smack dab into the First Officer. "Commander!" she yelped, startled.

Chakotay looked just as shocked to see her as she was to see him. Of course he'd heard rumors that Paris was seeing her, hell he'd spoken about with Captain Janeway just a few days before. Still, it was a shock to see them exiting Paris' quarters. "Counselor," he said, softly, "can I have a word with Lieutenant Paris please?"

Sarah looked sheepishly over her shoulder at Tom. "Aye, sir," she whispered before fleeing to the turbolfit.

The First Officer waited until she was gone before speaking. "I know you Paris, you better be serious about this—if you break her heart, you can expect to get something broken as well."

Tom was actually glad that someone else was as protective of Sarah as he was; only Chakotay was in a brotherly way, like he was with B'Elanna Torres. But his latest mission would deem him to have another response than a simple _yes sir. _"Are you threatening me, Commander?" he asked hotly. "Because it sure sounds that way to me, _sir._"

"Don't get saucy with me," Chakotay snapped. "You're lucky I don't throw you in the brig especially after the fight in Sandrine's."

"I didn't start it," Tom argued. "Jarvin did, throwing himself all over Sarah."

"I don't care _who _started it, Paris, you're the senior officer, you should know better."

Tom clenched his fists at his sides. "Yes, sir," he snarled, "Am I free to go? I''m supposed to report to the shuttlebay in fifteen minutes."

"Dismissed," Chakotay said with a wave of his hand.

"Thank you," Tom snapped, making his way to the lift. When the doors were shut he let out a sigh, listening as the lift began to climb. He had to mentally prepare himself for a long, drawn out mission. With any luck, they'd get all the information they would need in just forty eight hours and they'd be back on _Voyager, _on course for the Alpha Quadrant once again. Little did Tom know a simple mission was not on the agenda.

* * *

"Alright, fess up," B'Elanna Torres said, plopping her dinner tray down onto Sarah's table, "how long have you and Tom been seeing each other."

"What?"

"Don't play coy. He's been seen leaving your quarters, you spend all of your free time together."

Sarah pushed the uneaten food around on her tray. She was pretty sure Neelix had tried to pass it off as mashed potatoes and gravy, but she knew other wise. "He's my friend...probably my best friend, so yeah, I've been spending time with him. He isn't _that _bad once you get to know him."

B'Elanna grinned, wickedly. "So you've been up burning the midnight oil in your quarters doing what—talking?"

"Since when did staying up late talking become a crime?" Sarah responded, realizing that she was being backed into a wall. The whole crew was buzzing about her and Tom, it had probably been foolish of the two of them to try and keep it a secret this long, but there had been a certain element of fun—excitement—keeping their relationship a secret from the crew. But sooner or later she knew that their secret would be out, it was nearly impossible to keep a secret on this ship.

"Oh come on, Sarah, it's not like this is a secret anymore—even Harry's figured it out."

_Fantastic, if Harry Kim has figured it out, than I'm sure Captain Janeway has too. "_I'd rather not talk about it," Sarah mumbled. The separation from Tom was hard enough, their first separation since starting to see one another, speaking about him was only making things difficult. Perhaps when he got back to _Voyager _in a few days they'd have to have that talk again and finally come clean. It wasn't healthy for the crew to be speculating, was it?

B'Elanna studied her for a moment. It was true that Sarah had appeared to be quite melancholy the last twenty four hours since Tom had left the ship but she hadn't thought it was going to be this bad. The young lieutenant looked almost downright depressed. "Everything alright, Sarah? Usually you meet my teasing with some of your own."

Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "Long day. Guess I'm not in the mood."

"It has been rather boring around here lately," B'Elanna pointed out. "I'm sure once we run into a bit of excitement the rumors will stop circulating."

"Great, so now I should be wishing for a shipwide crisis?"

"_Bridge to Lieutenant Barrett."_

Sarah silently groaned and pressed her combdage. "Go ahead, Bridge."

"_You're receiving a subspace message-we're assuming from the away team. Would you like me to reroute it to your office?"_

Although confused as to why Captain Janeway would be contacting her instead of Commander Chakotay, Sarah saw it as the perfect opportunity to get out of the awkward conversation she was having with B'Elanna at the moment. "Yes, that will be fine, Barrett out." Gathering up her tray she made a hasty exit to her office but even before Janeway or Tom graced her screen, something in the pit of her stomach told her that the boredom that was pushing the crew of _Voyager _to gossip about her was about to have a quash put on it and that made her feel uncomfortable.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: **Sorry I've been kinda quiet. Trying to write as quickly as I can while trying to do schoolwork. Enjoy!

* * *

Tom Paris opened his eyes and stared up at the barren ceiling. Four hours had gone by since they had been boarded and captured and in those four hours he'd had very little contact with his crew mates that were on the mission with him. He'd been isolated from them probably so their captors could get him to talk. Not that he had much to talk about; really, they weren't going to get much from him.

At the far end of the room the door slid open with a creek and he saw two tall figures walk into the room. One of them was holding onto a large blaster and he got goose bumps. This was serious stuff and one misstep and he was dead. Tom sat up and swung his legs over the side of the cot he'd been resting on and watched silently as the two men approached. Captain Janeway had instructed him not to speak unless spoken too. Which was difficult for him, she must have known this, because he was so out spoken about everything, it got him in trouble quiet often enough.

Stopping at the foot of the bed the alien without the rifle asked, "Are you ready to talk?"

"Depends, can I make contact with my ship?"

"We did scans for your ship, she isn't in range yet," the alien answered.

Tom nearly cursed. He knew that _Voyager _was nearby, she never would have left the away team that far off without protection, not in Kazon infested space. But they were probably using the adaptive shielding or maybe even the cloaking device they had used to travel through Gerroan space. _Voyager _wouldn't be readable by their sensors. "Trust me, she's out there. Let me make contact to prove it."

"Not acceptable!" the alien shouted and came into the dim light so Tom could see his face.

He wasn't nearly as shocked now when he saw who he was facing now then he had been when they had first shown up on the shuttle's sensors. Tom knew that he was walking on thin ice and he wished he had half the negotiating skills that Sarah had, however, she was back on _Voyager, _blissfully unaware of the danger that he was in at that very moment. He wished he'd been able to say good bye to her, a real good bye, with a kiss and a hug, and an _I love you. _ Commander Chakotay showing up at his door the morning that he left and Sarah scurrying off to duty without so much as a look in Tom's direction was not the way he'd wanted things to part between them. What if he never got to see her again? If their captors had their wish, Tom wouldn't be seeing her again. "Maybe you could tell me what you really want, Gul."

"If you want your crew to live, then I suggest you start with how you got here," the Cardassian gul sneered.

"Simple, the same way you did, the Caretaker."

"Our studies of the Caretaker showed that he sent all the people prior to us back and then you show up and destroy the array!"

"You've been watching us the whole time?" Tom asked, raising an eyebrow. Surely _Voyager _would have detected a Cardassian war ship.

"Of course not, that would have been too risky, but we've gathered enough information about you."

Tom stiffened. Just how much had they gathered he probably was never going to know. Sarah had told him some stories about her time studying terrorist cells, particular Cardassian and Bajoran ones—they weren't pretty stories—definitely not ones that you would tell the Janeway children at night when they went to bed. "Fine then, you'll now that we destroyed the array to protect to Ocampa."

Gul Kavar crossed his arms over his broad chest. "You expect me to believe that you destroyed the array to protect a species that only lives nine meager years? I find that very hard to believe, even for someone as selfless as the Federation."

"Well, it's the truth," Tom spat. "Take or leave it."

"I think I'll leave it."

"Your choice."

The Cardassian gul frowned heavily. "I should have known that the Federation wasn't going to cooperate with us."

"I'm not even sure what you want. Why should I help you, anyways? You attacked my shuttle, took us prisoner. What makes you think I'll jump at the chance to help?"

"Because, if you want to see your crew—alive—then you'll do as I say!"

Tom set his jaw. He usually was not one to be intimidated so easily but he wouldn't put it past the Cardassians to pull such a stunt, after all they had no heart even when they were in the Alpha Quadrant, right now they were in the Delta Quadrant and desperate to get home and desperate Cardassians were a scary thing to be dealing with. "If you want my cooperation then I need to contact my ship—and I know they're in range. We've picked up a few tricks out here to stay alive, I'm surprised that you haven't picked up on them as well, with you being such a superior species and all."

He saw the guard bristle and the phaser rifle was lifted and pointed in his face. _Go on, shoot me, but see if Captain Janeway works with you then. _ Kavar grabbed the guard's arm and lowered the rifle. "We need him alive," he sneered. "Will let you contact your ship." He pulled Tom to his feet and dragged him towards a console. "Contact your ship—you have five minutes."

"Five minutes? That's hardly enough—."

Tom didn't get to finish his sentence. Karvar had reached out and back handed him. He felt his lip split open and he nursed it with his fingers while glaring at the gul. "You have five minutes, Captain."

"Fine, five minutes," Tom said, turning about and accessing Sarah Barrett's personal computer. _Please, Sarah, be in your office. _ He waited impatiently while the computer searched for her signal, and then her pretty face light up the screen. Tom cut her off when he saw her open her mouth to say something, "Hello, Commander."

Sarah quirked an eyebrow. He prayed that she didn't question him, that she reached out with her telepathic senses and assessed the situation. For a moment her eyes were confused and then, something clicked. She had read his thoughts; she knew where he was and what he was dealing with. "Sir," she said evenly. "Is everything all right?"

"Not really," Tom said casting a look over his shoulder at the two Cardassians. He saw Sarah press something on her computer and knew she was recording the message. "We've run into a spout of trouble. Lieutenant Janeway and I have been taken prisoner by the Cardassians. I know what you're thinking, we're in the Delta Quadrant, and there aren't any Cardassians. Well, there are, and they seem to think that we're the reason that they're here."

"But the Caretaker pulled us here," Sarah responded.

"I told them that. They think we pulled them here to give the Federation an advantage."

Sarah ran her tongue over lips. "What do you want me to do, sir?"

Tom glanced at the Cardassians again. "Have _Voyager _meet us at these coordinates; perhaps we can negotiate something then. Keep everyone up to speed—oh, and make sure the old man plays by our rules—otherwise he won't be seeing us again."

"Yes, sir, Barrett out."

Her face disappeared from the screen and Tom let out a sigh. Everything was set in motion. Sarah had the ball in her hands and he hoped she knew what to do with it; otherwise, they were all in very real trouble. He turned and faced the Cardassians again. "There, are you happy? They're on their way here. I hope you're ready to work with them, my first officer can be a little feisty."

Kavar crossed his arms over his chest. "Captain Paris, are you aware that there are some out there that are willing to pay loads of cash and other—accolades—for your capture? You and your ship have a hefty bounty on your head."

Tom wasn't surprised. Janeway had done a fabulous job of making enemies in this quadrant. He was even more surprised now that the Cardassians were not aware the game that he was playing. "Wouldn't surprise me. Not many people like us. Can I join my crew now? I did what you wanted. I got them here, I told you what I know."

"Very well," Kavar said, snapping his fingers.

He was soon being dragged by the guard through the bowels of the warship and tossed into a dim brig cell. The lone occupant lifted her head from her knees and watched as he was tossed inside like a rag doll. The guard activated the force field and turned his back on the two Starfleet officers. Tom moved across the space and sat down on the cot with Kathryn Janeway, who looked at him crossly. She had not agreed to this idea but Tom had convinced her that it was the best way to get her back to _Voyager _and deal with the situation without the Cardassians ever knowing that she was really the captain. Of course, it probably was going to be harder to convince Chakotay of this—fortunately for Tom, that was now Sarah's job.

Janeway looked at him for a moment and then at the guard to make sure he wasn't paying attention to them. "Did you contact _Voyager_?"

"Yes, I spoke to Lieutenant Barrett."

"Was Chakotay not available?"

Tom pressed his lips together tightly before speaking. "I didn't think it was a good idea for the Cardassians to know that Chakotay was our first officer. This ship hasn't been in the Delta Quadrant that long, maybe just a little longer than us—they know about Chakotay and his Maquis cell."

Janeway sighed and nodded her head. "Alright, good thinking, Tom."

"_Voyager _hopefully is on their way to meet us," Tom replied. "The Cardassians don't seem interested in the ship—just the command team. With some luck we might be able to convince the Cardassians to exchange you for Sarah."

"How are you going to pull that off?" the Captain asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Easy, I passed her off as first officer."

Kathryn felt nervous. When their cover was blown she knew that Tom, and Sarah, would be in a lot of danger. They might even be killed. She wasn't sure she could go through with this. "Tom, this is too risky. If they find out you're lying they could kill you and Sarah."

"So? At least you'd be back on the ship and _Voyager _doesn't lose you."

"But we'd lose you and Sarah and you're both to valuable to the entire crew," she argued.

The guard heard them whispering furiously and turned about to glare at them. Kathryn shut her mouth until he'd turned away again. "Listen to me, Tom, there has to be another plan that we can come up with so no one is hurt."

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, ma'am, I don't think there is. We're in too deep now."

Kathryn just prayed that they weren't in so deep that they couldn't get out.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: **I have more for you!

* * *

Sarah Barrett paused the message and gauged the faces of her colleagues. Of course it had to be a shock on so many different fronts, the Captain and Tom being held hostage by the Cardassians was one thing, that they believed Tom was the captain was an entirely different matter. "I gave the coordinates to the helm. They're just waiting for your orders, Commander."

Chakotay rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a moment. "Why are they waiting for my orders?"

"Because...you're the senior most officer," Sarah replied, confused.

"Not according to that message...Commander. Captain Paris has clearly left you in charge."

"You can't be serious?" Sarah and B'Elanna said at the same time.

"Paris is insane if he thinks that Cardassian gul believes for a moment that _he's _captain," B'Elanna snapped.

"There has to be another way besides lying, Chakotay," Sarah pointed out.

The first officer grinned, slightly. "B'Elanna, you know as much as I do what the Cardassians will do if they find out _Voyager _is 'harboring' Maquis fighters. It makes perfect sense why Tom would lie and claim that Sarah is first officer—the Cardassians probably know about me, you, and possibly Tuvok."

Sarah was confused. "How come they wouldn't know about Tom then?"

"He wasn't in the Maquis long enough to earn a name," Chakotay answered, flatly. "Tom's plan is a solid one, if not a little crazy. We're going to have to stay on our toes. Did he indicate what they wanted?"

"No, just to meet with them," Sarah replied. "Maybe he'll have more when we do so."

B'Elanna shifted slightly in her seat. "Chakotay, you know what the Cardassians are capable of—they aren't afraid to use torture to get what they want."

Chakotay frowned. "Which is why I suspect Tom convinced Catpain Janeway to pretend he was the captain." He paused for a moment, a pensive look on his face. "It's what I would have done, and I suspect its what a lot of you would have done as well." And he made a mental note to thank Tom for protecting her when he did make it back to _Voyager, _that was of course if the Cardassians did not kill him first. Sighing, he stood up. "Sarah, meet the Cardassians. I can only imagine what kind of demands they are going to put on us. Mister Kim, change the ship's records to reflect that _Voyager _is under the command of Tom and Sarah, make Captain Janeway the helmsman. Tuvok, round up the Maquis, put them in the brig, let's make this look as inconspicuous as possible—and Tuvok, that includes yourself."

Tuvok nodded his head but Sarah knew he disapproved of the situation. How could he not? It was absolute suicide if the Cardassians found out that the crew was lying to them. Hopefully they wouldn't find out until Janeway and Tom were back on the ship safely and they were far away from here. Worse case scenario would be if they found out before they retrieved their crewmen. "Chakotay this is crazy."

"How long is it going to take us to get there?" Chakotay asked, ignoring her.

"A couple of hours, tops," Sarah replied with a sigh.

"Chakotay...you realize that the Cardassians might ask Sarah to turn herself over," B'Elanna whispered.

He nodded his head. "Sarah, have the Doctor place one of those biochips we used when in Viidian space in your hand. If you are forced to turn yourself over to the Cardassians then _Voyager _will be able to track you."

Sarah swallowed nervously. "You're only going to have a few days to track us, Chakotay. The Cardassians aren't patient. If Tom doesn't give them what they want, well, you know what's going to happen to him and to me if I turn myself over."

The First Officer looked at her firmly. "We've beaten the odds before."

"Sooner or later, the odds catch up with you."

Silence passed between the senior staff. Chakotay wished he could assure them that this plan was fool proof, but nothing ever was, especially in the Delta Quadrant. "Alright, you have your orders, dismissed," he finally ordered the group. "Good luck Commander Barrett," he added with a teasing wink.

Sarah made eye contact with him and gave him her best imitation of the Janeway death glare before exiting the briefing room.

No one seemed surprised when only Sarah emerged, followed by Harry Kim and Neelix, who had been strangely silent throughout the whole conversation. She lowered herself into the command chair. Rubbing her fingers against her temples she sighed. Tom and Chakotay were right—who knew what the Cardassians would do to Janeway and _Voyager _without Janeway was like a human who suddenly lost their limbs—they wouldn't know how to survive and might not ever adapt. "Ensign Parsons," she whispered, "take us to the rendezvous point."

"Yes ma'am."

"Lieutenant, I'm not familiar with the Cardassians," Neelix said, suddenly from her side.

"That's because they're from the Alpha Quadrant, Neelix."

"Seska's people?"

"Yes." Sarah answered wondering if they would see Seska in the middle of all this. "She's a Cardassian."

Neelix frowned. "This isn't going to easy then, is it?"

Sarah laughed, coldly. "You got that right."

For the next couple of hours the bridge remained quiet. Everyone knew their role in the upcoming encounter and Sarah knew that not everyone was comfortable with that role. They had set up a mock brig in one of the shuttle bays to make it look like they were holding the Maquis prisoner, they had even changed out of their Starfleet uniforms in case the Cardassians boarded the ship. Harry had tampered with the ship's records to reflect _Voyager _being under the command of Tom Paris, and Sarah Barrett as her second in command, and Kathryn Janeway as the helmsman. Ava and Michael's records had been erased from the computer entirely to protect them and Neelix had nervously paced the length of the bridge for the whole two hours, driving Sarah absolutely crazy.

"Lieutenant, we're arriving at the coordinates."

"I'm reading one Cardassian warship," Harry reported.

Sarah stood up, straightened her freshly replicated command uniform and instructed Harry to place the ship on the view screen. Soon they were looking at a ship that was supposed to be light years away from here. She felt knots begin to form in her stomach. Chakotay had left her entirely in command and every decision she was about to make could have repercussions that lasted well into _Voyager's _future. _Your goal here is to ensure that Voyager does have a future, _Sarah reminded herself. Sighing, she used her training to steady herself.

"We're being hailed."

"On screen."

"Commander Barrett," the Cardassian male on the view screen said with a smile. "Finally, I meet you. I've been looking forward to this meeting."

"I wish I could share the pleasure," Sarah snapped.

The gul chuckled. "Your captain mentioned you could get feisty."

Sarah resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She'd speak to Tom about that later. "You haven't seen feisty yet, Gul. Can I speak to the Captain, please? You didn't give us a lot of time to chat a couple of hours ago. I would like to be able to assess the situation a little better."

" Then let me help you. The situation is this, Commander, you are going to turn yourself over to me."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You and your captain are very valuable to me, Commander."

"If I turn myself over, you'll return Lieutenant Janeway to the ship?"

"Yes, my ally only wants the captain and first officer of _Voyager._"

_Fantastic. Tom, I hope you have plan after this once their ally realizes we are not the command team, _Sarah thought with dismay. "And if I don't agree to all this? What then?" She pretty much knew the answer, but she had to ask anyways. She couldn't just hand herself over without putting up some form of resistance. "Are you going to destroy my ship, take me by force...kill Captain Paris and Lieutenant Janeway?"

"You and your captain are no good to me dead," he answered. "The lieutenant is disposable."

Sarah felt a knot form in her stomach. Just the mere thought that someone thought that Captain Janeway was _disposable _made her sick. "Fine then, what are you proposing?"

"Transport yourself, and only yourself over to our ship in five minutes and we'll return Lieutenant Janeway."

She didn't get to agree or disagree. He disappeared from the screen. Sarah frowned. If she knew Tom as well as she thought she did he had not planned beyond her transporting to the Cardassian ship. Fantastic, she thought. "I guess I be better be going. Harry, you know what to do once I'm onboard."

Harry solemnly nodded his head. "Yes ma'am."

"See you soon," she said with a little nervous wink before disappearing into the lift.

Of all the crazy,stupid things they had done in this quadrant so far, this had to top it—trying to pass herself and Tom off as the command team to the Cardassians. What if they wanted _Voyager's _command codes? That would go over swimmingly when Sarah or Tom could not hand them over to the Gull.

With a sigh she stepped out of the lift and made her way quickly towards the transporter room. She had studied the Cardassians ad nauseum at the Academy, they were a heavy topic at the time she was there and the professors wanted their future officers trained well, despite treaty talks the brass was wary of their new allies. Sarah knew that there was no treaty protecting them out here in the Delta Quadrant, not that she ever believed it protected her out in the Alpha Quadrant. "Transport me to the Cardassian ship," she ordered the ensign on duty in the transporter room.

"Ma'am?"

"Just do it ensign," she snapped stepping onto the transporter pad.

He shot her another questioning look but did as he was told. She was soon materializing on a Cardassian transporter pad and the gul she had spoken to earlier was standing there with two security guards and Captain Janeway. Sarah noticed that Janeway looked anything but thrilled about the situation.

"How are you ma'-I mean Lieutenant?" _Dear god, your slip ups could cost us Sarah, stay calm! _

Janeway was of course the epitome of calm. "I'm fine, commander."

Sarah nodded her head in approval as one of the guards grabbed her roughly by the arm and started to lead her out of the transporter room. "Wait," she said, jerking her arm back. "I want to make sure that you hold up your end of the bargain—I want to see you transport Lieutenant Janeway back to _Voyager._"

"What? You don't trust me, Commander?"

"Only as far as I can throw you."

The Cardassian chuckled and motioned for Janeway to get onto the trasnporter pad. "Very well, Commander," he sneered, "we'll do this your way."

Janeway reluctantly got on the transporter pad and she briefly made eye contact with Sarah, holding the younger woman's gaze. "I'll get you back, Commander, I promise."

"No worries," the gul snapped before Janeway disappeared into a transporter beam, "they'll be dead."


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: **I hit a little bit of writer's block but I'm back on track...I think. Here's more!

* * *

Kathryn Janeway immediately asked for a report once she got back onto the bridge. She didn't even give Harry the time to greet her and to tell her that he was happy she was alright. There were more pressing matters, like trying to get Tom and Sarah out of Tom's latest _disaster. _"Where's Commander Chakotay?"

"In the brig," Harry answered casually. He saw the look of distress and anger that came over the Captain's face. "He…he thought it would be best to keep up appearances…ma'am."

"Fine, I guess I'll go visit him in jail. Mister Kim, track that Cardassian ship."

"Aye Captain."

Kathryn briskly exited the brig and headed towards the brig. A million thoughts kept running through her mind. She had to give the Cardassian ship time to leave the sector before she followed. She knew that their threats were real. If they believed that _Voyager _was following them, they'd kill Sarah and Tom and that would be the end of that. If she wanted to get her officers back alive she had to remain patient and wait for the opportunity to arise to rescue them. Trouble was she had never been a patient person before in the past. Now, as she strode into the brig, to find Chakotay sitting in a cell by himself, she felt her patience getting even thinner. "Update, Commander."

Chakotay looked at her, his brown eyes pensive. "I guess Sarah was able to negotiate your release?"

She nodded her head slowly. "I just need to ask one question before we can begin a rescue operation—what were you thinking going along with this?"

"It seemed that we were already deeply entrenched in this, Captain," Chakotay replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "Tom obviously felt that this was the best way to keep you safe and with you on our side we probably have a better shot at recovering our officers with you on board than we do if you were one of the ones needing rescuing."

Kathryn leaned her shoulder against the wall. "What do you know?"

"Tom contacted Sarah almost twenty four hours ago through her personal channel. She smartly recorded the message and she briefed the senior staff immediately on the situation," Chakotay reported. "From there I made the decision that it should be Sarah to meet with the Cardassian gul and had make shift brigs set up in Cargo Bay One. I had myself placed into solitary confinement. We wanted to make this look as real as possible in case they decided to board us. I ordered her to meet with the Cardassians and negotiate your release."

"Sarah turned herself over in exchange for me."

Chakotay looked slightly surprised, even though it had been a possibility that she would have to turn herself over, he hadn't thought it would actually come to pass. "She what?"

Kathryn sighed, heavily. "Apparently, someone, I'm not sure who, has put a ransom out on our heads, Chakotay. The Cardassians are bringing the captain and first officer of _Voyager _to cash in on a bounty."

"I hate to think of what's going to happen to them when whoever has the bounty out on us figures out that Tom and Sarah are not the people they are looking for," Chakotay said.

"We're just going to have to get them back before then," Kathryn replied.

"Tom and Sarah are capable of pulling off this charade, Kathryn. We just have to hope that they pull it off long enough to give us time to rescue them."

She felt her body tense. "And if they can't, Commander? We both know what the Cardassians are capable of. How many pieces am I going to rescue them in?"

"What are you planning on doing, Captain?"

"Harry's tracking the ship," Kathryn replied. "I figured I'd give them a bit of a head start and then put us under cloak. We didn't install that technology to just get through Gerroan space."

Chakotay nodded his head. "If you think it's necessary ma'am."

Kathryn gave him a firm look. "I do, Commander. We know for a fact that the Cardassians will use deadly force if need be and we don't know who they are meeting up with to hand Sarah and Tom over too." She began to pace. "There's a whole list of enemies we've made in the last year that could possibly put a bounty out on our heads like this. And everyone of them is going to know that Tom and Sarah are not who they say they are."

The First Officer's eyes watched as the Captain paced. "And they could claim that we died and they've taken over. The game can be played for a long time—long enough so we can rescue them."

"We're going to have to come up with a plan," Kathryn said. "We'll meet in the briefing room in an hour."

"Ah, Kathryn," Chakotay called out as she turned to go. She turned to look at him with questioning eyes. "Am I going to be allowed to leave jail in order to attend this briefing?"

Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment for a moment and then she nodded to the guard and he released the forcefield. "Why don't you go spring Tuvok and B'Elanna from jail as well," she ordered him with a grin.

"Yes ma'am."

"I'll see you in sixty minutes, Commander, no more no less."

After ensuring that the children were alright, Janeway and the depleted senior staff, along with Neelix and Kes, gathered around the briefing room table an hour later. Chakotay, Tuvok and B'Elanna had changed out of their Maquis clothes and put their uniforms back on, and the Maquis crew had been released back to their duty stations. Chakotay had advised everyone though that plans could change if and when they went after their captured crew members. Tension was running high since they were no where closer to determining who had put the bounty out on the command team of _Voyager. _

"Mister Kim," Janeway opened the meeting, "are the long range sensors still tracking the Cardassian war ship?"

"Yes," Harry answered, solemnly. "Before she went on board, the Doctor placed a biochip in Lieutenant Barrett's hand—a homing beacon of sorts—the chip can only be picked up by the multiadaptive sensors that we installed to get through Gerroan space. The Cardassians shouldn't be able to detect it when they scan her."

Chakotay took a long, calming breath. "Any ideas where they are heading?"

Harry shook his head. "This part of space doesn't have definitive boundaries—they're always changing thanks to the Kazon."

"Is it possible that they're traveling through this region of space to get to where they are going to throw us off course?" Neelix asked.

"Very possible," B'Elanna answered. "They aren't known for their fair game playing."

"It seems we're fighting deception with deception," Janeway said with a slight shrug. "Our problem now is getting to Tom and Sarah before the Cardassians realize they have the _wrong _command team."

Both Harry and B'Elanna looked uneasy. "Who would put a bounty out on the Captain and Commaner?" Harry asked.

Janeway quirked a little grin. "Take your pick, Ensign."

"Finding out who has put the bounty out on you may provide us with valuable information, Captain," Tuvok stated.

"As much as I'd like to find out who put a bounty out on my head, Tuvok, time doesn't permit it," Janeway replied, sternly. "Our top priority is finding our crew."

Tuvok certainly looked displeased with the situation, but nodded his head in agreement. "Then, I suggest Captain that we bring the multiadaptive transporters online so we can transport Lieutenant Barrett and Lieutenant Paris back to _Voyager _while the Cardassian ship has their shields up."

"It shouldn't take me long to bring them back online," Harry reported. "I can also adapt our shield frequency so the Cardassians can't detect us."

"B'Elanna how long will it take to get the ship ready to travel under cloak?" Chakotay asked.

"No more than ten hours."

"I want to be under that cloak by the morning."

"That doesn't leave us a lot of time to devise of a plan," Tuvok pointed out.

Janeway shrugged her shoulders. "Mister Tuvok, when has anything gone according to plan out here? We're just going to have to improvise along the way, that's all."


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: **Here's more! Happy St. Patrick's Day!

* * *

Sarah was led down a long, dark corridor. The guard held her firmly underneath her arm and didn't speak to her. She wasn't surprised when they took her combadge and destroyed it with blaster fire. Luckily, the biochip that the Doctor had implanted in her hand had not been detected by their scans of her, thus allowing Harry to track the ship without them even knowing it.

At the end of the corridor was a cell. Tom sat with his head resting on his lap behind a yellow force field. "You have a guest, Captain," the guard sneered. He accessed the panel near the cell and lowered the forcefield. Sarah was tossed inside and the field was reactivated. "Enjoy your stay."

Both Tom and Sarah watched him go before the pilot quipped, "Nice touch—the red uniform."

"We had to make it look real," Sarah snapped. With a heavy sigh she flopped down onto a bunk. She glanced around their bare cell. "Comfy."

Tom sat down on the bunk with her. "Comes with two square meals of the Cardassians finest rations a day." He dropped his voice to a whisper. "Did you get to speak to Captain Janeway before she went back to _Voyager_?"

Sarah shook her head. "No. She promised me she was going to get us back and then they transported her back to the ship. I'm sure she was meeting with Chakotay once she got back on board. I would have loved to see her reaction to him in the brig."

"You put Chakotay in the brig?"

"Solitary confinement to be precise. We wanted to make it look like we were holding them for court martial."

"Wow. We're a tough command team."

"Very tough. I even put Tuvok in the brig."

Tom forced a stiff grin. He was glad for her humor even in these dire circumstances. Both of them knew that in the not too distant future things were probably going to come unraveled and fast. "Listen, I know that what I did was rash and I wasn't thinking of the future—at least that's what you'd tell me. But I've seen what the Cardassians can do first hand, even if it was a brief stint with the Maquis. I figured I was more replacable than Janeway."

Sarah eyed him sternly for a moment. "Actually, I was going to say that you did think into the future—you knew what could happen to Captain Janeway if she revealed herself. We're going to be fine, Tom. We might just have to think on our toes for a few days. I wasn't about to leave the ship without leaving a way for them to find me. Now, did the Cardassians mention anything about who put this bounty on Janeway and Chakotay's heads?"

"Oh, you know the Cardassians not particularly conversational," Tom answered leaning back against the cold bulk head.

"I'm trying to figure out what anyone in this quadrant could offer them that they'd go to all this trouble to capture them," Sarah said. "Money? Alliance? A way home?"

"Any of those could send them running after us."

"But they didn't come running. They've been out here just as long as we have. They could have come after us a lot sooner."

"What are you thinking?"

"That the bounty was recently put out."

Tom let out a slow breath. Even though he had been questioned by the Cardassians relentlessly in the last three days they had not been very forth coming in who had put the bounty out on _Voyager's _command team. Of course Janeway had a small list in her head, that seemed to grow the closer to her departure, but she couldn't say for certain. He was nervous. He didn't know what he had just gotten himself and Sarah into. _Voyager _might not find them before they were handed over to whoever wanted them. The Kazon, the Vidians, even the Gerroan could have a bounty out on them. And Tom knew that all those races wouldn't be very forgiving to them. "Hopefully we can keep this up for a few days. I'm not sure we could survive this beyond a week."

Sarah scratched nervously at the hand were the biochip was hid. "I don't think we'll be here that long. Am sure as soon as Captain Janeway gets the ship ready she'll come after us."

"Hope she has a way of tracking us. They took our combadges and destroyed them."

"Don't worry, I've got that covered," Sarah replied, holding her hand up. "The Doctor hid a biochip in my hand. They'll be able to track us tapping into the chip."

"Resourceful."

"You have to be out here, Captain," she answered with a little wink, "you know that."

Tom grunted in agreement. "I'm sorry I dragged you into all this Sarah. I knew Tuvok wouldn't go along with my plan if I had contacted him and tried to pass him off as first officer.

Sarah shook her head. "It's fine Tom, as long as _Voyager _gets to us before we're handed over to—well whoever wants us—we'll be fine."

The forcefield crackled before it was lowered. Tom glanced up to the Gul entering their cell. "I hope you find our accommodations are comfortable, Commander Barrett."

"Just peachy."

Kavar chuckled and crossed his arms. "Now that we have obtained our target and are on our way to meet with my ally—I'm going to need _Voyager's _command codes."

Tom frowned. "Lieutenant Janeway would have changed those codes once she got back onto the ship. They'll be useless to you now."

"Shall we show the commander what happens, captain, when you don't cooperate with me?"

Tom braced himself for the blow. It sent him backwards, Sarah gasped as she dove out of the way of his sprawling body. He landed on the steal floor with a thud, pain shot up his spine and then the wind was knocked out of his lungs as a boot connected with his stomach. "You got what you wanted from us," he sputtered, tasting blood in his mouth. He managed to pull himself up onto all fours and glared. "The deal was the command team for Lieutenant Janeway's release so you could collect your bounty."

Kavar leaned down and got in his face. "_Voyager _would be a nice little prize for my self. The ship is highly advanced, much faster than this old warship."

"I should have known that you'd want more than money," Tom spat hatefully. "You just made my mind up, Gul. I will not be handing over the command codes."

"If you won't perhaps Commander Barrett will."

Tom's eyes flashed with rage. He pulled his aching body up to his full height and stared the Cardassian down. The Gul could threaten him all he wanted, but there was no way in hell Tom was going to let him threaten Sarah. "All your dealings are to be through me. You leave her alone."

Kavar pretended to brush something from his uniform. "You know something, you humans claim to be a race of equality but when a woman is threatened you show your true colors. Do you not want me to question Commander Barrett because you think she's weaker than you, that she'll give up the codes much more willingly than you will?"

"Actually, she's more stubborn than I am."

"Give me the command codes!" Kavar shouted. "I'm getting tired of these games, Captain."

"You better get used to playing."

Sarah screamed this time when Kavar motioned for the guard to beat on Tom. "Stop it! We can't tell you anything that you don't already know! The command codes would have been changed once the command team was off the ship and considered _hostages!" _The Gul waved the attack off, but not before the guard got one more swift kick in and Tom grunted, lying motionless on the floor groaning. Sarah fought tears back and went to help him up. She was grabbed by the guard and tossed aside.

"You will not help him."

Conflicted, Sarah looked between Tom and the guard. The Cardassians eyes were cold and malicious. If her father had lived to see the treaty signed, she was sure that he would have fought it. He never did trust the Cardassians and was appalled that the Federation was seeking an alliance with them that would renegotiate the borders of the Demilitarized Zone. Jason Barrett had died before the treaty was finalized and brought before the Federation Council and for that Sarah was always thankful. Her father didn't see his beloved Federation turning their backs on innocent people stuck in the Demilitarized Zone. The Marquis' plight was something she was sure she would have been more inclined to pay attention too if she hadn't been so entrenched in drugs and grief. "You're violating the Treaty of 2370."

Kavar sneered at her. "That treaty means nothing out here, Commander. It's every man for themselves if you want to survive."

"You just remember that," Sarah snapped. "Janeway will destroy this ship if she thinks it's a threat to _Voyager._"

"Really, with her precious command team on board?" Kavar mocked. "I find that hard to believe."

"She'd rather see us dead then in the hands of some bounty hunter."

"Let's go, Gorset," Kavar instructed his guard. "I think the Captain and Commander here need sometime to mull things over."

Sarah watched them go, sternly. When they were gone she quickly helped Tom off the floor and guided him towards the cot. Lying him down she shook her head. "You certainly have a way with people, you know that?"

Tom chuckled. "I try, ya know?"

"Hmmm, try harder next time."

Silence passed between the two as Sarah helped Tom sit up on the bed, checking his pupils to make sure that he didn't have a concussion. He quirked a little grin. "So, here we are again, _in command._"

Sarah frowned. "I was hoping you were only joking when you said you wanted to _play command team _again."

"Of course I was serious," Tom replied, " I wanted to play captain."

"Well, you got your wish, Paris."

* * *

"The Cardassians have made several subspace communications with a nearby ship," Harry Kim reported. "I might be able to trace their signal and come up with who they're talking to."

Commander Chakotay nodded his head in approval. "How long will that take?"

Kim glanced at his console. "An hour, maybe two."

"I don't suppose I have to tell you to get it done in under an hour, do I?"

"I'll have it done in forty-five minutes, Commander."

Chakotay smiled and proceeded towards his chair. So far the Cardassian ship hadn't detected them under cloak and were unaware that they were following them. Janeway was hoping that they could fly under the radar, rescue Tom and Sarah, and find out who had put the bounty out on them. B'Elanna had successfully gotten the cloak up and running and _Voyager _had been following the warship for little more than an hour. When the moment was right, when Janeway had deemed it was time to pull their people out, they were going to drop out of warp, use their adapted transporters to beam Sarah and Tom back to the ship, and go back under the cloak and head for friendly space.

With a tired sigh, Chakotay placed his stack of pads on the bench next to him and picked up the first one. He didn't want to get too far behind in his work, especially if the next twenty four hours got interesting.

"Chakotay, can you look at this please?"

The First Officer glanced up to see Michael Janeway and Arissa Cook standing in front of him. Michael and Arissa had started to chum around recently since Arissa's older brother didn't seem interested in playing with her that much. And Michael was more than thrilled to have a child other than Ava to play with. He smiled softly, taking the PADD from the outstretched hand of five year old. "Sure, what is it?"

"A plan to rescue Tom and Sarah."

"Oh? And you came up with this yourself?"

"Yep," the boy said proudly. "Well, me and Arissa."

Chakotay studied the PADD, with a plan craftly designed by two children. It wasn't a feasible plan but Chakotay figured it was more of the thought that counted. "What made you come up with this all on your own? Your mother already has a course of action."

"We miss Sarah. The Doctor isn't as nice as her when teaching us," Arissa replied.

The First Officer wasn't going to argue with that. Unfortunately, the Doctor was the only option that Captain Janeway had at the moment to take over for Sarah when she wasn't on the ship. Chakotay was wondering if perhaps Kathryn was hoping to teach the Doctor some important lessons. After his bought with the holographic flu and demanded that Kathryn formally reprimend Sarah for tampering with the program, the Doctor had been even more arrogant. Chakotay didn't think it was possible, but he'd witnessed it first hand when he thought for sure Lainey Phillips was going to cry after the hologram scolded her for poor eating habits. "I'll make sure I submit this to the senior staff. Thanks, crewmen."

Michael beamed with pride for a moment and then a pensive look came over his face. "Chakotay, Mama's going to get Tom and Sarah back right?"

"Has your mother ever left anyone behind, Michael?"

"No," the boy answered. "But I heard her once say _there's always a first time for everything_"

_He doesn't miss a beat, a lot like his mother. _"True, that is an old Earth saying but your mother is going to make sure this isn't the first time someone is left 's not our policy on _Voyager _to abandon crew members," Chakotay assured him. _I shouldn't have to tell you how stubborn your mother is. _Reaching out he gave Michael a comforting pat on the shoulder and sent the two children on their way. Rubbing his temple thoughtfully for a second, Chakotay looked at the doors to the ready room. He hadn't spoken to Kathryn for a few hours, not since the senior officers had met when she returned to the ship.

Sighing, Chakotay rose from his spot, left the bridge in charge of Harry and crossed the space between the command center and the ready room. He pressed the chime and waited to be let in. He clutched Michael and Arissa's rescue plan in one hand as the door swished open and he could enter. He was a little surprised to see Tuvok standing in front of Kathryn's desk. Kathryn herself looked up and with a silent nod dismissed their tactical officer. Had he just interrupted a private conversation? He waited until Tuvok was gone before speaking. "Did I interrupt, Captain?"

Kathryn shook her head. "No, it was nothing of importance. What can I do for you, Commander?"

"Your son has crafted a plan to rescue Tom and Sarah," he said with a smile, hoping it would lift the cloud that was obviously hanging over her head.

She frowned slightly. "I know he tried to speak to me about this morning. I was otherwise occupied. Sorry if he was a bother."

Chakotay shook his head. "He's never really a bother, Kathryn. He just wants to help. Besides, I don't think he's too happy with his substitute teacher right now."

Kathryn sighed. "The Doctor was the only option. I'm just happy that Michael hasn't tried to rewrite his algorithms—yet." She took a sip of her coffee, probably her third cup just that very afternoon, and leaned back in her chair. "Have the Cardassians been able to detect us yet?"

"No, so far so good," Chakotay reported. "Harry discovered that they've been making several subspaces communications with a nearby ship—he was going to trace the signal to see who they were speaking to. It might just be the one who put the bounty out on us."

"Once Tom and Sarah are back on board we'll deal with this bounty," Kathryn said firmly rising from her chair. She crossed the space between her desk and sofa and went to sit down, exhaustion clearly evident on her face. She gazed out at the stars streaking by. "I didn't want to go along with Tom's plan. He kept insisting, while we were being led to the Gul, that he should pose as captain. I was too busy arguing with him that I didn't notice he took three of my pips. By the time I realized what was happening he'd introduced himself as Captain Thomas Eugene Paris. Of course once they heard the name _Paris _they pretty much tuned everything out."

Chakotay went to sit with her. "They knew he was Admiral Paris' son."

Kathryn nodded her head. "I didn't say this to Tom, but it was almost plausible that he was indeed a captain."

"How long do think it will take them to realize that Jason Barrett was Sarah's father?"

"I'm hoping they don't find out."

"You're afraid that even if they find out that Sarah and Tom are not the command team that the Cardassians will keep them as hostages to use against the Federation when they return."

The Captain nodded her head slowly. "Think of the power they'd hold, Chakotay, returning to the Alpha Quadrant with the children of two admirals in their captivity. Owen Paris may have kept Tom at arm's length but the fact remains he's still Tom's father and would do anything to get his son out of Cardassian hands. And even though Jason Barrett has unfortunately passed he had many friends at Command that consider Sarah a daughter."

Chakotay swallowed bile that rose in his throat. "Do you think its possible, Captain, that the bounty is a way home?"

"Very."

"_Kim to Janeway and Chakotay. I found out who the Cardassians are communicating with. You're going to want to come out here."_


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: **Short little update. Hope everyone is enjoying my story still.

* * *

Sarah hugged her knees to her chest and buried her face in them. By her estimate she'd been awake for nearly thirty six hours—the length of her entire captivity. She'd only had rations sparingly and very little water. The Cardassians were trying to toture the command codes out of them, but so far neither Sarah or Tom had relented. It wasn't that they really could, they didn't have the command codes. That just pushed the Cardassians harder to get it out of them.

Their cell was small and hot. Sarah wouldn't be surprised if the Cardassians were purposefully keeping it this hot to get them to talk. Tom for the most part had taken the brunt of their wrath. Refusing to give up _Voyager's _command codes and stating that Lieutenant Janeway would have changed them once she was back on the ship since it was her command now. Their captors hadn't liked that idea and slapped Tom around quite a bit. Sarah was beginning to see why he'd lied about being captain, to protect Janeway from that kind of abuse.

Sarah lifted her head and watched as Tom slept. The Cardassians had not made any attempts to break her and it was probably better that way. Tom might break character if they threatened her.

"Get up," the gruff voice of their guard snapped, lowering the force field and yanking Sarah to her feet.

"Where are you taking me?" Sarah asked nervously.

Tom stirred on his bunk and rolled over to see the guard holding onto Sarah. Immediately his eyes filled with rage and Sarah could see him boiling. _No Tom! No! _she thought as he got up and squared his shoulders at the guard. "I told you that all dealings are through me, not her."

"The Gul is not too happy with you," the guard replied. "He wants to talk to the Commander here."

Sarah's eyes flashed with fear. She'd read up on stories on what happened to female prisoners of the Cardassians. She'd already been violated once by the Gerroan she didn't want it to happen again—couldn't let it happen again. She wiggled in the guard's strong grasp. "I can't tell him anything different than Captain Paris has! Lieutenant Janeway would have changed the command codes the moment she got back on the ship and assumed command!"

"Shut up, human!" the guard slapped her forcefully and she went rearing backwards.

"Leave her alone!" Tom growled, low in his throat.

When the guard ignored him and went to grab her, Tom stepped in his path and pushed him away, hard. The guard went tumbling backwards and crashed into the bulkhead. Tom braced himself for the retaliation that would surely follow but he wasn't about to let the Cardassians beat and torture her to get information that neither of them had. "All dealings are through me, remember?"

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sarah shrink against the wall as the guard got off the floor and circle about to face Tom, his yellow eyes glaring. Both Sarah and Tom were expecting the guard to strike at them but he didn't move, just glared.

"Perhaps we need another form of persuasion," Kavar's voice said from the darkness outside the cell.

Tom swallowed. "What kind persuasion are you talking about?"

"_Gul Kavar, you are receiving a message. Our allies wish to come on board and see the prisoners."_

"Very well, transport them and escort them to the cell."

Silence fell in the tiny cell. Tom and Sarah exchanged nervous glances. This wasn't the way Tom was hoping things would go. He'd been hoping that _Voyager_ would have mounted a rescue operation by now and that their deception wouldn't be known about. However, Janeway might not feel that it was the right time to strike since they had no idea who the Cardassians allies were and what they were up against. He suddenly wished he'd given the Gul the command codes even if they were fake ones. At least it would held them off for a while and given him some time to think. Now, there was no time to figure out a plan and things were going from to worse and in a hurry.

"Is this your idea of a joke, Gul?" a femine voice said from the shadows. "I told you to bring me the command team of _Voyager._"

Kavar looked perplexed. "I did."

The woman that he'd been speaking to stepped into the light, her long hair framing her face. "You brought two of their senior officers! But not Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay."

"In all fairness, you never gave me names," Kavar snapped. He turned and squared his shoulders at Tom. "_Lieutenant _Janeway was just a rouse wasn't it?"

"And you fell for it," Tom snarled back. "It's not my fault you're stupid."

Kavar stepped into the cell and pushed Tom aside. "If he's not the captain, then who the hell are you?"

Sarah's eyes flickered up towards Tom's. "I'm the ship's counselor."

"Gorset, put the Starfleet officers in a shuttle and get them off my ship!"

"Are you insane! They're still valuable hostages!" the woman shouted, her hair fell away from her face and she became visible to Tom and Sarah.

Tom felt every bone in his body stiffen. "Seska," he breathed.

Seska smiled almost sweetly at him. "Hello, Tom. Surprised to see me?"

"I wish I could say that I am."

"I hope your stay has been comfortable."

Tom scoffed. "Oh yeah, very cozy." He crossed his arms over his chest. "So now that you've determined that Sarah and I are not the command team, and you don't have the ship's command codes, what are you going to do with us, Seska?"

Seska continued to grin, one that sent a shiver up Tom's spine. "I plan to use you to get what I want—_Voyager _and her technology. The Nistrim would bring balance to the Kazon with _Voyager _as their flagship."

"Captain Janeway would never hand her ship over to you—even if you were holding two of her officers' hostage."

She gestured for the guard to hand her something. The two Starfleet officers could see that it was a needle of some kind. "Just to make sure you don't cause any trouble, Tom, I'm going to have to drug you and Sarah. No hard feelings of course. But I can't risk it." Seska crossed the little space between them.

Tom jumped back and glared at her. "You must be out of your mind, Seska if you think I'm going to let you stick me with some needle and pump me with drugs."

"Don't make this difficult, Tom," Seska drawled. "Isn't that what you would say, Counselor?"

"It doesn't appear like you're going to give us much a choice," Sarah said softly, "I'd say he should make it as difficult as possible."

Seska snarled something in her native language and snapped her fingers. Immediately the tiny cell was swarmed with Kazon and Cardassian guards, subduing Tom and Sarah quickly so the former spy could administer the drug. "You'll feel a little tingly sensation, nothing to worry about," she promised both of them. "Just a little something to make you more cooperative."

* * *

"By my estimation, the Cardassians have been in contact with the Kazon at least since the away team was boarded," Harry Kim reported to his commanding officers.

Kathryn Janeway felt her shoulders go rigid. "And you're certain that it's the Nistrim?" she asked. Harry nodded his head grimly. "Well, that confirms it. Seska is behind this, the problem is—what could she possibly want from us?"

Chakotay could only imagine what Seska was really after. He just knew for certain that the bounty she'd put out on them was a hoax. The Cardassians had probably lied about that knowing that once Janeway was back on the ship, _Voyager _would come after their colleagues. They were probably hoping that the hoax would keep _Voyager _off their trail for a few days while the crew searched for the race that put the bounty out. By that time the Cardassians would have handed Tom and Sarah over to the Kazon, but the plan had been for them to hand _Janeway _and _Chakotay _over—not Tom and Sarah. Seska would know immediately what they were up too. "Seska will adapt her plans based on what the Cardassians bring her. She'll now use Tom and Sarah to get what she wants."

"And if we don't comply?"

"I wouldn't put it past her to kill them."

Janeway sighed and rubbed her temple furiously. Maybe it would take away the massive headache that was forming. "Our priority hasn't changed—rescue Tom and Sarah—however, it seems will have to go about his a lot differently."

"Do you want to try to make contact with Seska?"

"I have a feeling that she'll be contacting us."


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: **Here's some more.

* * *

It was refreshing to be back on a Cardassian ship. There were absolutely no perks to living on a Kazon vessel. Not only was their technology crude and outdated compared to what Seska was accostumed too, they weren't the brightest blubs in the bunch to be working for. She didn't regret her decision for leaving behind _Voyager. _Captain Janeway's high and mighty principles were only going to get her ship destroyed someday. Thinking about all that technology being wasted made Seska's stomach cringe. Janeway could have used that technology to gain alliances, gain more technology to make her ship even more advanced. Instead she insisted that they stick to their principles.

Seska hadn't been surprised by _Voyager's _movements since leaving the ship. For the most part they had roamed lonely sectors of the quadrant, staying out of the path of the Kazon and the Gerroan. She hadn't been interested in their movements until recently, when Maje Cullah had heard rumors of _Voyager _traveling to Gerroa Prime.

Cullah hadn't cared to investigate, Seska did. What she had learned wasn't entirely surprising. Janeway had flown her ship into the heart of Gerroan territory to attempt a rescue of Sarah Barrett, abducted by Dellon Casius. Seska wouldn't have wasted resources on an officer, but Barrett was Janeway's golden bird; the Captain would never leave behind her project even if it meant killing more of her crew along the way to save her. _Voyager _had managed to limp out of Gerroan space with two things accomplished, saving Barrett and destroying the rule of Dellon Casius who had been crushed in the Central Nexus when it had collapsed. Cullah had been overjoyed that they no longer had to worry about Gerroan ships. Casius was ruthless and would destroy for the sake of destroying.

Seska was glad he was out of the way as well. It meant no one else was gunning for _Voyager. _ Since joining forces with the Kazon she had plotted with Cullah on how to obtain the ship. She couldn't wait to see the looks on Janeway's and Chakotay's faces as she deposited them on some backwater world, leaving with their precious starship.

Cullah hadn't been too receptive of her at first. Kazon women were treated like vermin. But he tolerated her because she had what he needed, information about _Voyager. _ It had been made easier now that she had inside help. Janeway was blind to think she had been the only one unhappy. She'd always believed Janeway to be an idolistic fool. Chakotay was quickly following in her wake. It made Seska sick to her stomach to think how he doted on her and those obnoxious children of hers. She wouldn't be shocked to discover if he was sleeping in her bed every night. Unless of course Janeway was using principles to keep that from happening as well; another reason she believed Janeway foolish. Chakotay was a perfectly good man to bed.

The thought caused her breath to quicken. When she was with the Maquis, undercover, she had only started the relationship with Chakotay to get information, but their lovemaking had been unexpected. She'd actually enjoyed every moment of it. For a man that was supposed to be her enemy he had fore filled her quite nicely.

But she knew that they would never be together in that way again. She had betrayed him and put the lives of people that he cared for deeply in danger. If there was one thing that she had learned about him in their time together was that he was fiercely protective of the ones that he loved. And she had warned Cullah of this devotion, the rage that really was hidden underneath the surface of a calm and steady hand. Cullah may not have noticed it in the chaos of Main Engineering the last time she had been on _Voyager, _but Seska had, when she had fired on Kathryn Janeway. In that moment she knew, he was in love with the foolhearted Starfleet captain.

"Is everything ready?" Seska demanded entering a barren room. "We're already behind schedule by five hours."

"We'll proceed when we're ready," First Maje Cullah snapped, arms folded across his chest.

"_Voyager _could be out of our territory in that time," Seska snapped back. "It wouldn't look good if we pulled this in another Kazon sect's territory. We already know the Rulora have an interest in Janeway and _Voyager. _ Do you want to let them get their hands on the ship before we do?"

"No," Cullah grumbled, "but these things take time."

Seska felt like snarling. "Time isn't on our side, Maje."

Cullah turned his back on her. She wasn't a Kazon and she was a woman, two things that were hindering her from seeing the necessity of certain things. He tolerated her because she had the information he needed to obtain _Voyager, _Seska knew he tolerated her because of this, she would remind him on several occasions. If he had his way he would have been done with her, as it was the first attempt to obtain the replicator technology had ended in disaster. He had lost one of his best ships and a crew of eighty trained Kazon soldiers. When fleeing _Voyager _he had taken Seska with him with the hopes that they would follow the ship a few days later. Seska had wanted to put it off, stating that they had to prepare better and here she was complaining how time wasn't on their side. "I am quite aware that time is not on our side. If you keep bothering us we'll never get this mission underway."

"Yeah, Seska, leave them alone. They're doing their best."

Seska scowled at the person sitting in the middle of the room. If she had known that drugging Tom Paris was going to make him even more obnoxious she wouldn't have done it. He was grinning wickedly at her right now. She almost wanted to order Cullah to wipe the smirk off his face but beating him didn't seem to bother him. It was as if the drugs were acting as a numbing agent. When they wore off she made a mental note to try a different drug.

Cullah straightened his back and turned away from Paris. "The drug you gave him has had very little effect—he just speaks more non-sense than before."

"We don't have time for this—_Voyager _is probably on their way to retrieve their crew."

"Scans haven't picked up the Federation ship."

"Doesn't mean it's not out there," Paris said with a chuckle.

"Our ship had trouble finding _Voyager _as well," Gul Kavar said stoically. "She's out there."

Seska glared at Paris. "Contact her."

Paris scoffed. "Why so you can find her?"

"If you don't help us—I can't be held responsible for what happens to Sarah, Tom," Seska drawled slyly.

His eyes clouded over, the happy effect of the drug suddenly wearing off. "Leave Sarah alone. She's only here because I forced her to play along."

Seska knew she had him. Before she had left _Voyager _it was no secret how much the pilot cared for Sarah. If threatening Sarah was going to get Paris to talk, then so be it. "Fine then, if you don't want to see her hurt, tell us how to find _Voyager._"

"_Voyager _is using a shield frequency that we adapted to travel into Gerroan space. You'll have to adjust your sensors to locate her."

"See, Maje, that wasn't so hard," Seska replied whimiscally. "Take Mister Paris to the bridge and adapt the sensors."

Kavar growled and pulled Paris to his feet. "Just so we have some leverage, Gorset bring Lieutenant Barrett to the Bridge—just in case Lieutenant Paris tries to pull a fast one over us."

Paris grumbled something inaudible to the gathered Kazon and Cardassians as Kavar dragged him through the ship towards the bridge. This hadn't been his worst day in the Delta Quadrant—he'd had worse, like the Vidiian prison ship. He supposed that the drugs Seska had pumped him with hoping to get him give up information about _Voyager _probably had something to do with his laid back outlook. He wondered what she had given him, a sedative maybe.

Kavar led him towards a station and demanded that he type in the shield modifications. "Remember, I'm not as forgiving as Seska. If this doesn't work you will receive more than drugs for a punishment."

"This is punishment? I feel great," Paris drawled as he typed in the shield modifications that_ Voyager _was using. "There you should be able to find _Voyager _now."

"We'll begin searching for the ship immediately, Gul."

Kavar nodded his head as Gorset entered the Bridge with Lieutenant Barrett, Seska and Cullah. "We're conducting a search. _Voyager _cannot hide from us much longer."

Barrett's eyes flickered up to Tom's drugged face. The first dose of the drug that she'd been given had worn off a couple of hours ago. She assumed that Seska had given her a weaker dose. Seeing Tom in this kind of state frightened her. It was just so easy for the Cardassians to just pump them with a drug and get what they wanted. For a moment fear flashed through her deep blue irises. "What have you done to him?"

"Don't worry, Lieutenant, he'll be fine."

"Yeah, I'll be fine!" Paris assured her with a big grin.

"What have you done to him?" Barrett asked again, the waver in her voice gone replaced with a hard tone. "Do you think drugging him is going to make him more submissive? You've probably made him more obnoxious."

Seska and the others were not going to argue with that. The drugs had made Paris more obnoxious but they had gotten what they wanted out of him-_Voyager's _shield modification frequency and now were going to get her location. _Voyager _was almost as good as theirs. "I'm not sure how much more obnoxious he could get," Kavar finally broke the silence. "But it doesn't matter. Soon _Voyager _will be in my hands and I can be rid of the both of you."

Barrett scowled. "You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"You've been nothing but thorns in my side."

"Yeah, well I'm going to stick as deep as I can for as long as I can."

Almost immediately she knew she had misspoken, she blamed the drugs for her sharp tongue. Well sharper than usual tongue. Kavar had backhanded her before she could even finish a complete thought. She went flying backwards, her back impacting with a station. Pain shot up her entire body. She felt her limbs tingle and go numb. Was that from the drugs? Or was that from the impact of her body with the steal? The small gasp of pain that shot out of her mouth seemed to change Paris' demeanor immediately from obnoxious to deadly.

The drugs probably had something to do with it, as Sarah crumbled in pain on the floor, Tom lunged forward, fists flailing and landed several punches on Kavar's stunned face before Cullah and the Cardassian guards managed to yank him off. It only took thirty seconds but Tom was soon a welted, bloody mess on the floor next to Sarah. It was then she realized she was screaming, "STOP! STOP IT!"

A pair of hands reached up and grabbed a hold of her. She was being dragged off the bridge, probably to be cast away in her cell again until they needed something from Tom.

"Gul, we've searched on several different frequencies, we can't find _Voyager._"

"You lied to me, Mister Paris," Kavar growled low in his throat. "Do you know what happens to liars?"

Tom's only response was to groan on the floor. "He gave you the shield modifications just like you asked," Sarah said as she was whirled around to face them again. "You didn't ask for anything else."

"Should I be asking for anything else, Miss Barrett?"

She knew her mistake. She'd given up _Voyager's _secret without even utter the words. Now, one of them was going to have to give up the cloak. There was no way around it any longer. "I...I'm not sure what else you could ask," she said, backpedaling. But it was too late. Seska and Kavar had already seen it, maybe even Cullah as well.

"Give them both another dose of the drugs, Seska," Kavar ordered.

"They've already had two," Seska argued. "I'm not sure what a third dose in twenty four hours is going to do to them. It might kill them. We'd have no leverage then."

The gul didn't seem to care if Tom and Sarah were killed. He wanted to be rid of the both of them. "Beating the answer out of them is going to kill them too," he snarled. "Is that what you want?"

Cullah glared at her. "Give them the drugs, Seska. They're nothing but worthless Federation officers!"

Sarah could taste blood in her mouth. She discovered she was bleeding from a wound caused by Kavar's back hand. Her eyes watched as Seska filled two more syringe's and then crossed the small space between them and injected the drug into her bloodstream. Immediately Sarah felt the world spin. She was thrown back into a bubble of sorts where voices and faces were distorted. The only thing she could hear was Tom groaning on the floor, the form of Seska leaning over his limp form as she injected him as well. And then, even though she was trying to fight it, one word slipped out of her mouth. The one word that could bring down _Voyager. _"Cloak."

* * *

Captain Kathryn Janeway watched on her viewscreen as the Cardassian warship came to an all stop and joined up with one of the Nistrim's ships. She was surprised that they hadn't heard from Seska yet. Surely she was planning on using Tom and Sarah as bait now that she knew her Cardassian allies had screwed up.

"Captain," Harry Kim's voice sounded strained. "There's a problem."

"I need more clarification, Mister Kim."

"The readings on Sarah's biochip, they're...well they're jumbled."

Janeway glanced over her shoulder at the young ensign. "Jumbled?"

"Her heart slows and picks up rapidly. And her theta wave activity is off the charts one moment but the next is back to normal. It's...it's almost like she's hallucinating."

Chakotay sighed and stood, moving towards Janeway standing in the center of the command center. "Drugs," he said simply. "More than likely they've used some form of drug on her and Tom to get them to talk."

"Can it kill them?"

"Possible. Depending on how much they use. The Cardassians show no restraint when it comes to adminstering psychoactive drugs."

Janeway set her jaw, a familiar and determined look creeping into her eyes. "B'Elanna how much time can you give me to drop the cloak, transport Tom and Sarah and get the hell out of here?"

"We'd probably only have a minute before the shock wears off and they track us," the Chief Engineer answered solemnly from her station.

"Very well," Janeway said softly. "On my mark."

* * *

"Cloak?" a voice asked her. "What do you mean by that?"

Sarah's eyes tried to focus on the face before her. They couldn't. Before her stood a Kazon solider, well more like three Kazon soldiers but that all shared the same face. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. She just couldn't speak. It was almost like she forgot how to talk. This did not please the Kazon standing before her. One of them grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and was shouting into her face asking what she meant by the word _cloak. _What had she meant by that? She couldn't even answer the question to herself.

He was shaking her now, tossing her about like a ragdoll. Still, nothing came out of her mouth, nothing but a little gulp of a sound. Another backhand across her already stinging lips. More blood spilt from them.

There was an animalistic cry from the floor. In a flash Sarah saw Tom Paris rise from the floor. His body bruised and broken, but his eyes were filled with such fire. In an instant he was using whatever he could find as a weapon, thrown into a drug fueled rage thanks to the attacks on her. As the Cardassians used whatever force was necessary to subdue Tom, she found another sound had joined the din, the sound of her own screaming. Every time she tried to join the fray, to help Tom, it was either Tom or a Cardassian that pushed her back.

All she could do was crouch down on the floor and block her ears, as if that would block out all the awful noises that seemed to be heightened by the drug. Tom's guttural cries, the guards shouts, the sound of bone cracking. She closed her eyes as tightly as she could. Perhaps, if she squeezed them hard enough she'd come to find this was all illusion. Her senses tingled as the noise only grew louder and louder, thundering in her ears. And then there was a deafening silence. She screamed as loud as her lungs would possibly let her, relieved to find that her hearing was not gone, just the terrible sounds of torture.

Hands reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders. In a flurry of panic she curled her fingers and scratched the attacker as fast and as hard as she could.

"Damnit!" someone yelled. "Can't you sedate her, Doctor!"

"NO!" someone else shouted, "we have to let the drug run it's course. A sedative interacting with a Cardassian psychoactive drug will kill her."

"Commander, I cannot have her scratching up the entire security team."

"We'll just have to try a different approach that's all."

Finally she found the strength to open her eyes. She was on _Voyager, _in sickbay. The holographic doctor was before her, Kes was cowering behind two security guards, both their faces red with puffy, bleeding marks. Had she done that? Had she attacked her own crew?

"Sarah?" a soft, reassuring voice spoke, "it's fine now, you're back on _Voyager."_

_"_Tom?" her voice was nothing more than a squeak. There was no answer. Janeway was trying to answer for her but Sarah broke into a shrill cry, screaming his name over and over again. Someone was lifting her, throwing her over their shoulder and all she could see was Janeway's concerned face as she was carried out of sickbay like a small child. Of course, it made sense, she was after all throwing a temper tantrum. She was put down in the lift and saw that it had been Commander Chakotay that had carried her, Janeway entered the lift with them.

She mumbled something to her first officer, something that Sarah couldn't make out because she was mumbling, rocking back and forth, completely in control of the drug. Why had she ever done this to herself willingly?

Hands guided her out of the lift. The last thing she recalled was being helped onto the sofa in the ready room, before the world went black as she passed out from exhaustion.


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: **Short little update. I've been busy with my master's but I've managed to find some time to begin the next story. Little Naomi will be joining the crew soon!

* * *

The crisp, clean smell in the air was the first thing that greeted Sarah when she opened her eyes. Second thing that greeted her was the back of a Starfleet issued sofa. She was curled up in a fetal position, a gray blanket draped over her body and the lights were dimmed. Her head pounded with the familiar sensation of the morning after a long night of partying. Sitting up she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, remembering that they were now back on _Voyager, _not on that hell called a Cardassian ship. Not drugged and thrown into fits of rage and violence. Captain Janeway had rescued them and beamed them back to the ship. What had happened to the Cardassians and the Kazons she wasn't sure. Right now, she didn't really care.

"Did you sleep well?" Kathryn Janeway's voice startled her.

Sarah turned to see the Captain sitting at her desk, sipping some coffee. She recalled now that she'd been in a state of hysteria when she had been beamed back to _Voyager. _Tom was injured, she'd been forced to watch it, of course she'd be upset—the pyschoactive drugs they'd used on her didn't help matters. She'd tried to scratch the life out of the security detail in sickbay. Chakotay had carried her out of the room when her violent, hysterical rants grew so loud that it was apparent that Kes was troubled. She remembered now that she was free from the drugs the look on Kes' face as Chakotay effortlessly swung her over his shoulder and carried her away. "Yes," she said, hoarsely. "How...long have I been asleep?"

Kathryn glanced at her computer. "Nearly twelve hours."

"Captain you should have woken me up, I would have gone back to my own quarters," Sarah protested.

"Your body needed it Sarah. I didn't mind. The Cardassians and Seska kept us on our toes for a couple of days. Now that we've put some distance between us and them I took the opportunity to catch up on my work. You didn't need medical attention, just sleep, so I promised the Doctor I'd keep an eye on you."

Sarah had given up a while ago arguing with the captain that she needed to sleep as well. She tried to stand up, mumbling that she'd leave the captain to her work, but she got dizzy and fell back against the sofa.

Kathryn was immediately standing and moving towards her. "Are you hungry? Thirsty?"

"A little bit of both."

"Computer, one bowl of chicken noddle soup, hot and a glass of water," Kathryn ordered her replicator. The food and drink soon appeared and she brought it to Sarah. "Here, eat this."

Sarah looked at her sternly for a moment. "You didn't have to waste your replicator rations on me, ma'am. I could have gone to the mess hall."

Kathryn smiled and sat down with her. "The Doctor suggests light eating for the next few days. I don't consider Mister Neelix's food as _light. _And besides, I would have had to walk you there myself and like you said I have a lot of work to do and you don't want to keep me. Now, go on and eat Sarah. I'd actually like to chat."

The younger woman took a careful sip of her soup. "Chat? Chat about what ma'am? I'm pretty sure you know all that you need to know about what happened on the Cardassian ship."

"Yes," Kathryn replied with a nod. "I know enough and the rest will be in your report. I wanted to chat to see how you were emotionally holding up. When Chakotay and I dragged you here you were pretty hysterical, rightfully so. Now that you've had time to sleep and calm down, I wanted to know—how are you dealing with what happened?"

"I...I'm fine."

"Just fine? You were forced to watch the Cardassians and Kazons torture Tom. I have to imagine that you felt pretty powerless."

Sarah could still hear Tom's cries of pain, the sound of his bones breaking while the Cardassians and Cullah beat him. She adverted her eyes, a shiver running up and down her spine. "The drugs made it worse than it was."

"Did they?"

"They had a psychoactive effect. For all I know I imagined most of it."

Kathryn leaned back against the sofa, resting one leg over the other. "Tom was beamed back to the ship about as wild as they come. He knocked himself unconcious in the ensuing struggle with security. He has several broken bones, bruises, cuts, a concussion, but nothing that the Doctor will not be able to treat him for, and Commander Chakotay is almost positive he won't remember a thing thanks to the drugs. But he's concerned that you will. With your past history you're more...tolerable of the drugs shall we say. It was his decision to remove you from sickbay when you started to lose control. He felt you'd be safer away from seeing the Doctor work on Tom. There was no telling what you would do in that state. By the way, you did a number on Mister Ayala's face."

"I'll trim my nails later, ma'am."

The Captain chuckled. "I wouldn't worry about it," she said. "Sarah. Why haven't you been honest with me?"

Sarah knew what was coming next but she decided to play coy. "I'm not sure what you're talking about, Captain. I've always been honest with you."

"You didn't tell me about you and Tom."

"We wanted to make sure we were serious first."

"And are you serious?"

"Yes, I mean I'd like to think we are."

Kathryn's face broke into a warm smile. "Then I'm happy for you, both of you." She gave her young lieutenant a mock death glare. "But just remember, no interfering with your duties."

Sarah returned her smile, relief washing through her. Kathryn was giving them her blessing. It was the one thing she had been praying for since her and Tom had started to see one another. "I promise," she finally said, "duty will not be interfered with."

* * *

_**Teaser:** _The ship shuddered, gave a final groan and the lift went black. For a moment Tom stood there pressed against the wall. Until the female occupant of the lift let out a terrifying cry of pain and he was mobilized into action. A blackout was not going to stop that baby from arriving today.


	38. Chapter 38: Blackout

_Disclaimers apply as usual. I do not own Voyager or its characters. Paramount does, but I do own Sarah Barrett and Michael and Ava Janeway._

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. Finals took over my life at the end of April, beginning of May and I just didn't feel like looking at a computer to write haha.

* * *

_**Blackout**_

Her scream woke him with a jolt. Breathing heavily Tom Paris shot up in bed, a cold sweat covered his body from head to toe. It only took a moment to realize that Sarah's screaming had been a part of his dream—nightmare really—and he was safe and sound on _Voyager. _With a heavy sigh he threw the covers back and climbed out of bed. Now that he was awake he knew that there was no going back to sleep, not with the promise of more nightmares of being beaten and tortured by the Cardassians while Sarah watched threatened to plague him.

Making sure not to disturb Sarah, Tom made his way out into the living room, pulling a tee shirt on. He ordered a cup of coffee from the replicator and lowered his tired, aching body down onto the sofa. He reached for a stack of PADDs and began to scroll through them. Since he'd spent three days on the warship and was gone for two before that he was behind in helm maintenance. Baytart had done a good job in his absence but B'Elanna had of course found something that needed to be looked at and she only trusted Tom to do it.

Sipping his coffee he glanced at the time. Sarah would probably be asleep for at least two more hours. Plenty of time to catch up on his work, shower, and have breakfast ready for her when she did get up. She'd be non the wiser that he had not slept again.

He'd been lying to her for two weeks that he was fine, that he didn't remember much after Seska had given him the drugs. The truth was he reminded every last detail. He remembered how out of control he'd felt, how terrified Sarah had looked when they were beating on him. He was sure he'd never forget that look—her screams were enough to haunt his dreams.

"Tom?"

Silently he cursed. He should have known he couldn't get out of bed without waking her. As officers they weren't exactly heavy sleepers. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"Are you alright? It's only three in the morning."

"Fine. Trouble sleeping."

"Nightmares?"

"Nah, just couldn't get comfy."

Sarah's eyes narrowed. "Tom, don't lie to me—please."

Tom sighed and dropped the PADD he had in his hand back onto the table. Squeezing his eyes shut, he whispered, "the Doctor lied to you—I do remember."

"Remember what?"

"Everything. That's the problem."

It only took her a moment to process what he was saying. When they had gotten back on _Voyager _Sarah had spent a good deal of time grilling the Doctor about how much Tom was going to remember from his drug induced state. The hologram had insisted that since Tom had never had a history of using drugs of any sort that the memories should be nonexistent. It was Sarah he was more worried about having post traumatic repercussions since she was a recovering addict. "Why did you lie to me then? I could have helped you understand them, get through them."

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't want you to worry. I saw the relief on your face when the Doctor told you I wouldn't remember. I guess I didn't want to break that peace."

Sarah went to sit on the sofa with him, snuggling her self into his arms tightly. He kissed her head softly. "Is that what it was like—when you were in the Gerroan's captivity?"

"No. That was much worse."

"Worse?"

"I was alone with no hope of rescue," she answered honestly. "There was always hope of rescue on the Cardassian ship."

Tom tightened his grip on her. "As long as I'm alive, there is always hope of being rescued, Sarah—I'd never leave you behind."

"_Sickbay to Lieutenant Barrett."_

"Go ahead, Doctor."

"_Ensign Wildman has gone into labor and has requested your presence."_

_It's been nine months already? _Sarah thought trying to recall where the time had gone. She did recall promising to be Samantha's coach once the time came, but recently it had slipped her mind. She informed the Doctor that she was on her way and closed the comline. Sighing, she stood, went to retrieve her bathrobe and fashioned it securely around her before looking sternly at Tom. "You promise you'll try to go back to bed? If Captain Janeway knew that you weren't sleeping she'd take you off duty immediately."

He smiled at her as whimsically as he could. "Promise, I'll try."

She didn't look convinced but didn't have the time to argue with him. He watched he go before he slipped back into his world of demons. Harry had once told him that he hid behind his humor too much—that he really did get hurt when the crew didn't trust him or spoke about him behind his back. Of course Tom had brushed it off and told Harry he was acting ridiculous, after all Tom Paris had the reputation to maintain that he let nothing bother him. Truth was he let things bother him too much. So, instead of heading back to bed like he'd promised, he buried himself in his work until the alarm went off and told him that another day was about to start.

Tom gathered his finished work, set those PADDs aside, and went to shower. His entire body ached with exhaustion but he managed to convince himself, like he'd done the last several days, that a cup of coffee was all he really needed to get his senses reawakened.

"Computer, locate Lieutenant Barrett?"

"_Lieutenant Barrett is in her office."_

It seemed like an odd place to be—he'd half expected her to be in sickbay still or back in her quarters figuring that it would be best not to disturb him _if _he had gone back to sleep. Tom sighed, grabbed the PADDs and headed for the turbolift. The ebb and flow of life on _Voyager _had pretty much gone back to normal once Tom and Sarah had been brought back to the ship safely and it was reported that they were both going to make full recoveries.

Tom, however, was finding it difficult to return to normal. Sarah's struggle to transition back to _Voyager _after being rescued from Gerroan space suddenly made much more sense to him. She had been gone for five whole weeks, no hope of rescue—he'd really only been gone a few days, with the hope of being rescued always front and center. And he was struggling. It was true that he was trying to cover it up with humor and showmanship, but underneath all the humor, Tom wasn't sure how to slid back to normal. What was normal?

"Hey, want to do breakfast?" Harry Kim's voice interrupted him. "I was just about to come find you."

Tom looked up to see his best friend standing inside the turbolift. "Sure," he said with a shrug.

Harry eyed him cautiously as Tom joined him in the lift. "Deck two," he ordered the computer. The lift obeyed his command and started to ascend. "Everything okay?" the young ensign asked, "you don't seem very chipper."

"Trouble sleeping last night."

"No Sarah this morning?"

"She was in sickbay with Samantha Wildman. I'm guessing it was a false alarm."

"Yeah that's all over the ship right now. Didn't think _Voyager _would be this anxious about the arrival of a baby."

Tom glanced up at the ceiling for a moment. Innocent Harry, always looking at the glass half full. "_Voyager _isn't the ideal place to grow up."

Harry shook his head. "I disagree. As a kid I would have _killed _to grow up on a starship."

"Yeah, and it would have been what you wanted. This kid doesn't have a choice."

"You're grumpy when you don't get enough sleep."

"Sorry, I've had a lot on my mind."

Harry waited until they were out of the lift and well on their way to the mess hall before questioning Tom. "You know, it's going to take some time to process what happened on that Cardassian ship. Don't expect yourself to get well overnight, Tom. If you have to take some time off—I'm sure Captain Janeway will give it to you."

Tom set his jaw and kept walking. "I don't need time off. I just need to be out of this forsaken part of space."

"Well, you've got seventy-five years for that to happen," Harry tried to joke.

It was obvious that Tom wasn't insterested as the pilot went to retrieve a tray of food. Harry hung back and watched his friend. It was true that whatever had happened on the Cardassian ship had changed Tom. Harry wasn't stupid he knew it was going to happen—just like the Gerroan had changed Sarah—but he didn't think it would put Tom in such a state of depression.

"Are you going to stand there or go into the mess hall?" Sarah's voice said behind Harry.

Harry turned to see her standing there, sleep still in her eyes, hair horribly disheveled, and wearing a crisp clean uniform. She must have replicated it that very morning. "Sorry. I was just thinking."

Sarah quickly gathered her tousled hair and threw it up into a ponytail. "About anything in particular?"

He sighed heavily as they entered the mess hall together. "I'm worried about Tom."

"You and me both."

"So you've seen it too then, how depressed his is?"

Sarah nodded her head as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "I was hoping that his memories would be so jumbled that he could easily slide right back into life on _Voyager. _Unfortunately, I was wrong—and so wasn't the Doctor. He remembers everything."

"Everything?" Harry repeated with a tone of dread.

"Everything." Sarah repeated before taking a long sip of her coffee.

"What does that mean?"

"It means we just need to be as supportive as we can, Harry. There's not much else we can do."

Harry grumbled to himself as he poured his own coffee. "I was afraid you were going to say something like that."

Sarah quirked a tired grin and then gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Listen, Harry, I know you're worried about Tom—we all are—but until he comes to terms with what happened on the Cardassian ship he's going to be a little black storm cloud floating around the ship."

"Guess I better get my umbrella out."

"_Bridge to Lieutenant Barrett."_

"Go ahead," Sarah said, tapping her combadge.

"_Captain Janeway is requesting to see you, ma'am."_

"On my way, Barrett out." She raised her mug to Harry. "See you on the Bridge."

Harry tipped his own mug towards her in silent acknowledgment and quickly went to eat his breakfast, because if the ship's counselor had been called to the bridge by the Captain the rest of the senior staff would soon be following behind her.


	39. Chapter 39

_Disclaimers apply as usual. I do not own Voyager or its characters. Paramount does, but I do own Sarah Barrett and Michael and Ava Janeway._

**A/N:** I just wanted to thank everyone that has stuck with me. I know I am not as faithful in updates as everyone, including myself, would like to be. Here is more :)

* * *

Kathryn Janeway had a headache and it wasn't even midday yet. She'd like to blame it on her missed cup of coffee first thing that morning thanks to Michael asking her persistent questions about Ava's upcoming birthday—however, she knew that what was really to blame was tracking the Cardassian warship. It was like they knew they were being tracked. Every now and then the ship would be on their sensors and then gone.

"They're eluding us, Captain," Chakotay said next to her. "I don't think it means they know we're tracking them."

"If they've allied with Seska then I'm sure she has them on high alert. Just like we need to be."

"Staying two steps ahead of them might not be a bad idea."

"I agree."

The doors to the lift opened and Kathryn watched over her shoulder as Sarah Barrett stepped out onto the bridge, coffee mug in hand. The young woman had done her best to make herself look presentable, a freshly pressed uniform but the makeup she had applied barely concealed the dark circles under her eyes and her usually smooth hair was pulled back into a rat's nest of a ponytail. "You wanted to see me, Captain."

Kathryn suddenly felt sorry that she'd even asked for Sarah to come here to give her opinion. "Yes, I know that your memory is jumbled—but if you can remember anything that will help us keep an eye on the Cardassians—it's much appreciated."

"You want me to tell you where they're going," Sarah stated.

"It would help," Kathryn drawled.

"I'm sorry ma'am," Sarah replied, dejection filling her eyes. "I can't give that information to you."

The Captain sighed and rubbed her temples trying desperately to rub away the headache. "It was a long shot anyways." She looked over at Chakotay, "Keep me up to speed on the Cardassians."

"Yes ma'am."

Kathryn put her arm around Sarah and guided her towards the ready room. When the two women were inside and the door had shut, the Captain gestured for Sarah to take a seat on the couch. She went a replicated a cup of coffee and went to join Sarah. "Rough night?"

Sarah's cheeks flushed in embarrassment as she tried to smooth her hair back. "Ensign Wildman thought she was in labor. Turns out it was just a false alarm but by the time the Doctor had figured that out, well it was too late to try to go back to bed." As if she suddenly remembered how exhausted she was, she took a large sip from her coffee mug.

"Babies come when they're ready and only when they're ready."

"I don't know how many more false labors I can take, Captain."

Kathryn chuckled. "Hopefully we can find a nice planet to get some much needed shore leave time in after the baby comes."

Sarah nodded her head. "Shore leave is a desperate need right now."

"Elaborate, please."

"Morale is probably the lowest I have seen it in a long time," Sarah replied, placing her mug on the coffee table. "Running into the Cardassians can have that effect on people. Especially if a part of your crew are Marquis."

The Captain sighed in understanding. The crew had been on edge since rescuing Tom and Sarah from the warship. It was one of the many reasons that Kathryn wanted to keep an eye on what the Cardassians were up too. She didn't want to be caught off guard. Her crew had enough stress on their plates at the current time. "I wish I could say that the Cardassians are gone for good, but we both know that they'll be back. Especially if they're working with Seska."

Sarah looked out the window for a brief moment. "We have them back on their heels right now, ma'am. They're regrouping and rethinking their plan. Seska wants _Voyager _and she'll do anything to get her hands on it."

Kathryn felt her blood go cold. "Do you think she's capable of killing all of us to get the ship?"

"Do I think she'll resort to something that bloody and violent—yes if she gets desperate enough. Sooner or later we're going to be out of Kazon space and she'll have lost her chance."

"She could just pursue us in the Cardassian warship."

"She could and maybe she will."

The Captain stood and went to her desk. She picked up a frame that held a photo of her children. "I think that's what I hate most about this quadrant. The unpredictability. Even back home, there was a procedure or plan to deal with almost everything. Out here, well, you know that we're flying solo and sometimes by our own book." She put the photo back onto her desk and faced Sarah. "There is no normal routine in this quadrant."

Sarah cracked a small smile. "Maybe someday we could publish our book."

Kathryn returned the smile. "Depending on when we get home it could be several volumes by then." When the door chimed she quickly called out enterance, assuming that it was Chakotay coming with another status update on the Cardassian warship.

"Are we going to have a birthday party for Ava?"

Kathryn glanced up to look at her son, standing in the middle of her ready room with nothing but his pajamas on. She wasn't surprised that he had slipped away from Tal Celes on a Saturday morning. It wasn't unusual to find the boy wandering the ship on the weekends when school wasn't available to occupy his time. Michael also had a way of asking questions about something that was the least of her concerns at the moment. After all, Ava's birthday wasn't for another three weeks, surely enough time to put a party together. She wondered why this was so important to him. He'd been asking about his little sister's birthday all morning before Kathryn had reported for duty. "Why do you ask, honey?"

Michael shrugged. "I dunno. Neelix gave you a birthday cake. Why wouldn't he make one for Ava?"

"Would you like it if I asked Neelix to make her a birthday cake?"

"Well, shouldn't we have a birthday cake for her? I mean every kid wants one for their birthday."

Kathryn smiled, softly. "Does Ava like chocolate or vanilla cake?"

"Chocolate, definitely chocolate."

"So it's just coincidence that chocolate is your favorite too?"

"Yes."

"_Kim to Janeway."_

Kathryn tapped her combadge, still smiling at her son. "Go ahead Mister Kim."

"_Sensors have picked up a level six ion storm. Should we plot a course around it?"_

"Yes," she finally answered. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"_Understood, Captain. Kim out."_

Sighing, Kathryn stood and finished her coffee in one gulp. "Shouldn't you be with Tal?"

The little boy shrugged his shoulders. "She thinks I'm watching cartoons in my room. I finished all my homework last night. You'll ask Neelix about the cake right, Mama?"

"Promise, first thing I'll ask when I see him this afternoon at the briefing, okay?"

This seemed to be satisfactory to Michael. "Good. Because I wouldn't want Ava to not have cake for her second birthday. That would be just plain awful."

Sarah smiled at him while she stood. "Definitely awful," she said reaching for Michael's hand. "Come on, I have a lot of work to catch up on and you can help me out by delivering some reports."

Michael beamed. "Can I Mama?"

Kathryn nodded her head. "I don't see why not." She reached out and ruffled his hair, telling him she would see him later. After Michael and Sarah had disappeared from her ready room, she heaved a sigh and returned to the Bridge. "Update Mister Kim."

"We've altered our course to avoid the ion storm but there's another one, level seven in our way," Harry reported.

"This whole sector of space is crawling with ion storms," Chakotay remarked.

"Get Neelix up here—maybe he can help us plot a course around this sector," Kathryn ordered Harry. As the young ensign followed her command, she glanced at Chakotay. "This could explain why our sensors are having trouble keeping track of the Cardassians."

Chakotay nodded in agreement. "Very possible."

Kathryn sat down in her command chair with a sigh. "Sarah is of the same opinion as us—Seska is going to come after _Voyager _again. And she think at some point, if Seska is desperate enough, she'll resort to bloody violence."

The First Officer looked away for a moment, a dark cloud in his eyes. "She's used violence in the past. Look at what she did to Tom and Sarah just a couple of weeks ago. She would have killed them—eventually—I'm sure if we hadn't rescued them."

"Sarah was convinced she was going to use them against us," Kathryn pointed out.

"Tom might have driven them to kill him before then—I heard he was obnoxious."

"More so than usual," Kathryn replied with a chuckle. "Speaking of Paris, where is he?"

"Doctor wanted to run a check up on him," Chakotay answered. "Said he'd send him up to the Bridge as soon as he was done." He got up and went to put some PADDs on top of the helm for Paris to look at when he did arrive. "The Doctor seemed concerned. It was hard to tell since, well, you know he doesn't have more than two tones—monotone and yelling."

Kathryn laughed to herself. She leaned back in her chair as the room tipped violently. A deafening explosion was all the crew heard as _Voyager _teetered.

Chakotay barely managed to grab at the console before the floor gave out beneath him. With a grunt his knees slammed onto the carpet and pain shot up his entire body. He could hear gasps all around him as they were all suddenly plunged into darkness.


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: **Here's some more. It's a short little update. Hope to have more up soon :)

* * *

Tom Paris tumbled about the turbolift as the ship was suddenly thrown into a violent whirlwind. He'd just been released from sickbay. The Doctor had told Chakotay that he wanted to do another neural scan on Tom, but it had been a pretense for scolding the pilot for not speaking up about his nightmares to Sarah sooner. He wasn't surprised that Sarah had babbled, after all she had been summoned to sickbay in the middle of the night—she was probably so tired by the end of it all that it had just slipped. Now, he was stuck in a pitch black lift when _Voyager _was obviously in trouble instead of being at the helm.

Angrily he sighed and slumped down against the wall. There wasn't much to do but sit and wait for the crew to get main power up and running. The emergency lightening finally flickered on and he could see the other occupants in the lift. "So, anyone know any good ghost stories?"

"Ghost stories?" Neelix questioned. "Why would we tell ghost stories at a time like this?"

"Kind of an Earth thing, Neelix," Tom replied with a little chuckle. "Humans like to tell scary stories in the dark—it's a common tradition at camp fires. I was always subjected to summer camp as a kid so I have a million."

"Humans tell scary stories for fun?"

"Yeah, guess we just like the adrenaline rush."

"I never liked scary stories," Samantha Wildman said, softly.

Tom sighed and leaned back against the wall. Neelix and Samantha delved into mindless chit chat that he wasn't in the mood to engage in. Apparently neither of them was too upset that they were stuck in a turbo lift. Of course, neither of them had a ship to fly. Besides, Neelix and Samantha seemed to enjoy speaking to one another. Tom found himself not in very talkative mood lately. Neelix and Samantha didn't seem to mind that he wasn't participating in their conversation. They were talking about baby names, perhaps they just thought he wouldn't be interested. And he wasn't.

Tom himself had mixed feelings about the new baby. While he was happy for Samantha there was a part of him that felt sorry for her, that her husband wasn't here to see the birth of his child or that her child would be growing up on a starship, in one of the most volatile parts of space. Would Sarah eventually want to have children? He would never admit it to her out loud but he was glad that her pregnancy had been terminated to save her life. He wasn't ready to be a father yet. He wasn't sure if he would ever be ready to be a father. After all he'd never really given much thought to having a baby. Would Sarah even want to have a baby?

Even though they'd been dating for a while now they hadn't discussed their relationship much beyond what it was at the current time. He suddenly thought of the chip in his personal computer right now, from the future Ava Janeway. She had said that Sarah had died in that timeline and he had never been the same after that. He wished he'd had more time to talk to her, to find out if he had married Sarah, if they'd had a family.

He closed his eyes tightly. Not even an hour ago he had told Harry that _Voyager _wasn't the ideal place to grow up. The Delta Quadrant was a vast and terrifying place—they were constantly being targeted. He recalled how he'd felt when Ava had been injured—it hadn't been a pleasant feeling. He could only imagine what it would be like to be constantly worrying about his own child getting hurt.

_You're getting way ahead of yourself, Paris, _Tom chided himself. He had only been officially dating Sarah for three months. They were no were near getting married yet never-mind having a baby.

"Lieutenant Paris," Wildman said breaking his concentration. "Do you think we'll be in here long?"

"Shouldn't be. Felt like we hit an ion storm or something," Tom answered opening his eyes and peering into the dim light at the ensign. "Claustophobic?"

"Not usually," she answered, "but I've had terrible back pain all morning. Being crammed in a lift isn't helping that right now."

Tom tried to smile at her through the dim light. "Well," he quipped, "hopefully we won't be in here that long then."

* * *

"Mister Kim, what the hell happened?"

Harry Kim groggily pulled himself up off the floor and tried to access his station. Frowning, he looked up in the direction that he assumed Kathryn Janeway was in. Emergency lighting was all that they had and it was making it incredibly hard to see. "I'm not sure, ma'am. Before everything went crazy my sensors picked up a level eight ion storm—but I thought it was far off our course. Apparently my sensors were malfunctioning."

The Captain grumbled something about a headache worsening before she joined him at his station. "How long until we can get primary systems up and running?"

"Not sure. I can't access internal sensors to assess the damage. It could be several hours."

"We don't have several hours," Janeway snapped. "If the Cardassians or Kazon are monitoring us they'll know we've been disabled and are vulnerable."

Harry nodded his head even though he knew that she could barely see him. He ran his fingers over his controls. And then sighed in frustration when he could only access emergency systems. "Right now, all I can tell you Captain is that _Voyager is _running on emergency power."

"Work with B'Elanna, get the warp core back online," Janeway ordered. "Tuvok you're in charge of shields and weapons. I don't want to be a sitting duck for very long." She carefully picked her way along the back of the Bridge towards the Command center. Ensign Baytart had propped Chakotay up against his seat and was using a medical tricorder on him. "How bad is it?" the Captain asked as she approached.

Baytart shook his head. "Not too bad—a couple of broken knees that I'm sure the Doctor can treat once everything is back online. I can give him something for the pain but that's it."

Janeway reached out and pat Chakotay on the shoulder reassuringly. "I'm sure Harry and B'Elanna will have the ship up and running in no time. Hang in there."

"Easy for you to say," the First Officer said through gritted teeth.

"The painkillers should be kicking in soon," the Captain said getting to her feet. "Harry. Take the Jefferies Tube, get down to Engineering. I don't want to be in the dark too long. Far too tempting for our enemies."

Harry nodded his head and grabbed a headlamp, popped the hatch to the Jefferies Tube open and climbed inside. Janeway watched him go before grabbing her own headlamp and going to assist the crew that remained on the Bridge to get the ship up and running.

* * *

Sarah Barrett crawled around on all fours in the classroom to find her emergency kit. She could hear Michael chattering wildly behind her. So far he didn't sound scared, rather excited. She wished that she could look at life as one big, innocent adventure. Of course, Michael was six, life _was_ just one big, innocent adventure. He had yet to really see the dark underside of humanity even with being out in the Delta Quadrant for nearly a year.

In her desk she found the emergency kit and dug out the flashlight. Flipping it on she wasn't surprised to find that Michael had followed her around the room.

"We had a blackout in Indiana once. Ava was just a baby. She slept through the whole thing," the boy said. "Imagine sleeping through something that exciting!"

"She's probably sleeping now," Sarah pointed out. "She still naps."

"Nope. Well, not like she used to. She's been giving Tal a hard time. Mama says she has a bad case of the terrible twos," Michael said. "Is that something the Doctor can cure?"

Sarah chuckled to herself. "Not anytime soon I'm afraid."

As she said that the emergency lighting kicked in. She smiled at Michael and reached her hand out towards him. "Won't be long now before the crew gets the ship up and running."

Michael frowned. "Aw. Now it's not a _real _blackout. This is no fun."

Sarah shut her flashlight off. "How about a game? That will make it more fun."

"Okay," he offered, "but only if you let me win."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."


End file.
